The Mushroom Games

Episode Six

By Crazy Packers Fan

Crazy Packers Fan: Weíre back here for another episode of the Mushroom Games. Itís really heating up here, with three teams tied for first place and the other three knowing that their team could go if they arenít in fifth after today.

Tony: Get on with the challenge!

Crazy Packers Fan: Todayís is like no other.

Everyone groans on cue.

Crazy Packers Fan: Today youíll be destroying Marioís enemies. But a different type of Marioís enemies, I
must add.

Roy: What? That makes no sense!

Crazy Packers Fan: Any character who rivals Mario, such as Link or a Pokémon, or a non-Nintendo character
must be captured by your team and brought back to me. At the end of one hour, whoeverís captured the most wins!

Tony: Thatís simple! Must they be alive?

Crazy Packers Fan: Preferably.

Tony: There goes half the fun. Letís go!

Crazy Packers Fan: Remember this is huge for every team today! Ready, get set, go!

Hammer Brothers

Tony: I love this job! We just simply destroy any character we donít like on sight!

Sledgy: It canít be THAT easy, can it?

Hammer: What do you think?

Fiery: I think weíre in good shape being that the Packers won.

Boomer: He will be merciful on us! Letís see those enemies pour in!

Link appears dead ahead.

Tony: Is this deja vu or did Link appear like this before?

Hammer: No, this never happened before. He wouldnít have been dead.

Tony: Get him!

The Hammer Brothers toss all hammers at the imbecile who makes money from being a moron. Link shrugs them off, causing a chase scene.

Tony: Get him again!

Hammer launches a long-range hammer and nails Link on the head.

Link: I quit!

Tony: Weíve got one! Now letís go get some more!

Fiery: This is too easy! Somethingís wrong!

Boomeranger: I donít care if somethingís wrong, letís just take the points and run!

Boomer: Hold on. Should we bring back Link now or wait until later?

Hammer: Now.

Tony: Later.

Hammerer: As I thought.

Sledgy: Look, itís Samus!

Tony: Another non-Mario loser! Letís get her too!

Hammer: Uh, donít you think it will hurt to try to pierce that metal?

Tony: Donít be ridiculous! Letís jump on her!

All eight jump on Samus, and all eight bounce off.

Hammer: I told you so.

Tony: I donít want any more of that out of you! Remember, being one of the Soprano Sledges means that you are absolutely loyal to all of us!

Hammer: Loyalty? I just want the money!

Tony: You must learn from the experienced ones. Take Sledgy here. Heís one of the heaviest hitters of all!
You run into him in a back street in Dark Land, and you wonít run again! But when it comes to anyone in our family in trouble, Sledgy is the first to defend them and help them. We are loyal to each other! You wonít ever become good at anything if you donít learn now!

Hammer: Iíll learn in time!

Tony: Learn in time... there goes Samus!

Hammerer: Stop her!

Boomer: What about a fiery boomerang?

The fiery boomerang bounces off Samus and comes right back at the still yelling at Hammer Tony.

Tony: YEOW!!! Who did this?!

Hammerer: It was Boomer!

Boomer: It was Fieryís idea!

Fiery: It was Boomer who threw it!

Tony: Iíll let you go this time, but-

Hammer: Our air time is almost up!

Boomeranger: Air time?

Hammer: We only get a little bit of time to be watched on screen!

Sledgy: Why show us doing nothing? They ought to change to another team!

Stupid Cameraman: Very well then.

Interview Imbeciles

DK: Diddy Kong related to DK!

Snifit: Too bad.

Spike Top: Diddy Kong ainít a Mario character, so capture him!

DK: Diddy, come with DK for some bananas!

Diddy: Okay!

Millennium Star: Ha ha ha! It shouldnít be that easy! Run away from us, Diddy, so we must capture you the
hard way!

Diddy: Okay!

Angry Sun: YOU JERK!!!

Millennium Star: Ha ha ha! Now get him!

Albatoss: Iím getting tired of flying! Iíd rather just sit around and do nothing!

Snifit: Oh no. Weíre not just quitting like some other people. Weíre going to go out there and capture some
of these morons running around! Take that Crash guy, for example. With a moron in a Crash suit, we can grab him with no trouble at all!

Metal Mario: Iíll get him!

Metal Mario grabs the Crash guy.

Spike Top: Hey, itís Stupid Cameraman in disguise!

Millennium Star: Ha ha ha! Let him go! Then we can have a real challenge!

Metal Mario drops the Crash guy and the Crash guy runs away.

Angry Sun: YOU JERK!!!

Snifit: Do things seem to be following a pattern?

Lava Lotus: I havenít spoken yet. GET SOMEONE!!!

