Intro
Lakitu: Today... 16 Plitians will be stranded on the deserted Lavalava Island-
Yoshi: That no true. Lavalava Island no deserted. Yoshi have cousin who live there.
Lakitu: *ahem* Today... 16 Plitians will be stranded on the NOW deserted Lavalava Island-
Yoshi: *gasp* What did you do to my cousin?! You kill him?!
King Boo: Nah, the producers of the show probably just paid him a lot of money to live somewhere else while they film.
Yoshi: Oh.
Lakitu: *ahem* Today... 16 Plitians will be stranded on the deserted Lavalava Island, where they will compete against nature, and more importantly, themselves, for 39 days. Every three days (or so) players will vote other players off the island until one remains. That last player will win one million coins. It won't be easy. The island holds many secrets and dangers, like an active volcano and man-eating vegetation. The 16 players are divided into two teams of eight. 16 players, 39 days, one Sole Survivor.
Cheesy theme music plays.
Tribe Lavalava (The "Good Guys"):
Mario
Luigi
Yoshi
Toad
Mallow
Geno
Chancellor
Jinx
Tribe Yoshi (The "Bad Guys"):
Bowser
King Boo
Anti Guy
Bowyer
Rawk Hawk
Fawful
Doopliss
Crystal King
Lakitu: The Survivors will depart for Lavalava island from this ship, which is positioned one mile from the shore line. Each team will get one large canoe, and a set of eight paddles. Each team will also get a crate containing the bare minimum supplies. On my signal, the contestants will begin their voyage to the island.
Lakitu grabs a Spiny from his cloud,
and drops it. As the spikey creature hits the water, the Survivors
quickly begin to board their canoes.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi is off to a good
start. Their largest member, Bowser, has been able to move their crate
onto their canoe with little effort. The rest of Tribe Yoshi's members
quickly board, and Tribe Yoshi
has an impressive lead over Tribe Lavalava.
Toad: Great. They're already beating us.
Yoshi: They wouldn't be if other lazy tribemates would help Yoshi with crate.
Mallow: Oh, quit complaining.
Yoshi, Food Tester: Yoshi no like what happened when tribe was loading the boat. Yoshi get blamed for slow loading, but other tribe guys could have helped Yoshi.
Lakitu: Tribe Lavalava finally gets their crate into the canoe.
The remaining team members hop into the canoe and begin to row.
Jinx: The other team's going faster!
Luigi: What's holding us up?
Geno: Mario's rowing the wrong way...
Mallow, Prince: I know keeping the idiots around can be a good strategy, but Mario is a huge problem for a our tribe. We could easily be down several people going into the merge if we keep him around.
Day 1
Tribe Yoshi
Tribe Yoshi is rowing as a team under Bowser's guidance.
Bowser: One... two. One... two. One... two.
Doopliss, Identity Thief: Bowser's a good leader, and I think he'd be very beneficial to our tribe. I hope we don't vote him off right away just because he's a physical threat.
Rawk Hawk: C'mon guys! Let's RAAAAAAAAAAAWK!
Anti Guy: What the #### does that mean, you crazy #######?
Rawk Hawk: Watch your mouth, insignificant Shyster! Do you even know who you're talking too?
Anti Guy: Of course I do. I'm talking
to a ####### conceded idiot who has a brain equivalent to a small
peanut.
Rawk Hawk: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME?!
Anti Guy: Who's deaf too, apparently.
Rawk Hawk: Why I oughta-
Bowyer: Shut up you both should. Help tribe row you must.
King Boo, Boo King: I don't think it ever occurred to anyone that I could fly to our camp, but it was a strategic move on my part not to. If I did, I don't think I'd be setting a good image for myself as a "team player".
Tribe Yoshi hits the shoreline. Everyone gets out of the boat.
Crystal King: Who has the map?
Bowser: Me.
Anti Guy: Well, Tub 'O Lard, where's out camp?
Bowser: Tub 'O Lard?! I am NOT fat! This is all muscle! And I ought to give you a taste of it right now!
Anti Guy: Bring it, you oaf.
Bowser: Then step right up so I can kick the stuffing out of you!
Anti Guy: How 'bout you come over here, you fatso?
Bowser: ROAR!!!
Bowser blows fire at Anti Guy, who easily dodges out of the way. Bowser did hit something, though...
Doopliss: The map! It's on fire!
Bowser: GAH! Oh great, now look what you've made me do!
Anti Guy: MADE you do? I didn't make you do anything!
Crystal King: Someone put the fire out before we lose our map!
Bowser: Oh, right. ... Um, how do I do that?
King Boo: Cover it with some sand!
Bowser: Oh, okay.
Bowser drops the map on the beach and douses the flame with a giant handful of sand.
Bowser: There.
Bowyer: Survey the damage we should.
Bowser: What he just say?
Anti Guy: He said we should survey the damage, you #######.
Bowser, Koopa King: That Anti Guy! I hate him so much! He's so obnoxious. I can't wait to vote him off!
