The referee:

The announcer:

***

Shy Guy: ... Oh, we're on? Sorry, I'm still getting used to this. Welcome to Roy's Sports Hall! I'm, uh, Shy Guy, and fighting tonight are...

Ptooie: Ptooie! I'm from Mario 3, and I'll use my spiked ball to stick to victory.

Piranha Plant: I don't think so! As the two-time champion, I, Piranha Plant, will chow down to victory once again.

Chowdown: Hey! Leave me outta this!

Mario: Hey, why are you named-

Everyone: Don't ask!

Shy Guy: Now we go to... Roy's analysis.

Roy: You mean Punching Bag.

Shy Guy: Uh, right, Punching Bag's analysis.

Larry: You mean Larry!

Shy Guy: Oh, I'm so confused!

Larry: *sigh* Look, I'm Larry, and here's my analysis... Piranha Plant will win for sure.

Shy Guy: Why do you think so?

Larry: I got a tip.

Shy Guy: Ah... Well now the, uh, Trespasser of the Day will be announced.

Roy: That's Tourist of the Week! And the winner is... Dave Phaneuf!

Dave Phaneuf: Quiet! I can't hear the midi I'm making!

Roy: Loser! Maybe he is trespassing.

Shy Guy: Yeah! Uh, now it's time to nap.

Koopa Troopa: No, it's time to battle! Why do we seem reversed today?

Shy Guy: Huh?

Koopa Troopa: Are the opponents ready?

Piranha Plant: YES!

Ptooie: I guess...

Koopa Troopa: Then let's fight!

Shy Guy: And they're off! Uh, the guy in the Blue Corner shoots a spiked ball at the champion- OOH! It has lodged in his throat!

Piranha Plant: *gag* *gag*

Larry: Oh no! He's choking! Koopa, stop the battle!

Koopa Troopa: No can do, not until someone passes out.

Piranha Plant: *gag* *gag*

Ptooie: Haha! I got him!

Larry: I won't stand for this!

Shy Guy: Ho hum- What's this?! Larry has jumped into the ring and is giving Piranha Plant the Heimlich maneuver. Oh, now Roy is down there trying to restrain him!

Roy: STOP! He has to lose!

Larry: I'll save you!

Piranha Plant: *gag* *gag*

Ptooie: Huh? Hey, don't help him!

Shy Guy: Uh, yeah, don't help him! I need him to lose!

Shy Guy and Ptooie join in restraining Larry. But, as Ptooie approaches...

Piranha Plant: *blooh*

Larry: I got it!

Ptooie: AAH!!!

Shy Guy (speaking loudly): It seems that the spiked ball has spat out of Piranha Plant's mouth and has nailed Ptooie! He falls to the floor! Piranha Plant falls too, weakened... but who fell first?

Koopa Troopa: Victory to Piranha Plant!

Shy Guy: Oh no!

Roy: LARRY!!!

Larry: Uh, I was just trying to lend a hand... heh heh? Uh oh...

Roy chases Larry around.

Shy Guy: He can't win three times! I'm still only getting used to this! No! NO! NOOOOO!!!

Dave Phaneuf: Finished my midi! Huh? Oh, end transmission!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.