The Return of the Shadow Queen

By Petey Piranha Fan

So, our super-glorious-fantastic-supercalifragilouspeixpialidochious heroes continue on their journey to save their friends and family.

Wendy: So… tired… Can’t… go… on…

Luigi: Come on, we’re almost there!

Wendy: You said that… one hour… ago!

Luigi: Did I? Well, I mean it this time!

Jolene: You… said THAT one… hour ago… TOO!

Luigi: Wow, I’m on a roll!

Toadette: Maybe… we’d be less… tired if we… didn’t have to… CARRY you!

Luigi: Don’t be ridiculous.

Bowyer: Wait. A. MINUTE.

Captain Syrup: What?

Bowyer: Definitely seen this scorch mark I have before!

Toadette: Huh? That’s bad grammar. Let’s take this slowly…

Vivian: I understand perfectly! We’ve already passed this spot!

Beldam: Yeah, we’re walking in circles!

Marilyn: Guh!

Captain Syrup: Of course, me hearties! We’re in a BOX! What, did you expect that a path would appear and take us out?!

Bowyer: Yes, suppose that did we.

Luigi: Well, what do we do?

Birdo: … Well, duh! We go to sleep!

Lemmy: How does that help?!

Iggy: Yeah, I fail to see how that will save our loved ones!

Wendy: You know what, I don’t think I want a part in this any more!

Lemmy: Same here!

Iggy: You get us out of this box and we are LEAVING!

Wendy: We never should have joined up with you in the first place!

Jolene: Well, guess what, little miss brat?! YOU are stuck with us! Plus, they’ve got your siblings AND parents!

Birdo: Yeah, how are you supposed to function without them?!

Lemmy: No biggie, plumber! We’ve been TRAINED for this moment!

Iggy: We’re all set to takeover the kingdom!

Wendy: What do you think we are, kids?! We’re Koopalings! We’re ready for anything!

Toadette: Well, guess what? We can overpower you!

Captain Syrup: There’s a whole lot of us, and only THREE of you!

Luigi: So, we’ll beat you to a PULP if you try leaving!

Lemmy: Grr! All right, what do you propose we do?!

Luigi: We go to sleep. Boshi’s instructions.

Wendy: Bah! Well, I do need beauty rest!

Vivian: YOU have beauty rest?! How much?!

Wendy: TWENTY-THREE HOURS!

Vivian: Ha! I do TWENTY-FOUR! No WONDER you’re so UGLY!

Wendy: GRR! I’ll show YOU, you freak!

Vivian: Look who’s talking, TURTLE!

Pork Chop: Woah, woah, stop, we’re working togeth…

Vivian and Wendy: SHUT UP, YOU!

Pork Chop: Okay.

Everyone besides Vivian and Wendy take out folding chairs and pop popcorn as the two rage at each other.

Vivian: AND YOU’RE JUST A STUPID, UGLY, ROTTEN TO THE CORE, LITTLE BRAT!

Wendy: YOU’RE JUST A FREAKY, STUPID, UGLY, PURPLE GHOST!

Finally, everyone gets so bored that they fall asleep and vanish.

Pork Chop: Huh? Where am I?

Birdo: I was hoping you could tell me.

Pork Chop and Birdo are in a huge room made of bricks. They are surrounded by eggs.

Elsewhere…

Jolene: Zzz… Yipe! Where… What the…

Jolene is in a cage that looks like a boxing arena.

Elsewhere…

Wendy: Yikes!

Iggy: Oof!

Lemmy: Ouch!

Wendy: What… What’s going on?!

They are each hanging upside down from the ceiling, tied together, over a vat of green liquid.

Elsewhere…

Luigi: Eek! Where am I?!

Luigi is in Mario’s room, chained to the wall.

Elsewhere…

Toadette: Yeeek! Hey, what the?!

Toadette has chains around each of her pigtails, and is hanging from the ceiling. A commanding voice begins to speak.