Bowser plucks the map from the sand.
Bowser: Right. Well, it's still legible. Tribe Yoshi Camp is right... hey, why are we Tribe Yoshi? I HATE Yoshis.
Anti Guy: So do I. Well, I hate everything, so...
Fawful: Does the small black one even hate mustard?
Anti Guy: Um, yeah.
Doopliss: Let's stay focused, people.
Anti Guy: None of us are people, twit.
Doopliss: Oh... yeah. I knew that.
Fawful: I HAVE FURY!!!
Tribe Lava
Yoshi: Yoshi's arms hurt.
Mallow: Oh, quit complaining.
Yoshi: Yoshi carry crate earlier. Crate heavy.
Mallow: Yeah, we get it. You honestly don't have to keep whining about it.
Geno: Quit arguing, you two. It's hard enough to row as it is...
Mario: YIPPEE!!!
Mario takes a bite out of his paddle.
Chancellor: My word, did he just EAT his paddle?
Jinx: So it seems...
With Mario eating his paddle instead of rowing the wrong way, Tribe Lavalava gets to the shore line rather quickly. Everyone gets off.
Luigi: Finally. The other team's gonna have a huge-a head start!
Geno: Let's get cracking, then. Who has the map?
Everyone except Geno and Mario: Mario.
Geno: What?! Who gave HIM the map?
Toad: I think the host did...
Geno: That evil...
Mario: YUMMY!!!
Mario is about to eat the map.
Everyone except Mario: NO!!!
Yoshi grabs the map with his tongue before Mario clamps his jaw around it.
Mario: Hey, give me my food back!
Jinx: All right, Yoshi. Which way?
Yoshi: Follow Yoshi.
Geno, Star Road Protector: I didn't entirely trust Yoshi with the map, but if he screws up with the directions, at least he'll take the heat.
Night 1
Tribe Yoshi
Bowser: Home sweet home!
Anti Guy: That took longer then it should've.
Bowser: Hey, it was hard to read with the scorch marks.
Anti Guy: Which were YOUR fault, if I remember correctly.
Bowser: ROAR! Be quiet!
King Boo, Boo King: I'm going to form an alliance with that Anti Guy. Everyone hates him, so if I can bring him to the final two, I'll win in a snap!
Bowyner: To late it is to build camp.
Bowser: Well, it's too late to start building camp.
Bowyner: What I said is just that.
Doopliss: Well, it stays warm here all the time... which is good.
Crystal King: Easy for you to say...
Fawful: Very soft is the sand.
Bowser: G'night everybody.
Tribe Lavalava
Chancellor: Yoshi, are we there yet?
Yoshi: Yoshi think we very close.
Mallow: We'd better be... my legs hurt.
Yoshi, Food Tester: Mallow bug Yoshi.
Yoshi want him gone. Mallow get on Yoshi's case for saying Yoshi's
arm hurt, then Mallow say his legs
hurt. Yoshi think Mallow is big hypocrite.
Luigi: I need to use the bathroom!
Jinx: Just go in the bushes...
Luigi: Ahhhh... Too late.
Everyone except Luigi and Mario: Ew...
Mario: Mamamia!
Toad: I'm tired...
Geno: I'm feeling a bit drowsy myself.
Chancellor: Perhaps we should save the rest of this trek for tomorrow.
Yoshi: Yoshi fine with that. Just hope it doesn't rain.
Jinx: Good night, all.
Tribe Yoshi
Bowser: (singing) Oh what a beautiful mourning! Oh what a beautiful day! I've got a-
Anti Guy: Would you stop singing? You're breaking my ears...
Bowser: Grrrrr...
Crystal King: Shy Guys have ears?
Bowser: All right, all right. We've got to get some things done here. First and foremost, we need a fire.
Rawk Hawk: I RAAAAAAAAAAAAWK at fires!
Bowser: Um... I can just make a fire
with my breath, so... yeah. Next, we need some people to start on the
shelter.
Rawk Hawk: I RAAAAAAAAAAAAWK at building shelters.
Bowser: Um... great. We'll have you do that. Anyone else want to volunteer for building the shelter?
Crickets: Chirp.
Bowser: Okay then. Next, we need some people to go scout the island for foodstuff. Who's up for that?
Bowyer: Do that, I will.
Bowser: ... Anyone?
Crystal King: Bowyer just said that he would, and I guess I'll go too.
Bowser: Great. Um, last, we need to
get some water. LOTS of it. They will take the map and use it to find
our water supply.
Anti Guy: That sounds the easiest. I'll do it.
King Boo: I'll go, too.
Bowser: Good. So, who doesn't have a job?
Doopliss: Me and Fawful.
Bowser: Okay. You guys go ahead and work on the shelter with Rawk Hawk. I'll get the fire going, and then help you guys.
Everyone on Tribe Yoshi breaks off to do their different chores.
Anti Guy and King Boo
King Boo: So, Anti Guy, have you thought about who you're going to vote out?
