The Return of the Shadow Queen

By Petey Piranha Fan

For once, the plan works perfectly. Toadette, Pork Chop, Wendy, Boshi, Iggy, Lemmy, and Jolene are flying high above Earth, with nothing to stand in their way of getting to the castle in the sky.

Iggy: WATCH OUT FOR THAT JET!

Well, almost nothing.

Lemmy: WATCH OUT FOR THAT PLANE!

Kind of almost nothing.

Jolene: WATCH OUT FOR THAT FLOCK OF GEESE!

Never mind.

Toadette: I see it up ahead. That is the palace of King Booha.

Jolene: BOOLOSSUS.

They fly onto a large cloud.

Wendy: This is it?

Iggy: It looks like whipped cream, not a palace.

Toadette: I’ll bet the king built it himself.

Boshi: I-

Jolene: DON’T SAY A WORD.

Boshi: Jeez, dudette, my jokes aren’t THAT bad!

Lemmy: I see Luigi and Mario!

Luigi: OVER HERE!

Mario: PAS-TA!

Toadette and Jolene untie Luigi and Mario.

Luigi: So, Bowyer-

???: FOOOOOOOLS!!!

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!

King Boolossus appears, swooping down from the sky.

Boolossus: DID YOU HONESTLY THINK I WOULD LET YOU GET AWAY WITH LETTING MY PRISONERS GO?!

Toadette, Mario, Luigi, Iggy, Lemmy, Pork Chop, and Wendy: AAAAAAAH!!!

Jolene kicks King Boolossus off a cloud.

Boolossus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Toadette: The box!

They open the box, and King Boolossus is sucked in before he hits the ground.

Wendy: That was too easy.

Hooktail and Gloomtail crash through the clouds.

Luigi: YOU JINXED US!

???: Wahaha!

????: Yahaha!

Lemmy: Wario and Waluigi!

Wario: Wahaha! That’s right! Destroy them, Hooktail!

Waluigi: You too, Gloomtail!

Jolene: I sense something bad about to happen!

Hooktail: Don’t try to command us!

Waluigi: Why?

Gloomtail: Grodus tried that with our mistress.

Hooktail: Do you know what happened to him?

Wario: No.

Waluigi: Why does it matter?

Jolene: … To them.

Lemmy: You two do know that their mistress is the Shadow Queen, right?

Waluigi: … No.

Wario: Why does it matter?

Jolene: … They’re dead.

Boshi: Dude, the Shadow Queen turned Grodus into a head.

Waluigi: … And?

Gloomtail: AND?!

Hooktail: YOU REALLY DON’T CARE?!

Wario: … No.

Waluigi: Should we?

Luigi: … Yes.

Mario: Buggy!

Toadette: You think that you can overpower Hooktail and Gloomtail?!

Wario: I think that’s already been established.

Hooktail: Okay, you’re dead.

All but Wario and Waluigi: FINALLY!

Hooktail knocks them off the cloud.

Wario and Waluigi: Wah!

Gloomtail: My, what big words they know.

Hooktail: Now, let us destroy this pathetic fool!

Mario: Which pathetic fool? There are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight pathetic fools!

Toadette zaps Mario with her ray gun.

Gloomtail: TOADETTE! YOU IMPRISONED BROTHER BONETAIL!

Hooktail: YOU WILL PAY!

Jolene kicks Hooktail off of the cloud.

Jolene: I don’t think so.

Gloomtail: SISTER!

Toadette rips open the box and sucks in Hooktail.

Gloomtail: GRRRRRRRRRRRR… NOW YOU HAVE IMPRISONED TWO OF MY KIN.

Toadette: Eep.

Boshi: Dude, Jolene can easily-

Gloomtail throws Jolene off of the cloud.

Toadette: YIKES!

Gloomtail throws Toadette off of the cloud.

Gloomtail: Sweet revenge… Your friend will die painfully. Where is that fool Boolossus?

Luigi: In the box.

Gloomtail: Oh. Um…

Boshi: So, dude, now we fight…

Wendy: To avenge Toadette?

Iggy: And Jolene?

Lemmy: Who cares about either one of them?

Luigi: Not me.

Pork Chop: Eh, let’s fight anyway.

Mario: Buh.

Gloomtail: FOOOOOOOOOOOLS! I AM UNBEATABLE!

Luigi: Yeah, suuuuuuuuuuure…

Gloomtail throws Luigi off of the cloud.

Lemmy: So, we avenge Luigi too, now, right?

