The referee:

The announcer:

***

Piranha Plant: Welcome, once again, to Roy's Sports Hall! Today's match-up promises to be exciting, but you're going to have to wait a bit longer before we get to it. Right now, Roy, from the ring.

Roy: Thank you, thank you! Since Dave Phaneuf doesn't seem to have gotten the message from last week, I have a special surprise for him. Ha!

Dave Phaneuf is tied to the floor of the ring, again!

Dave Phaneuf: Won't... apologize!

Roy: Oh, but I think you will! Today, Mario Party 2 style, there will be a parade, right here in the ring. Imagine that!

A parade suddenly marches into the ring. It looks just like a parade from Bowser Land in Mario Party 2 except that Roy joins in to take Baby Bowser's place in the front, and somehow the back, of the line. The parade marches all over the ring but seems to take a special interest in marching all over Dave Phaneuf. Finally the parade, save for Roy, leaves the ring.

Roy: Now, wasn't that a treat?

Dave Phaneuf: ...

Roy: Let's have the battle!

Piranha Plant: In the Blue Corner, coming from Mario RPG, it's Bowyer!

Bowyer: Nyah! Win, I will!

Piranha Plant: And in the Red Corner, the one-week Champion also from Mario RPG, it's Mack!

Mack: Well, you're kind of bouncy, but you're not bouncing with me. You'll pay for that!

Piranha Plant: As always, here is Larry with his analysis.

Larry: I'm going with Bowyer today. He had more HP in Mario HP and stronger attacks. He's also very versatile.

Roy: The Tourist of the Week is... WHAT?! NO!!!

Roy's face becomes a hideous scowl.

Audience: Who is it?!

Roy: Grr... (Can't allow it!)

Suddenly Roy's hideous scowl flips over into a hideous evil grin.

Roy: Haha... hahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Shy Guy: What's so funny?

Roy: Haha! The Tourist of the Week is... haha... Dave Phaneuf!

Dave Phaneuf: Yeah! Take that!

Roy: Oh no, Dave, I'm not done with you! See this little envelope I'm holding?

Dave Phaneuf: Yeah...

Roy: It contains your award and Koopaling vote certificate. I always hand it to the Tourist of the Week after we end transmission, but I trust there will be no hard feelings if I just hang on to it for a while...

Dave Phaneuf: Give that to me!

Roy: Sure Dave, of course! I'll give it you just as soon as you... APOLOGIZE!

Dave Phaneuf: Never!

Roy: Whoops, I just tore it a little! I hope the envelope doesn't get torn to shreds!

Shy Guy: Roy, that's not fair!

Roy: Shut up, or I'll feed you to the Boom Booms. Piranha Plant, start the battle. I'm going to leave our little friend here to think about this.

Piranha Plant: Uh, yes! Here comes Shy Guy now to start the battle.

Shy Guy: Ok, but I'm reffing under protest. Fighters ready?

Mack: Just say the word.

Bowyer: Ready I am!

Shy Guy: Begin!

Piranha Plant: And the fight begins!

Bowyer: One against one, nyat fair! Even things out I will! Buttons of Magic!

Piranha Plant: Three buttons are now on the floor of the ring! Doesn't that only work in video games?

Dave Phaneuf: Get this button offa me!

Mack: I'm not scared of your puny buttons. Flame Wall!

Bowyer: Ack! Hurt I have become, payback I will give. Arrow of Fate!

Piranha Plant: Bowyer has shot an arrow above his buttons! It hits the Y button. Uh, so?

Bowyer: Nyah! Magic you cannot perform, lose you now must.

Mack: A button won't stop me from using magic! Flame!

Piranha Plant: What? Nothing happened!

Bowyer: Ha, I say, haha, nyah!

Mack: No! I can't use Flame or Flame Wall now!

Bowyer: Your bodyguards are where now, nyah? E's Static!

Mack: Blagadiblag! End transmission!

Roy: Don't!

Piranha Plant: What a battle we have here! But what can Mack do now?

Mack: Flame!

Sss...

Bowyer: Attack I will with Bolt!

Mack: BlagadiblagadiblagadiAAG! End transmission!

Roy: No, don't!

Piranha Plant: It looks like Mack is falling! Bowyer will be the new Champion!

Bowyer: Ha, I say again, ha and ha, nyah! Give up, will you?

Mack: Grr... I never wanted to use this, but I do have one attack...

Bowyer: Bluffing, you are, or else lame attack it is. Ha and ha, bump Mack use, nyah!

Mack: Ooh, you'll pay for that. MEGA BOUNCE!!!

Whoosh!

Bowyer: Nyah?

Piranha Plant: Mack has bounced into the air. He went straight up and through the ceiling. Where is he?

Shy Guy: Mack has left the ring! Victory to-

Whoosh!

Bowyer: ACK!!!

Piranha Plant: Mack has just come down through the ceiling again and landed right on Bowyer! They are both driven down into the floor! No one could have survived a drill like that! The question is, who is on top?

Shy Guy attaches himself to a rope and dangles down into the huge whole that was created.

Shy Guy: Mack is on top! Victory to Mack!

Arrow: No fair! Mack left the ring!

Shyster: Not true! Mack remained hovering over the ring, which counts as being in play. I watched through the hole!

Shy Guy: Uh huh. Victory... to Mack!

Shyster: Yeah!

Arrow: I'll never forget this!

Piranha Plant: And so, Mack has won a very intense battle! Finally, we actually had a good one. Er, I mean... this is Piranha Plant, for Roy's Boxing Arena, signing off!

Roy: Whoo, what a battle! I'm satisfied! Man, I hope I'm not forgetting anything...

Dave Phaneuf: I said, get this button off of me!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.