Anti Guy: Yeah. Either that Rawk Hawk idiot, or Bowser.
King Boo: I was thinking the same thing, actually.
Anti Guy: Really?
King Boo: Yeah. I was leaning more toward Rawk Hawk, though. Bowser does a good job at being the leader and keeping the team together. Plus, he'll help us win challenges.
Anti Guy: Yeah, but Rawk Hawk would help us during challenges too.
King Boo: True, but Bowser's a lot smarter and will help us a little more I imagine. It hardly matters though, because hopefully both will go before the merge.
Anti Guy: Right.
King Boo: So, are you gonna put Rawk Hawk's name down if we go to Tribal?
Anti Guy: Yeah.
King Boo: Excellent. Now I just need to convince some others...
Anti Guy: Saaaaaay, me and you sorta think alike. Maybe we should form some kind of... alliance.
King Boo: Well... I guess that would make sense.
Anti Guy: Cool. So how about it? Me and you, Final Two?
King Boo: Sounds good.
The two shake hands, and walk farther into the jungle.
Lavalava Tribe
Mallow and Geno
Mallow and Geno are alone in the jungle.
Mallow: So... have you thought of who you're voting for?
Geno: Isn't it a little early for that? We haven't even lost yet.
Mallow: Yeah, but we probably will.
Geno: Ah c'mon, Mallow, we don't need that kinda attitude.
Mallow: I'm serious. You think we have a chance? Their team has so much more muscle, it's pathetic!
Geno: Nonsense. We've beaten those guys before...
Mallow: I guess.
Geno: So just keep your head up. We'll win the challenge and we won't have to worry about it.
Mallow: I suppose...
Rest of Tribe Lavalava
Jinx: Where are those two?
Chancellor: They're supposed to be taking a bathroom break.
Luigi: Don't say that word!
Toad: Isn't that two words?
Yoshi: No. It one.
Chancellor: Good gracious! We're late to our camp as it is! We don't need these two holding us up.
Tribe Yoshi
Rawk Hawk, Bowser, Doopliss, and
Fawful
Rawk Hawk: All right! Let's RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!! ... Okay, what are we doing?
Doopliss: Building a shelter.
Rawk Hawk: Right. I knew that.
Fawful: Then why did the Buff Birdie of Goldenness ask?
Rawk Hawk: Shut up, ya weirdo!
Doopliss: Hey, Rawk Hawk, hand me that rock.
Rawk Hawk: A RAAAAAAAAAWK? Where?
Doopliss: Um, there. *points*
Rawk Hawk: Why should I? I could RAAAAAAAAAWK you!
Doopliss: So? Just give me the rock.
Rawk Hawk: Okay.
Doopliss: Now... um, go into the jungle and chop down some coconut trees so we can get this thing going.
Rawk Hawk: Why should I? I could RAAAAAAAAAAAAWK you!
Doopliss: So? Just do it.
Rawk Hawk: Okay.
Rawk Hawk leaves.
Bowser: ROAR! We have fire!
Fawful: Most excellent.
Doopliss: Yeah. Now... Bowser, you should probably help Rawk with the trees. He might hurt himself.
Bowser: Good idea.
Bowser leaves.
Fawful: Now what?
Doopliss: I dunno. Wanna watch me imitate people?
Fawful: No.
Doopliss: Oh. Well um... wanna play Rock, Paper, Scissors?
Fawful: Sure.
Doopliss: Okay, ready? Rock... Paper...
Bowyer and Crystal King
Bowyner: Find anything?
Crystal King: Yeah. A whole bunch of coconuts.
Bowyner: Anything OTHER then coconuts? Abundant they are.
Crystal King: Nah.
Bowyner: Then get cracking, we shall!
Crystal King: How are we gonna get 'em down?
Bowyner: Arrows I will use! Shoot them I will!
Crystal King: We got arrows?
Bowyner: Produce them from thin air I can!
Crystal King: Oh, well that's convenient.
King Boo appears close by.
King Boo: So... gentlemen.
Bowyner: Eh? Supposed to be working on the water you are!
King Boo: Um... Anti Guy's taking care of it.
Crystal King: Why are you here?
King Boo: Oh, I'm just wondering who you're gonna vote for...
Bowyner: Ask, why do you? Challenge we will not lose.
King Boo: Well, just in case. It's always good to be prepared, right?
Crystal King: I guess.
Bowyner: Sure I am not...
King Boo: Why not vote for Rawk Hawk?
Bowyner: Vote for Rawk Hawk we shouldn't! Help our team he will!
Crystal King: Yeah, I kinda agree...
King Boo: Or maybe Anti Guy, perhaps?
Bowyner: Maybe... Pessimistic he is.
King: I don't really know, either. Just throwing some names out. Sorry to bother you.
King Boo leaves.
Tribe Lavalava
Geno: Finally! We made it!
Mario: Wahoo!
Luigi: Great, now where's the bathroom?
Mallow: There isn't a bathroom here, either.
Luigi: NOOOO!!!
Luigi runs into the bushes.
