CRAZY PACKERS FAN interviews LUIGI
 
By Crazy Packers Fan

Crazy Packers Fan: Today weíre here with the other plumber, Marioís brother, star of Mario is Missing,
future star of Luigiís Mansion, uh, whatís his name again?

Luigi: You-a have to-a insult me.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, Italian man, whatís this whole Luigiís Mansion game about?

Luigi: I-a win-a mansion from-a winning-a contest. Ghosts-a live in-a my mansion, and I-a must-a capture them.

Crazy Packers Fan: Please refrain from speaking stupidly and drop the vernacular.

Luigi: Vernacular? Luigi wanna win a mansion.

Crazy Packers Fan: You won it already, moron! Why donít you remember things easily?

Luigi: I-a have-a short term memory.

Crazy Packers Fan: No memory is more like it. How does it feel to star in the first ďMarioĒ game on the
GameCube?

Luigi: Luigi-a feel all-a the excitement. Itís-a good for-a me.

Crazy Packers Fan: How is it to always be in your brotherís shadow?

Luigi: Itís-a not what-a everyone thinks. Heís a moron, and most-a of the time he-a just-a acts like a moron and I-a donít have to-a be in his shadow. Although it-a does-a bother me to not have a name...

Crazy Packers Fan: Who is this professor guy in Luigiís Mansion?

Luigi: Heís a professor.

Crazy Packers Fan: Please tell me more before I have to take appropriate action.

Luigi: He-a helps me get a vacuum and a flashlight. He-a helps-a upgrade me.

Crazy Packers Fan: Does this action excite you?

Luigi: Luigi-a love it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Do you think this game will bomb like Mario is Missing or strike it rich like Super Mario RPG?

Luigi: It-a all depends on-a strategy and-a marketing.

Crazy Packers Fan: The game itself, not its sales!

Luigi: It-a should-a be good, because-a Iím-a in it!

Crazy Packers Fan: I donít like your broken English!

Luigi: Neither do-a I!

Crazy Packers Fan: On a completely different note, have you done much lately in the Mario games while
unseen?

Luigi: I-a have-a helped out in Paper Mario by reading Marioís-a stats, then-a sending those-a stats to
Bowser to help-a him prepare for-a battle.

Crazy Packers Fan: You helped Bowser?!

Luigi: Of-a course. Why-a wouldnít I? I-a need some sort of publicity.

Crazy Packers Fan: So youíre on Bowserís side?!

Luigi: When-a unseen. I-a will help him if-a I-a donít get a leading role, or-a any role at all. In-a Super
Mario 64, I-a helped Bowsa prepare the end-a of that game with-a many things.

Crazy Packers Fan: This is unbelievable! Luigi helps out Bowser!

Luigi: But-a only-a since Super Mario 64.

Crazy Packers Fan: Wow! This is shocking! Now, on a different note, who is the final boss of Luigiís Mansion?

Luigi: I-a canít say.

Crazy Packers Fan: Why-a not?

Luigi: Because-a that would-a give away the big secret and surprise at the end!

Crazy Packers Fan: What-a secret?

Luigi: That-a boss at the end, I-a tell ya!

Crazy Packers Fan: Just-a tell me, who-a is it?

Luigi: I donít remember?

Crazy Packers Fan: You-a donít remember?

Luigi: No. In fact, I donít even remember if I fought a final boss battle.

Crazy Packers Fan: So you-a donít even fight a final boss battle?

Luigi: Oh, no. Itís not that I donít, itís that I do but I just canít remember.

Crazy Packers Fan: So-a, hey, wait a minute, we seemed to have switched accents! So-a quickly they can
change!

Luigi: Yeah, so they can!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, are the Koopalings in the game?

(Luigi gives Crazy Packers Fan that ďwhy did you askĒ stare.)

Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, right. Why would anyone expect them? So, are you in Super Smash Bros. Melee?

Luigi: Of-a course. I hope.

Crazy Packers Fan: You hope?! All right, tell me the truth.

Luigi: Of course! If I was in the first, Iíd certainly be in the second! I donít know what youíre thinking, that Iím not in that game! Of course Iím in it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Right. Now, what is your favorite of all those Mario things to do? You know, like Party,
Kart, Golf, Tennis?

Luigi: Tennis. Daisyís-a there, and Iím-a pretty good character to pick!

Crazy Packers Fan: You and Daisy, is there-

(Luigi gives Crazy Packers Fan another one of those ďwhy did you askĒ looks.)

Crazy Packers Fan: I really donít have to ask that either. If I asked Daisy-

(Luigi gives another look.)

Crazy Packers Fan: I better get off this subject. Letís have some audience participation! You, in seat 3!

Daisy: So, you traitor, too afraid to admit our relationship in public! Do you want to end it right now?! You know what I can do, donít you, Luigi?! DONíT YOU, LUIGI?!

Luigi: *sigh*

Crazy Packers Fan: You, in seat 42!

Waluigi: Why donít you-a like me?

Luigi: Because-a youíre ugly! And, because Nintendo put it in the script. Thatís why.

Crazy Packers Fan: An important question here: Your popularity is rising, ever since the ďLuigi fan revoltĒ of Super Mario 64 to Mario Tennis and Luigiís Mansion, both featuring you more and more. Could you possibly become an entity separate from Mario, like Donkey Kong split off the Mario franchise, or will you be chained to him forever?

Luigi: Knowing Nintendo, probably chained to him forever.

Crazy Packers Fan: All right. Well, Roy, I give you permission to smash up Luigi.

Roy: No, I donít want to beat up on poor Luigi.

Crazy Packers Fan: This is heart-touching! After Mario 3, Mario World, Mario is Missing, and Yoshiís Safari
Roy wants to forgive Luigi of the past and accept him as a future friend, as he becomes a partner in crime
with Bowser!

Roy: No, thatís not why, itís because I want to beat up on Lord Seth again!

Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, no, not on a tourist again!

Roy: Sorry, Lord Seth, but you deserve it for attempting to become a second Crazy Packers Fan, back
when he was in his first season. Now, here comes your beating!

Lord Seth: What?! NO!!!

Roy, 11 Charginí Chucks, Tony and 4 other Soprano Sledge Brothers, 40 Boom-Booms, 77 Bob-ombs, 123
Fry Guys, and a million Sparkies from Super Mario Bros. 2 and Super Mario Advance rush Lord Seth at the same time.

ZZZZZZTTTTTT!!! BOOM!!!

Roy: That was worth the explosion! With my special rubber suit, courtesy of Sanchez, I escaped with only a few scratches! Now we must interview Peach next time!

Crazy Packers Fan: Peach? Why Peach?

Roy: Because weíre on a streak of major Mario characters now. Weíre off the obscure list and on the important list now. Besides, if we embarrass Peach enough, maybe we can get rid of her!

Crazy Packers Fan: Well, I guess so. Peach, one of my least favorite Mario characters, will be here either
next week, tomorrow, or a little bit down the page. Either way Iíll be interviewing her next. Thatís all for today, and as for Royís revenge on Lord Seth-

ZZZZZZTTTTTT!!! BOOM!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: I hope Roy stops it soon, or finishes it in the boxing ring, because I want to have some revenge on Peach next time!

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