The referee:

The announcer:

***

Kamek: Welcome, welcome, to Roy's Boxing Arena! You are just in time to witness a very special event, as four contestants take to the ring! Oh, I can't control the excitement! Let's meet them, shall we? In the Red Corner, we won once, it's Firebar!

Firebar: ...

Kamek: In the Green Corner, an undefeated three-time champion, it's Mack!

Mack: I feel bouncy today!

Kamek: In the Yellow Corner, he won once, it's Dry Bones!

Dry Bones: Time... for revenge...

Kamek: In the Blue Corner, he's the current Champion, it's the Glum Reaper!

Glum Reaper: *sigh* Why do I even get out of bed?

Kamek: With us today is not Roy Koopa! That's because he's somewhere else in the stadium, preparing a special event for after this special event. Oh, what could it be?! Well, since he knew he would be absent, he handed Lemmy's envelope to Ellie Marie Koopa!

Ellie Marie Koopa: Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Lemmy touched this envelope! AHH!

Kamek: Please open the envelope.

Ellie Mario Koopa: But... but that would ruin Lemmy's work!

Kamek: ...

Ellie Marie Koopa: ...

Kamek: Boom Boom?

Boom Boom: On it!

Kamek: While Boom Boom tries to pry away the envelope so we can find out who the Tourist of the Week is, Larry, will you give your analysis please?

Larry: My guess is that Mack will win, because he's undefeated, and he also has the largest fan base in the audience.

Kamek: Boom Boom?

Boom Boom: ... Help.

Ellie Marie Koopa has Boom Boom in a headlock. But in the process, the envelope has ripped open.

Ellie Marie Koopa: ... I'll teach you to- NOO!!!

Boom Boom snatches the paper that fell out of the envelope.

Boom Boom: It says... Mist... Miz... oh, Misty Koopa!

Misty Koopa: Alright! Lemmy's the best!

Kamek: Glad we got that settled. Now it's time for the battle! Pokey?

Pokey: Fight.

Mack: Let's do this!

Glum Reaper: *sigh* Do I have to?

Dry Bones: Come here... pogo boy...

Firebar: ...

Glum Reaper: *sigh* Blizzard...

Firebar: Swoosh!

Kamek: Glum Reaper has cast an icy spell at Firebar, who managed to spin out of the way! Elsewhere in the ring, Dry Bones and Mack are having a confrontation of their own!

Dry Bones: Bone club...

Mack: Pogo Pound!

Dry Bones: Oof!

Kamek: Mack has avoided a bone and smashed Dry Bones! He's down and out!

Firebar: Swish!

Mack: *sniff sniff* What burns? Huh, huh? Oh, YOW!!!

Glum Reaper: *sigh* Deathsickle...

Kamek: Oh, here we go again! Glum Reaper is using his deadliest attack against Firebar! Woah, Firebar's fireballs have been scattered to the four corners! He's done!

Dry Bones: Boney Pile 'o Doom!!!

Glum Reaper: *si-* WOAHNOO!!!

Kamek: Dry Bones has suddenly come back to life and poured about a ton of bones on the Glum Reaper! It's between Mack and Dry Bones now!

Mack: Flame!

Dry Bones: Brace for Impact!

Kamek: Dry Bones is hit by a flame, but there appears to be no damage.

Dry Bones: Counter!

Mack: Mega Bounce!

Kamek: Dry Bones shoots out an energy ball, but Mack avoids it by bouncing high into the air.

Dry Bones: Bone Club!

Kamek: Dry Bones has tossed a bone at Mack. It's a hit! But it doesn't slow his descent- and he landed right on Dry Bones! That's right, Mack has landed on Dry Bones, and all the bones have scattered! Many of them flew right out of the ring... oh looks, here's the head! Hi Dry Bones' head!

Dry Bones: Could you... lend me... a hand?

Pokey: No. Stop.

Mack: Yeah, I bounced straight to victory!

Kamek: What an amazing battle! I haven't seen a battle like this since the plumber we all hate was a baby. But wait folks, don't leave now! Here's Roy with a special presentation.

Roy jumps into the ring.

Roy: It's really sad, but some people just never learn. First there was Crazy Packers Fan, then it was Lord Seth, and then, Dave Phaneuf. Now, someone else needs to learn what happens when you don't treat me right. Boom Boom!

The same Boom Boom from before drags a kicking and trying to scream Birdo into the ring. She's trying to scream but failing because, although she is not tied up or anything, there is big ol' cork stuck in her mouth.

Rachelle: Mmph mm MPH!

Roy: Touching. Rachelle, you are the first person who thought they could get away with doing whatever they want. I thought you might have learned, but since you didn't learn the easy way, you'll learn the hard way, through a match in the ring with me! Pokey?

Pokey: This isn't fair.

Roy: ... That's a long sentence for you, Pokey. Let's fight!

Kamek: Rachelle tries to claw at our magnificent champion, but Roy headrams her to the floor and gives her a left and a right and a left and a... no, another left and a... uh, this is getting a little too gruesome to show on public television. I'll see you next week, for another fantastic match! This is Kamek, signing off.

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.