Yoshi: *sigh*
Toad: Ooh! Guys! Look! We've got Tree Mail!
Chancellor: Tree Mail? What in DAD's name is that?
Jinx: Oh, c'mon, Chancellor. You're telling me that you've never watched the show?
Everyone stares at Jinx.
Jinx: Never mind...
Chancellor: Good gracious! Just tell me.
Toad: It's something we get before every challenge. It has a stupid rhyming note in it and some random object that somehow explains the challenge.
Chancellor: ... Right.
Geno: Hold it. We're not actually LEAVING now, are we? We just got here!
Mallow: It's Yoshi's fault! He's terrible with directions.
Yoshi, Food Tester: That Mallow! He not careful, Yoshi beat him with big rock when he not looking.
Reward Challenge
Lakitu: C'mon in, guys!
Lakitu waves toward Tribe Yoshi, who come into view, plodding in from a random jungle.
King Boo: (whispering to tribe) It's cute how the producers think it isn't blatantly obvious that this entrance is staged...
Lakitu: Now Tribe Lavalava!
Tribe Lavalava comes into the clear.
Toad: Lakitu! Stop acting like Jeff!
Mallow: Who's Jeff?
Jinx: You know, Jeff, the host from the actual show? Duh...
Everyone looks at Jinx again, and Lakitu clears his throat.
Lakitu: Right. Well, Tribe Yoshi, how's the first two days been?
Anti Guy: Horrible. Bowser caught the map on fire, and-
Bowser: ROAR! Only because you provoked me!
Lakitu: So, I guess you had some trouble.
Crystal King: Just a little. We made it to camp okay, though.
Lakitu: How 'bout you guys?
Mallow: Well, Lakitu, it went like this. YOSHI thought he could carry the crate by himself, and it took FOREVER to get the boat going, and...
While Mallow is talking Yoshi is crushing a small stone in his hand in order to relieve anger. Yoshi's hand is at Toad's eye-level. The Mushroomer looks up at Yoshi with scared, bulging eyes.
Mallow: ...and once he had the map, he felt like he had to play the leader role, and guess what, Lakitu? He-
Anti Guy: Shut up, you emotionally disturbed marshmallow! WE DON'T CARE!!!
Mallow: Excuse me? Did you just call me a...
Lakitu: Enough! We're starting the challenge now.
Anti Guy: Good.
Lakitu: Here's how it works.
The camera zooms around, showing the challenge while Lakitu speaks.
Lakitu: There will be a narrow wooden beam suspended across two platforms over the ocean. One at a time, each tribe member will enter a balance beam showdown with another member of the opposite tribe. Once one of the tribe members hits the water, the other tribe score a point. Each member will go once, and the tribe with the highest score at the end wins. Any questions?
King Boo: I've got one. If I ask an irrelevant question, will you guys just edit it out?
Lakitu: Probably. Any more questions?
*gives no time for anyone to respond* All right then, let's get
started.
Both tribes are magically transported to the two platforms via camera cuts. Lakitu is floating above the group.
Lakitu: For reward! Survivors ready? G-
Toad: Hold it! There's never a reward challenge in the first three days!
Lakitu: What's your point?
Toad: Isn't it obvious? My point is-
Lakitu: Survivors ready? Go!
Toad: Hey, I'm still-
Mallow: You're first, Toad! Get out there!
Mallow pushes Toad onto the beam.
Toad: Who am I-
Bowser: ROAR! You're going down!
Toad: Oh my DAD! HELP ME!!!
Bowser: Guahahahahaha!!! That's right,
you little wimp! Why don't you cry to your mommy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Do ya? Do ya want to? Huh? Huh?
Anti Guy: SHUT UP.
Toad: That's it! Take this!
Toad charges at Bowser, but simply bounces off him and lands in the water.
Toad: Darn.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi scores! (Lavalava: 0 Yoshi: 1)
Bowser: Ha! Ha! ROAR! I win!
Anti Guy: Yeah yeah, move. I'm next.
Luigi: I'll take you on!
Anti Guy: Heh, this'll be a cinch.
Luigi: Say WHAT? Take this!
Luigi charges at Anti Guy, fists flying furiously. But, like when he uses this move in SSBM, he closes his eyes. This causes him to fall in the water before even reaching Anti Guy.
Anti Guy: That was stupid.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi scores! (Lavalava: 0 Yoshi: 2)
Bowyer: Next I am!
Geno: I'll take you! I've beaten you once, I'll beat you again!
Bowyer: Nya! See we will! Arrow I will shoot!
Bowyer shoots an arrow at Geno. Geno dodges it.
Geno: Ha! Now take this!
Geno turns into a cannon and fires Geno Flash.
Bowyer: ... Good this isn't.
King Boo: Brace for impact!
The attack blasts Bowyner off the platform, as well as the remaining Yoshi Tribe.
Lakitu: Tribe Lavalava scores! (Lavalava: 1 Yoshi: 2)
Geno: Do I get extra points for that?
