The Return of the Shadow Queen

By Petey Piranha Fan

Wendy: Stop the act... NEVILLE.

Iggy: Neville? I don't get it. That Yoshi is named Neville?

Black Yoshi: GRR... So you know my identity!

The Black Yoshi cracks in half and a blue substance flows into the air. A face forms at the top.

Lemmy: Neville!

Iggy: Ew...

Neville: And now I can reveal my kin and servants.

A parade of colored Yoshis burst into the dungeon. They all crack open and more ghosts spill out. Except one, which remains cracked open.

Neville: Oh, jeez! It's a real one!

A ghost comes out of the cracked shell.

Miss Petunia: Sorry I'm late, DEEEAR.

Lydia: DON'T BE HITTING ON MY HUSBAND!

Shivers: Kill the heroes.

Melody: Avada Kedavra.

Henry: You might need a wand.

Orville: You're such a ripoff artist.

Toadette: Let's take this SLOWLY... HEY, OW!

A huge fight begins. The first one to be sucked into the box is Miss Petunia, after a blast of cold water from Wendy. Then goes Shivers, when Toadette strikes a match and lights his candles. He cowers and is sucked in. All the time, Luigi is holding the box and sucking in the ghosts. Jolene destroys music sheets and gets Melody sucked in. Luigi, with one hand, produces the Poltergust 3000 to suck in ghosts produced by Vincent Van Gore. Then, when Gore is sucked in, Luigi turns his gaze to Uncle Grimmly, who cowers and is sucked in. Pork Chop flings a blanket at Lydia, who is surprised and is sucked in. Captain Syrup grabs some blankets and hurls some at Chauncey and the twins. Ghost after ghost is pulled into the box, until only Neville is left.

Neville: Is it too late to say sorry and join your side?

Vivian: I dunno. It's up to Luigi.

Luigi: I dunno. It's up to Toadette.

Toadette: I dunno. It's up to Jolene.

Jolene: I dunno. It's up to Bowyer.

Bowyer: I. Dunno. It's. Up. To. Pork. Chop.

Pork Chop: I dunno. It's up to Iggy.

Iggy: I dunno. It's up to Lemmy.

Lemmy: I dunno. It's up to Wendy.

Wendy: I dunno. It's up to Syrup.

Syrup: I dunno. It's up to Mario.

Mario (from three miles away): I-a dunno. It's-a up to Marilyn.

Marilyn: Guh guh guh. Guh guh guh guh-guh.

Beldam: I dunno. It's up to Neville.

Vivian slaps her forehead.

Vivian: SUCK HIM INTO THE BOX ALREADY, YOU IDIOTS!

Neville: Not so fast! I still have one last weapon!

Neville puts on his Yoshi robot suit.

Neville: Attack!

Neville runs into a wall.

All but Neville: Moron.

Neville: Freak-in-a-silly-sheet!

Jolene: If I recall, you sucked him into the box, stupid.

Neville: LAME!

Luigi sucks Neville and his black Yoshi suit into the box.

Lemmy: Let me see. In the box, we have (in order of capture) Bonetail, Emperor Goomba, random enemies, Doopliss, Hooktail, Gloomtail, ghosts, and Neville.

Birdo appears.

Birdo: Hi, guys! You must have been-

Everyone: AAAAAAAAH!

Luigi opens the box and sucks in Birdo.

Lemmy: ... And Birdo.

Luigi: Oops.

Pork Chop: ... Mom?

Toadette: It must be getting full in there.

Luigi: One more to go!

Wendy: The Shadow Queen!

The Shadow Queen floats into the room.

Pork Chop: Ooh, Princess Peach! Can I have an autograph?

Toadette: You didn't tell him, did you?

Luigi: Double oops.

Jolene: PRINCESS PEACH! AAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK JUST LIKE I IMAGINED!

Toadette: Or her?

Luigi: Triple oops.

Wendy: Luigi, you're an idiot.

Captain Syrup: Hey, girl!

Luigi: Quadruple oops?

Shadow Queen: Hello, my, er, royal subjects?

Pork Chop, Captain Syrup, and Jolene: OOOOOOOOOH!

Shadow Queen: Pork Chop, fetch me that box, will you?

Vivian: DON'T DO IT!

Pork Chop: SHUT UP! GIVE ME THE BOX!

Luigi: Whatever Peach desires, she will get!

Luigi hands Pork Chop the box.

Iggy: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Luigi: Don't worry! It's a fake box!

The Shadow Queen opens the box and sucks all of them in.

Luigi: Worry! It's not a fake box!

Pork Chop: Does this mean I don't get an autograph?

Toadette: Moron, that's not Peach!

Pork Chop: WHAT?!

Wendy: IT WAS THE SHADOW QUEEN, YOU MORON!

Captain Syrup: Even better!

Jolene: Will SHE give me an autograph?

