Locus:  In castello Wendae in Terra Aquae
Tempus: Una hora in Septembre VII, MMXXXVIII

Locus I – In Triclinio

(Ludwigus et Servus procedunt)

Ludwigus: Ego sum ieiunus.  Ubi sunt dulcia mea?
Servus: Non debes edere.  Es latus.
Ludwigus: Es stultus.  Interficiam te et tum edam dulcia mea.
Servus: Cave!  Ludwigus est iratus.  Curre!

(Servus discedit)

Ludwigus: Bene.  Nunc possum edere dulcia mea.

(Iggius procedit)

Iggius: Ludwige, te audivi.  Edisti prandium meridie.  Pater capiet te si edis nunc.
Ludwigus: Non potes mihi prohibere.  Ego sum omnis validus Ludwigus.
Iggius: Es validus, sed possum cruciare te cum Mortono.
Ludwigus: Mortonus?!  Quid potest agere?
Iggius: Loquabitur.
Ludwigus: Debes discedere nunc, aut pertundam te.
Iggius: Non timeo, sed agam quod rogavisti.

(Iggius discedit)

Ludwigus: Cupido immotus dulcia mea.

(Ludwigus procedit ad culinam)

Locus II – In culina

(Ludwigus procedit)

Ludwigus: Possum edere toto in aeternum.
(Rex Lemmius procedit, non in pedibus, sed in globo)

Rex Lemmius: Tene, Ludwige.  Debebo vertere te in glacia si perstas.
Ludwigus: Lemmi, remanis ex hoc.  Debeo edere dulcia mea
Rex Lemmius: Dulcia illa sunt die natalis Royi.  Feci ea ipse.

(Iggius et Mortonus procedunt)

Iggius: Monui te, Ludwige.
Rex Lemmius: Bono notio, Iggi.  Mortanus potest loqui ad nauseam.
Ludwigus: Ego eum non timeo.
Iggius:  Praeclarus.  Mortane, amato loquare.

(Iggius et Rex Lemmius evanescunt)

Mortanus: Amo loqui.  Possum loqui toto die.  Possum iocari, aut possum narrare fabulas. Amasne     araneas?  Amo arbores, et herbas, et canes, et ---
Ludwigus: Tene!  Praeclarus, Royus potest habere dulcia eius.

(Ludwigus discedit)

Mortanus: Non discedis.  Habeo multa nuntiare.

Locus III – In cubiculo Ludwigi

(Ludwigus procedit)

Ludwigus: Dormiam.  Tum non cogitabo de dulcibus.

(Wenda procedit)

Wenda: Ludwige, debes laborare.  Debes detergere atrium.
Ludwigus: Non amo laborare.  Dormiam.
Wenda: Debes laborare, aut debes discedere.
Ludwigus: Discedo!
Wenda: Bene.  Pater cupit atrium detersum esse in una hora.  Royus laborabit tecum.

(Wenda discedit)

Ludwigus: Bene.  Royus ludet mecum.

Locus IV – In atrio

(Ludwigus et Royus procedunt)

Ludwigus: Cupio ludere cum pila.
Royus: Non iam sum malus, quam te.  Primo laborare debemus.
Ludwigus: Non laborabo!  Ludam!
Royus: Si laboramus simul conficiemus celere.
Ludwigus: Ludam nunc!

(Rex Lemmius procedit)

Royus: Rex Lemmi, Ludwigus non laborabit.
Rex Lemmius: Noli vocare me “rex”.  Sum Lemmius.  Ipso facto, non vocas me “rex” in scripto.
Vox Auctoris: Non vocabo te “rex”.
Lemmius: Gratias tibi ago.  Nunc, Ludwige, pater te puniet si non laboras.
Ludwigus: Non amo patrem.

(audiunt sonitum magnum)

Vox Regis Pater: Liberi!  Convocate!

(Omnes discedunt)

Locus V – In triclinio

(omnes liberi nisi quod Iggius procedunt)

Rex Pater: Convocate, liberi.  Vocabo in ordine aetatis.  Ludwige?
Ludwigus: (quietus)  Praesens.
Rex Pater: Lemmi?
Lemmius: Praesens, Rex Pater!

