The referee:

The announcer:

***

Hammer Brother: Welcome to-

Roy: Hey! I get to speak first!

Hammer Brother: Sorry.

Roy: Hmph! Welcome back! I know you’re ungrateful, but I still love your money anyway. I have with me Hammer Brother, who will be announcing for a while. Pokey will be the ref again… he’s better there anyway.

Hammer Brother: … Now?

Roy: Now.

Hammer Brother: Ok! When I announce the competitors, will they please give a quote? In the Red Corner, it’s Birdo!

Birdo: You’re all just too ceute!

Hammer Brother: Thanks! Um, in the Blue Corner, we have Ostro!

Ostro: Brah!

Hammer Brother: And… um… (looks at notes) here’s Larry with his analysis!

Larry: Thank you, Roy, for letting me back in with out killing me. I predict that Birdo will win, because she… erm, he, was a boss character. Birdo is best for transportation.

Roy: And we have a new feature tonight! I will choose an audience member at random. If Larry’s analysis is right, I will refund their ticket price. But if Larry is wrong, he will find his chair a bit electrified. So! Who’s in seat BA97?

General Guy: Well tallyho, it’s me!

Roy: Right. Now let’s get to the battle.

Pokey: Fight.

Hammer Brother: Ostro takes off running! She seems to be taunting Birdo too.

Ostro: Brah brah!

Birdo: Aw!

Hammer Brother: Birdo can’t seem to match Ostro’s terrific pace, but that doesn’t mean she’s done. Fire one with an egg! But it misses.

Birdo: That could have become a little Birdo!

General Guy: Come now, Birdo! Show your power!

Hammer Brother: And the crowd’s really into it! Ostro charges into Birdo and the two bounce of each other. And Birdo fires an egg and Ostro’s down! It appears being knocked back reduced her speed and she was unable to avoid the egg. She is struggling to get up.

Ostro: Brah! Brah! Braaah!

Hammer Brother: Here comes the ref!

Pokey: Stop.

Hammer Brother: And Birdo won easily! Birdo, how does it feel to win?

Birdo: I haven’t felt this good since I found my feminine side!

Roy: Let’s not go there. Well General Guy, looks like you’re in luck.

General Guy: And of course!

Larry: I was right?! Woah!

Roy: Birdo, who do you challenge for next week?

Birdo: I will battle Ostro for trying to take my name.

Roy: Can’t. You battled him this week already.

Birdo: Oh… then Valentina, for locking me up.

Hammer Brother: Looks like next week we’ll have an unbalanced match between Birdo and Valentina. We’ll see you then!

Larry: Don’t be so sure! I hear Valentina is out of practice lately.

Roy: Go away!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.