The Mario Brothers' First Date
By Campfire Tales

Mario and Luigi were fighting as usual and Peach came in.

Peach: GO MARIO!

Then Peach got upset and said she was tired of the castle and wanted to go do something for a change. So she lured Mario out of the castle with a stick that had the smell of beef on it and she threw it into her car.
Mario jumped in after the smell and Peach got in the car but Luigi jumped on the roof of the car and made it rust. You know how. Peach started the car but then it exploded. The three of them smashed through the roof of the castle.

Day 2: Get Mario out of the house!

Peach lured the plumbers into a cage by baiting it with cheese. Then Mario got bad breath, and he breathed on Luigi and Luigi melted. Then the door of the cage slammed shut on Marios bad leg. Peach tried to load the cage into the car but it was too heavy. Then the Koopalings came by.

Koopaling: Hey, look! Mario's being tortured by Peach!

Roy: Nah, she's just taking them on a date.

Lemmy: That'd be torture enough.

The Koopa Kids told Bowser.

Bowser: I should be the one on that date!

So Bowser went and made a big metal robot in the shape of a panda.


Then Bowser ate some cheesecake. Then he got fat. Then he walked up to Peach.

Bowser: Hey baby! Want a date with a real man?

Peach kicked Bowser below the belt area and then did a double drop kick on him. But Peach couldn't kick very well, so she instead duct taped explosives to his shell. Then Bowser ran around screaming "death from above!". But they were duds. Suddenly, the princess started eating cheesecake. She started to bloat outwards. Anyway there was two huge people in the room (Bowser and Peach... three if you count Mario), and Bowser and Mario had a pie eating contest. Mario started by smashing a glue pie in Bowser's face.
Then Peach forced Mario to get in the car 'cause they were going to dinner. The word food made Mario stop and try to get into the car. But Peach and Mario were too fat to fit in the car. So Peach stole a bigger car. She loaded Mario and herself into the back and got Luigi to drive. But Luigi instead aimed the csr at a gas pumper and jumped out at the last second. Then Luigi fell on a jagged rock. And the car rammed into the gas pumper. BOOM! Mario and Peach's blubber protected them but the gas pumper was really a FBI cover-up to burry toxic waste in the ground. S Mario and Peach mutated into...

We interrupt this story for a commercial break.

You'll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepstoment.

Back to the story.

Then they mutated into  giant pandas! Er, I mean, Into creatures with an IQ higher than zero!

Like pandas?

Gets hit.

On with the story. Luigi laughed. Then Luigi went to the real world and went on a date with Mario's old girl friend Paula (from Donkey Kong). Meanwhile, Mario was singing. Then Peach shoved Mario into the car and drove off like a maniac.

Since this is getting so boring, we will show you clips of Baywatch so you won't leave.

We come back and see Bowser and Peach kissing. Then it cuts to Mario running down the beach in a bathing suit (shutter). Then Mario's bathing suit... uhhhh... we now cut back to the story.

Mario was siting in his highchair in a fancy restaurant and Peach was kissing Bowser. Then Luigi gave Mario 500 pounds of cheese. Mario jumped for joy. Peach screamed but it was blocked out by Bowser kissing her.
Then Clawdia appeared with a frying pan in her hand. WHAM! Bowser's head was flat.

Bowser: Get out!

Clawdia and Bowser started to fight or something over something. Anyway, Peach threw a custard pie at Mario and Mario licked it off the floor.

Mario: Food fight!

Luigi stuffed a 191,749,243,645,873,265,932,659,732 degree hot pepper down Mario's throat.

Some Voices: Areba!

Mario's head exploded and chili flew out of the hole like a fountain. Then Mario's head grows back.
Then Bowser punched Clawdia and Clawdia smashed the punch bowl over Bowser's head. Clawdia suddenly threw a tantrum. She screamed that she wanted more attention or something and men in white lab coats dragged her off. Then Bowser kissed Peach again. Peach's head exploded and hot chili sprayed out like a fountain, then her head grew back. Peach slapped Bowser and Mario found the buffet line.


Then Mario discovered he actually didn't like the pure lard, so he ate the rest and stuffed the lard down Luigi's throat. Luigi screamed and inflated into a balloon and hovered out the door. Anyway, ten minutes later there was no food left in the joint and Mario was cleaning his teeth with a toothpick. He patted his big belly and burped. Then Peach and Bowser began to sing the entire works of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Yohan Sebastian Bach. Mario screamed and tried to get away but his gut had grown to three times its normal size and he couldn't move. By the time Peach and Bowser were halfway through "Phantom of the Opera", Mario had turned into a skeleton. They all laughed and went off to live together in peace and serenity. The
world was peaceful forever after, or at least until Bowser asked if Peach would marry him. Clawdia smahsed out of the back of a truck wearing a strait jacket. Bowser assassinated Clawdia, then married Peach. Mario then killed himself 'cause he had nothing to do now that Bowser had married Peach. Luigi got to be head assistant or something. Toad was killed and Luigi got his old place. The Koopa Kids got some cheese and were told to shut up.

Bowser and Peach lived happily ever after.

The End

Credit goes to Mewd, Smash, and me for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.

Did you like this submission?

Whoops! You're not logged in!
If you were, you could leave the author of this submission some feedback, even vote it into Little Lemmy's Land!
Why not login now?

Fill out the boxes below if you would like to invite a friend to this page.

Email (required)


Has your latest Mario scene sent you into hysterics? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Scribbles.
Go back to my main page.