Crazy Packers Fan: Today we’re here with the other plumber, Mario’s brother, star of Mario is Missing,
future star of Luigi’s Mansion, uh, what’s his name again?

Luigi: You-a have to-a insult me.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, Italian man, what’s this whole Luigi’s Mansion game about?

Luigi: I-a win-a mansion from-a winning-a contest. Ghosts-a live in-a my mansion, and I-a must-a capture them.

Crazy Packers Fan: Please refrain from speaking stupidly and drop the vernacular.

Luigi: Vernacular? Luigi wanna win a mansion.

Crazy Packers Fan: You won it already, moron! Why don’t you remember things easily?

Luigi: I-a have-a short term memory.

Crazy Packers Fan: No memory is more like it. How does it feel to star in the first “Mario” game on the
GameCube?

Luigi: Luigi-a feel all-a the excitement. It’s-a good for-a me.

Crazy Packers Fan: How is it to always be in your brother’s shadow?

Luigi: It’s-a not what-a everyone thinks. He’s a moron, and most-a of the time he-a just-a acts like a moron and I-a don’t have to-a be in his shadow. Although it-a does-a bother me to not have a name...

Crazy Packers Fan: Who is this professor guy in Luigi’s Mansion?

Luigi: He’s a professor.

Crazy Packers Fan: Please tell me more before I have to take appropriate action.

Luigi: He-a helps me get a vacuum and a flashlight. He-a helps-a upgrade me.

Crazy Packers Fan: Does this action excite you?

Luigi: Luigi-a love it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Do you think this game will bomb like Mario is Missing or strike it rich like Super Mario RPG?

Luigi: It-a all depends on-a strategy and-a marketing.

Crazy Packers Fan: The game itself, not its sales!

Luigi: It-a should-a be good, because-a I’m-a in it!

Crazy Packers Fan: I don’t like your broken English!

Luigi: Neither do-a I!

Crazy Packers Fan: On a completely different note, have you done much lately in the Mario games while
unseen?

Luigi: I-a have-a helped out in Paper Mario by reading Mario’s-a stats, then-a sending those-a stats to
Bowser to help-a him prepare for-a battle.

Crazy Packers Fan: You helped Bowser?!

Luigi: Of-a course. Why-a wouldn’t I? I-a need some sort of publicity.

Crazy Packers Fan: So you’re on Bowser’s side?!

Luigi: When-a unseen. I-a will help him if-a I-a don’t get a leading role, or-a any role at all. In-a Super
Mario 64, I-a helped Bowsa prepare the end-a of that game with-a many things.

Crazy Packers Fan: This is unbelievable! Luigi helps out Bowser!

Luigi: But-a only-a since Super Mario 64.

Crazy Packers Fan: Wow! This is shocking! Now, on a different note, who is the final boss of Luigi’s Mansion?

Luigi: I-a can’t say.

Crazy Packers Fan: Why-a not?

Luigi: Because-a that would-a give away the big secret and surprise at the end!

Crazy Packers Fan: What-a secret?

Luigi: That-a boss at the end, I-a tell ya!

Crazy Packers Fan: Just-a tell me, who-a is it?

Luigi: I don’t remember?

Crazy Packers Fan: You-a don’t remember?

Luigi: No. In fact, I don’t even remember if I fought a final boss battle.

Crazy Packers Fan: So you-a don’t even fight a final boss battle?

Luigi: Oh, no. It’s not that I don’t, it’s that I do but I just can’t remember.

Crazy Packers Fan: So-a, hey, wait a minute, we seemed to have switched accents! So-a quickly they can
change!

Luigi: Yeah, so they can!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, are the Koopalings in the game?

(Luigi gives Crazy Packers Fan that “why did you ask” stare.)

Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, right. Why would anyone expect them? So, are you in Super Smash Bros. Melee?

Luigi: Of-a course. I hope.

Crazy Packers Fan: You hope?! All right, tell me the truth.

Luigi: Of course! If I was in the first, I’d certainly be in the second! I don’t know what you’re thinking, that I’m not in that game! Of course I’m in it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Right. Now, what is your favorite of all those Mario things to do? You know, like Party,
Kart, Golf, Tennis?

Luigi: Tennis. Daisy’s-a there, and I’m-a pretty good character to pick!

Crazy Packers Fan: You and Daisy, is there-

(Luigi gives Crazy Packers Fan another one of those “why did you ask” looks.)

Crazy Packers Fan: I really don’t have to ask that either. If I asked Daisy-

(Luigi gives another look.)

Crazy Packers Fan: I better get off this subject. Let’s have some audience participation! You, in seat 3!

Daisy: So, you traitor, too afraid to admit our relationship in public! Do you want to end it right now?! You know what I can do, don’t you, Luigi?! DON’T YOU, LUIGI?!

Luigi: *sigh*

Crazy Packers Fan: You, in seat 42!

Waluigi: Why don’t you-a like me?

Luigi: Because-a you’re ugly! And, because Nintendo put it in the script. That’s why.

Crazy Packers Fan: An important question here: Your popularity is rising, ever since the “Luigi fan revolt” of Super Mario 64 to Mario Tennis and Luigi’s Mansion, both featuring you more and more. Could you possibly become an entity separate from Mario, like Donkey Kong split off the Mario franchise, or will you be chained to him forever?

Luigi: Knowing Nintendo, probably chained to him forever.

Crazy Packers Fan: All right. Well, Roy, I give you permission to smash up Luigi.

Roy: No, I don’t want to beat up on poor Luigi.

Crazy Packers Fan: This is heart-touching! After Mario 3, Mario World, Mario is Missing, and Yoshi’s Safari
Roy wants to forgive Luigi of the past and accept him as a future friend, as he becomes a partner in crime
with Bowser!

Roy: No, that’s not why, it’s because I want to beat up on Lord Seth again!

Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, no, not on a tourist again!

Roy: Sorry, Lord Seth, but you deserve it for attempting to become a second Crazy Packers Fan, back
when he was in his first season. Now, here comes your beating!

Lord Seth: What?! NO!!!

Roy, 11 Chargin’ Chucks, Tony and 4 other Soprano Sledge Brothers, 40 Boom-Booms, 77 Bob-ombs, 123
Fry Guys, and a million Sparkies from Super Mario Bros. 2 and Super Mario Advance rush Lord Seth at the same time.

ZZZZZZTTTTTT!!! BOOM!!!

Roy: That was worth the explosion! With my special rubber suit, courtesy of Sanchez, I escaped with only a few scratches! Now we must interview Peach next time!

Crazy Packers Fan: Peach? Why Peach?

Roy: Because we’re on a streak of major Mario characters now. We’re off the obscure list and on the important list now. Besides, if we embarrass Peach enough, maybe we can get rid of her!

Crazy Packers Fan: Well, I guess so. Peach, one of my least favorite Mario characters, will be here either
next week, tomorrow, or a little bit down the page. Either way I’ll be interviewing her next. That’s all for today, and as for Roy’s revenge on Lord Seth-

ZZZZZZTTTTTT!!! BOOM!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: I hope Roy stops it soon, or finishes it in the boxing ring, because I want to have some revenge on Peach next time!