Lakitu: No. In fact, I should dock you for it because we have to pay for the damage you cause this equipment.
Geno: Darn.
Tribe Yoshi returns to the platform.
King Boo: My turn.
Mallow: I'll crush you!
King Boo: I'm quaking in my nonexistent boots.
Mallow: A wise guy, eh? Take this!
Mallow stretches his arm toward King Boo. King Boo grabs the arm and lifts Mallow into the air, twirls him around several times, and hurls him into the water.
Mallow: Cheater!
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi scores! (Lavalava: 1 Yoshi: 3)
Doopliss: All right, Slicks. My turn.
Jinx: Mine as well. Prepare to receive a world-class beating.
Doopliss: Yeah right, Slick. I could take you with my eyes closed and my hands duct taped together.
Jinx: Bombs Away!
The entire Tribe Yoshi is blasted into the water.
Lakitu: Tribe Lavalava scores! (Lavalava: 2 Yoshi: 3)
Fawful: It is the turn of Fawful's!
Chancellor: Why does everyone on the other tribe have speech impairments?
Fawful: Like many grasshoppers of infinite power, I will smite you!
Fawful slips and falls into the water.
Lakitu: Tribe Lavalava scores! It's dead even, now! (Lavalava: 3 Yoshi: 3)
Crystal King: My go.
Mario: It's-a me!
Crystal King: Excellent! Time for a rematch, my dear Mario!
Mario: Ooh, look! A jellyfish!
Mario jumps into the water.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi scores! (Lavalava: 3 Yoshi: 4)
Rawk Hawk: My turn to RAAAAAAAWK!
Yoshi: Yoshi not let tribe down.
Rawk Hawk: Feel the RAAAAAAAAAWK!!!
Rawk Hawk bursts toward Yoshi, and tackles him. Yoshi rolls back and boots Rawk Hawk off the platform.
Lakitu: Tribe Lavalava scores! (Lavalava: 4 Yoshi: 4)
King Boo: Now what?
Lakitu: Sudden death. Each tribe selects one member and they play for reward!
Bowyer: Select Bowser we do!
Luigi: We choose Jinx!
Lakitu: Survivors ready? Go!
Jinx: Bombs Away!
Bowser: ROAR! Oh no!
Some Voice: Monster's FP is gone!
Jinx: What...?
Bowser: Wuahahahahaha! Take this!
Bowser breathes fire. Jinx dodges.
Bowser: Shoot! Well, why don't you try some of-
Toad: AHH!!! The beam's on fire!
Jinx: Gah! This is all your fault!
Bowser: What? It's your fault! You were the one who dodged the attack!
Jinx: Oh, so you expected me to just take the attack?
Bower: Um, yeah.
The platform collapses and everyone falls in the water.
King Boo: Now what?
Lakitu: Um... I guess you guys just don't get reward.
Geno: That's stupid.
Lakitu: Boohoo. Those are the rules. Go cry about it, or something.
Geno: ... Jerk.
Lakitu: I heard that!
Geno: So? I don't care. You're jerk! A jerk! A jerk-faced... Koopa guy! Jerk jerk jerk! Jerk infinity!
Lakitu: *sigh* Guys... I've got nothing for ya. Just... just go.
Geno: Jerk!
Lakitu: Now that's enou-
Geno: Jerk!
Lakitu: Wh-
Geno: JERK!!!
Night 2
Tribe Yoshi
Bowser: Am I the only one who thought that was completely pointless?
Anti Guy: Oh, I'm SURE you're in the vast minority by making that statement. The rest of us had a grand time.
Bowser: You little piece of... I oughta... dirty little...
Fawful: Why isn't the Crazy King of Koopa completing his sentences?
Tribe Yoshi arrives at camp.
Bowser: Okay team, I think we should have dinner, then go to bed. So, Bowyer and Crystal King, what do you have for us?
Bowyner: Found coconuts we did. Cut them open we must.
Crystal King: Yeah, what he said.
Bowser: (whispering to Rawk Hawk) What did he say?
Rawk Hawk: (whispering back) No idea.
Anti Guy: I'm surrounded by idiots...
Bowser: THAT'S IT! IT'S GO TIME!!!
Rawk Hawk: C'mon Bowser, let's RAAAAAAAAAWK him!
Bowser and Rawk Hawk lunge toward Anti Guy.
Anti Guy: Oh yeah?
Anti Guy snatches a machete from a nearby stump.
Anti Guy: Bring it!
Bowser and Rawk Hawk stop lunging. Anti Guy grins evilly and bursts toward Bowser and Rawk Hawk, machete in hand.
Bowser: ... Run.
The rest of Tribe Yoshi watches as Anti Guy pursues Bowser and Rawk Hawk around camp, swinging the machete in a frenzied craze.
King Boo: Freaky.
Bowyer: Kidding you are not.
Doopliss: So much for getting any sleep...
Crystal King: Anyone want some coconuts?
Day 3
Tribe Lavalava
Geno: *wakes up* Man... *yawn* I didn't get much sleep last night...