(Iggius procedit)

Rex Pater: Roye?
Royus: Praesens!
Rex Pater: Iggi?
Iggius: Praesens!  Me paenitet sum tardus.
Rex Pater: Wenda?
Wenda: Praesens!
Rex Pater: M-  Minime, video te.  Noli respondere.  Larri?
Mortanus: Larrius abest.  Serit arborem.  Est ---
Rex Pater: Serit arborem?!  Larrius capietur.
Wenda et Lemmius: A quo?
Rex Pater: A hostibus nostris, Mario et Luigio.  Maturate, debemus servare eum.

(omnes nisi quod Ludwigo discedunt)

Ludwigus: Non dormiam quod hoc bellum illud erit bonum.

(Ludwigus discedit)

Locus VI – In atrio

(omnes ex locus V nisi Ludwigus procedunt)

Iggius: Noli aperire portam, Rex Pater.

(Marius et Luigius procedunt cum Larro)

Rex Pater:  Hostes sunt hic.

(Ludwigus procedit)

Lemmius: Habent potestatem ignis!  Liquefaciam!

(Lemmius discedit)

Royus: Wenda, debes discedere etiam.  Es infirma.
Wenda: Non sum infirmo.  Pugnabo.
Marius: (non in Koopisha)  I will rid the land of these enemies.
Iggius: Quod dixit?
Mortanus: Nosco non.  Non loquitur Koopisham.  Stupidus est et ---
Omnes: Mortane!

(Marius et Luigius oppugnant igne)

Wenda: Sum infirma.  Fugam.

(Omnes  liberi nisi quod Ludwigo et Regne Patre discedunt)

Rex Patem: Ignis non potest laedere me. (Marius salit in capite Regis Patris)

    Illud potest.

(Rex Pater discedit, et Marius et Luigius oppugnant igne)

Ludwigus: Ego sum omnis validus Ludwigus.  Non potest laedere me.

(Ludwigus salit et Marius et Luigius coguntur ex castello)

    Vinco.

(Omnes discedunt)

Locus VII – In triclinio

(Omnes nisi quod Mario et Luigio procedunt)

Ludwigus: Cecidi hostes.
Rex Pater: Nos servavisti.  Gratias tibi ago.
Larrius: Ita vero, gratias multas tibi ago.
Lemmius: Novi potuisse caedere eos.
Rex Pater: Ludwige, potes edere quodcumque amas.
Ludwigus: Benissime.
Royus: Potest habere dulcia mea.  Me paenitet, Lemmi, sed eos vidi.
Liberi (nisi quod  Ludwigo): Debemus habere convivium.
Ludwigus: Bene, sed omnia dulcia sunt mea.
Omnes: (Rident)
 
 

Place:  In Wendy’s castle in Water Land
Time:  One o’ clock on September 7, 2038

Scene 1 – In the Dining Room

(Ludwig and Servant enter)

Ludwig: I am hungry.  Where are my sweets?
Servant: You should not eat.  You are wide.
Ludwig: You are foolish.  I will kill you, and then I will eat my sweets.
Servant: Beware!  Ludwig is mad.  Run!

(Servant leaves)

Ludwig: Good.  Now I can eat my sweets.

(Iggy enters)

Iggy: Ludwig, I heard you.  You ate lunch at noon.  Dad will punish you if you eat now.
Ludwig: You can’t stop me.  I am the all-powerful Ludwig!
Iggy: You are powerful, but I can torture you with Morton.
Ludwig: Morton?!  What can he do?
Iggy: He will talk.
Ludwig: You must leave now, or I will punch you.
Iggy: I am not afraid, but I will do as you ask.

(Iggy leaves)

Ludwig: I still want my sweets.

(Ludwig advances into the kitchen)

Scene 2 – In the Kitchen

(Ludwig enters)

Ludwig: I can eat forever.

(King Lemmy enters, not on foot, but on a ball)

King Lemmy: Stop, Ludwig!  I will have to turn you into ice if you persist.
Ludwig: Lemmy, stay out of this.  I must eat my sweets.
King Lemmy: Those sweets are for Roy’s birthday.  I made them myself.

