Leg 9
The Dryest Bones: Wow... This is the ninth time you've wasted your time reading one of these pages?
Lord Crump: Stick with your own script... We're losing ratings!
The Dryest Bones: Fine... WELCOME BACK TO THE AMUSHROOM RACE! THIS WEEK WILL PROVE TO BE LIKE NO OTHER!
Lord Crump: So it's exactly the same?
The Dryest Bones: YES AND NO!
Lord Crump: -_-
The Dryest Bones: All right, Lord Fool, thrill us with your recap or whatever it is you're supposed to do for me.
Lord Crump: Fine, you twit! The Wario Bros, after a near-fatal injury, actually finished part of the race through a deranged miracle...
The Dryest Bones: AND NOW, WE HAVE A NEW TV SCREEN TO SHOW IT TO YOU ON! IT ONLY COST US THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT FUNDING WE GOT BACK FROM TERRY THE TALKING TOMATO!
Lord Crump: WHAT?!
Recap TV: ON!
A truck hits the Wario Bros, launching them inside the cab.
Dribble: HEY! PAY THE FARE BEFORE YOU RIDE, FREELOADERS!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF FREE!
Wario: How about these guys pay triple?
Iggy and Larry: WHAT?!
The Dryest Bones: Continue.
Lord Crump: Then, things got hectic as teams tried to survive in either Ludwig's Thump Castle or Giant Land. Both took days...
Ten days later...
We see that Waluigi is, fearfully, destroying Giant Land's castle, using the other teams as battering rams. We also see that Boomer has completely destroyed Ludwig's lab, causing an atomic explosion of immense proportions. Suddenly, almost like magic, the destroyed areas get rebuilt.
Lord Crump: Team Mario almost drank from the chalice of victory. However, their drink was suddenly poisoned by a toxic bad camera and a deadly plague of bad luck, eliminating them.
The Dryest Bones: AAH! COMPEX SENTENCE HURT MY BRAIN!
Petey jumps extremely quickly toward the Mario Bros house. However, his aim is off, and he misses completely, splitting his leg on the Mario Bros' mailbox.
A camera shows that, just before Mario jumps on the map, several vines from Petey's leg hit the bottom of the mat, not to mention Mega Mole's face.
Everyone but Wario: 0.0
Wario: YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! PAY UP!
Lord Crump: And that's the story and stuff.
The Dryest Bones: Meh, good enough. Team Ball may leave from Mario's house immediately.
Team Ball - 1st at Route Marker
Lemmy: 0.0
Ludwig: What is it?
Lemmy: Easiest... leg... ever...
Ludwig: Wh...OOOOOOOHHHHHH! I agree completely!
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel to the Lemmy's Land homepage. It is there that they will find their next clue.
Lemmy: Let's...
Ludwig: WAIT!
Lemmy: What is it?
Ludwig: This is the house of our mortal enemies!
Lemmy: Are you going anywhere with this?
Ludwig: Let's burn it.
Lemmy: OOOHHHH! Now I get it!
Lemmy gets a flamethrower out of the Mario Bros. mailbox and burns down the house. Ludwig helps with fireballs. This reveals Petey, randomly singing in a colorful room.
Petey: HEY! SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO TAKE A SHOWER HERE!
Petey hides behind a towel. Wario and Waluigi scream at their burning posteriors, while Iggy and Larry shield themselves. Luigi is outside, crying with Boomer.
Luigi: NOOOO! ALL OF MY LIFE SAVINGS WERE BUILT INSIDE THOSE WALLS!
Boomer: I ALMOST PRYED OUT THE LIFE SAVINGS FROM THOSE WALLS! *sob*
Ludwig: Awk...ward... So, how do we get inside the Internet?
Lemmy: Aren't we already on it?
Ludwig: True... But how do we get into the show's Internet?
Lemmy: I built a portal in the castle back home for such an occasion. It's the only way I can keep sane while updating.
Ludwig: All the way in Dark Land? I checked: there's not a warp pipe from here to Desert Land to get us there...
Lemmy: Well, we'd better start walking...
And so, Ludwig and Lemmy began their not very epic quest home to win an undetermined amount of coins.
Team Head - 2nd at Route Marker
Iggy: Aw crud, it's a shoo-in for Lemmy this week.
Larry: Yeah... but we should do good, right?
Suddenly, a rain cloud appears around Larry and Iggy. It rains SPECIFICALLY on them, and nowhere else.
Iggy: According to that cloud that probably jinxed us, no.
Larry: What's the closest way there?
Iggy: Just find the nearest dork in town.
Larry and Iggy run off to E. Gadd's lab.
Team Garlic - 3rd at Route Marker
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF LEMMY'S LAND! THEY MAKE ME SCARED OF STUFF! LIKE RIGHT NOW!
Wario: All right, INTO A COMPUTER!
Waluigi: BUT LAST TIME I TRIED THAT, IT ELECTROCUTED ME!
Wario steals the somehow intact Mario Bros' computer. He then smashes it on Waluigi's head, knocking him out.
Luigi: All right, now I officially have no reason to live.
Mario: Make-a me pasta.
Luigi: But... Fine. Everyone's got a purpose.
Wario: Well, obviously just slamming the computer on your head isn't working out that well. Meh, I'll wait for the plant monster to think of an idea.
Team Muddy - Last PERIOD! HA, I SAID IT AGAIN! YEAH!
Petey: You realize that it's not good to insult a plant with a mouth the size of a minivan, right?
Boomer: Who really cares? We're going down to Lemmy's Land.
Petey: ALL RIGHT! Wait, how do we do that?
Boomer: Well, there are three plans, which I've labeled here...
Boomer places three "How to steal all of Lemmy's money from the extinct Larry's Bank" plans, labeled 1, 2, and 3 in front of himself.
Boomer: Just read each one over care-
Petey: Plan number three.
Boomer: But shouldn't you read them-
Petey: I was put in this race to lead, not to read. And get whatever cash prize is at the end.
Boomer: Fair enough. Operation: Create a Wormhole in Reality is GO!
Petey and Boomer run toward Mushroom Harbor.
Wario: Eh heh heh... They left their plans here.
Wario picks up plan number two.
Wario: All right... Operation Druid is GO!
Wario runs off toward Forever Forest, dragging a limp Waluigi on his shoulder.
Waluigi: Ow ow ow ow, WAAAAH! THAT WAS A SCORPION! THAT I WAS SCARED OF! AND IT INJECTED ME WITH SCARY NUMBING VENO-
Waluigi can no longer talk since a scorpion stung his lips.
Wario: THANK YOU, DAD!
Team Head - E. Gadd's Lab
Iggy and Larry run in as a glasses-less E. Gadd stumbles next to them.par
E. Gadd: Hello, girls, how are you today?
Iggy: We're not girls. We're Iggy and Larry Koopa, and we're here to lock you in the closet and steal your warp gate thingy that should be in here somewhere.