Iggy: Ugh!

Vivian: Wait a minute...

A minute later...

Vivian: Continue!

Lemmy: THE SHADOW QUEEN IS EVIL, YOU IDIOTS!

Vivian: Wait a second...

A second later...

Vivian: Continue!

Jolene: I know that she's evil, but so is Bowyer!

Bowyer: Um... Err... LIE YOU DO!

Vivian: Wait half a minute...

Half a minute later...

Vivian: Continue!

Luigi: STOP DOING THAT!

Wendy: Yes, it's very annoying.

Vivian: Wait a...

Everyone but Vivian: SHUT UP!

Pork Chop: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!

Vivian: That Luigi is an idiot. He gave the Shadow Queen the real box!

Luigi: No... This IS a fake box! If it was real, everyone we captured would attack us!

Syrup: Prove it!

Luigi grabs the REAL box out of his pocket and flips it open. They are all sucked in.

Luigi: NOW we're in the real box!

Everyone but Luigi: ARGH!

Neville: GRRR.

Hooktail: GRR.

Bonetail: GRR.

Gloomtail: GRR.

Ghosts: GRR.

Birdo: GRR.

Doopliss: GRR.

Enemies: GRR.

Luigi: ... Hi?

Birdo: LUIGI! YOU IDIOT!

Captain Syrup: Look, I had no part in this whatsoever...

TEC: GRR.

Toadette: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!

Luigi: I did it.

Everyone: WHY?!

Luigi: Um.

Emperor Goomba: GRR. Hello, dweekazoid and dweekiazoid and dweekieraziod and dweeks. Remember me?

Birdo: Emperor here tells me that you sucked him in here.

Toadette: What? Learn grammar, sister. Let's take this slowly. Emporer... told... me.... that... you... sucked... him... into... this... box...

Birdo: Um...

Toadette: Yes. Now we've all reached a wonderful, spiritual place. Learning grammar can actually extend your lifespan.

Birdo: ... What?

Luigi: Wait a sec.

Luigi stares hard at the emperor.

Luigi: You're GOOMBOSS!

Dun dun dun!

Toadette: Who's Goomboss?

Luigi: Haven't you played Super Mario 64 DS?

Jolene: He's not GOOMBOSS! HE'S THE GOOMBA KING!

Dun dun dun!

Toadette: WHAT?! THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Pork Chop: No, he IS Goomboss!

Dun dun dun!

Toadette: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

Wendy: HE'S THE KING GOOMBA!

Dun dun dun!

Toadette: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Lemmy: IT'S GOOMBOSS!

Dun dun dun!

Iggy: THEY'RE THE SAME THING!

Everyone: Oh.

Neville: Who cares? ATTACK!

Everyone attacks Neville.

Neville: NOT WHAT I MEANT!

Birdo: As if I care.

Neville: Attack THEM.

Chauncey: I don't want to, Daddy.

Bowyer: Stupid. Baby.

Chauncey: OH REALLY?!

Captain Syrup, Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, Luigi, Toadette, Vivian, Bowyer, Pork Chop, Beldam, Jolene, and Marilyn are shrunk to the size of fleas. Chauncey towers over them.

Beldam: Bad baby! Take a nap!

Marilyn goes to sleep.

Vivian: Luigi! Suck him into the- Oh wait...

Gloomtail: You're doomed.

Jolene: I think so.

Chauncey starts hurling balls at them.

Iggy: AAAH!

Iggy dodges a ball. Lemmy grabs it and hurls it at Chauncey.

Chauncey: YEEE-OW! YOU BAD PEOPLE!

Emperor/Goomba King/Goomboss jumps and tries to flatten them with his feet. Captain Syrup jumps up.

Birdo: Emperor! What are you doing?!

Captain Syrup: I take it that you don't know he's evil! Well, take THIS, Goomboss! This is a little trick that I saved from my ship!

Captain Syrup pulls out a huge bazooka. It is so huge that she can't even carry it in her normal size. Syrup pulls the trigger.

Emperor/King Goomba/Goomboss: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

He is blasted backwards, hitting a wall. He falls unconscious.

Miss Petunia: You can't do that! It's-

Pork Chop spits some of his wet Yoshi juice at her. Miss Petunia screams and faints.

Melody: Stupid, tiny wretches! Take this!

