The referee:

The announcer:

***

Piranha Plant: Hey boxing fans, welcome back to Roy's Arena!

Shy Guy: I hope it's a fair fight... I'm tired of getting stomped on.

Piranha Plant: Ha ha ha- *cough cough*

Roy: Enough yapping, let's start the match!

Shy Guy: As official referee, I must insist that we follow protocol and ask  Larry for his prediction first!

Piranha Plant: Aww, I want to see some murde- I mean, fighting!

Roy: Well, it only takes a minute. Hey Larry, who do you- wha?

Larry is not in the announcer's box.

Shy Guy: ???

Piranha Plant: Gah! He's delaying the gor- I mean, match!

Larry comes back from the public restroom.

Larry: That was unnecessarily disgusting...

Piranha Plant: Ha ha ha- *cough cough*

Roy: Let's get this moving already! Larry, who's our winner?

Larry: According to the positions of the stars, and the numerology of each  competitor's name, and an advanced prediction method called the Eeny-Meeny Philosophy, I choose Mack!

Roy: ... Mack it is!

Piranha Plant: Whoa, I hope not! If Mack wins, I have to be the referee! Well, let's get this battle started!

Shy Guy: Not yet! I must now insist that the Tourist of the Week be recognized!

Bowser 52589 is sleeping in the announcer's box.

Roy: Okay! Lemmy says the Tourist of the Week is Bowser 52589!

Bowser 52589 snaps to attention.

Bowser 52589: Guh?

Roy: Hey buddy, way to go!

Bowser 52589: The sock-eating penguins are after me... zzz...

Piranha Plant: NOW can we get battling?

Shy Guy: I say... yes!

Piranha Plant: All right! This week, in the Red Corner, is our two-week champion, Mack, who likes to bring goonies to help him!

Mack: Fear me!

Piranha Plant: And in the Blue Corner is our new challenger, Jonathan "Johnny" Jones, who prefers to fight alone!

Johnny: Ha! I'm JOHNNY!

The audience is full of Mr. Game & Watches.

Mr. Game & Watches: BEEP!

Roy: That is, JOHNNY!

Piranha Plant: Good! Let the match begin!

Shy Guy: That's my line!

Piranha Plant glares, even though he has no eyes.

Shy Guy: Hey, the rules aren't everything... you can say it.

Piranha Plant: Go!

Johnny uses a Spear attack. Mack does not look impressed.

Johnny: Ha, I win!

Shy Guy: Well, according to-

Piranha Plant: Idiot! Keep battling!

Johnny stands around looking stupid. Mack uses Flame Wall.

Piranha Plant: Ha ha! Johnny is fried fish!

Roy: Is that even legal?

Shy Guy: Actually, yes! In a famous match of-

Piranha Plant: Shut up, I'm watching this!

When the flames clear, Johnny's spear is all melted and droopy. He throws it away into the audience.

Ten Mr. Game & Watches: BEEP BEep Beep beep...

Piranha Plant: Mass destruction makes me so happy...

Shy Guy: I think we owe those audience members reimbursement.

Roy: Hazard of the entertainment! Get on with the match!

With no weapon, Johnny stands around looking even stupider.

Mack: This is sad. Come on, attack me!

Shy Guy: The rules say a defensive strategy is allowed!

Roy: This is not defense! This is pathetic!

Piranha Plant: Come on Johnny, take a free hit!

Johnny does nothing. Piranha Plant sneaks up behind him and hits him towards Mack. Mack is tackled to the ground.

Shy Guy: Mack is down! One! Two!

Mack gets up, then falls forward, body slamming Johnny.

Shy Guy: Johnny is down! One! Two! Three! Mack is the winner!

Mr. Game & Watches: Honk!

Roy: Learn to talk! This match is over! Larry predicted right, so Bowser 52589 is safe!

Bowser 52589: Zzz...

Shy Guy: Yay! I don't have to be referee anymore!

Piranha Plant: Drat! Now I have to follow the rules!

Mack: Yeah, I'm the champ!

Roy: And all of you are still my slaves! Until next time, sports fans!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the boxing arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.