The referee:

The announcer:

***

The Arena come into view, and- wait, actually it doesn't because the lights are out. From out of the darkness we can hear Mastadoom's voice.

Mastadoom: Welcome back to Roy's Sports Hall. We seem to be having some technical difficulties, and it's a good thing I can speak loudly because the mic isn't working, and we'd be doomed for complete silence. As it is, we're doomed to see, or not see, I should say, a very unique battle, and I don't mean that in a good way. Now let's meet the fighters, though we can't see them. In or around the Red Corner, he spells doom H-A-M-M-E-R, it's the two-week Champion, Amazing Flying Hammer Brother!

This is the part where the named fighter usually says something, but we'll never know whether or not Amazing did because the mic he's wearing isn't working.

Mastadoom: Hopefully in the Blue Corner, he's eleven years closer to death, the Challenger, Sumo Brother!

Again, we can't hear anything the fighter may have said. Too bad, it was probably really interesting.

Mastadoom: And now, we go to Larry. With some luck he'll have a prediction for us, but probably not.

There is a pause; presumably Larry is giving an answer and some stupid reasons. Larry must be close enough to Mastadoom to talk to him but, regrettably, not near enough to the mic to be heard.

Mastadoom: Finally, we turn to Roy for the Tourist of the Week. Roy?

Roy: The tourist of the week is... Bowser 52589! Now get the lights fixed!

Probably Bowser 52589 says something right about now, but maybe not. Who knows? Not us, anyway.

Mastadoom: Yes, I'm aware this is kind of pointless. Furthermore, I don't know how the fighters are going to battle in the dark, but I suppose they'll manage. Ref, please start us off.

There is a long pause. Probably Buster Beetle is yelling at Mastadoom to say his full name for Nintendo, but the announcer is none the wiser for it. Finally, Buster Beetle must have told the fighters to start, because noises can be heard from the ring. *clang* *clang* *POOM* *clang* *clang* *clang* *POOM* *clang* *clomp* Ow!

Mastadoom: It sounds like someone got hurt! But who? I think we're doomed to never know who won this battle.

All of a sudden, the lights turn on! In the ring, Sumo Brother can be seen with six hammers around him, and one inconveniently stuck in his face. Amazing is flying overhead, as he so often does, and appears unharmed.

Amazing: Hey, I really am amazing! I can win even in the dark!

Buster Beetle: Did I say you won?! DID I?!

Mastadoom: Despite the ref's indecision, it would seem that Amazing Flying Hammer Brother has won his third week in a row, which means he is doomed to be the announcer. I would be sad for losing my position, but I've lived and died through so much that this is trivial. For Roy and everyone else here at the Boxing Arena, this is Mastadoom, signing off.

Meanwhile, in the stands...

Rocky Wrench Technician: You really did a number on the electrical system, Roy. You might really be taxing the system with your elecrocutions...

Roy: Ha! You're just saying that because you think I'm a bully. I'll just pull this switch and see what happens.

Roy pulls the switch, and a tiny arc of lightning strikes Bowser 52589.

Bowser 52589: Blag!

Then the lights go off again.

Roy: Say "I told you so" and you'll be seeing out the other side of your face.

Rocky Wrench: ... End transmission!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.