E. Gadd: Daisy, you know I can't hear without my glasses! But, it should be around here somewhere...
Iggy sees Gadd's glasses and crushes them.
E. Gadd: WARIO! WHY'D YOU BREAK MY LOCATERRATOR?!
Larry: Wait a minute... If that's what I think it means...
Larry looks inside Gadd's glasses case. He finds a radar that locates random Gaddgets. Haha, I'm punny today!
Iggy: Oh no, Larry just barely got off using that pun!
Larry: All right, it says that the wormhole generator should be... in the closet!
Larry opens the closet. Thousands of inventions pour out.
Iggy: Which one is it?
Larry: I dunno. Press buttons until something happens!
The two confused Koopalings begin randomly activating inventions
Team Ball - Grass Land
Lemmy and Ludwig are stranded on one side of a river.
Lemmy: You know how to swim?
Ludwig: Yes.
Lemmy: All right then.
Lemmy starts floating across on his ball while Ludwig swims across. However...
Nep-enut: OUTTA MAH WATA, FOO!
The Nep-enut squirts a large burst of water at the Koopalings, sending both back a ways.
Lemmy: DARN IT! I thought Larry sentenced them all to Yoshi's Island!
Ludwig: Well, apparently he missed one.
Lemmy: Any other way to get to Desert Land?
Ludwig: Well, there is that underground passage full of lava...
Lemmy: All right, let's just take it. Where is it?
Ludwig: Directly... below us.
Lemmy: So that means...
Ludwig: Start digging.
Team Muddy - On a boat
Petey: So, how exactly do we rip a hole in the fabric of space and time?
Boomer: That answer is simple. We must simply go to Yoshi's Island and eat the fruit of the Super Happy Fruit Tree. Its magical energies will then envelop us, and we'll be able to teleport.
Petey: You mean like the Chaos Emeralds?
Boomer: NO! THEY WERE CREATED BY SEGA! THEY DON'T WORK! GOSH, HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT?!
Petey: Just sayin'.
Boomer: Fine, go play your dumb Sonic Adventure 2 and your precious Secret Rings. I'll be doing the important stuff!
Petey: Touchy... I was just making a comment. But, this sounds a bit too easy.
Boomer: NO! DON'T SAY THAT!
Petey: Why?
Five minutes later, Petey and Boomer are in one of the jungles of Yoshi's Island. They are tied up above a pot of boiling water by many Tribal Guys.
Boomer: That's why.
Petey: Oh. Sorry.
Team Garlic - Forever Forest
Wario: All right, let's read the plan.
Wario opens the file.
Wario: Connect the Wood Hammer Flux Drive to the Woodland Sprite and chant the Call of the Wild ritual while casting Wrath on... Wait, what?
Waluigi: I FUSS SCARED OF VHAT!
Wario: Wow, that's really weird. Well, let's just try to do SOMETHING.
Wario wanders into the woods.
Oakie: GO BACK, OR YOU'LL BE LOST FOREVER!
Wario: How about... no.
Wario shoves Oakie inside a hollow tree with eyes inside it.
Wario: Waluigi, we have to get out of this forest or ghosts will eat your soul.
Waluigi: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Waluigi begins running randomly around the forest in every direction. Wario follows.
Team Head - E. Gadd's Lab
There's a huge explosion outside Gadd's lab. We see that it's now made of pie. E. Gadd is now a balloon, Iggy is an extremely girly-girl (to the extent of looking like a rainbow-haired Wendy), and Larry is a potato.
Iggy: AAAH! NOW MY SHELL TOTALLY CLASHES! I CAN'T IGNORE SOMETHING SOOOO OBVIOUS!
Larry sighs. Well, to the extent that a potato can sigh. As Iggy tries to put on makeup, Larry rolls himself to a remote. Suddenly, it hits the computer. Everything is restored to normal, and a gateway to Lemmy's Land appears.
Larry: What was that?
E. Gadd: That's my website reseter! It warps reality into whatever website is being displayed at the time. Wait a minute... YOU'RE IGGY AND LARRY KOOPA!
Iggy: How'd you find out... AND WHY IS THERE LIPSTICK ALL OVER MY FACE AND SHELL?!
Gadd: I dunno what you're up to, but you aren't getting through that portal! And I’ve got magic contacts!
Gadd starts firing off random inventions. They all hit Iggy and Larry, burning them.
Iggy: GAAAAH!
Larry: OWWWW! That hurts like Roy's electric chair, man! Quit it!
Gadd starts randomly firing giant lasers. They all pathetically miss, but Iggy and Larry are forced to hide behind a table.
Iggy: What do we do now?
Larry: Wait until he gets tired. Old people, like him and King Dad, can't fight for long before getting tired.
True to his words, Gadd faints from exhaustion five seconds later.
Larry: GO!
Iggy and Larry lunge into the portal and make it to the Lemmy's Land homepage.
Team Head - 1st at Lemmy's Land
Larry: Let's see... It's a Freezie.
Iggy: But there's a problem...
Larry: And that is?
Iggy: The section.
The Dryest Bones: In this Freezie, players must find the extremely well-hidden mazes section. Then, they must complete an extremely difficult maze. However, they have to choose from mazes just by their names! Each one has a catch: some have time limits, others are straight lines with booby traps, and everything in between! After accomplishing a maze, some new-ish tourist I decided to put in without permission-
DS Guy: HEY! THAT'S NOT NICE!
The Dryest Bones: (You're lucky I'm on medication, kid.) -will hand them their next clue.
Larry: I'll go. I can probably just cheat anyway.
Iggy: All right. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to cheat people out of Koopaling votes back at the Casino.
Both brothers nod and run off toward their respective areas... Well, Larry tries to, at least.
Team Ball - 20,000 Leagues Inside a Tunnel
Lemmy: All right, so you're SURE this is the path?
Ludwig: POSITIVE! What's the worst thing that could happen?
Lemmy: Well, last time we went down one of your paths, my vim was sucked out by Swoopers.
Ludwig: Well, that was just one time...
Lemmy: And the time where I almost got split in half by a stalactites.
Ludwig: Two...
Lemmy: And the numerous times that you led me straight into one of your or Larry's Piranha Plant breeding grounds.
Ludwig: 2,103 times isn't that much! Mario does more to Luigi!
Lemmy: True... So you're SURE this one is hazard-free, and will take us straight to Desert Land.
Ludwig: POSITIVE!
Lemmy and Ludwig enter the door. And, in one of the most obvious occurrences ever...
Lemmy: Oh boy.
NOTHING HAPPENS!
Ludwig: HA! I TOLD YOU!
Lemmy and Ludwig successfully trek to Desert Land.
Lemmy: All right, where's that warp pipe?
Ludwig: Right in front of us.
Lemmy: Kay.
Ludwig and Lemmy make it to Dark Land without any problems whatsoever.
Koopatrol: Wait, Prince Lemmy and Ludwig? You actually made it back here without any fatal-looking injuries and/or deaths?