Voice: Is it on? It is? Huh? What? I can’t hear you! Look, I’m the Shadow Queen, I don’t need directions! What? Oh. Hello, Toadette. As you can see, you are hanging from your precious pigtails. Oh yes, I see that one is shorter than the other. That, of course, is because you TORE OFF a part of that pigtail… to stick on a note to your father.

Toadette: My father? Oh, right, my dad! Yeah… WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?!

Voice: Ahem. Only one pigtail remains. When you joined the FBI, you had the FBI sign imprinted onto each of your pigtails. One sign has been cut off. There is no hope of regaining it. Your father burned it, along with your note. He wasn’t ready to accept you.

Toadette: He burned my note? Idiot.

Voice: And now I have him trapped. Cue the saws.

Two chainsaws begin floating towards either side of Toadette.

Voice: As you know, when both FBI signs are gone, you can never rejoin. The FBI will hunt you down and imprison you as a traitor. Perhaps they will hang you.

Toadette: I never should have made that rule.

Voice: But… If you do not get yourself free, you will be sliced to bits by the lovely chainsaws.

Toadette: Figures.

Voice: And if you actually get yourself free by ripping off of your pigtails, you will probably be hung.

Toadette: Of course.

Voice: And if you do not escape, your father will die.

Toadette: Jeez.

Voice: And if you do escape, he will never accept you and perhaps disown you.

Toadette: Nice setup.

Voice: So… live, be disowned, be hung… or a very painful death for you and your father. Make your choice.

Toadette: Choice?

Voice: Yes. You have a choice.

Toadette: I do?

Voice: Yes.

Toadette: What is it?

Voice: I’m not telling.

Toadette: Why?

Voice: Oh, come on.

Toadette: It’s a die or die situation. Where’s the choice?

Voice: Save your father or condemn him to death.

Toadette: Ha! You said it! You said it!

Voice: Grrr… So… Do you want to save your father?

Toadette: Why would I want to do that?

Voice: Well… if you don’t, you die.

Toadette: And if I do, I die.

Voice: But that’s not the point.

Toadette: What’s the point, then?

Voice: Save your father, or don’t.

Toadette: No one cares about him!

Voice: You realize that the chainsaws are getting nearer to you, right?

Toadette: Whatever. How do I rip off pigtails, anyway?

Voice: Use your hands.

Toadette: That’s too hard.

Voice: Rrrrr… I’ll give you a hint.

A floating picture appears of a knife sitting on top of Toadette’s head.

Toadette: Huh?

Voice: Get it?

Toadette: No.

Voice: AAARGH! A KNIFE IS ON YOUR HEAD!

Toadette: Oh.

Toadette tries to get the knife, but drops it.

Voice: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Toadette gets a fork from her pocket, but drops it.

Voice: ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Toadette finally reaches up and rips off her pigtails.

Toadette: *sniff* I’ll miss the FBI.

Toadette falls twenty feet to the ground just as the chainsaws slice into each other.

Toadette: Now… where’s Dad?

Toadsworth: You fell on my head…

Toadette: Hi, Dad.

Toadsworth: Rrrrr… You even thought of letting me die. You’re disowned.

Toadette: DISOWNED?!

Toadette faints.

Toadsworth: Hm.

Toadsworth walks away, leaving Toadette on the floor.

Voice: Rats. I was hoping that the old man would get chopped up… How long is she going to lay there?

Elsewhere…

Luigi: All right, where am I?

Voice: Ahaha! You are in your brother’s room!

Luigi: That much I know. What do I do?

Voice: You must get free of your chains, and you can save Mario, Boshi, and Daisy!

Luigi: How?

Voice: I’ll give you a hint.

A section of the opposite wall opens up to reveal some corpses.

Luigi: What?

Voice: You must reach those bodies.

Luigi: Huh?

Voice: You have to STRETCH the chains!

Luigi: How?

Voice: Walk.

