The referee:

The announcer:

***

Roy: Welcome to my Sports Arena, NOW GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY! Anyone found with any money on them when they leave will be pounded into tiny little pieces, and then I'll take your money. In the meantime, you may as well enjoy the show, since it's the last entertainment you'll ever be able to afford. But now-

Pokey: Hey.

Roy: What?!

Pokey: I won't work.

Roy: Uh huh. Larry, trim him down a few heads.

Larry: But-

Roy: DO IT!!!

Larry: Okay...

Pokey: Stop.

Roy: What's that?

Pokey: I'll work.

Roy: Good! Larry, give yourself a haircut.

Larry: But-

Roy: DO IT!!!

Larry: *sigh*

Roy: Now, let's meet the champion and the cheaters!

Boom Boom: I'm Boom Boom, the mini-boss from Mario 3. I will pulverize the other contestants.

Roy: ... Keep going.

Boom Boom: Uh, I have big fists... Roy is the greatest... If you don't give him all your money I will kill you.

Roy: Well put! Next!

Piranha Plant: I'm Pira-

Roy: Next!

Piranha Plant: But-

Roy: DO IT!!! ... Er, I mean, next!

Bumpty Penguin: My name is Bumpt-

Roy: Next!

Marching Milde: MynameisMar-

Roy: SHUT UP!!! Now, the Tourist of the Week is... Danielle?! Who the bleep is that?

Danielle: I have no idea. Really! Hey, what are we talking about?

Roy: Larry! Decide this fool's fate!

Larry: The winner will be Bumpt-

Roy: No...

Larry: ... Uh, I mean, uh, the winner will be Piran-

Roy: No!

Larry: Mar-

Roy: NO!!!

Larry: Uh, ahem, well then, the winner is going to be the all-powerful Boom Boom.

Roy: Excellent choice! Now, let's get to the match! Pokey?

Pokey: *sigh* *sigh* *sigh* *sigh* *si-

Roy: POKEY!!!

Pokey: Start.

Roy: We're off! Boom Boom runs into the middle but finds no one there to smote!

Piranha Plant: You know, no one can touch me! Haha, I have to win!

Roy: Bumpty Penguin bounces right off of Milde!

Bumpty Penguin: Not again!

Roy: Here comes Boom Boom for an assault on Piranha- OOH, no good!

Boom Boom: Yow! My hand!

Piranha Plant: I told you I was invincible!

Crunch crunch!

Roy: What's that odd crunching sound?

Crunch crunch!

Everyone: ... Mario!

Mario: What?

Crunch crunch!

Piranha Plant: ... Hey! Who's eating me?!

Marching Milde: YUM! Taste like M&Ms!

Piranha Plant: You sicko! Oh, you just chewed right through my main stalk! That means I'm gonna- GLAK!

Roy: It seems that Milde has chewed out Piranha, haha! Well now, back to the-

Boom Boom: GLAK!

Roy: What?! NO!!! Boom Boom has passed out from blood loss! Get up I say! ... DO IT!!! NO!!!

Marching Milde: Do you want him to do it, or not?

Roy: SHUT UP!!! Arg, it looks like we're down to Bumpty and Milde, which means that the winner will be-

Bumpty Penguin: Bumpty Penguin!

Roy: Bumpty Penguin smashes into Milde! He must have eaten too much and weighs enough to actually be hit! Marching Milde is outta there!

Marching Milde: Sailing, sailing, over the the AUD-i-ence!

Pokey: Stop.

Roy: And so, the winner is Boom Boom, right?

Pokey: ... Bumpty.

Roy: What?! NO!!! Arg, well fine, Danielle gets it then!

Danielle: REALLY?! GIMME GIMME GIMME GIM- BlagadibagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiAAG! - ME GIMME...

Roy: *sigh*

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.