The referee:

The announcer:

***

Mack: Welcome back to Roy's Sports Hall! We've opened season two with a bang-

Guest256: You cheated! Porcupos are strong against blocks, and they can regrow their quills within seconds! And furthermore-

Roy: SECURITY!!!

The Boom Booms come and drag Guest256 away.

Mack: Looks like this battle is off with a bang as well. Let's go ahead and meet the fighters. The Champion, returning from last week whether he cheated or not, is Buster Beetle!

Buster Beetle: With my victory tonight, I will ensure that Nintendo remembers how great I am!

Mack: The Challenger, who can bounce a little, appeared way back in Mario 1. It's Paratroopa!

Paratroopa: Oh, I just hope I come out of this alive...

Buster Beetle: I must destroy the enemy!

Paratroopa: Who, me?

Mack: Here is Larry Koopa, with his prediction on who will bounce the highest.

Larry: Um, well I think Paratroopa will bounce the highest, but I'm supposed to go with who I think will win. I think that Paratroopa, with its flying ability, will start with the upper hand. However, one rock to its back will cause it to lose its wings, and then the battle will go to Buster.

Mack: And now, it's the guy who can bounce higher than anyone (except me), the one who will put his fist in your face if you don't agree with him, give it all up to Roy!

Roy: They already did, through the ticket price.

Mack: Whoops, my mistake.

Roy: The Tourist of the Week is... Videogamerpat!

Videogamerpat: Great! Hey, thanks to me, you can now let Mario RPG enemies into the ring!

Roy: Sure, whatever.

Mack: Enough stalling! Let's bounce over to Piranha Plant, our referee tonight, who will get this battle started.

Piranha Plant: My, you sure look tasty...

Paratroopa: How awful!

Piranha Plant: Whoops, sorry. I haven't had any meat for a while.

Buster Beetle: Don't worry. After the battle, you can eat his carcass.

Paratroopa: No! I'm scared!

Buster Beetle: Makes it easier for me.

Piranha Plant: Ok ok, enough pre-battle threats, they're just making me hungrier. Go ahead and fight!

Buster Beetle: Rock throw!

Mack: Buster starts it off with his classic rock throw attack. His aim is true; Paratroopa will be smacked if he doesn't do something!

Paratroopa: Wing Slap!

Mack: Paratroopa flaps his wings with such great force that the rock gets knocked right back at Buster!

Buster Beetle: Ow! Uh oh, that's gonna ruin my reputation!

Paratroopa: Maybe I have a chance after all. Air Bomb!

Mack: Paratroopa shoots himself at Buster! Buster bounces out of the way, but Paratroopa creates so much wind that he gets blown over anyway. He's on his back, kicking furiously.

Buster Beetle: Oh no! I can't get up!

Piranha Plant: Do you give up?

Buster Beetle: No! Never! My reputation is at stake!

Piranha Plant: Ok, but I can't help it if Paratroopa does a really strong move right now.

Paratroopa: Alright, I will! Ultimate Paratroopa attack, Shell Slam!

Mack: Woah, Paratroopa is throwing his whole shell into it this time, flying at incredible speeds towards Buster! But at the last minute Buster jumps out of the way! This is amazing! Buster has dodged Paratroopa's Shell Slam, and Paratroopa's shell has fallen to ash!

Paratroopa: Wh- what happened?

Buster Beetle: I knew a wimp like you would give it your strongest when I was down, so I only pretended that I couldn't get up. Now that you're a Shelless Koopa, you're toast!

Paratroopa: No! Please!

Buster Beetle: I will destroy you!

Piranha Plant: This could get ugly...

Buster Beetle: Shell Toss!

Mack: Buster takes off his shell and... throws it into the crowd behind him? What was that?

Paratroopa: I'm... I'm still alive!

Buster Beetle: I will show Nintendo that I don't need a shell to beat you. Come on!

Paratroopa: What? What do you want from me?

Buster Beetle: This is a Boxing Arena after all. Forget the weapons. Let's box!

Paratroopa: I guess I have no choice...

Buster Beetle: I'm glad you see it my way!

Mack: Amazing! They're actually going to box! I just bounced into the roof in excitement! Well, they're going after each other, throwing punches, but deflecting them as well. Buzzy Beetle seems to have the upper hand, as Paratroopa is slowly but steadily losing ground to him. Woah, but that strong uppercut turns it completely around! Buster is down!

Paratroopa: Did I do that?

Buster Beetle: Argh! You're not supposed to win!

Paratroopa: Sorry...

Piranha Plant: Well, if they're gonna box... five... six... seven... eight...

Buster Beetle: I'm up! Ha, not even a lucky shot will keep me down. Now you will suffer my secret attack, Fury Cutter.

Paratroopa: Save me!

Mack: Buster Beetle dives at Paratroopa, swiping at him with the... claws I didn't know he had. I guess it really is a secret attack. Without the protection of his shell, this could be it for Paratroopa! Wait, the attack has ended... and Paratroopa is ok! He avoided the attack!

Paratroopa: Uh... tada?

Buster Beetle: I tire of this. I'll finish you with a rock now.

Paratroopa: But you said no weapons!

Buster Beetle: Tough. Hey- where are the rocks?! Grr, I'll just have to do this instead.

Piranha Plant: Hey, you can't do this! Put me down!

Mack: Buster Beetle has picked up the ref, and throws him at Paratroopa! It's a direct hit, and both the Challenger and the referee are knocked out! Buster Beetle wins again!

Buster Beetle: Hear me, Nintendo! I am Buster Beetle, and I am the strongest character of all time! You will put me in another game!

Mack: What an amazing battle! Buster Beetle will be back next week... and I hope he doesn't win, or my announcing days are over. Uh oh, that's not good...

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.