Mallow: Duh, Geno, like any of us did? We don't have a shelter! We're sleeping in sand! SAND! DAD forsaken-
Chancellor: My, my. Quite a temper you have!
Mallow: Shut up, you old geezer!
Jinx: Touche...?
Luigi, Ghostbuster: I'm frightened. Our tribe is already losing it, and it's only day three...
Toad: Does anyone know where Mario went?
Yoshi: Yoshi know. He wander into the forest.
Mallow: And you didn't stop him?! Geez, Yoshi. You're going to get us all killed.
Yoshi growls.
Mario: *bursts out of the jungle* Owowowowowowowowowow...
Chancellor: I say, Master Mario, whatever is the matter?
Mario: Sushi!
Everyone: ...
Piranha Plant: *bursts out behind Mario* FOOD!!!
Everyone: AAAAAH!!!
The Piranha Plant lunges toward Mario.
Mallow: Somebody do something! We can't lose Mario!
Jinx: ... We can't?
Geno: Well, we have to do SOMETHING, or the show will sue us.
Jinx: Very well. Bombs Away!
Some Voice: The monster's FP is gone!
Jinx: Dang it!
Mario: Mamamia!
Yoshi: Yoshi help!
Yoshi jumps toward the Piranha and beats it up in a fit of rage.
Mallow: Woah. Where'd that come from?
Everyone glares at Mallow.
Mallow, Prince: I have a strange feeling that everyone hates me. I wonder why?
Immunity Challenge
Lakitu: C'mon in, guys!
Both tribes enter.
Geno: (whispering to Jinx) Does he say that every time?
Jinx: Basically. You should get used to it.
Lakitu: Welcome to your first Immunity Challenge. Let me explain the rules.
While Lakitu explains the challenge, the camera flies around, showing two wooden square-shaped boards propped up on the beach, and two wooden polls sticking out of the ocean. One poll and one board are green in color, representing Tribe Yoshi. The other objects are red in color, representing Tribe Lavalava.
Lakitu: It's quite simple, really. One person from each tribe leaves their tribe, who is stationed next to their respective boards, and swims toward their respective wooden pool. Below the water's surface there is a bag of ten puzzle pieces. The tribemate will retrieve one of the pieces and return to shore. Once a tribe has all ten pieces, they may begin solving their puzzle, which will be constructed on the wooden board. The first tribe to finish their puzzle wins immunity. Any questions?
Mario opens his mouth.
Lakitu: No? Okay, then. Get stationed by your puzzle-holders and wait for my go!
The tribes magically appear next to the puzzle holders.
Lakitu: Survivors ready? Go!
Bowser and Geno dash toward the water's edge. Geno gets there first and dives in the water, but immediately comes backs out and hobbles back toward his tribe.
Geno: This doll obviously isn't waterproof...
Mallow: What?! You had no trouble with that when we were in the Sunken Ship...
Geno: Yeah, well, you know how realistic RPGs are...
Jinx: I'm going! They already have a huge lead!
Bowser has reached the poll, and dives underwater to retrieve the pieces. Jinx sprints toward the water, moving incredibly fast. Bowser swims slowly back to shore, and as he reaches it, Jinx is already coming back with Tribe Lavalava's first piece.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi has their first piece!
Bowser reaches his tribe, and King Boo floats speedily toward the poll, simply gliding over the water.
Mallow: Hey! That's cheating!
Anti Guy: Shut up!
Mallow: Why you...
Lakitu: Tribe Lavalava returns with their first piece!
Luigi rushes toward the water as Jinx returns. King Boo surfaces with a piece, and flies toward the shore.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi has their second piece!
Anti Guy runs toward the shore. Luigi has reached the poll, and is diving down to retrieve a piece. He comes back emptyhanded, however, and rests atop the water. Anti Guy reaches him and dives down, nabbing a piece. As the Shyster surfaces, Luigi goes down once more. Anti Guy returns to shore with his piece with Luigi just a few meters behind him, carrying a piece of his own.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi has their third
piece, and Tribe
Lavalava returns with their second!
Tribe Yoshi sends Bowyer, who, even though swimming very awkwardly, gathers up a piece and returns quickly. Toad does the same for Tribe Lavalava.
Lakitu: Both tribes retrieve a piece! Tribe Yoshi has four, while Lavalava only has three! You're still in this, guys!
Geno: Yoshi, you're up!
Yoshi: But Yoshi no like water...
Mallow: Just GO, you big sissy!
In a split second, Yoshi is charging at Mallow in dinosauric furry, wielding a large stone.
Yoshi: YOU PAY FOR INSULTING YOSHI!!!
Mallow runs screaming into the jungle, Yoshi hot on his heals. No one does anything to stop the enraged dino.
Lakitu: ... Wow.
Crystal King: What's eatin' him?