Lemmy: I know, it's a shock. Now, can I get to my room please?
Koopatrol: Sure thing, Sire!
The Koopatrol opens the door to the castle. Lemmy approaches his room. However, Ludwig stops.
Ludwig: LEMMY, WAIT!
Lemmy is suddenly dragged into his room by a large dragon's head. Many uncomfortable noises are heard.
Ludwig: That's where I put my Blargg Research Studies... Oh well.
Ludwig observes the nature of how Blarggs try to rip Lemmy to shreds.
Ludwig: Fascinating... They start with the arms, and then move onto the head. The body is saved for last... This is amazing data!
Team Muddy - Jungle
Tribal Guy: BIG PLANT AND KOOPA SACRIFICE FOR EATING GOD!
Tribal Guys: ALL HAIL THE EATING GOD!
Gourmet Guy comes out from the crowd.
Gourmet Guy: GOURMET GUY HUNGRY!
Tribal Guys: ALL HAIL GOURMET GUY, THE EATING GOD!
Petey: You worship a super fat guy?
Tribal Guys: HOW DARE YOU INSULT OUR GOD?! GET HIM!
Gourmet Guy: Uh... How about you just give me cake instead?
Tribal Guys: CAKES FOR GOD!
The entire tribe goes out to get Gourmet Guy some cake. Suddenly, Naval Piranha appears.
Naval Piranha: And here's your subscription to... er, I dunno really. It just had Bobby Flay on the front.
Gourmet Guy: THANK YOU!
Gourmet Guy runs off.
Boomer: Wait, what's goin' on?
Petey: NAVAL! How's it goin?
Naval: LIL' PETEY! Nothin' much. Just eating whoever comes near my castle.
Petey: Living the American Dream... all right.
Boomer: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
Petey: I paged Naval with my Nintendo DS on Pictochat. She came, she bribed Gourmet Guy, and she'll set us free.
Boomer: All r... SHE?!
Petey and Naval: Duh.
Naval frees Petey and Boomer.
Petey: Thanks, Cousin.
Naval: No problem. After all, you're the one who discovered how to make Yoshis weak against water! I haven't been bugged for months!
Petey: All right, enjoy your eating!
Naval goes back to her castle as Petey and Boomer flee randomly before the insane Shy Guys get back.
Petey: So, where's the Happy Fruit Tree?
Boomer: Right in front of you.
Petey runs into the tree. The entire Super Happy Fruit falls into his mouth.
Petey: I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Boomer: Yeah, yeah. Cut to the chase and warp us, He-Man.
Petey: All right then.
Petey and Boomer are warped to Larry's Bank!
Boomer: All right! We're here!
Petey: Awesome! Now, how do we get back to the homepage?
Boomer: ... I forgot.
Petey gets an anime sweat drop as both try to think of a way to get out of the ancient Larry's Bank.
Team Garlic - Still Forever Forest
Wario keeps running until...
Wario: HEY! Aren't you the guy I beat up an hour ago?
Of course, he is referring to Oaklie, who is still stuck in a tree.
Oaklie: THERE’S A BZZAP! IN HERE! IT HURTS!
Wario then stops, seeing Waluigi pass him about seven times. He finally hits Waluigi in the head, knocking him out.
Wario: Nice and peaceful... BUT HOW IN DAD'S NAME DO I GET OUTTA HERE?!
Wario runs in circles. Eventually, he runs into a Bub-ulb
Bub-ulb: WATCH IT!
Wario: Oh great, it's the insane grandpa from Super Paper Wario! Get out of my way, I'm trying to find a way out!
Bub-ulb: Well, I KNOW a way out, and it goes straight to Lemmy's Land!
Wario: All right, then tell me it.
Bub-ulb: And if I refuse?
Wario suddenly pulls a video camera out of nowhere.
Wario: Wario Theater proudly presents, "What I'll do to you if you don't do *enter name of action here*"!
Bub-ulb looks at the screen. We can't see what's going on, but there are tons of awful sounds and screaming. Bub-ulb looks pale, and is cowering for his life. Wario then shuts the movie off.
Wario: GOT IT?!
Bub-ulb: Y-y-yes sir.
Bub-ulb suddenly makes a gate out of flowers. It's magical, and shows the Lemmy's Land homepage.
Wario: It safe?
Bub-ulb: I dunno really. No one has ever come back from that place alive, though.
Wario tosses Waluigi in.
Wario: YOU ALIVE, BRO?!
Waluigi: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Wario: Yeah, we're cool.
Wario knocks out the Bub-ulb with a random branch and runs inside the portal. A Forest Fuzzy jumps in and the gateway closes.
Team Garlic - 2nd at Lemmy's Land
Wario: Uh... What's a maze?
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF... I'll do it.
Wario: Wha? Well, uh, all right?
Waluigi walks off. Wario notices that the Forest Fuzzy is sucking on his head.
Wario: Should I tell him... Nah.
Wario goes off to watch re-runs of Roy's Sports Hall.
Team Ball - Bowser's Castle
Lemmy finally activates his computer warpamobob-thingy and warps to Lemmy's Land. All of the Blarggs stop moving because the portal is made of pretty flashing colors. By the time Ludwig walks in, all of the Blarggs have seizures.
Ludwig: Hm... That portal is blinking at a rate of seventeen flashes per second with twenty different shades of red. It's like the Pokemon Effect 2.0!
Ludwig also walks in. However, he is hit in the face with a rubber ball.
Ludwig: HEY! THAT WAS SLIGHTLY ANNOYING!
Lemmy and Ludwig land on the homepage.
Team Ball - 3rd at Lemmy's Land
Lemmy: Al right, since this is my website...
Suddenly, a cage falls on Lemmy.
Lemmy: WHAT WAS THAT?!
The Dryest Bones's Shin: We haven't got to torture anyone since Leg 2! And since the first five legs felt insignificant, we figured we'd get one last laugh in. Right, boys?
The rest of The Dryest Bones's Body: RIGHT!
Ludwig: Great... I'll go.
Lemmy: All right. Use the directory! But be careful! It's...
Ludwig has already sped off. Actually, he's only really ten feet away, but he's too deaf to hear Lemmy at that distance.
Lemmy: ...upside down.
At the directory...
Ludwig: All right, so the maze is... Wait a minute, this map is upside-down! DARN IT! Wait a minute.
Ludwig steals the directory and goes off to Morton's Basics to fix it.
Team Muddy - Larry's Bank
Petey: All right. So how did Bowser and Wart get out in the AWESOME Race?
Boomer: I forget, something about a Rocky Wrench...
Petey: And how do WE get out? This place is getting ominous.
The ghosts of tourists long gone that no one remembers are floating around. And then there are a few good ones.
Lil' Cheep Cheep's Ghost: Sup.
Boomer: HOW DO WE GET OUT?!
P.T. Piranha's Ghost: Take the warp pipe!
A warp pipe suddenly appears.