(Iggy and Morton enter)

Iggy:  I warned you, Ludwig.
King Lemmy: Good idea, Iggy.  Morton can talk to the point of disgust.
Ludwig: I am not afraid.
Iggy:  Fine.  Morton, please talk.

(Iggy and King Lemmy disappear)

Morton: I love to talk.  I can talk all day.  I can tell jokes or I can tell stories.  Do you like spiders?  I like  trees and grass and dogs and---
Ludwig: Stop!  All right, Roy can keep his sweets!

(Ludwig leaves)

Morton: Do not leave!  I have much more to say.

Scene 3 – In Ludwig’s Bedroom

(Ludwig enters)

Ludwig: I will sleep.  Then I will not think about sweets.

(Wendy enters)

Wendy: Ludwig, you must work.  You must clean the front room.
Ludwig: I don’t like to work.  I will sleep.
Wendy: You must work, or you must leave.
Ludwig: I am leaving.
Wendy: Good.  Dad wants the front room to be clean in one hour.  Roy will work with you.

(Wendy leaves)

Ludwig: Good.  Roy will play with me.

(Ludwig leaves)

Scene 4 – In the Front Room

(Ludwig and Roy enter)

Ludwig: I want to play ball.
Roy: I am no longer bad, like you are.  We must work first.
Ludwig: I will not work.  I will play.
Roy: If we work together, we will finish quickly.
Ludwig: I will play now!

(King Lemmy enters)

Roy: King Lemmy, Ludwig will not work.
King Lemmy: Do not call me “king”.  I am Lemmy.  In fact, don’t call me “king” in the script.
Voice of Author: I will not call you “king”.
Lemmy: Thank you.  Now, Ludwig, Dad will punish you if you do not work.
Ludwig: I do not like Dad.

(They hear a loud noise)

Voice of  King Dad: Children, come together!

(All leave)

Scene 5 – In the Dining Room

(Enter King Dad)

King Dad: Come, children.  I will call you in order of age.  Ludwig?

(All children except Iggy enter)

Ludwig: Here.

(Mumbling)

King Dad: Lemmy?
Lemmy: I am here, King Dad!

(Iggy enters)

King Dad: Roy?
Roy: Here!
King Dad: Iggy?
Iggy: Here!  Sorry I was late.
King Dad: Wendy?
Wendy: Here!
King Dad: M- No, I see you.  Do not answer.  Larry?
Morton: Larry is not here.  He is planting a tree.  He is---
King Dad: Planting a tree?!  Larry will be captured.
Wendy and Lemmy: By whom?
King Dad: By our enemies, Mario and Luigi.  Hurry, we must save him.

(All but Ludwig leave)

Ludwig: I will not sleep because this fight will be interesting.

(Ludwig leaves)

Scene 6 – In the Front Room

(All from Scene 5 except Ludwig enter)

Iggy: Do not open the door, King Dad.

(Mario and Luigi enter with Larry)

King Dad: The enemies are already inside.

(Ludwig enters)

Lemmy: They have fire power!  I will melt!

(Lemmy leaves)

Roy: Wendy, you should leave, too.  You are weak.
Wendy: I am not weak.  I will fight.

(Not in Latin)

Mario: I will rid the land of the enemies.
Iggy: What did he say?
Morton: I don’t know.  He doesn’t speak Latin.  He is stupid and---
All: Morton!

(Mario and Luigi attack with fire)

Wendy: I am weak.  I will run.

(All children except Ludwig leave).

King Dad: Fire can not hurt me.

(Mario jumps on King Dad’s head)

    That can.

(King Dad leaves, Mario and Luigi attack with fire)

Ludwig: I am the all-powerful Ludwig.  You can not hurt me.

(Ludwig jumps, Mario and Luigi and forced out of castle)
    I win.

(All leave)

Scene 7 – In the Dining Room

(All but enemies enter)

Ludwig: I beat the enemies.
King Dad: You saved us.  Thank you.
Larry: Yes.  Thanks a lot!
Lemmy: I knew he could beat them.
King Dad: Ludwig, you may eat whatever you like.
Ludwig: Great!
Roy: He can have my sweets.  Sorry, Lemmy, but I saw them.
All children but Ludwig: We should have a party.
Ludwig: Good idea, but all the sweets are mine.
All: (laugh)

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.