Due to the delay Tribe Lavalava is experiencing, Fawful is able to give Tribe Yoshi a 5-3 lead. This is quickly lost, however, when they send out Rawk Hawk, who gets lost on his way to the poll and nearly drowns several times. The Chancellor and Jinx both retrieve pieces for Tribe Lavalava, making the score 5-5. Mario, Yoshi, and Mallow were skipped for obvious reasons.
Anti Guy: Oh, geez. That idiot cost us our lead!
Mario: My turn!
Luigi (grabbing a hold of Mario's shirt to prevent him from going): Oh no you don't!
Mario: But it's-a me, Mario!
Toad: Yes, that's what we're afraid of...
With a combined effort of Toad, Jinx, Chancellor, and Luigi, Tribe Lavalava collects the remaining pieces. Rawk Hawk is still out in the ocean, nowhere near the poll, flailing his arms in a frenzy.
Rawk Hawk: Feeeeeel... the... RAAA*blub*AAAAA*blub*AAAA-
SMACK!!!
Rawk Hawk is knocked unconscious by a speeding boat and sinks bellow the surface.
Geno: Does that mean we win be default?
Lakitu: No.
Geno: Aw, darn.
Toad (beginning to put the puzzle together): Doesn't matter. We'll win anyway.
King Boo: (to Lakitu) So, will you be saving him?
Lakitu: Of course not. I'm just here to aggrivate you guys and tell you the rules, not to help.
King Boo: Very well...
King Boo blasts toward Rawk Hawk, plucking him out of the water, and hurling him ashore. He then floats speedily over to the wooden poll and, one by one, snatches up a puzzle piece, hovers to shore, and drops it in a stack, repeating this until his tribe has all ten of their pieces.
King Boo: There. We're back in this thing.
Lakitu: I wouldn't be too sure. Tribe Lavalava is almost finished with their puzzle.
Mario sneezes and all of Tribe Lavalava's pieces fall to the sand. Toad kicks him angrily in the shins, causing him to hop around in pain for a moment, then fall to the ground unconscious. Both teams are now neck-and-neck. However, since Tribe Lavalava has already almost solved the puzzle once, they progress more quickly.
Geno: There! That last piece goes-
Mallow: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
SLAM!!!
Mallow runs into the back of the puzzle holder, knocking it to the ground. By some miracle, however, all the pieces remain in place.
Jinx: Hurry! Get the piece-
CRACK!!!
Yoshi's rock, which was thrown at Mallow from the depths of the jungle, soars over the Nimbian's head, and lands on the puzzle holder. After a few second of awkward silence, the puzzle holder cracks in two.
Luigi: NOOOOOO!!!
King Boo: Lakitu! We got it! We're finished!
Lakitu examines the puzzle and raises his arms.
Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi wins immunity!
The members of Tribe Yoshi all raise their hands in the air and yell in triumph. Cheesy dramatic music plays in the background, and the camera shows all the members of Tribe Yoshi celebrating in slow motion.
Tribe Lavalava
Jinx, Dojo Master: Well, we lost. It was a rather disheartening loss, too. We had such a good lead going into the puzzle, but then due to some strange freak accident involving Yoshi and Mallow, we ended up losing it. Oh yeah, Mario sneezed too. That didn't help.
Geno: (addressing Mallow and Yoshi) What went on with you two?
Yoshi growls.
Mallow: Well, out of blue, I mean, I don't even know where it came from, Yoshi decided to-
Yoshi growls louder.
Mallow: (over Yoshi) He decided to atack me! Like I said, totally-
Yoshi growls even louder.
Mallow: (yelling) TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE, AND-
Toad: SHUT UP!!! Both of you!
Yoshi growls very softly.
Toad: I heard that!
Chancellor: Maybe we should work on doing something productive, like building a shelter, or starting a fire?
Mario: Look, guys! A coconut!
Chancellor: That's... that's a good start.
Mario hops over to the coconut, picks it up, and hurls it into the air. It comes down on his head, knocking him out.
Chancellor: *sigh*
Geno and Mallow
Mallow: So you're going to vote Yoshi with me, right?
Geno: What?
Mallow: I'm voting Yoshi. He needs to leave! He lost today's challenge for us, remember? He hurled the rock?
Geno: Only because you provoked him...
Mallow: What?! I did nothing of the sort!
Geno: Yeah. Right.
Mallow: Aw, c'mon Geno, you HAVE to vote with me! Remember our adventure? Remember all the tears we shed together?
Geno: Tears YOU shed, maybe...
Mallow: WHAT?!
Geno: I'll think about it, Mallow. We'll see come Tribal Council.
Mallow and Chancellor
Mallow: You're voting Yoshi, right?
Chancellor: Um...
Mallow: Right?
Chancellor: Um...
Mallow: Right?!
Chancellor: Um...
Mallow RIGHT?!
Mallow and Jinx
Mallow: You're voting Yoshi, right?
Jinx: Not sure.
Mallow: Well, then vote Yoshi.
Jinx: I might.
Mallow: MIGHT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!
Jinx: 0_0
Mallow and Luigi
Mallow: Vote Yoshi.
Luigi: ... What?