Petey: Wait, you're a current Super Koopa that is, like, a fan favorite! Why are you here?
P.T.'s Ghost: I'm paying off rent... OOOOOOOOOHHHHH! SCARRRRYYYYYY!
Boomer: Forget it. Let's go before we get sued.
Sure enough, the office of one P.T. Piranha has The Dryest Bones gasping for breath in the court of law. But that's another story, and it's not appearing here. Petey and Boomer make it to the homepage.
Team Muddy - Last at Lemmy's Land
Boomer: Mazes, eh? Well, I'll just go ahead and take it on.
Petey: Yeah. I find mazes to be a part of a balanced breakfast, and then I get sued. DON'T GET US SUED TODAY, BOOMER!
Boomer: Trust me, I won't.
Petey: Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rob the casino.
Boomer: But... Never mind.
Both go off to their respective locations... or at least Petey tries to.
Larry - Somewhere in Lemmy's Land
Larry: Excuse me, Lemmy's slave. Where are we?
Lemmy Clone: Wendy's Phonebooth.
Larry: DARN IT! This is the 42nd section I've checked! Wait, that means...
Larry looks behind the Phonebooth. Sure enough, there's Lemmy's Mazes. However, he sees Waluigi at the front.
Waluigi: What? There's a Whomping here?
The Dryest Bones: A Whomping is... blah, blah blah. Look, I'm getting sued right now and don't have time. Look back at Leg 6 if you forgot.
Waluigi suddenly sees Larry running up. The Fuzzy falls off his head!
Waluigi: WAAAHHHHHHHH! SCARY KOOPA! WHOMP HIM! WHOMP HIM!
Waluigi puts in Larry's picture. However, he realizes...
Waluigi: WAHHHHHHHHH! I'M SCARED OF WHOMP!
Waluigi runs into a maze labeled "The Straight Maze with no Booby Traps. Honestly! Why would I Lie to You?"
Larry: Almost there...
Larry gets Whomped.
Whomp: HAHA, LARRY KOOPA GOT WHOMP'D!
Larry: I got Whomp'd. Terrific.
Whomp: I KNOW!
Ludwig - Morton's Basics
Ludwig: Let's see...
Ludwig prints out a large sheet that shows the map.
Ludwig: OF COURSE! IT'S BEHIND WENDY'S PHONEBOOTH!
Ludwig runs there. However, he trips over Whomp.
Larry: OW! More pain... more torment.
Ludwig: Ouch, looks painful, Bro... Well, see ya!
However, Ludwig suddenly gets hit in the head by Boomer. He falls to the ground.
Ludwig: HEY! THAT WAS DIRTY AND UNDERHANDED!
Boomer: And?
Ludwig: Nice job.
Boomer shoves Ludwig out of the way and goes into a maze labeled "Bubba's Maze of Happiness". He is suddenly underwater.
Boomer: So now what?
Suddenly, Bubba from Tiny-Huge Island drops behind Boomer.
Bubba: YUM! SNACK!
Boomer: Exactly how is this happiness?
Bubba: I GET A FREE SNACK! SO COME ON!
Boomer rapidly dogpaddles away, but Bubba keeps gaining on him. Just as Bubba approaches... we go to a commercial break.
\ul Start Commercial
\ulnone King Boo: Is this person you?
Several embarrassing clips of Waluigi throughout this show are seen.
King Boo: I am King Boo. Here at King Boo's Haunting Therapy, we conquer your fears. Soon, you can go from this...
We see a clip of Waluigi.
King Boo: ...to this.
We see a really awesome anime clip of the Koopa Bros. beating up a dragon. However, a screen in the background falls, showing that it was just a film. Boos and Eeries beat each other up for the mess.
King Boo: Yes, just call 1-800-SCA-REME and send twelve easy payments of whatever your current salary is... to me, at my house!
Extremely Quiet Announcer
Guy: \b0\fs16 Kingboo'shauntingtherapyisnotresponsibleforlossofcourage,
soul,orwilltobebraveandalsodoesnottakecreditforturningyouintoasmuchof
ascardycatasWaluigi.
King Boo: So order my services today, and never live another fearful night!
End Commercial
Lord Crump: We have awful funding.
The Dryest Bones: SHUT UP AND LET THE CHAOS RESUME!
Waluigi - The Straight Maze with no Booby Traps. Honestly! Why would I Lie to You?
Waluigi is in a straight maze. However, there are tons of visible booby traps.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF LIES!
Suddenly, a disco ball falls from the sky. Music pours out of places.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF MUSIC!
Waluigi runs through the maze. He dives through a pair of Grinders popping out of the wall, suddenly swerving in midair to avoid two carefully-placed flamethrowers. He then does a backflip as he lands, narrowly avoiding a Piranha Plant booby trap. He then kicks off the wall, avoiding both a laser and a Roto-Disc at the same time. He then lands at the other side of the maze, and dives through the exit before a wall of Thwomps falls on him. Then, the entire maze explodes.
Waluigi: WAHHHHH! SHY GUYS!
Waluigi is now in a room with hundreds and hundreds of Shy Guys.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF ALL OF YOU!
Waluigi runs around frantically, scaring Shy Guys.
DS Guy: I CAN'T TAKE THIS!
DS Guy punches Waluigi in the gut, knocking him out.
DS Guy: And here's your clue!
A clue suddenly falls from DS Guy's robes, onto Waluigi's nose. The rest of the Shy Guys keep wandering around, making their random noises.
Ludwig - Lemmy's Mazes
Ludwig: Hm... Which one to pick...
Ludwig is deciding between the "Maze of Extreme Quadratic Equations" and "Maze of Calculus Exams".
Ludwig: All right, I've made up my mind.
Just as Ludwig almost enters one of the overly complicated mazes, he is suddenly hypnotized.
Ludwig: Yes, Master.
Ludwig goes into a maze called "Maze of Frogs (formerly Marsh Maze)".
Ludwig: What is your bidding, Master?
Ludwig is, of course, talking to the Hypno Toad.
Hypno Toad: Bzzt.
The Hypno Toad jumps away. Ludwig snaps out of the mind control.
Ludwig: Well, that was weird. Where am I? It looks like the maze of frogs.
Suddenly, Ludwig looks down at his feet and discovers…
Ludwig: QUICKSAND! AND PIRANHA PLANTS!
The first-born Koopaling is slowly being dragged under a swamp, both by quicksand and several Piranha Plants.
Ludwig: GET OFF!
Ludwig jumps out and starts running. Suddenly, several frogs lunge in front of him.
Frog: RIBBIT!
The frog lashes his tongue at Ludwig and throws him to another part of the swamp.
Ludwig: Hm... Wonder what's wrong here.
Suddenly, several Ukikis start throwing bombs at him.
Ludwig: TAKE THIS!
As the bombs rapidly fly at him, Ludwig launches off a barrage of fireballs. Suddenly, another Ukiki lunges forward, trying to take off what he thinks is a wig. Ludwig screams in pain, but then throws the miniature monkey at the rest of its comrades, making them all go flying.