Luigi begins walking and, sure enough, the chains stretch. Then they snap back to where they were, and Luigi goes flying backwards.

Voice: You must reach the key to the chains. They are inside the corpses.

Luigi: Ew.

Luigi simply takes a knife out of his pocket and saws off the chains.

Voice: *sigh* Figures. But now... for cheating…

Mario, Boshi, and Daisy pop up from the ground all tied together, and chainsaws quickly move toward them.

Luigi: NOOOOOOOO!

Luigi jumps and pushes them out of the way, just as the chainsaws reach the place where they were.

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Daisy: Luigi, NO!

Luigi is sawed into a million pieces.

Daisy: NOOO! LUIGI!

Boshi and Mario stare at each other, then untie themselves and walk out of the room. Daisy remains sobbing over the small bits that are Luigi’s corpse.

Voice: Ooh, that’s gross. Cleanup on isle three!

Elsewhere…

Birdo: Where are we?

Pork Chop: And what’s with the eggs?

Voice: Ahaha!

Birdo: Um…

Voice: One of these eggs contains Yoshi, your husband!

Pork Chop: My dad?

Birdo: Yes.

Voice: All of the others… well, you don’t want to know! Choose one! If it is correct, you all go free! If not… you all DIE!

Birdo: Only one?! The room is FILLED with eggs!

Pork Chop: Well, Dad is always in a green egg.

Birdo: They’re all green eggs, dear.

Pork Chop: Well, Dad snores.

Birdo: None of these eggs are snoring.

Pork Chop: Huh?

Birdo: It could be this one… or this one… maybe this one… not this one, I can hear ticking sounds.

Pork Chop: No snoring…

Birdo: Eek, this one is ticking! So is this one! What the…

Pork Chop: Mom! Dad ALWAYS snores in eggs! None of these are him!

Voice: Ha ha! Correct, little one!

All of the eggs split open to reveal ticking bombs with fuses that are almost gone.

Birdo: AAAAAAAAAH! NO! WHERE IS HE?!

Pork Chop: MONSTERS! WHERE’S DAD?!

Voice: You haven’t realized? I’d have thought it was obvious. He’s in the room WITH YOU!

Pork Chop: What do you mean?!

Voice: Ahahahaha! There’s no way to get out of here!

One of the bombs explodes, setting off another one, and another, and another…

Birdo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Pork Chop: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

???: Yoshi save!

One of the bombs bursts open like an egg and Yoshi springs out.

Voice: Drat! That bomb should have been unbreakable!

Yoshi wraps his tongue around Pork Chop and Birdo and jumps up, through the ceiling and out of the castle, just as the last bomb explodes, destroying the entire room.

Voice: "Unbreakable", my foot. Next time that a telemarketer calls, I’m frying the phone.

Elsewhere…

Wendy: What is going on here?

Iggy: We need to get out of here!

Lemmy: We need to get free!

Wendy: I want to get free of you geeks! Come on, break the ropes!

Iggy: Have you noticed the cauldron of steaming ooze?!

Voice: Koopalings…

Wendy: Shadow Queen?

Voice: No, it’s Pinocchio… Of course it’s me! See that cauldron of steaming ooze?

Lemmy: How could we miss it?

Voice: If you fall in, you will break apart and erode…

Iggy: Ew.

Voice: The essence of Koopaling will overload the cauldron, and make it explode… destroying all life on Plit… except for me.

Wendy: Aack!

Voice: But if you can get away… you may find your family members, all tied up… inside the cauldron.

Lemmy: In there?!

Voice: In thirty seconds, you must get free before Plit is wiped out. Fall in, and the world is doomed. Escape, and the world is doomed. But if you can figure out a way to get your family out of there… Ha ha…

Wendy: Ooh! This is risky!

Iggy: Come on! Break the rope!

Lemmy: Ack! Cheers, everyone!

Wendy, Iggy, and Lemmy begin frantically struggling as the seconds tick by. The rope begins to rip.

