So the three heroes set out for Castle Koopa, with Toadette carrying Luigi.
Toadette: Ick! How much does this guy weigh?!
Bowyer: Never tell me he did. A lot he must weigh.
Toadette: Shut up, you idiot! I can’t understand what you’re saying!
Bowyer: Shut up you should! Tell me to shut up you should not!
Toadette: Whatever! Urgh, if only there was a warp pipe leading to Bowser’s Castle. Luigi must’ve had cement for breakfast!
Bowyer: Warp pipe there is not.
Toadette: SHUT YOUR TRAP, DOWYER!!!
Bowyer: Bowyer my name is.
Toadette: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Toadette screams so loudly that Luigi comes to and jumps out of her hands.
Luigi: AAA! I’m-a Mario! I mean Luigi! AAA!
Toadette: Shut it!
Luigi: AAA! No thanks, little girl; I don’t WANNA buy any cookies!
Toadette blows her top.
Toadette: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!
Toadette tries to hit Luigi with her ray gun, but the beam hits a bush and a warp pipe appears.
Bowyer: Came true your wish did.
Luigi: A PIPE TO BOWSER’S CASTLE!!!
Toadette: Wait, Luigi! We need to test it for-
Luigi jumps on the pipe and it blows up. He faints and a new pipe appears.
Toadette: -traps.
Bowyer: Idiot.
Toadette: My dad told me that the only way to test a warp pipe for traps is to-
Luigi comes to.
Luigi: CANNONBALL!!!
Luigi grabs Toadette and Bowyer and dives at the pipe. It catches fire, and they get covered in ashes.
Toadette: Nice going, Luigi.
Luigi: Whoops, sorry. Here. We just have to get ourselves REALLY cold. So cold that the fire will-
Bowyer takes a block of ice and throws it at Luigi. He becomes frozen inside of a block of ice. Toadette and Bowyer each grab a side of him and use him to mop the fire. It goes out, and the ice melts. Luigi’s skin is blue. He faints.
Toadette: Nice, Lowyer.
Bowyer: BOWYER!!!
Toadette: Whatever.
She enters the warp pipe, Bowyer picks up Luigi and enters as well, but not before Luigi comes to. They find themselves on a rocky beach very far away from Castle Koopa.
Toadette: WHA-?!
Luigi: OH GREAT!!! THIS IS KEELHAUL KEY!!!
Toadette: Shut up.
Toadette shoves a Poison Mushroom down Luigi’s throat and he faints.
Toadette: There we go. Now, since this is far away from Bowser’s Castle, let’s just go back in the- AUGH!
Bowyer: AUGH!
Luigi: (coming to) Woah.
Toadette: WHAT THE @#$@!#$#$% JUST HAPPENED TO THE PIPE?!
Luigi: Did I forget to mention this island is cursed by the ghost of Cortez, the pirate spirit, and that since the Shadow Queen took over the world, all pipes disappear once you enter them?
Bowyer: WHA-?!
Toadette: Yes, you did.
Toadette kicks Luigi and he faints.
Toadette: Great! NOW what do we do?!
Bowyer: Know what to do I do not.
Toadette: Try to limit it to one word per sentence, okay?
Bowyer: Ok.
Toadette: Very good. Now, WHAT THE @@&^^&((&^ DO WE DO?!
Bowyer: Dunno.
Toadette: Hey, who’s that coming out of the mist?
Luigi: (coming to) OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Toadette: What? Is it a ghost?!
Luigi: WORSE! IT’S-
Flavio: Hi.
All but Flavio: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Flavio: Ah! It is Green ‘Stache! You have brought friends, yes?
Luigi, Toadette, and Bowyer run as fast as they can away from Flavio. They jump into the water surrounding the island.
Flavio: Oh dear.
All but Flavio: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Flavio walks to the water and pulls three blocks of ice out. The ice instantly melts, and Toadette, Bowyer, and Luigi fall to the ground, blue-faced.