Boshi: Ten coins says I get thrown off of the cloud next.

Gloomtail throws Boshi, Pork Chop, and Mario off of the cloud.

Boshi: (falling) Pay up!

Iggy throws ten coins off the cloud.

Wendy: It’s up to us Koopas to save the day.

Lemmy: How original.

Iggy: Box ready, Captain!

Wendy begins to throw candy rings at Gloomtail.

Gloomtail: Chow time!

Gloomtail eats the candy rings.

Gloomtail: And for dessert… YOU!

Wendy smacks Gloomtail.

Gloomtail: Ack! You ugly little-

Wendy: WHAT?!

Lightning flashes.

Lemmy: This battle may be over sooner than we thought…

Wendy grows ten times larger.

Gloomtail: Eek! Pick on someone your own size, kid!

Wendy: YOU ARE MY SIZE, NOW!

Iggy: Actually, Wendy, you’re way bigger.

Lemmy: Who cares?

Wendy begins to attack Gloomtail.

Gloomtail: Ack! Poison breath!

Wendy waves it away with a candy ring.

Gloomtail: All right! Uncle! Uncle!

Lemmy: What does uncle mean, anyway?

Iggy: I dunno. Anyway…

Iggy opens the box, sucking in Gloomtail.

Gloomtail: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wendy goes back to her original size.

Wendy: So, what do we do now?

Lemmy: Uh, fly away?

Iggy: The effects must have worn off a while ago.

Wendy: So… what do we do?

Lemmy and Iggy jump off of the cloud.

Wendy: I guess that’s an idea…

Wendy jumps off.

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

WHAM!

Wendy: What just happened?

Lemmy: We fell onto a big, floating platform.

Jolene: HEY!

Pork Chop: WE’RE OVER HERE!

Iggy: The others! They’re on another platform.

Lemmy: So… how do we get from here to there?

Wendy: We use makeup.

Iggy: NOW?!

Wendy: I was joking. HEY, LUIGI!

Luigi: YEAH?!

Wendy: TOSS OVER THE FLYING POTION!

Luigi does so.

Lemmy: Okay…

They pour the potion on themselves and fly over to the other platform.

Boshi: Dude, that was too eas-

Iggy: DON’T SAY IT!

Wendy: So, Luigi, Mario, Boshi, Jolene, Pork Chop, and… TOADETTE!

Everyone: WHERE’S TOADETTE?!

Luigi: Great. Now someone ELSE is dead…

Pork Chop: As if I care.

BOOOOOM!

Lemmy: The Wario Bros. are alive.

Pork Chop looks down and sees Wario and Waluigi throwing bombs.

Wario: ACK! THEY’VE SEEN US!

Waluigi: ATTACK!

Wario and Waluigi run away.

Iggy: Strangest… attack… ever…

Mario: LOVE!

Wario: You think our attack is over…

Waluigi: How very wrong you are…

Jolene: How can they be talking if they just ran away?

Wario: Um…

Waluigi: WE’VE BEEN DISCOVERED!

They somehow run away again.

Jolene: Our readers deserve a more descriptive sentence then THAT!

Wendy: …

Luigi: What are you talking about?

Jolene: Never mind.

Wendy: Now what?

Mario: Let’s-a do the Mario!

Jolene: And how does that help us?

Mario: It quenches thirst!

Iggy: And how does it quench thirst?

Mario: Ummmmmmm…

Pork Chop: I have an overwhelming urge to kill Mario.

Jolene: Okay, for one thing, we shouldn’t look down.

Everyone, including Jolene, looks down.

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Everyone faints and falls off of the cloud.

Meanwhile…

Black Yoshi: My queen?

Shadow Queen: Welcome, Neville.

Black Yoshi: Yes, my queen. Your dungeon is now full to the brim.

Shadow Queen: So, you’ve got Captain Syrup and…

Black Yoshi: Well, there’s Bowyer and Toadette.

Shadow Queen: WHAT?! NEVILLE, I THOUGHT THEY WERE DEAD!!!

Black Yoshi: You seriously believed me when I said that?

Shadow Queen: Of course I did!

Black Yoshi: Oh. Well, dear Chauncey happened to find Bowyer’s ship crashed, and brought Bowyer to me.

Shadow Queen: What was Chauncey doing in outer space?

Black Yoshi: That… is a mystery.

Shadow Queen: And Toadette?

Black Yoshi: The twins caught her lying outside the castle. From what they said, she put up one tough fight.