Wendy: Stronger!

Lemmy: It’s ripping!

Iggy: Nice knowing you all!

The rope rips, and the Koopalings plummet towards the liquid that contains their family.

Wendy: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… Got it!

Wendy is holding the flying potion in her hand. She quickly spills it all over her and her siblings.

Iggy: YIPE!

When only centimeters remain between the Koopalings and a steaming death, the threesome soar away from the cauldron. The vial of flying potion drops into the vat.

Lemmy: We’re free!

The liquid in the cauldron turns from green to blue, then to yellow, and then to black. Ludwig, Morton, Larry, Roy, Bowser, and Clawdia blast out of the cauldron and through a stained glass window, screaming wildly.

Wendy: That didn’t go as quite as well as I’d hoped. Oh well.

The three Koopalings fly out through the broken window. The dangerous chemical that resides in the cauldron writhes and twists and shrinks, finally melting through the cauldron bottom and through the stone floor, and meets with Plit’s core, where it explodes.

Voice: Drat it all!

Elsewhere…

Jolene: What am I doing in a boxing arena?!

Voice: Your surviving friends will be joining you shortly… Can you defeat the greatest of evils… me?

Gonzales Junior, shaking and cold, materializes in the arena.

Junior: What… what’s going on… The last thing I remember is… is being kidnapped… And… Jolene… where…

Jolene: Get ready, partner. We’re going to fight the Shadow Queen.

Junior: I fixed the Pokey race and set up the betting booth. All the suckers are betting as we speak.

Jolene: Good. Then we have no unfinished business.

Wendy, Iggy, and Lemmy crash through a stained glass window and land next to Jolene and Junior.

Iggy: Time to fight!

Toadette bursts into the room through double doors.

Toadette: I have nothing left to live for.

Birdo, Pork Chop, and Yoshi crash through the ceiling.

Pork Chop: Let’s end this journey.

Boshi and Mario run through the double doors.

Boshi: Dudes, time to finish!

Mario: Let us recite the code of the Marios!

The Shadow Queen, aka Princess Peach, appears in a puff of smoke.

Shadow Queen: Such misguided determination… I will end this. Now… where is Daisy?

Daisy bursts through the doors, with Luigi, fully alive, in tow.

Shadow Queen: What… But Luigi is DEAD!

Daisy: You forgot something about the Mario Brothers… Multiple lives…

Shadow Queen: Well, that makes this pointless… Unless I destroy them all! AHAHAHAHA!

Captain Syrup, Bowyer, and the Shadow Sirens materialize in the middle of the arena, tied together. They are completely white, and almost transparent.

Shadow Queen: Ahaha! Another of my genius inventions… they are hooked to my life line! If I die, they will live! But if I continue living for the next half an hour… which, of course, I will… they will die. Immediately. Their brains are being controlled by parasites. They cannot move. They cannot breathe, but they live still… But if you do not defeat me… they will be taken out of their misery.

Vivian tries to speak, but her words come out only in a whisper.

Vivian: Kccck… She… can… be… defeated… Maximize… power… Kcck…

Birdo: Maximize power?!

Luigi: How are we supposed to do that?! We’re as good as dead!

As the Shadow Queen laughs cruelly, her captives choke, and our heroes weep and cry, something strange is happening. The explosion caused by a mixture of flying potion and an almost completed destruction solution is fusing with Plit’s core. Suddenly, a beam of green light shoots out of the core and up into the very room where our heroes our giving up hope.

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAGH!

Toadette: Luigi!

Boshi: Luigi!

Mario: Luigi!

Jolene: Luigi!

Wendy: Luigi!

Iggy: Luigi!

Lemmy: Luigi!

Birdo: Luigi!

Yoshi: Luigi!

Pork Chop: Luigi!

Junior: Who?

The beam of green light has struck Luigi! But he is not screaming… he is grinning!

Luigi: This feels good!