Ludwig: Well, that wasn't so hard.
Ludwig then looks down and sees he is now chest-deep in quicksand.
Ludwig: Aw fudge. Yummmmm... Fudge.
Somewhere else inside the giant maze, a huge scream is heard. Five minutes later, Boomer jumps out of his pool of water and solves his maze.
Boomer: Jeez, that was a close call. I was sure that fish had me.
FLASHBACK TIME! YAY!
Boomer is using his boomerangs as both oars and a propeller to get away from Bubba. However, the fish just keeps on coming.
Bubba: COME BACK HERE, FIFTH LUNCH!
Boomer: HOW ABOUT YOU GO ON A- *glug* Can't... breathe...
Suddenly, a Jelectro floats by.
Boomer: *GULP*
Boomer puts the Jelectro on his head, suddenly giving him a burst of oxygen.
Bubba: I HAVE YOU NOW!
Suddenly, the Jelectro releases a huge burst of energy. Being inside a dense Hammer Bro shell, Boomer is able to absorb most of the electricity. However, the same cannot be said for a waterlogged Bubba.
Bubba: BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITY! Good night, folks!
Bubba dies as a fishstick. Boomer eats him, then leaves.
End Flashback
Boomer: *phew* Now all I have to do is find... DS... Guy... in this huge... mob. GAAAH! THIS RACE IS GETTING IMPOSSIBLE!
Boomer starts randomly hitting Shy Guys, seeing if they'll transform into some other Shy Guy form. Unfortunately, this causes many to get angry at him and beat him up.
Shy Guy: EVERYONE PREPARE TO SERVE HIM UP WITH BREAD AND BUTTER!
Boomer: What's with everyone wanting to eat me today?
DS Guy: Uh... Before you get eaten... want a clue?
Boomer: WHY WEREN'T YOU HERE WHEN I WANTED YOU BEFORE I WAS MAULED BY SHY GUYS?!
DS Guy: I was getting a snowcone.
Boomer: -_-
DS Guy: Here you go!
DS Guy gives Boomer a snowcone. The clue is inside it.
DS Guy: HEY, GIVE ME BACK MY SNOWCONE!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF SNOWCONES!!!
Boomer: You're still here?
Waluigi: Yes, AND I'M SCARED OF THAT FACT! WAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Boomer: Say... Where's the exit?
DS Guy: Oh, there is none. You have to make your own.
Boomer: WHAT?!
While still dodging Shy Guys, Boomer tries to drill a hole in the wall. Waluigi faints... again.
Larry - Being Whomp'd
Whomp: Whomp done Whomping you.
Whomp gets off Larry.
Larry: Ow... My spine... and internal organs... and spare taco...
Larry walks into the maze labeled "Maze of Enemies".
Larry: ALL RIGHT! This is an actual maze! Now, what was the pattern again? Enemies with names... UGH! I HATE THIS!
Larry kicks a *this enemy has been hidden for the purpose of keeping the maze secret*
Hidden Enemy: YOU HAVE FOUND THE EXIT! CLAIM YOUR KOOPALING VOTE BY-
Larry: Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm part of the Race thing and I want my clue... NOW!
Hidden Enemy: SURE THING! It's right over there, in that field of Shy Guys.
Larry looks up and sees ten thousand Shy Guys, and one Anti Guy. The Anti Guy then becomes a regular Shy Guy.
Larry: GET HIM!
Larry skillfully jumps over the mob of Shy Guys still trying to eat Boomer and reaches DS Guy.
DS Guy: Uh... Darn it. Fine, here's your clue.
Larry: Thanks. Er... How do I get out?
DS Guy: I dunno. Maybe the door labeled "Exit"?
Larry looks behind himself and finds a door that says “Exit”.
Boomer: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME AN EXIT WAS THERE?!
DS Guy: I wanted to see if you'd fall for it.
Waluigi: But I'M SCARED OF FALLING!
Waluigi runs out of the maze... through a wall. Larry casually walks out as Boomer does random flips, tricks, and attacks to keep the cannibalistic mob off his shell. Meanwhile, Ludwig just stumbles into the room, with Prince Froggy's tongue wrapped around his leg.
Ludwig: Clue... now...
Ludwig breathes fire on the mob. All of the Shy Guys are set on fire, except for DS Guy, who has trapped all of the flames in a Lantern Ghost disguise.
DS Guy: DARN IT! You're actually crafty... and insane.
Ludwig: CLUE NOW!
Ludwig does the Whirling Fortress on DS Guy and steals the clue. He rushes toward Larry and Boomer, who are competing in a footrace.
Larry: Oh great, Kooky's coming.
Boomer: INCREASE SPEED!
Soon, all three Koopas are sliding in their shells at extreme speeds to try to escape. Waluigi randomly runs around them in fear all the while. Suddenly, Ludwig expertly shoots out a fireball, both causing a hazard and propelling him forward. Boomer's fire-resistant shell reflects the fireball off... and hits it onto Larry. The Koopa prince then goes spinning off into a large hill with eyes.
Hill: HEY! I HAVE FEELINGS, TOO!
Larry: JUST SHUT UP!
Larry suddenly rips out a plant from the hill. He then uses it as a whip and grabs around Waluigi's leg. However, this drags him across a cold, unforgiving ground... and through a lava pit... and a minefield... and several other things that would make this part of the Race sound too unfit to put on television.
Larry: OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Finally, the entire group separates as Ludwig speeds off toward Lemmy's cage. However, Boomer is able to stop early, as Petey is right in front of him, still wondering how to get to the casino. Waluigi then runs into a lamppost right outside of Roy's Sports Hall. This causes Larry to be launched forward into Iggy's Casino.
All Four Teams: It's a Pipe Path: Brains or Brawns.
The Dryest Bones: In Brains, teams must travel to Ludwig's Quizzes. There, they must answer ten questions about Lemmy's Land, its tourists, and all other pieces correctly. If they fail, they must wait for the next team to try. After all questions are complete, Chuck Quizmo will hand them their next clue. This is just about the easiest thing ever to hit Lemmy, but it'll be a deadly decathlon for the rest of the teams. In Brawns, teams must go into Roy's Sports Hall. They must then defeat a randomly-selected person in a battle. If they lose.. .ouch. If they win, Roy will hand them their next clue. The rules are self-explanatory, and the more muscular teams will have an advantage.
Wario: WAH HAH HAH! What's this "brain" you speak of? Brawn is all I need!
Wario drags Waluigi inside the Sports Hall.
Iggy: Brains, right?
Larry: NO! We will take the world by storm and take on Roy's challenge! We will stick it to our brother and WIN THIS RACE!
A giant flag with Bowser's face on it waves behind Larry.
Iggy: *sob* That's so beautiful.
Larry: Now let's go win this thing!
Iggy and Larry dash off toward the Sports Hall.
