The referee:

The announcer:

***

The camera zooms in on the announcer's booth but is waved to the side by Mastadoom, who is standing outside the box.

Mastadoom: Evening, and welcome to Roy's Sports Hall. I'm your announcer for tonight, Mastadoom, and-

Buster Beetle: I'm the announcer! Me! And I'll continue to be until Nintendo recognizes me! NINTENDO!!! So shut up and give me that microphone.

Mastadoom: You're doomed to remain in your current situation unless you leave the booth and grab the mic.

Buster Beetle: I will never leave the booth! NEVER!!! Not until Nintendo hears my cries!

Mastadoom: That could take quite a while without a mic. Moving right along, we have a fight between two aquatic creatures tonight. One of them is doomed to fall, but we're doomed to witness a good fight. In the Red Corner, he's fourteen years closer to death than when he was born, it's Blooper.

Blooper: Fourteen years closer to- Hey!

Mastadoom: And in the Blue Corner, he's eighteen years closer to death, it's Cheep Cheep.

Cheep Cheep: I may be older than my opponent, but thanks to tonight, he's the one that's closer to death.

Mastadoom: We shall soon see who is doomed, but first we go to Larry for his analysis of who will die tonight. Larry?

Larry: Well, I don't think anyone is going to die tonight-

In the audience, Koopa Koot (who is many, many years closer to death) suddenly falls over.

Larry: -but I expect Blooper to win. I think he has more abilities at his disposal, and he's pretty clever. Oughta be a good fight though.

Mastadoom: We shall see. First we go to Roy for the announcement of the Tourist of the Week.

Roy: Don't worry everyone, I made sure something was in the envelope this time. The Tourist of the Week is... Koshi!

Koshi: So if you got a four-chain, then a 10-combo, and then sang "Here's to the Chief", how many panels would you have left in play?

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep.

Koshi: Wow, you got it right!

Roy: Uh... yeah. Mastadoom?

Mastadoom: Right. Let's start the battle... Uh oh... I think we're all doomed. Buster?

Buster Beetle: Say my full name so that Nintendo learns who I am!

Mastadoom: If I do, will you start the battle?

Buster Beetle: Oh, alright.

Mastadoom: I take it back, we are doomed. Buster Beetle?

Buster Beetle: Say it again.

Blooper: Start the battle already!

Buster Beetle: Ok ok, keep your shells on.

Cheep Cheep: We don't have shells, silly!

Buster Beetle: ... Idiot. Just go already!

Cheep Cheep: Fine by me!

Blooper: Ink blast!

Mastadoom: Blooper starts off the battle with a blast of ink, but Cheep Cheep isn't doomed yet as the ink bounces off his goggles.

Blooper: Darn! I made another mistake!

Cheep Cheep: Haha! What's the count up to?

Blooper: I was supposed to count? D'oh! I made another one!

Cheep Cheep: Belly Flop!

Mastadoom: While Blooper is preoccupied, Cheep Cheep causes the first damage of the battle by landing on his head! I don't think he's doomed just yet though.

Cheep Cheep: No?

Blooper: I think I just goofed up, but not this time. Let's see now...

Cheep Cheep: Gang Up!

Mastadoom: Cheep Cheep is rushing Blooper, but he bounces off after taking damage! Looks like Blooper has become electrified!

Cheep Cheep: That's a cheap move!

Blooper: No, Gang Up was a Cheep move!

Cheep Cheep: Not funny. I forgot, I'm the only Cheep Cheep here.

Blooper: Super Charge!

Cheep Cheep: Oh no!

Mastadoom: Cheep Cheep is covering his face with his fins, apparently waiting for an otherwise fatal attack, but Blooper's just sitting there.

Cheep Cheep: Huh? Hey, did you make a mistake or something? ... Oh well, I guess I have time to figure out what I'll use next. Let's see... not Squirt, and not Tidal Wave either. Maybe-

Blooper: TENTACLES!

Cheep Cheep: No, not that.

SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

Cheep Cheep: Ow... My fin... and my eye... and my tail... and my other fin... and my head... and everything else.

Mastadoom: Doomed! That's what Cheep Cheep is following Blooper's powerful six part attack. Now all we need is for... Buster Beetle to end the battle.

Buster Beetle: It was over before it started.

Blooper: I won? I- I won! Me! I did it! I didn't goose up! I didn't... goose? Oh, I made an error...

Mastadoom: So, it turns out that Cheep Cheep was doomed all along, but not Koshi. He gets away safely.

Koshi: Ha! I bet you don't know how many coins are in "The Impossible Maze?"!

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep.

Koshi: On a Tuesday.

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep.

Koshi: I can't believe you got that! How do you know so much?

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep.

Koshi: Hey, that's cheating!

Mastadoom: For all of us here at Roy's Boxing Arena, may death come swiftly.

Buster Beetle: Wait! Don't turn off that camera! NINTENDO! HEAR ME!!! You must realize how strong I am! You must- Wait, no!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.