The light stops, and Luigi falls over. But he is giving off a green glow…

Shadow Queen: What… could it be?

Luigi: Everyone… touch me!

Jolene: What?!

Wendy: Ew!

Luigi: No! Someone grab my hand!

Mario giggles and grabs Luigi’s gloved hand.

Mario: Hee hee! It’s-a me!

Mario immediately begins to give off a red glow.

Toadette: I get it!

Toadette grabs Luigi’s other hand. She gives off a pink glow.

Shadow Queen: What… could it be?! But how could they have possessed… such a… a…

Boshi grabs Mario’s hand and gives off a blue glow. Jolene grabs Toadette’s and gives off a yellow glow. Gonzales Junior is scared of the glowing and runs off to comfort the dying captives.

Junior: Don’t worry… They’re going to save you… Right?

Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, Pork Chop, Birdo, and Yoshi grab hands, each giving off a glow.

Pork Chop: Come on! Grab on!

Gonzales Junior grabs onto Vivian and pulls her up. Marilyn, Beldam, Syrup, and Bowyer are pulled up along with them. As Junior grabs hold of Yoshi’s hand, the parasites feeding on the captive’s brains are yanked away. Smiling broadly, Junior, Syrup, Vivian, Bowyer, Beldam, and Marilyn give off glows of their own. Daisy jumps in and grabs on to Marilyn’s hand and Jolene’s.

Shadow Queen: WHAT?! NO! IS IT THIS POWERFUL?! NOOO! NOOOOOO!

A green line shoots from Luigi’s chest. A red line comes from Mario’s chest. Black lines come from the Shadow Sirens. A brown line shoots from Syrup’s. A purple line comes from Bowyer. A tan line comes from Pork Chop. A gold line comes from Gonzales Junior. A yellow line shoots from Jolene and a pink one from Toadette. A blue line shoots from Boshi and an orange one from Daisy. White lines shoot from the Koopalings. A gray line shoots from Yoshi. All of the lights come together at a point right above the Shadow Queen’s head.

Shadow Queen: What… what is this?! It has the power to destroy the parasites!

Wendy: You better believe it does!

Jolene: What is it?

Lemmy: I expect-

Iggy: That it-

Lemmy: Contains our flying potion-

Iggy: And the destruction potion!

Shadow Queen: The destruction potion and the flying potion?! That would not give each of you fools your own cheesy light!

Mario: It’s not cheesy. I would-a know.

Toadette: More snazzy then cheesy.

Shadow Queen: The only power strong enough to defeat me comes from Plit’s core itself, not to mention the ancient spirit of my Star Wars-obsessed husband!

Luigi: Star Wars-obsessed husband?

Mario: What’s-a that?

Toadette: Of course!

Birdo: The spirit inside Mario is the Shadow KING?!

Iggy: Wait, what?

Wendy: Mario has a spirit inside of him?

Jolene: What do you mean, Plit’s CORE?

Boshi: Plit has a core, dude?

Bowyer: How else survive could it?

Luigi: What destruction potion?

Lemmy: How did it get to Plit’s core?

Daisy: And what does flying have to do with any of this?

Junior: I don’t understand this.

Vivian: Since when was there a potion that could cause destruction?

Beldam: Why isn’t it destroying us?

Syrup: And why would it give us color?

Marilyn: Guh guh guh the three guh guh muh guh?

Iggy: And where’s our siblings?

Lemmy: And our parents?

Wendy: And why would a mix of flight and destruction bring a spirit out of Mario?

Pork Chop: And why was Grodus out on important business?

Syrup: And why was TEC in the box?

Iggy: And why does soda malfunction computers?

Yoshi: And how many woodchucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck couldn’t chuck wood but could chuck wood that could chuck chucks but the woodchucks could chuck chucks but the woodchucks could chuck woodchucks?

Shadow Queen: Husband!

The lines coming together has formed a colorful blob above the Shadow Queen.