Lemmy: I'm not taking any chances: let's go for Brains.
Ludwig: All right. So, how do you plan on getting out of the cage?
Lemmy: Oh, the cage is really open. I just found it good to play with my ball.
Lemmy opens the door.
Ludwig: All right. TO BRAINS WE GO!
The two most popular Koopalings are hauled away by their adoring fans.
Petey: Uh... Brains?
Boomer: Yes, Brains. I can't stand some other enemy trying to eat me!
The duo run off.
Team Garlic - Roy's Sports Hall
Roy: And here's the sudden next battle match-up!
Red Corner - Wario
I can't tell anymore:
is that muscle, or an allergic reaction to his breath?
Yellow Corner - Waluigi
The odds are 2:1 that
he gets a ring-out five seconds after the match starts.
Green Corner - The Dryest
Bones
He bribed his way into
this match. Can he bribe the Idiot Bros. just as easily?
Blue Corner - Darth Vader
Yeah... he wins.
Wario: HOW CAN DARTH VADER BE FIGHTING?!
Roy: Because I feel like it! POKEY!
Pokey: Fight.
The Dryest Bones: All right, it's time for me to finally get enough attacks for a bio... TAKE THI-
Chuck: BOSS!
The Dryest Bones: CHUCK! Can't you tell I'm in the middle of bio development?
Chuck: Sorry, boss, but I noticed you aren't wearing Stephen Colbert's Wriststrong bracelet!
The Dryest Bones: OH MY DAD, YOU'RE RIGHT!
The Dryest Bones suddenly leaves and hits Darth Vader in the chest. His robot suit explodes... revealing a Goomba.
Pokey: The Dryest Bones, out.
Goomba: I WILL DESTROY YOU!
The Goomba tries to ram into Wario. However, the fat plumber simply falls over, crushing the Goomba.
Pokey: Stop. Goomba wins.
Wario: WHAT?!
Pokey: Ring out.
Wario notices that most of his body has fallen out of the ring. Waluigi is hiding under a bleacher in the audience.
Wario: REMATCH!
Roy: Too late! We have to wait for some more challengers to come, and then we can move on to whatever other team is coming here!
Team Ball - Brains
Chuck Quizmo: All right, Lemmy, for your final question, how many-
Lemmy: Seventeen.
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT!
Lemmy: YES!
Chuck Quizmo: And now, to test your partner's knowledge...
Lemmy: Oh crud.
Chuck Quizmo: LUDWIG! So, combined, how many giant monsters battled each other in The Good, the Bad, and the Torte 2?
Ludwig: Two?
Chuck Quizmo: WRONG-O! And now, you must wait for these guys...
Petey and Boomer walk up with a salsa theme.
Lemmy: Wait... Iggy and Larry are going to ROY's challenge?
Boomer: Apparently.
Chuck Quizmo: Who goes first?
Boomer: I will.
Boomer answers five questions successfully.
Chuck Quizmo: AND NOW, IT'S YOUR PARTNER'S TURN! PETEY!
Petey: Bring it, Chuck!
Chuck Quizmo: Oh, it's brought! How did Mario and Luigi learn how to defeat Lemmy's Freeze Gun?
Petey: From television.
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT! Which character gave The Dryest Bones back his government funding?
Petey: Terry the Talking Tomato and Doorguy the Fourth.
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT! What is a Met?
Petey successfully answers the next three questions.
Lemmy: HOW DO YOU KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING I KNOW?!
Petey suddenly digs into where his ear would be. He brings out several printed versions of many Fun Fiction.
Petey: Cheatsheet.
Lemmy: OF COURSE!
Chuck Quizmo: And here's your clue!
Petey takes the clue. However, Lemmy hits Petey and the clue with the Freeze Gun, causing both to turn into an ice sculpture.
Boomer: HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!
Lemmy: I'd freeze you too, but SOMEONE downloaded the Pokemon Stadium rule of "Only one frozen at a time" rule.
Lemmy glares at Ludwig.
Ludwig: How many times to I have to tell you, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
Chuck Quizmo: LUDWIG! What was the password to the Star Gate in P.T. Piranha's Larry's Adventure?
Ludwig: Uh... (Just go with something random and make him feel sorry for you.) Lemmy's Interview Show?
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT!
Ludwig: 0.0
Chuck Quizmo: What is the current number one-rated Scribble?
Ludwig: Uh... I dunno. Probably something really stupid, like Mario going to Kindergarden.
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT!
Lemmy: (Jeez, the author must be getting tired. This is GREAT! Now Ludwig will have to answer all of the questions correctly out of his laziness!)
Ludwig: (answering a question) Ummmm... 3?
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT! AND NOW FOR YOUR FINAL QUESTION!
The dramatic sequence from "Who Wants to be a Millionare" happens. A bright spotlight falls on Ludwig.
Chuck Quizmo: Which Koopaling did Crazy Packers Fan leave out of the original Mario Madness?
Ludwig: GAAAH! THE LIGHT IS SO BRIGHT! IT REMINDS ME OF...
Lemmy: (YES!)
Ludwig: ...MUMMIPOKEY'S DESERT!
Lemmy: (NO!)
Chuck: Oooh... Sorry, that's wrong! TRY AGAIN!
Ludwig keeps trying unsuccessfully as Boomer keeps chiseling out Petey with his weapons of minor destruction.
Team Head - Brawns Challenge
The two Koopalings gazed up at the towering coliseum. Several flags bearing Roy's hideous mug blew in the breeze. Screams of terror from champions and losers past haunted the many entrances to the great arena, as several electric shocks came out of what could only be the electric chair room. Roy's booming voice echoed a challenge from the center of the magnificent ring, shouting...
Iggy: ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT!
Larry: THIS ISN'T A DRAMATIC PIECE! IT'S WEIRD! AND CREEPY!
Well soooooooooooooory! Anyway, the two brothers enter the Sports Hall.
Roy: LOSER AND PUNCHING BAG?!
Larry: Who's who?
Roy: Doesn't really matter... WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?!
Iggy: We're ready to fight.
Roy looks like he's going to pop a blood vessel. Suddenly, he bursts out laughing.
Roy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... THAT'S A GOOD ONE! But seriously, why?
Larry: WE WANT TO FIGHT!
Roy: Actually, you can't. Sports Hall policy.
Larry: BUT YOU LET A TOURIST AND DARTH VADER FIGHT!
Roy: That was just someone PRETENDING to be Darth Vader. And the creepy guy just bribed me. AND I DON'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND OF MONEY AROUND HERE!
Iggy: *sigh* Fine, I'll fight. Bring it on.
Suddenly, Game Guy jumps down from the sky.
Roy: AND WE HAVE A BATTLE!
Red Corner - Iggy
Is he Loser or Punching
Bag? I forget.
Blue Corner - Game Guy
Is he here to fight or
here to make a quick buck? I forget.
Roy: POKEY, START THE MATCH!
Pokey: Start.
