The referee:

The announcer:

***

Birdo: (reading off a card) There is no reason to hold this battle because Sumo Koopa will *** kill Thwimp in a hit or two.

Thwimp: Especially since I've been trapped between some blocks!

Sumo Brother: Ha ha! How wimpy!

Thwimp: I am not a wimp!

Sumo Brother: Sure, and I weigh under 5,000 pounds.

Birdo: I think we can see who the favorite player is. But regardless, it is time for me to introduce the players. Weighing down the Blue Corner and coming from Mario Bros. 3, it's Sumo Brother.

Sumo Brother: HIIIIIYAH!

Birdo: In the Red Corner, it's our returning champion, Thwimp!

Thwimp: I defeated Thwomp, and now I'll defeat you!

Birdo: And now I will ask a question of the champion. Thwimp, how do you feel that you are starting off this battle in a trap?

Thwimp: Well Birdo, I feel that this will be an excellent challenge for me. If I can win anyway, maybe people will stop calling me a wimp.

Birdo: On that note, let's go to Larry for the analysis.

Larry: It shouldn't take much to figure out that Thwimp has no chance. Both opponents have really good defense, but Sumo Brother is much bigger and has more attacks. Oh yeah, and Thwimp is stuck between some blocks. Back to you Birdo!

Birdo: Our spectator of the week is... the Millenium Star!

Millenium Star: Yeah! Wuh?

Birdo: Koopa Troopa, if you please.

Koopa Troopa: If I please what?

Birdo: Please start the battle.

Koopa Troopa: I don't feel like it.

Birdo: Oh.

Three hours later...

Koopa Troopa: Ok, I'm ready!

Birdo: Finally.

Koopa Troopa: Start!

Birdo: Sumo Brother starts off the battle by pounding the ground. But Thwimp is already bouncing around, and he's trapped anyway. There seems to be no effect.

Sumo Brother: Err! That's my best attack!

Thwimp: Ha! One nil to Thwimp!

Birdo: With Thwimp still unable to escape his corner and attack, it looks like Sumo Brother is going to start a hammer barrade... but none of the hammers can hit Thwomp! That's because Thwimp is a small moving target trapped within a small space- the hammers keep hitting the blocks that are trapping Thwimp.

Thwimp: What else ya got?

Sumo Brother: I'm gonna use my head! Well, at least my helmet. CHARGE!

Birdo: Sumo Brother is charging Thwimp! He whips off his helmet and is going to hit Thwimp with it. The blow is dead on- but oh! With Sumo Brother so close by Thwimp is able to score a bounce on Sumo's uncovered head! Oh! Oh! Sumo Brother's eyes are going all swirly! He's down!

Thwimp: Koopa Troopa?

Koopa Troopa: What?

Thwimp: ... Is he down?

Koopa Troopa: No.

Thwimp: ... Ok.

Birdo: Now Thwimp is jumping up and down on Sumo Brother.

Sumo Brother: Mo... mmy.

Thwimp: Koopa Troopa!

Koopa Troopa: Zzz...

Birdo: I... uh... think this battle is over. But as for the Millenium Star-

Roy: I've got him taken care of!

Roy pulls a lever.

Millenium Star: ...

Roy: ... Aw man! He's invincible!

Millenium Star: ... Oh! End transmission!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.