Blob: Wife. It’s been a long time.

Eyes appear in the blob.

Blob: Ah… Possessing innocent young princesses again?

Shadow Queen: You defeated me before, but not this time!

Blob: Oh? And what are you gonna do about it?!

Shadow Queen: I have more powers! I have invented things!

Vivian: Speaking of which…

Beldam: I don’t feel so good…

Bowyer: Feel my spleen I can’t…

Syrup: Ugh…

Shadow Queen: And one of them seems to be taking effect.

Toadette: Omigosh! I thought that the parasites were gone!

Shadow Queen: Hahaha! They are, but the parasites only control their movements! They will die in two minutes!

Blob: My dear, it pleases me to see your pleasure… But you’ve had your fun.

Shadow Queen: You wouldn’t dare kill me… not while I’m possessing this young woman.

Blob: No… but I believe that you need to be punished.

Boshi: Dude! Not to interrupt but… less then one minute ‘til those four are dead, dude!

Blob: Of course. Now, DIE.

The blob begins stretching out until it reaches the Shadow Queen, who is trembling in Peach’s body.

Shadow Queen: You wouldn’t dare.

Blob: I would.

The Shadow Queen shrieks as she begins to be absorbed into the blob.

Shadow Queen: No! You can’t do this! And all my efforts to waste! I’m the ruler of the world! It is mine!

Blob: Not any more!

The Shadow Queen screams as she is completely absorbed into the blob.

Blob: And no more will she reign. The Force is with you all.

The blob explodes in a flash of white light. Our heroes stop glowing.

Vivian: As was foretold in legend!

Daisy: Really?

Vivian: No… Well, I feel better.

Marilyn: Guh muh guh.

Beldam: Same here.

Vivian: Now… I remember something about you two releasing her in the first place.

Beldam: Uh…

Marilyn: Guh…

Vivian jumps onto her sisters and starts a catfight.

Toadette: Well, our work is done.

Jolene: The world is saved.

Wendy: And my cake is ruined.

Bowyer: What?

Wendy: I put a cake in the oven an hour before we left. I hope someone turned it off, or-

An explosion is heard in the distance.

Wendy: I’m getting dungeon time for that…

Junior: None of this makes sense.

Birdo: Yes, it does…

Pork Chop: No, it doesn’t.

Yoshi: Yoshi no understand.

FBI officers burst through the double doors.

Officer 1: You’re under arrest!

All: WHAT?!

Officer 2: This Toadette girl USED to be one of us!

Toadette: Oh, yeah…

Officer 3: She cut off both of her FBI signs! Now she’s goin’ to jail!

Toadette: Why did I make that law?!

Officer 4: And this Jolene woman and that Gonzales Junior have been scamming people for years!

Officer 2: Yeah, so they’re goin’ to jail as well!

Jolene: They found us out!

Gonzales Junior: Oh great.

Officer 5: And these Mario and Luigi punks are goin’ to jail for unauthorized possession of hats! Rule #52!

Daisy: That’s a dumb rule!

Officer 2: You’re going to jail for being his girlfriend! It’s the first rule in the book!

Birdo: Then it would be rule number one.

Officer 1: You’re going to jail too, for correcting a police officer!

Yoshi: You stupid!

Officer 3: You’re going to jail for insulting a police officer!

Pork Chop: That’s unfair!

Officer 5: And you’re going to jail for whining at a police officer!

Officer 2: And it looks like we’ve found the missing Koopalings! We’ve got the rest of your family in the slammer as well!

Officer 4: And you’re next, fools!

Wendy: What?!

Iggy: It-

Lemmy: Figures!

Officer 3: This guy Bowyer left his boss, which is rule #4! Jail time, Yoda freak!

Bowyer: Boss willingly leave without quitting rule is! Not do that I did!

Officer 5: I don’t understand that, so we’re ignoring it.

Boshi: You are such dumb dudes!