Luigi: Brrrrrrrrrrr…
Flavio: You should have followed me to my camp, Green ‘Stache.
Toadette: Suuuuuure. What’re you doing here?
Flavio: I am here to beat Cortez!
Luigi: I thought you befriended Cortez.
Flavio: Brave sailors always fight their friends!
Toadette: So why are you fighting him?
Flavio: I said… HEY!!!
Bowyer throws Flavio into the water. He floats out to sea.
Toadette: THANK you, Fowyer.
Bowyer: BOWYER!!!
Toadette: Yeah, sure.
Then they hear a familiar voice.
Voice: I’m-a Mario!
Luigi faints, Bowyer hides behind Toadette, and Toadette holds a Poison Mushroom in front of her like a shield. Mario comes out of the fog with a troop of Yoshis.
Mario: It’s-a me! Mario!
Birdo comes out of the troop and walks over to Toadette.
Birdo: Toadette, this is madness! Mario took us out into the forest and down a pipe, but it disappeared! And thanks to a certain someone…
Birdo glares at a blue Yoshi wearing sunglasses, who happens to be Boshi.
Birdo: …Mario became our leader!
Mario: I order that pasta be delivered to me!
Yoshis: Yes, Mario…
Birdo takes some Fresh Pasta from Boshi and hands it to Yoshi, who cooks it up in an oven.
Yoshi: Yoshi give this to you, Mario.
Mario: Now, now! We must recite the code of the Marios!
Luigi: THE CODE OF THE MARIOS?!
Mario: Quiet, insolence! RECITE THE CODE OF THE MARIOS, MY YOSHIS!
Yoshis and Birdo: Cheese is good, pasta is great! We love both! We appreciate!
Birdo makes a face at Mario.
Toadette: … That is just pathetic.
Mario: INSOLENCE! RECITE!
Toadette: No way, Jose!
Mario pulls out a long sword and points it at Toadette.
Toadette: Cheese is good, pasta is great! We love both! We appreciate! There, it’s over!
Mario: I meant recite it a million times.
Toadette: RECITE THIS!!!
Toadette zaps Mario with her ray gun. He falls down, unconscious.
Luigi: Thank you. Now, Spirit, how do we get out of here?
Birdo: SPIRIT?! Has he lost his mind?!
Spirit: About time! I thought you’d forgotten about me!
Birdo: WHA-?! Okay, who said that? C’mon out, joke’s over!
Spirit: Shuddap.
Birdo faints.
Luigi: Hehe… Sorry about throwing you down the stairs…
Toadette: L-Luigi? Is this the Star Wars spirit you told me about?
Spirit: STAR WARS?!
Luigi: Nice going, Toadette.
Bowyer: Great.
Spirit: I AM SO MAD AT YOU THAT I WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW TO GET OFF THIS ISLAND!!!
Yoshis: (with eggs) We say otherwise.
Spirit: AUGH! Ok, ok! I’ll tell you!
Bowyer: Good.
Spirit: To make the warp pipe reappear, defeat Cortez sometime this year.
Luigi: I really hate poetry.
Spirit: And now… TO GET OUTTA HERE!!!
Mario comes to.
Mario: I’m-a Mario!
Bowyer spots a nearby warp pipe marked “Torture Chamber”. He stuffs Mario into it.
Mario: (from inside) OOH! HORROR! I wonder what horror is?
Birdo: OOOOH!!! You got rid of that horrible idiot, Bowyer! THANK YOU!!! YOU GOT RID OF EVERYTHING BAD ON THIS ISLAND!!!
Boshi: Hi, dude.
Birdo: With one tiny exception…
Toadette picks up Boshi and throws him into the water. Birdo and the other Yoshis cheer.
Birdo: Now this island is no longer threatening our survival!
Creepy Vice: Turn baaaaaaaack… Leeeeeeeeeeave at once… Goooooo awaaaaaaaaay…
Toadette: You were saying?
Birdo: Who’s that?
Luigi: Who’s who?