Iggy takes a fighting pose. Game Guy just frantically begins setting up cameras and random backdrops.
Iggy: Wow, you're even dumber than that Punchinello freak. Oh well, time is of the essence...
Iggy suddenly lunges at Game Guy. The gambler takes a quick claw to the face as he begins to set up his fake audience stereo effects. Game Guy screams in pain as Iggy does a quick backflip, followed by a kick to Game Guy's noggin. The Shy Guy tastes concrete as his head slams against the ground.
Game Guy: THAT'S IT! THERE'S ONLY ONE STAR HERE, AND THAT'S ME! ME! MEEEEEEEEE!!!
Game Guy suddenly pulls a Pocket Chomp out of his robe. He twirls the capsule high as he slams it down, releasing the spherical beast inside.
Iggy: That has GOT to be cheating!
Roy: Against anyone else, yes. Against you, no.
Iggy grunts angrily at Roy's biased comment, but has little choice but to lunge out of the way of the deadly jaws of the Chain Chomp. Suddenly, Game Guy throws a small microphone around Iggy, tying him up before the beast.
Iggy: HOLY MONTY MOLEY! Are you really going to let that thing rip me to shreds, Roy?
Roy: Yes, but we'll go to commercial.
Iggy: I'm doomed...
Game Guy: But, before you die, how about a little sport?
Roy: WHAT?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KILL LOSER, NOT PLAY A GAME!
Game Guy: And it's...
Suddenly, the entire Sports Hall becomes dark. In an explosion of light and color, Game Guy jumps toward a self-made pedestal. Several cameras are spinning around, as well as a glowing neon sign stating "Game Guy Gambling Hour"! Random female Toads with slightly revealing clothing dance around the gambling Shy Guy as he spins around on his head and back. Iggy, Roy, Larry, and the Chain Chomp simply stare in confusion as the gameshow-crazy minion finally dusts off his robes and takes a mike.
Game Guy: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GESTLEMEN! I mean, gentlemen! WELCOME TO GAME GAME GUY GAMBLING HOUR! WITH ME, YOUR WONDERFUL BOOGYLICIOUS HOST, GAME GUY!
An extremely fake audience cheer is heard.
Game Guy: Today, I have with me Iggy Koopa. And right now, we're going to play one one of my favorite games...
Game Guy opens a curtain. Suddenly, a Thwomp held in the air by several balloons is shown as it floats over Iggy.
Game Guy: DEAD KOOPA'S DROP! I'll explain the rules: I have five darts, and there are five balloons. I hit them, and the Koopaling goes SPLAT!
Roy: Wait, which one?
Game Guy: Iggy.
Roy: I like the way you think.
Iggy: I DON'T!! LARRY, HELP ME OUT!!!
Larry reaches out to help his dear brother. However, Roy suddenly jumps forth and twists Larry's arm behind his body.
Roy: He can't die, but I WANT TO SEE THIS!
Game Guy nods and suddenly puts on a blindfold, to make it more gambler-friendly.
Roy: That guy's an idiot...
However, Game Guy secretly has installed homing chips inside all of the balloons. No matter where he throws the darts, they will always hit their mark. And, by some miracle, four of them all do.
Iggy: OH COME ON! THAT ONE WAS OFF BY, LIKE, TEN FEET AND IT HIT!
Game Guy is about to throw his fifth dart. Suddenly, the Chain Chomp gets hungry and leaves the Sports Hall to try to find a snack bar. However, on its way out, it hits Game Guy in the arm, causing him to throw a dart before it got a chance to lock onto the balloon.
Game Guy: NOOOOOO!
The dart misses by a longshot.
Iggy: I'M ALIVE!
However, it suddenly hits a bleacher. It bounces off the bleacher and breaks the glass off the announcer's desk. Inside the desk, it hits the doorknob and is reflected straight through the ceiling. By a miracle, a Yoshicopter is flying around, and its propeller reflects the dart right back toward the Sports Hall. It starts falling toward the balloon like a meteor.
Iggy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
And the dart...
Iggy: I know I'm dead.
...I was going to say, the dart narrowly misses the balloon, being off by just two inches.
Iggy: THANK DAD!
As Iggy is gloating, the edge of the dart hits the rim of his glasses. It bounces off and hits Roy's shades at high speed. And, because Roy was gazing at the balloon at the time, that's where it speeds to. The balloon pops, and the Thwomp begins falling.
Larry: IGGY! LOOK OUT!
As Iggy gasps for his life, Game Guy is madly screaming.
Chain Chomp: (Iggy needs my help!)
Suddenly, the Chain Chomp lunges at Game Guy. He propels the Shy Guy right into Iggy... and under the Thwomp.
Game Guy: NOOOOO!
THWOMP!!!
Pokey: Stop. Iggy wins.
The entire Game Guy stage, Toad girls and all, disappears into thin air.
Larry: That was... overly dramatic.
Roy: 0.0
In the middle of the stage...
Iggy: Thanks, boy.
Chain Chomp nods and runs away. Iggy frees himself and walks over to Roy.
Roy: I... How... You... GRRR! All right, I'm required by law to give you your next clue.
Roy curses under his breath and gives Larry the clue.
Larry: It's the final regular pitstop: The Amushroom Race itself.
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel to Lemmy's Fun Fiction and enter this story, The Amushroom Race. This is the pitstop for this leg. The last team to the intro of the Race will be eliminated.
Iggy: So, what's the fastest-
Suddenly, Wario walks over from the corner and bashes their heads together. He then walks over to Roy and puts a fist to his face.
Wario: GIVE ME THE CLUE, KOOPA BOY! OR ELSE I'LL PUNCH YOUR FACE IN!
Roy: SECURITY!
Waluigi is randomly running around Wario and Roy. Suddenly, several extremely tough-looking Zeus Guys and Sledge Bros. appear and beat up the Wario Bros, with much screaming involved. The Bros. are then thrown in the underground Roy's Sports Hall dungeon.
Wario: Ugh... It hurts... bad.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF MY SCARS!
Team Ball - Brains Challenge
Ludwig: Hm... Who is Stario?
Chuck Quizmo: CORRECT! LEMMY AND LUDWIG, YOU ARE THE NEW CHAMPIONS OF THE AMUSHROOM RACE QUIZ... TO THE MAX!
Lemmy: Where does "the max" come from?
Chuck Quizmo: I don't really know. BUT YOU GET A CLUE! AND ONE PIECE OF SLIGHTLY-USED BUBBLE GUM!
Chuck throws a piece of gum into Ludwig's hair. It spreads all around.
Ludwig: GAAAAAH! IT HURTS!
Lemmy: We have to go to the start of this story in my Land. LET'S GO, LUDWIG!
Lemmy notices that Ludwig's hair is stuck to the ground by a piece of bubble gum.
Ludwig: Help!
Lemmy pulls out a razor from nowhere.