Officer 1: You’re going to jail for exceeding the amount of "dude" words in a sentence!

Vivian: What is this-

Officer 4: And you and your freaky sisters are going to jail for having an unauthorized catfight!

Marilyn: Guh!

Syrup: Well, at least-

Officer 2: And you’re going to jail for sending too much hate mail! Not to mention that you’re a pirate!

Officer 3: And this guy…

The agents pull Toadsworth through the double doors.

Officer 3: -disowned his daughter! No doing that! Rule #86! Now he’s going to jail, just like all of you!

Toadsworth: Toadette? You’re going to jail as well? No FBI? All right, you’re un-disowned.

Toadette: Un-disowned?! Learn grammar! Let’s take this slowly…

Toadsworth: Don’t push it, daughter. Huff, I say!

Mario: I miss-a Lolly.

Daisy: This is so awful.

The FBI agents pull their captives through the double doors.
 

Epilogue:

Our heroes and the Koopas all sit in a jail cell. Toadette has a large, musty book in her lap.

Toadette: Well, it seems that the Shadow Queen, when she was young, really did have a husband. This talks about a fair queen who was possessed by a demon. She killed her husband, but his spirit lived on. He could only watch as heroes arose and imprisoned his once fair wife. But when she rose again, the king went into the body of a moron who was coming, and helped him to defeat her once again. The only way he could get out of the moron, however, was if he was given the very power of Plit itself, and the power of flight. He also needed the capability of destruction so that he could destroy her.

She turns the page.

Toadette: It says that he is stuck there to this very day.

Boshi: Dude, that book needs to be updated.

Mario: What’s cooking, Lolly?

Luigi: Ugh. This really stinks.

Wendy: Tell me about it.

Iggy: We save the world, and then we get arrested.

Bowser: Be quiet! I’m disappointed in you three!

Lemmy: For helping the good guys?

Bowser: No, for helping the ENEMY! That filth does not deserve-

Birdo: We do too!

Bowser stares at Birdo.

Bowser: Heh… You doing anything on Friday?

Birdo: I’m married.

Yoshi: TO ME!

Pork Chop: This is awful. We won’t be out of here for months.

Luigi: Well, Daisy’s going back to Sarasaland. Me and Mario are going back to where we belong, our house.

Wendy: We Koopas are going to go back to our castle, and continue to fight you dorks.

Syrup: I’m going back to sailing.

Bowyer: Going back to work for Smithy I am. Ready I am to be evil again.

Vivian: We’re going back to Twilight Town.

Beldam: No, we’re going to live in a castle in Dinosaur Land, where we will search for the Shadow Queen once again.

Marilyn: The three! Guh huh!

Vivian: Don’t count on it!

Toadette: Me and Dad are going back to his mansion.

Toadsworth: We can make a new start. Huff, I say!

Boshi: Dude, I’m going back to Dinosaur Land.

Birdo: As will we.

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Pork Chop: Yahoo! … Can I change my name?

Birdo: All right, you are now named "Tofu".

Pork Chop: Never mind.

Jolene: Me and Junior are going back to the horse races, to scam- I mean, bet. We can buy back the Glitz Pit from the FBI!

Mario: So, one more time, let us recite! THE CODE OF THE MARIOS!

Bowyer: Good cheese is?

Koopas: Cheese is good.

Toadette and Toadsworth: Pasta is great.

Yosi, Birdo, Pork Chop, and Boshi: We love both.

Luigi, Daisy, Jolene, and Pork Chop: We appreciate.

Mario: Good! Now let’s hear some cheerleading!

Guard: Hey! We interrupt this stupid cheering to bring you an important announcement! You have a visitor!

Peach walks over, covered in slime.

Peach: Now… Explain to me why saving me wasn’t important…

Luigi: Uh…

Peach pulls a bazooka out of her pocket.

Meanwhile…

Flavio: What’s this?

Flavio picks up a box lying in the snow. Dramatic music begins to play…

THE END

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