The referee:

The announcer:

***

Piranha Plant: Welcome back to Roy's Sports Hall! There will be a 100 coin charge for not actually watching last week's fight, which was great! This week promises to be even better though. In the ring we have!

Firebar: ...

Piranha Plant: And we have!

Blargg: Doy!

Piranha Plant: What a match, folks! Here with an analysis is Larry.

Larry: Doy! Er, I mean, Blargg is gonna win. Firebar's not alive, so Blargg has got to be smarter than him.

Roy: Our Tourist of the Week is... well, how uncool is that?! It's Hip!

Hip: I can fix that!

Roy: Too late. Fighting is now!

Piranha Plant: Here comes the ref to start things up.

Shy Guy: How do I do this again? Maybe, on your mark, get set, GO!!!

Piranha Plant: And the fight begins!

Blargg: I see no opponent. I WIN! Doy!

Piranha Plant: Blargg seems to think he has already won. He's leaving the ring! I don't understand it!

Larry: Er... maybe he couldn't see Firebar in the red corner.

Piranha Plant: Aw... How cheap is that?

Shy Guy: Roy, you'd better make these fights more interesting, or people will stop coming back.

Roy: It's not my fault! Besides, they don't have a choice.

Hip: While they're fighting, I'll just sneak out of here... BlagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiAAG!!!

Roy: Good thing I made those seats escape-proof.

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.