Ludwig: NOT LIKE THAT! AAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Team Garlic - Roy's Sports Dungeon
Wario and Waluigi are thrown in the dungeon. Several criminals are there, too.
Mario: I'm-a Mario!
Wario: Expected... So, how do we get out?
Waluigi suddenly breaks down a wall with his fist.
Wario: WOAH! How'd you do that?
Waluigi: Because... I'M ULTRA MEGA SCARED OF DUNGEONS! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Wario: Woah, the text size changed! What else can go right?
Suddenly, the clue to The Amushroom Race drops out of Waluigi's glove.
Wario: WHEN DID YOU GET THIS?!
Waluigi: I stole it from the scary Koopa. AND I'M SCARED OF HIM! WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Wario: Let's-a go!
Wario and Waluigi break out of jail, Waluigi more enthusiastically. Just as they're leaving the establishment, they mysteriously start getting pulled back.
Wario: WHAT'S GOING ON?!
The Wario Bros. turn around and see Larry and Iggy drawing the Wario Bros. in with what appears to be a tornado. However, it is really just a big wind funnel created by a Dark Koopa.
Larry: KEEP IT UP!
Larry and Iggy run toward Lemmy's Fun Fiction while Wario and Waluigi are slowly sucked back to their cell.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF CELLS! WAAAAAAHHH!! I'M MADE OF THEM!
Wario: Oh no, Wario's come TOO FAR to lose now! WARIO...
A green cloud forms underneath Wario.
Wario: WAFT!
Huge amounts of flatulence erupt from Wario's lower body. Not only does this knock out the Dark Koopa, but it also pushes the Wario Bros. within running distance of Larry and Iggy!
Iggy: SWEET CHICKEN OF LICKIN!!!
Larry: That's just wrong.
Holding their noses, the two Koopalings get into a footrace with the Wario Bros. Suddenly, the group hear a roar, but decide to keep going. This is their mistake, as a large meteor crashes right in front of them. The meteor suddenly splits, revealing itself to be Petey Piranha with Boomer inside.
Petey: MAN THAT FELT GOOD!
Boomer: Ditto.
Team Muddy dashes into the Fun Fiction section. The other two teams are about to get up, when they are bulldozed down by a large hovercraft with Ludwig's face on it.
Ludwig: THE TURBO KOOKY 9000 WILL ENSURE OUR VICTORY!
Team Ball enter Fun Fiction and ram right into Petey and Boomer.
Ludwig: YES!
Unfortunately, he hits them far away, unbeknownst to him, right to the entrance of the Amushroom Race.
Boomer: LIMP!
Petey and Boomer slowly limp toward the gateway to the race.
Lemmy: YEAH! WE LOST THEM!
Ludwig: Which way?
Lemmy: Let's see... Not really perfect on my locations... Take a right.
Ludwig takes a right and enters a Fun Fiction.
Meanwhile...
Teams Garlic and Head are still fighting for control. They enter a deadly footrace. Suddenly, they see Boomer and Petey limping in.
Wario: GO! GO! GO!
Wario suddenly dives toward the Fun Fiction. However, he comes up terribly short, and only ends up nudging Petey and Boomer right into the gateway.
Petey: WOAH!
Boomer: Cool... There's the title.
Lemmy and Ludwig pull up to a green mat.
Lemmy: YES! FIRST PLACE AGAIN!
Another Lemmy: Lemmy? What am I doing there?
Ludwig: All right, what's going on?
Lemmy looks up.
Lemmy: OH NO! THIS IS MY AWESOME RACE!
Ludwig: AWESOME! THIS IS THE BEST STORY IN ALL THE LAND! So says Little Lemmy's Land!
Lemmy: NO! WE PROBABLY LOST!
And on that note...
The Dryest Bones: Petey and Boomer, you're Team Number One. Take a Wriststrong bracelet!
Petey: YEAH!
Boomer: That's it?
Iggy and Larry drop from the sky. They're followed by Waluigi and, five minutes later, Wario.
The Dryest Bones: Iggy and Larry, you're Team Number Two. Wario and Waluigi, as much as I dislike it, you're Team Number Three.
Both teams sigh in relief, except for Waluigi, who screams for relief. Lemmy and Ludwig then suddenly drop in.
The Dryest Bones: By some miracle, Lemmy and Ludwig, you are the last team to arrive, and have been eliminated from this race.
Lemmy: Wow... That's quite shocking. I expected US to get in the finale. I mean, come on... I'm Lemmy.
The Dryest Bones: I don't know what to tell ya. But, for lasting this long, you get a vacation to...
Lemmy: (in a monotone voice) *sigh* Lava Pits? Ice Land? The Underwhere?
Ludwig: Twilight Town?
The Dryest Bones: ... THE TROPICAL PARADISE OF ISLE DELFINO! Your villain status will be exempt during your five-day stay at the most luxurious hotels and theme parks as you are amazed by its natural wonders!
Everyone: 0.0
Petey: THEY GET ELIMINATED AND GET A DREAM VACATION, AND ALL I GET IS A DUMB WRISTSTRONG BRACELET?!
The Dryest Bones: HEY! Wrist awareness is something we don't promote enough of!
Boomer: -_-
The Dryest Bones: And now, for the next-to-final standings!
1st: Petey and Boomer
(Team Muddy)
2nd: Iggy and Larry (Team
Head)
3rd: Wario and Waluigi
(Team Garlic)
ELIMINATED: Lemmy and
Ludwig (Team Ball)
ELIMINATED: Mario and
Luigi (Team Mario)
ELIMINATED: Bowser and
Kamek (Team Koopa)
ELIMINATED: Tatanga and
The King (Team ?)
ELIMINATED: Goomboss
and Chief Chilly (Team 64)
HOSPITALIZED: Yoshi and
Birdo (Team Egg)
HALF NON-EXISTENT: King
Boo and Princess Shroob (Team Tyrant)
ELIMINATED: Rudy and
Bogmire (Team SCREAM)
ELIMINATED: Peach and
Toad/Fawful/Morton (Team Puff)
ELIMINATED: Wart and
Shy Guy (Team Bubble)
ELIMINATED: Boolossus
and Giant Dry Bones (Team Big)
The Dryest Bones: We've come a long way, and there's only one leg left! Don't quit on us now, possibly loyal viewer! Just keep on racing straight through... keep on racing.
Announcer: HEY FUN FICTION READER!
You: THAT'S ME!
Announcer: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DESIGN THE NEXT FREEZIE OR PIPE PATH CHALLENGE FOR THE AMUSHROOM RACE? THE DRYEST BONES IS PUTTING THE LAST LEG IN THE HANDS OF THE FANS! SIMPLY EMAIL THE DRYEST BONES WITH YOUR IDEA, AND IF HE LIKES IT, HE'LL PUT IT IN THE FINAL LEG! Or, take the more preferable approach and send it in with any and all feedback, both positive and negative! WE HOPE YOU ENJOY THE REST OF THE RACE! THE AMUSHROOM RACE: KEEP ON RACING!