Melody's music sheets go to attack them. Meanwhile, Vincent Van Gore is being subdued by Luigi, who keeps smashing his paintings. Slim Bankshot has set up a pool table, but Wendy is hurling pool balls at him. Vivian uses her magic to light Shivers's candles, which causes him to faint. She jumps on top of Uncle Grimmly. When he meets her eyes, he keels over. Mr. Luggs is sort of in a food-eating competition with Pork Chop. Bogmire gets blasted by Bowyer's Flunkies, and falls over. Toadette zaps the music sheets with her gun. When they are all gone, Melody faints. Pork Chop wins the eating competition, in which Mr. Luggs had too much, so he keels over. Vincent Van Gore faints from lack of paintings, and Marilyn squishes Boolossus entirely. Beldam totally unwinds the Toy Soldiers, causing them to stop moving. Pork Chop uses his Yoshi juice to wet Sue Pea's bed, which makes her fall out and faint. Slim Bankshot gets hit by pool balls too many times, and keels over. Captain Syrup outdances the Floating Whirlindas, causing them to be overcome with grief and fall unconscious. Iggy and Lemmy hurl some more balls at Chauncey, which makes him faint. They then engage in a serious game of hide and seek with the twins, Henry and Orville, and win, causing the twins to faint. Toadette uses her ray gun to fry Nana's rocking chair, and Nana falls down. Jolene dodges Neville's flying books and pins him on the ground. Neville simply floats through her and attempts to hit her with a book, but Jolene grabs it and knocks him out with it. Marilyn attempts to eat Lydia's bed, which makes her keel over. Luigi throws a bone at the wall of the box, causing Spooky the guard dog to run into the wall and lapse into unconsciousness. Wendy persuades Madame Clairvoya to go to sleep with no fighting needed. Then Jolene easily wins a boxing competition with Biff Atlas. Then she smashes all of Jarvis's jars. The jar that he was in is hurled into a wall. Then Beldam breaks down Sir Weston's ice barrier, and Vivian heats him up so much that he melts down into a pool of ectoplasm.

Bowyer: All. Ghosts. Defeated!

They return to normal sizes.

Luigi: Now for the others...

Doopliss: Bring it on, Slick!

Hooktail: You won't beat us!

TEC: AND YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME, TOO!

Birdo: And I'm not gonna have a part in this!

Luigi: I'll go for Bonetail! Jolene, you get Gloomtail. Wendy, Iggy, and Lemmy can deal with Hooktail. Toadette and Bowyer get Doopliss. Pork Chop, TEC. Beldam, Marilyn, Vivian, and Captain Something can deal with those other enemies.

All of them engage in battles. Wendy, Iggy, and Lemmy are all clustered on top of Hooktail, biting, slashing, scratching, and whatnot. Hooktail keels over from all of the pain. Jolene pins Gloomtail down in a matter of seconds. He runs out of air and faints before she lets go of his neck. Toadette zaps Doopliss over and over, despite his transformations, and Bowyer continues to shoot Flunkies. Eventually, he falls over. Pork Chop malfunctions TEC until he shuts down. Beldam, Marilyn, and Captain Syrup get in a huge fight with each other. The volume of their shouts makes all of the normal enemies faint. Luigi finally whacks Bonetail into a wall.

Luigi: Everyone all right? Good. Let's get out of here.

Luigi, Birdo, Pork Chop, the Shadow Sirens, Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, Toadette, Jolene, and Bowyer run off.

Iggy: Wait... Has anyone seen Boshi?

Everyone stops.

Jolene: Not since he told Mario to run off.

Wendy: And Mario! I haven't seen him either!

Beldam: What's this thing?

It is a tape recorder. As Beldam picks it up, it begins to play a message.

Tape: Hello. If you do not know this already, I have captured your friends Boshi and Mario. But that is not all. Jolene, I also have your number one fighting champ, Gonzales Jr! Toadette, I have your father, Toadsworth! Luigi, I have your girl, Daisy. Pork Chop, Birdo! I have Yoshi, father and husband! Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, I have your brothers and your parents! Um, Shadow... Sirens... I have... um... well, nothing. Bowyer, Captain, I have, er... nothing... and... um... That's it... So... just... fight me, OKAY?!

Luigi: DAISY! I told her she should have improved her security.

Iggy, Lemmy, and Wendy: AAAAH! THEY'VE CAPTURED OUR SIBLINGS!

Iggy: Why do we care, anyway?

Lemmy: We don't. It's just for drama.

Wendy: MOM!

Iggy: DAD!

Lemmy: MOM AND DAD!

Iggy: I still don't care.

Pork Chop: DADDY!

Birdo: HONEY!

Pork Chop: Honey?

Birdo: Yes, that's what mommies call daddies.

Pork Chop: Oh. Where do babies come from?

Birdo: Uh...

Toadette: DADDY! Wait, what? She has my father? Whatever happened to "I AM your father"?

Jolene: MONEY-MAKING SCAM PARTNER!

Bowyer: ...

Jolene: I mean, um...

Luigi: We have to find the Shadow Queen. We must free these...

Luigi counts on his fingers.

Luigi: Twelve friends.

Wendy: You have twelve fingers?!

Luigi: Er...

So off our heroes go. What will the Shadow Queen do? Will they face her? Does she really have who she says she does? And is Jolene a scammer?

Read on!


 
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