The referee:

The announcer:

***

Buster Beetle: Fight now!

Amazing: Ok-

Mastadoom: Wait! We have to do all the preliminary stuff first.

Buster Beetle: Forget that stuff! It's my time to shine!

Fishbones: His shell is shiny...

Mastadoom: Why do I bother when I know we're doomed? Welcome, delayed though it may be, to Roy's Sports Hall. Tonight, like every week, two more of Mario's enemies will go head to head. Which one is doomed to fail? Let's find out. In the Red Corner, it may take a lot to doom him to the Great Beyond a second time, it's the one-week Champion, Fishbones.

Fishbones: Hey, has anyone seen my second rib? It seems to be missing.

Mastadoom: In the Blue Corner, he's eleven years closer to death, and I'd say he's doomed to fall to his death someday soon, it's the Challenger, Amazing Flying Hammer Brother.

Amazing: Don't you worry, my claws are deeply embedded in my platform.

Mastadoom: Larry, perhaps you can tell us which of these two fighters are doomed today.

Larry: Fishbones... yes, Fishbones will win.

Mastadoom: Any reason why?

Larry: Well... to be honest I didn't have time to do any research this week, so I just flipped a coin.

Mastadoom: Didn't you do that back in Season One's finale?

Larry: I was busy then too!

Mastadoom: Of course. Roy, please announce the Tourist of the Week.

Roy: The new Tourist of the Week is... ooh, he's back for more! It's Dave Phaneuf.

Dave Phaneuf: I'm not sure I like the sound of that...

Roy: Yeah, well I'm not sure I like the sound of your midis! Let's get this battle started.

Mastadoom: Right. Now, Buster, you may start the battle.

Buster Beetle: Buster Beetle! You must only call me Buster Beetle!

Mastadoom: Yes, your highness.

Buster Beetle: That's better. Now, are the fighters ready?

Fishbones: Wait, just let me get my-

Buster Beetle: Fight!

Amazing: Take this!

CRACK!

Buster Beetle: The Hammer Brother wins. Hooray.

Mastadoom: That was one quick battle. Amazing threw a hammer at Fishbones, who crumbled upon contact with it. While it's hard to say whether he is technically knocked out, he is certainly incapabable of battling.

Buster Beetle: That's right, so go home and tell Nintendo to put me in more games!

Audience: BOO!!!

Roy: What?! What do you want?

Chargin' Chuck: That battle is lame! We want a better battle... or else...

Roy: Ok ok! Fortunately I know some healing magic, so I'll bring Fishbones back to life... er, I mean death... er, well anyway, they'll battle again.

Buster Beetle: Hey, no way! I'm not paid to do two battles.

Mastadoom: You are if you want Nintendo to see you...

Buster Beetle: Let's do this!

Roy does some hocus pocus and somehow restores Fishbones.

Mastadoom: Looks like we're ready to start this again. Oh your highness!

Buster Beetle: I suppose that's a fair substitute, but you gotta say Buster Beetle at least half the time so everyone learns my name. Fighters ready?

Amazing: Wait, my hammer is stuck-

Buster Beetle: GO!

Fishbones: I got you this time. Boney Flop!

CRACK!

Buster Beetle: Hammer Man wins, now go home and call Nintendo! NINTENDO!!!

Mastadoom: This time Amazing couldn't attack because his hammer got wedged in his platform. Fishbones leaped out of the water at him but missed and hit his platform instead, crumbling instead. He loses.

Audience: BOO!!!

Roy: What now?

Sumo Brother: Give more, or else!

Roy: Alright alright, I'll revive Fishbones one more time, but that's it!

Roy does some more hocus pocus, reviving Fishbones.

Roy: Now you'd better fight for real!

Fishbones: I'm gonna win this time...

Amazing: Wait, my hammer is still-

Buster Beetle: Fight already, you losers!

Fishbones: Body Slam!

Amazing: Body Slam!

Mastadoom: Wow, we finally have some excitement. Fishbones is lunging at Amazing, who has abandoned his platform to jump into the air. They're about to collide...

CRACK!

Mastadoom: ... and Fishbones falls to pieces following the collision. Can't keep those bones together, can he?

Buster Beetle: Same winner, NOW GO HOME!!!

Audience: BOO!!!

Roy: WHAT NOW?!

Sledge Brother: We still want more action.

Roy: You want action? I'll give you action!

Dave Phaneuf: BlagidiblagadiblagadiAAG! End transmission! BlagidiblagadiblagadiAAG! End transmission! BlagidiblagadiblagadiAAG! End transmission! HEY! WHAT WAS THAT?!

Roy: Well, Fishbones did lose three times... End transmission already!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.