Mallow: Vote Yoshi.
Luigi: Um... I'll think about it?
Mallow: DO IT.
Luigi: *wets pants* Aw, man...
Mallow and Toad
Mallow: You gotta vote Yoshi for me, Toad.
Toad: OK!!!
Mallow: ... Are you serious?
Toad: Not really. That's just kind of a reaction.
Mallow: Aw, geez...
Mallow and Mario
Mallow: You'll vote Yoshi, won't you, Mario?
Mario: COOKIE!!!
Mallow: You will, right?
Mario: MACADAMIA NUT!!!
Mallow: ... Never mind.
Mallow, Prince: Well, this should be an interesting Tribal Council. I talked to everyone, and think some people will vote Yoshi with me. I just need four... I'm pretty sure I convinced enough people.
Tribal Council
Tribe Lavalava walks in with torches and sits on a bench. Lakitu faces them across a large fire.
Lakitu: Welcome to your first Tribal Council. As part of the Ritual, or whatever it is that you consider this, you guys need to light your torches.
The tribe does so.
Lakitu: In the game of Survivor, fire represents life. If your fire goes out, so do you.
Awkward silence...
Lakitu: So, Luigi, how were the first three days out here?
Luigi: Great, Lakitu, just great. Only hitch is that I think my tribe's going crazy.
Lakitu: Right. So, Yoshi, you attacked Mallow during the Immunity Challenge. Why?
Yoshi growls.
Lakitu: Um... okay.
Mallow: I'll tell you why, Lakitu. Yoshi thought that-
Lakitu: (loudly) So, Mario, how is life at camp?
Mallow: Hey, don't-
Mario: Owowowowowowowow!
Mallow: -ignore me...
Lakitu: *sigh* Luigi, I think you're right.
Geno: Hey! Don't make generalizations, Lakitu! We're not all weird!
Lakitu: Well, I-
Geno: Jerk!
Lakitu: Why-
Geno: Jerk!
Lakitu: What-
Geno: Jerk!
Lakitu: How-
Geno: JERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERK-
Lakitu: SHUT UP!!!
Awkward silence...
Lakitu: Good. Now... it is time to vote. Mario, you're first.
Cheesy dramatic music plays.
Mario votes.
Luigi votes.
Luigi: (to camera) You made we wet my pants, dang it! I don't appreciate that, you know!
Yoshi votes. The camera shows him voting for Mallow.
Yoshi: (to camera) *growl*
Toad votes.
Mallow votes. The camera shows him voting for Yoshi.
Mallow: (to camera) Finally! I've been waiting three long days to do this! You started off by taking it slow with the crate, putting us at a disadvantage, then by losing us in the jungle with the map! Then, you-
Cameraman: Too long!
Mallow: Wait, no-
Geno votes.
Geno: (to camera) You've been ridiculously annoying since day one. Enough said.
Chancellor votes.
Jinx votes.
Lakitu: The person voted off must leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I'll tally the votes.
Lakitu gets the votes.
Lakitu: The first vote is... Mallow. That's one vote Mallow.
Toad: *smacks self* Duh...
Lakitu: The second vote is... Yoshi. That's one vote Mallow, one vote Yoshi.
Lakitu: The third vote-
Jinx: Wait. What's with the new paragraph?
Lakitu: Increases dramatic effect.
Jinx: If you say so...
Lakitu: The third vote is... Mallow. That's two votes Mallow, one vote Yoshi.
Lakitu: The fourth vote is... Mallow.
Lakitu: The fifth vote is... Snow-Globe Marshmallows? Okay, who voted for Snow-Globe Marshmallows?
Mario: I'm-a the Party Star!
Lakitu: Figures.
Lakitu throws Mario's vote aside. He pulls a new vote from the jar and stares at it.
Lakitu: The first person voted off from Survivor Lavalava Island is...
Lakitu: Mallow.
Mallow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Lakitu: Bring me your-
Mallow: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Lakitu: Bring me-
Mallow: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Lakitu: QUIET!!!
Mallow: ...
Lakitu: Mallow. Bring me your torch.
Mallow walks his torch over to Lakitu. Lakitu is holding a cool wooden snuffer thingy.
Lakitu: Mallow... the tribe has spoken.
Lakitu snuffs Mallow's torch.
Lakotu: It's time for you to go.
Mallow plods off, scowling at his tribe.
Lakitu: I don't wanna hear another thing from you people. Head back to camp.
More dramatic music plays as the rest of the tribe leaves Tribal Council in slow motion.
Who Voted Who:
Mario: Snow-Globe Marshmallows
Luigi: Mallow
Yoshi: MALLOW!!!
Toad: Mallow
Mallow: Yoshi
Geno: Mallow
Chancellor: Mallow
Jinx: Mallow
Mallow: (to camera) Yoshi! You dirty scum! You ruined the tribe, and you ruined me! I WILL have my revenge! Just you wait! I'll get it! I will! I WILL!!! I-
Everyone except Mallow: SHUT UP!!!