Shadow Queen: Well, Neville, call up your relatives, servants, and friends. We have visitors.

Black Yoshi: Visitors?

Luigi, Mario, Jolene, Pork Chop, Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, and Boshi crash through the ceiling.

Boshi: DUDE! IT’S THE SHADOW PARTY, YO!

Jolene: Shall we run for our lives?

Luigi: Yes, let’s.

They run away screaming.

Shadow Queen: Why didn’t you call the others?

Black Yoshi: I was stunned.

In the dungeon…

Luigi: *pant* Here we are.

Jolene: I have the Life Potion.

Bowyer: Hey!

Toadette: Hey!

Pork Chop: … Yo?

Toadette: Rescue us!

Lemmy: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!

Bowyer: Thanks.

Toadette: Are you going to rescue us or not?

Mario: Eh, no one cares about you.

Iggy: Hey look, it’s Captain Burger.

Captain Syrup: SHUT UP AND GET US OUT!

Jolene: First, let’s bring back the Sirens.

Syrup: NO! I’LL GET MORE HATE MAIL!

Boshi: DUDETTE, YOU SEND THEM HATE MAIL!

Syrup: … And?

Luigi finds the smoldering hats of the Shadow Sirens.

Wendy: Oh boy.

Luigi pours the Life Potion onto them.

Vivian: Eep!

Beldam: Erg!

Marilyn: Guh.

Vivian: AAAAAH! It’s Captain Hot Dog!

Beldam: The one who sends us hate mail! Darn you, Captain Sugar!

Toadette: I’m starting to realize why she sends them hate mail.

Vivian: Who are all these FREAKS?

Luigi: Your rescue party.

Marilyn: … GUH!

Bowyer: Say what did she?

Everyone: WHAT?!

Bowyer: GRRR… What? Did? She? Say?

Beldam: She said that… um… guh?

Vivian: Yeah, she said Guh. Are you deaf?

Toadette: Listen, sister! We went to a LOT of trouble to bring you back to life!

Pork Chop: Yeah. SO STOP TALKING AND SIT DOWN!

Beldam: Freak.

Boshi: Listen up, dudes and dudettes! I’m a little dudely confused on why we rescued these dudely punks!

Luigi: Because they’re our only hope of defeating… I guess not.

Toadette: So we did all that for nothing?

Vivian: Listen, it isn’t a complete loss. We know something you don’t.

Luigi: What?

Vivian: The Shadow Queen has released Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail!

Jolene: We beat them all, doofus.

Beldam: Well, Doopliss is a powerful shapeshifter.

Wendy: YES. WE KNOW.

Vivian: And we know that the black Yoshi is planning to get rid of Doopliss.

Luigi: I think he already did.

Beldam: Did you know that the black Yoshi is actually Neville in a robot suit?

Luigi: Neville the ghost? That I beat a few years ago?

Vivian: Yup.

Iggy: Well, that’s something new.

Mario: Do the Mario!

Beldam: What does that have to do with what we’re doing?

Mario: It quenches thirst!

Marilyn: Guh.

Vivian: So, now we do… what?

Pork Chop: Let’s beat the Shadow Queen!

Toadette: And Neville! The entire purpose of our journey is coming to a close!

Mario: I’m-a lactose intolerant.

Vivian: Big news. Mario’s lactose intolerant. Wow.

Boshi: Dude, go and tell the world this wonderful news.

Mario: SURE!

Mario runs away.

Mario: ATTENTION, SHADOW QUEEN! ATTENTION, NEVILLE! ATTENTION, NUMEROUS ANGRY GHOSTS! I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!

A scream is heard.

Pork Chop: … Numerous angry ghosts?!

Mario: HEY-A, DON’T GO RUNNING TOWARDS THE DUNGEON! I HAVE MORE GOOD NEWS!

We hear another scream.

Vivian: Should we leave?

Marilyn: Wah!

Everyone: ???

Marilyn: … Guh?

Someone randomly does something.

Jolene: WHAT?!

Pork Chop: What?

Jolene: "Someone randomly does something." That’s awful!

Everyone but Jolene: ???

Jolene: Forget it.

Captain Syrup: LET ME OUT!

Bowyer lets Captain Syrup out of the cage as the black Yoshi steps into the room.

Black Yoshi: Now I will destroy everyone who is not behind bars.

Captain Syrup: PUT ME BACK IN! PUT ME BACK IN!

Bowyer: No.

Read on!


 
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