The referee:

The announcer:

***

Announcer: Live from the Boxing Arena, it's Roy's Sports!

Fancy shmancy music. I'm thinking the music you get if you pick Toad in Game Guy's chest chance game. Doo da do da duh DOOOO!

Stretch: Hey! I'm not living!

Birdo: And I'm the announcer! Welcome to Roy's Sports Hall, where the weak get cremated and Roy gets all your money. Let's meet the contestants.

Duh duh da DUM!

Stretch: Stretch, I'm in the Blue Corner, I'm about 450 years old, and I was in Super Mario Bros. 3.

Thwimp: Thwimp, I'm in the Red Corner and it's my third week, I was carved out of a rock about two months ago, and I was in Super Mario World.

Duh duh da DUM!

Birdo: Our spectator of the week is none other than Wart!

Wart: ... Well at least I get a part... *croak*

Birdo: His fate is resting upon Larry's analysis, which is coming up next.

Larry, Spy: I think Thwimp will win, because he was won both weeks before despite seeming to be the weaker fighter. Anyway, I know I am voting Stretch off.

Birdo: So there you have it. If Thwimp wins, Wart gets money. Otherwise, he gets zapped.

Roy: Aw c'mon, you know I always zap 'em!

Birdo: ... Riiight. Well, how about we start this thing already?

Koopa Troopa: ... Huh? Oh... yeah sure, whatever...

Birdo: Ok, here we go, and...

Hours go by of Thwimp jumping up and down, occasionally landing on Stretch who is invincible, and Stretch moving around on his board and never able to hit Thwimp. Finally Stretch gets tired of moving so he stops.

Thwimp: I win! The opponent can't move!

Birdo: That... was kind of rushed. Well it looks like Wart gets money!

SZP!

Wart: Blagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblag! End transmission! *croak*

Birdo: Say... since Thwimp one three weeks in a row, he'll be the new announcr now. Oh, goodbye crruel world!

Stretch: ... You're not dead. It's not so bad dieing anyway.

Birdo: :(

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.