DK: Diddy and Crash guy get away! DK want to get someone!

Lava Lotus: Grab anyone you see and letís go back to Crazy Packers Fan!

At Crazy Packers Fan...

Crazy Packers Fan: DK has Snifit, Metal Mario has Lava Lotus, Albatoss has Spike Top, and the Angry Sun has the Millennium Star? Get non-Mario characters or get out of the game!!!

Lava Lotus: That wasnít what I meant...

Millennium Star: Ha ha ha! That was fun! Letís do it again!

Spike Top: Kill that stupid star right now!

Snifit: Weíre going to lose and fall out of first place!

Metal Mario: Thatís not the important part. Weíll be stuck with this loser Millennium Star if we donít get rid of him now!

DK: DK still mad about losing Diddy!

Angry Sun: WHO CARES ABOUT DIDDY?!

Albatoss: Letís first try to capture one of these losers running around. What about that Spyro dragon?

Spike Top pierces its wings with his spike, and the spiked Buzzy Beetle collects the dragon and brings him
to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Youíve got one, and your air time is done.

Kool Koopas

Ludwig: This canít possibly be that hard.

Roy: How come there arenít any running around? Thereís only one I see that isnít from a Mario game, and
thatís that pink ball over there.

Lemmy: You mean... Kirby?

Roy: Thatís him. Get him!

Iggy grabs Kirby, but Kirby swallows Iggy and spits him out, giving Kirby messed-up-looking glasses.

Roy: What a loser! He looks so dumb with those glasses on!

Iggy: Come on, go get him!

Bowser: I will!

Bowser trips and Kirby swallows him and spits him out, gaining spikes and the ability to breathe fire, right in Bowserís face!

Bowser: Stupid pink fuzzball! Iíll kill it!

Larry: First capture it!

Wendy: Would you hurry up already?

Susan: Iíll get it! These others are so incompetent!

Susan grabs Kirby and ties him up.

Susan: Now letís go get some more!

Ludwig: There ainít any more!

Lemmy: This is pathetic!

Roy: Thereís hundreds of characters running around, but look... Sumo Brother, Panser, Buzzy Beetle, Kuriboís Goomba, Thwomp, Flurry, Porcupo, Charginí Chuck, Captain Falcon- Captain Falcon?! Hey, wait!
Come back here, Falcon! We need another capture, and youíd be great! Oh, come on back!

Lemmy: Not going to work, Roy.

Roy: Iíll try harder. Hey, Captain Moron! Come over here!

Larry: Grab him as he runs by!

Roy grabs a Hot Foot instead.

Roy: YEOW!!! This is all your fault, Larry!

Larry: What did I do?

Lemmy: Here comes Falcon! Throw that rope at him!

Larry instead throws the tied-up Kirby.

Lemmy: There goes Kirby, and Falcon too!

Iggy: Is it me, or is this challenge not going our way?

Bowser: Iíll grab everyone in sight to prove that Iím a good competitor!

Bowser ends up grabbing all the Koopalings and Susan, even Morton somehow.

Bowser: Iíve got eight! Now Iíll go bring these eight imbeciles to Crazy Packers Fan!

At Crazy Packers Fan...

Crazy Packers Fan: These are your teammates and Morton! Go back and try again!

Bowser: Rats!

Roy: That didnít work either.

Ludwig: Why not?

Roy: Because weíre Mario characters!

Ludwig: Oh.

Lemmy: Letís go home!

Larry: Home?

Lemmy: Weíd catch more back there!

Larry: Good idea. Letís go!

Iggy: Wait! What about the challenge?

Lemmy and Larry: What challenge?

Iggy: I donít know either. Letís go!

Wendy: Where are those three going?

Susan: Just let them go! Weíll be better without them.

Roy: Come on, Dad! We need your help too!

Bowser: I tried already. My time is done.

Ludwig: Letís just quit like the Pitiful Piranhas always do!

Roy: Good idea!

Wendy: Why not?

Susan: I agree, for once.

Mario Morons

Luigi: Whyís-a Mario-a not-a here-a?

Daisy: Good thing he isnít, but now I wish Peach WASNíT!!! I CANíT TAKE HAVING HER AROUND!!!

Peach: What did I do?

Waluigi: Donít say that! That scares me!

Wario: Letís get going!

Yoshi: Where?

Wario: Letís just go somewhere!

Yoshi: Yoshi will eat up enemies!

Yoshi slurps up a fox.

Wario: Hey, thatís that loser Fox with the gun and all that! Now we need to get some more!

Yoshi slurps up a little boy.

Wario: Hey, thatís that loser Ness who has a yo-yo and all that!

