The referee:

The announcer:

***

Audience: POKEY!!! POKEY!!! POKEY!!!

Kamek: Hi.

Audience: ... BOO!!!

Kamek: Pokey is sick tonight, so I'll be announcing. And no, I didn't do anything to him.

M. Bush: That's not exactly true, I saw you-

Kamek: SHUT UP!!!

...

Kamek: Er, let's meet the fighters, shall we? In the Red Corner, the Master of Talk, this week's Champion, it's-

Amazing: Look! It's Pokey! Amazing!

Pokey: Hi.

Audience: POKEY!!! POKEY!!! POKEY!!!

Kamek: P-P-P-Pokey?! What in the, how did, I mean, you're late! What's your excuse?

Pokey: My car shrunk.

Kamek: Oh, too bad, so sad! ... Er, I mean, darn, that's really bad luck. So, uh, how did you get here then?

Pokey: Fan gave me a ride.

Behind Pokey, in the stands, is a female Panser with hearts in her eyes.

Kamek: DARN IT!!! ... Uh, I mean, glad you could make it... but since I'm already announcing...

Audience: GET HIM!!!

The audience rises as one.

Kamek: Ack! Ok ok, you can announce. Idiots. Amazing, get lost, I'm reffing.

Amazing: Oh, I lost!

Mario: Hey! Only-a I can-a say that!

Roy: Aw, shaddap! We'll never get started!

Pokey: In the Red Corner, Morton.

Morton: I am the great, terrific, awesome, incredible Morton Koopa, Jr., son of Bowser, ruler of Desert Land,
emperor of Donut Plains, master-

Pokey: Hush.

Morton: K, again.

Pokey: In the Blue Corner, Heavy Troopa.

Heavy Troopa: Remember, I'm big boned! And I have a glandular problem.

Pokey: Larry.

Larry: Well, I'm going to have to go with Heavy Troopa. He's so huge, he's going to be very hard to knock out. I can't imagine how Morton would do it by talking. The best he'd do is put Heavy Troopa to sleep, but he'd still have to find a way to knock him out.

Pokey: Roy.

Roy: This time, the Tourist of the Week is... Kic... Kickle... Kickle Cubicle?

Kickle Cubicle: That's me!

Roy: Good. Strap him down!

The Boom Booms approach.

Kickle Cubicle: Oh, I lost!

Mario: HEY!!!

Roy: Get on with it.

Pokey: Comic.

...

Pokey: A joke. Kamek, the comic.

Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (or some similar kind of laughter)

Kamek: Oh come on! That's about as funny as a brick!

Mario: A brick! Hahaha!

Kamek: ... Idiot. Did he fall on his head when I missed him? Anyway, Morton, Heavy Troopa, anything goes tonight, because I'm too upset to care about any rules.

Amazing: Then you should have let me ref!

Kamek: SHUT UP!!! ... Ahem, what I meant to say was-

Mario: Woohoo!

Kamek: YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!!! No, wait, that's not what I said! I said, uh, you're... all... id... i... ums! Yeah, you're all idiums.

Pokey: Fight.

Kamek: NO, THAT'S MY JOB!!! FIGHT NOW!!! HAHAHA!!! FIGHT!!! WOOHOO!!!

Morton: ... Ok, this is disturbing. I can't fight under these conditions.

Heavy Troopa: Too bad, because I can! Body Slam!

Morton: Yow! That hurt! It stings! I'm in pain! I'm wounded! I'm injured! Oh, what a world!

Pokey: Morton is hit by a Body Slam.

Kamek: Not like that! Like this! OH-

SCZ...

Kamek: What the? The lights went out!

Pokey: Darkness...

Amazing: This ought to be an amazing fight in the dark!

Roy: Oh great! Is there an electrician in the house?

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Roy: ... Why not, you've been everything else. Come on down to the power box and see what you can do.

Two minutes later...

Mario: I'll-a just cut this-a green wire and-

BOOM!!!

Mario: Oh, I lost!

Roy: MARIO!!! That's it, I'm going out to get some candles.

Fifty-five minutes later...

Every member in the audience is holding a candle. Kamek is looking particularily brilliant as he is using his wand to produce more light... yet, the audience does not seem impressed.

Audience Member: Hey Kamek, shine that light on Pokey!

Kamek: NO!!!

Roy: Ok, everyone in the first row has to lean out towards the ring, so we can see what's going on in there.

First Row Members: We don't want to!

Roy: That's interesting, because my fists say otherwise!

Roy knocks out a Koopa in the front row. The others take the hint and lean forward to illuminate the ring.

Audience: *gasp*

Amazing: This is incredible!

Pokey: Wow.

Kamek: Is that all you have to say about this?!

Pokey: Yes.

Kamek: ... Each day I want to kill you a little more.

In the ring is Heavy Troopa's empty shell. Heavy Troopa himself is nowhere to be seen. Morton is napping in the middle of the ring.

Pokey: Wake Morton, Kamek.

Kamek: Ha! I want to see you do it!

Pokey: Audience.

Audience: WAKE UP, MORTON!!!

Morton: AHH! What's going on? Who turned off the lights? Then who turned them on? Did you know that children don't understand what "part of this complete balanced breakfast" means?

Pokey: What happened to Heavy Troopa?

Morton: Oh, yeah, when the lights turned off, it was kinda boring, so I stomped Heavy Troopa, squished him flat, and walked all over his shell, and then eventually he popped out, went soaring, flew far away, but you couldn't see because the lights were off, and it was dark, way too dark to see anything, which I guess is why you got those candles, since Mario destroyed the power box, and now we'll probably have to use candles for ever, but at least I won because I stomped Hea-

Pokey: Hush. Morton wins.

Morton: Yay! Alright! Ok! I would even say woohoo, but I don't want to sound like Mario.

Mario: No-a one else can-a say "woohoo" now!

Roy: Great. Now, since the power is out, I can't give Kickle the chair.

Kickle Cubicle: Whew!

Roy: I have a different method in mind.

Kickle Cubicle: Darn!

Roy: I'm gonna sick all my Boom Booms, on Cybertoy00!

Kickle Cubicle: NO!!! ... Oh, wait... I guess that's ok.

Roy: Right, then Boom Booms, att-

Cybertoy00: Wait, what is this for?

Roy: Oh, I dunno, maybe because you launched me into Magma Mountain?!

Cybertoy00: Oh, uh, yeah, well, about that, I'm a robot, and I was programmed to do it, so it's not my fault.

Roy: A touching story. Scrap 'im!

Smack! Punch! Bop! Other offensive noises!

Cybertoy00: Oh, I lost!

Mario: STOP SAYING THAT!!!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.