Yoshi: Who’s who who?
Bowyer: Shuddap. Cortez.
Luigi: Bowyer’s right! It must be Cortez!
Yoshi Troop: NOT HIM!!!
Birdo: He must be the one that's been making members of our crew disappear!
Luigi: Who disappeared?
Birdo: Flavio… Emperor Goomba…
Luigi, Toadette, and Bowyer start to sweat.
Luigi: … Yeah… Must be him…
Toadette: Hey, look!
A warp pipe has appeared.
Yoshi Troop: Yay!
The Yoshis jump into it.
Toadette: Let’s follow them!
They try to get in, but the pipe disappears.
Luigi: Not good!
Birdo: No! Now we’re stuck here!
Bowyer: Bad!
Toadette: Great! Now we actually HAVE to beat Cortez! Oh, pain…
Luigi: If only there were some Yoshis left…
Toadette: But there aren’t. Sorry, Birdo… I guess you’re stuck with us.
Birdo throws a couple dozen eggs at the others and run away, screaming.
Toadette: Or not.
Luigi: Geez, how sensitive can a lass get? I suppose we should go to Cortez.
Toadette: But I don’t WANT to!
Luigi: TOO BAD!
Bowyer: Shuddap.
Toadette: Nice comeback, Towyer!
Bowyer: SHUDDAP. NOW.
Suddenly, Cortez appears and grabs Toadette.
Toadette: HELP ME!
Cortez swings her around and throws her far away. He spies Luigi and laughs.
Cortez: Hey, amigo! Yer Mario’s brother, righty?
Luigi: Y-yeah…
Cortez: Oh, good. I’ll bet you want to get off this island, right?
Luigi: YES.
Cortez: You want to use my ship, right?
Bowyer: YESSSSS!!!
Cortez: Okay.
Luigi: Huh? No difficult tasks?
Cortez: If you insist… Get me some water from the far away city of-
Luigi picks up Toadette’s ray gun that is laying on the ground and zaps Cortez. He explodes in some clouds of colorful light. Warp pipes pop up all over.
Luigi: Well… We defeated Cortez… I guess we can go.
Bowyer: Toadette!
Luigi: Hm? Oh, we can leave without Toadette.
At that moment, Toadette walks up behind Luigi and shoots him with her ray gun. He faints.
Bowyer: Toadette! How?
Toadette: Hey, Sli- I mean, Bowyer. I, uh, took a shortcut to get here.
Bowyer: Slick?
Toadette: Hehe… Eh, we'd better get off this island, Bowyer! You get what’s-his-name.
Bowyer: Luigi.
Toadette: Yeah, Luigi. Yes. Luigi. Whatever. Sure.
Bowyer: Seem like yourself you do not.
Toadette: Yeah. Eh, we’d better go.
Bowyer: Pipe?
Toadette: Of course we go down a warp pipe! Uh… THIS ONE!
Bowyer: “Creepy Steeple”?
Toadette: Uh, yeah! 'Course! It’s… uh… right by Bowser’s Castle!
Bowyer: Ok.
Toadette: HEY! And you there! Out in front o’ the computer screen! Don'tcha dare tell Bowyer who I am!
Bowyer: “In front o’ the computer screen”?!
Toadette: Shush up, Slick! I mean Bowyer! Bowyer! Let’s go!
Luigi comes to.
Toadette: Glad you’re up, Slick!
Luigi: Who?
Bowyer: Who?
Toadette: Shaddup. Let’s go.
Luigi: “CREEPY STEEPLE”?!
Toadette: It’s right next to Bowser’s Castle. Let’s go, imbeciles.
Bowyer and Luigi: Ok.
Toadette jumps into the pipe. Bowyer and Luigi follow. Meanwhile…
Black Yoshi (from the shadows): Our agent has infiltrated the group, my queen. Yes, I’m sure he’ll be successful with Cortez out of the way. Yeah, I thought he quit too. With a mind like Doopliss’, you never know.