Toad: I donít care about that stupid challenge! I just want the money and thatís all!

The King: Hey, am I part of this?

Luigi: I-a wanna go-a home-a!

Daisy: Whatís this sudden obsession with going home?! Why is everyone saying ďI wanna go home!Ē?! Letís win and then go home!

Peach: Why go home?

Daisy: Because... I donít talk to you!

Waluigi: Donít scare me anymore! I give up! I surrender! Just end your scaring of me right now!

Wario: Letís bring these to Crazy Packers Fan!

At Crazy Packers Fan...

Crazy Packers Fan: Two?! Thatís good enough for first place right now!

Wario: First place?! Whatís going on?!

Super Koopas

Smash: I donít know why I hear everyone else complaining, because thereís tons of characters here, even if they are... Pokémon.

The Mario Surfer: Whatís the significance of this one?

Misty: Oh, thatís Mewtwo! Mewtwo has psychic powers, enough to-

WHAM!!!

Misty: - pick you up and throw you across a room, or a stadium.

Lord Seth: This is probably the easiest challenge Iíve ever seen! I got one of those caterpillars, and that
counts as one!

Misty: By the way, that little Weedle can... shoot out lots of poison.

Lord Seth: Itís a fine time to tell me that now!

Misty: It obviously didnít poison you, because you would have fallen over dead by now. Watch out for that-

Rachelle: Why donít you go grab one instead of telling us about them?

Misty: Because theyíre too powerful just to go out there and grab! You need to use-

Richard: Iím not stepping to the low level of throwing balls at monsters. Youíd never see me do that.

Washu: Why waste your time trying to do that when you can just tie one up?

Misty: Theyíre too-

Washu: I heard. But if they are too powerful, then how will a ball catch them?

Misty: This ball has a lot of-

Rachelle: Power. We know. So throw one!

Misty throws one and somehow catches one.

Misty: Itís so easy!

Smash: Let me try. I donít think itíll work.

Misty: It doesnít work every time.

Sandslash: And none will work on me!

Misty: Most of the time you canít- one of them just talked.

The Mario Surfer: He said heíd be back for revenge!

Sandslash: Give me that poor Pokémon!

Sandslash takes the ball off Misty.

Sandslash: Now you will all pay! Get them!

All 251 or however many there are supposed to be go after the Super Koopas.

Misty: That was a Sandslash, a ground type-

Washu: THAT WAS OUR OLD TEAMMATE!!! He wants revenge!

Husky: Arf!!! Arf!!!

Lord Seth: Why are you all so scared? This isnít that hard, from the way Misty showed us!

Misty: But... We donít have the right equipment to catch them!

As the 251 are about to chase them into a wall, the Hammer Brothers appear and knock down half of them
with their weapons and scare the rest away.

Tony: Now take as many as you can get!

Hammer: Weíll easily win now!

Misty: Now thatís cheap! We do the hard work and they win!

Lord Seth: Not quite. They left three of them right here. Letís go to Crazy Packers Fan.

But first...

Pitiful Piranhas

Ptooie: Come on, donít quit!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Last time we quit, we won!

Lava Piranha: Iím even quitting!

Ptooie: Fine, then, I give up. I quit too.

At Crazy Packers Fan...

Crazy Packers Fan: Timeís up! Hereís todayís final standings:

1st: Hammer Brothers
2nd: Super Koopas
3rd: Mario Morons
4th: Interview Imbeciles
5th: Kool Koopas
6th: Pitiful Piranhas

Crazy Packers Fan: So adding todayís scores to last weekís scores...

Hammer Brothers: 160 + 50 = 210
Interview Imbeciles: 160 + 25 = 185
Kool Koopas: 160 + 20 = 180
Mario Morons: 140 + 30 = 170
Super Koopas: 135 + 40 = 175
Pitiful Piranhas: 110 + 15 = 125

Crazy Packers Fan: Which leaves the standings after six episodes...

Hammer Brothers: 210
Interview Imbeciles: 185
Kool Koopas: 180
Super Koopas: 175
Mario Morons: 170
Pitiful Piranhas: 125

Crazy Packers Fan: And that means the Pitiful Piranhas have to go... you get 80 coins in all, for 10 coins each. So take them and so long!

Ptooie: I knew we shouldnít have quit!

Crazy Packers Fan: So the final five teams are very close, especially from second through fifth! Here they
are, again...

Hammer Brothers: 210
Interview Imbeciles: 185
Kool Koopas: 180
Super Koopas: 175
Mario Morons: 170

Crazy Packers Fan: So join us next time as we get rid of another team and get closer and closer to the finish on the Mushroom Games!

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.