The Great Koopa Caper

By Mary Beyer

It had begun a wonderful day… in Koopaling standards, of course. First, Kooky, Hip, and Hop had set a trap for Mario and his friends. The bait was a hot, tasty plate of spaghetti. They caught Mario and Yoshi in huge net.

“Looks like-” Hip begun.

"The plumber and the dino-” Hop added.

“Are all TIED UP!” Hip and Hop laughed. During their proclamation, Kooky was laughing maniacally. Hop jumped up and unhooked the net from the tree branch and the others began dragging the net towards the Keep.

“Let Yoshi and Mario go!” Yoshi cried.

“No deal, dumb dino.” Hip answered.

“Come on!” Kooky urged. “King Dad wants them in the Keep so I can trigger my new invention!”

By noon the three Koopalings had thrown Yoshi in the old tunnel that led to the Yoshi Egg Maker they had used in Super Mario World and had Mario bound and gagged in their most heavily guarded dungeon. Fifteen Sky Troopas, twenty Goombas, and two Lakitus making up the Guard Duty were all Koopas in training. Soon they would advance to places like Mushroom Way or the Koopalings’ lands.

“Ha HA!” Kookie laughed. “Now my Princess-Picker-Upper is perfect! Thanks Rocky Wrench.”

“No problemo, Kooky,” Rocky said. “Just send the wrench over to Kootie Pie’s doomship when you're through wit it.”

“Hip and Hop?” Kooky spoke into a walkie-talkie.

“We read you-” Hip started.

“Loud and clear, Kooky!” Hop finished.

“Good. Get ready for the Princess-napping plan!” Kooky ordered. Off in the distance of the walkie-talkie receiver, Kooky heard voices. They were Hip’s, Hop’s, Toadstool’s, and a Mushroom person’s.

“Here’s your lunch!” Hop said, dressed in old Mushroom clothes, Kooky guessed. He could also hear the spraying of his go-to-sleep formula.

“Go to sleep, little Princess!” Hip said.

“AHH! HIP AND HOP! CALL MARIO!” the Mushroom person said.

‘Ha!’ Kookie thought. ‘That plumber bozo is in our dungeon. Mario won’t be saving anyone today!’

In another part of the castle, a figure walked amongst the Goombas and Troopas he had defeated. He walked towards the cell. “Mario,” the person said. “Good to see you!”

“Thanks, but we got to save Yoshi and see what the Koopas are up to,” Mario said.

CCCUUUUHHHH-RRRAAACCCKKKK! The sound of an enormous egg cracking split the silence in the cave under Bowser’s Keep.

“YOSHI!” Yoshi cried. “Oh, Mario! Thanks!”

In Bowser’s throne toom…

“Presenting…” Hip started, as always.

“Princess Toadstool!” Hop finished, like clockwork.

Toadstool came down the stairway in a gown that was white but decorated with Piranha Plants all over. She wore a crown with little Piranha Plant buds around it. Three scrunchees in her hair also bore Piranha buds. Her shoes were a clear crystal white. She seemed to be swirling in a cyclone of sparkles. Bowser looked at Hip and Hop. They displayed their wands.

“Ah,” Bowser mumbled. “Shoulda figured.”

“Hee heee heee heee!” Hip laughed.

“Good work ‘m boys!” Bowser congratulated. “Good work indeed!”

“Oh Bowser my sweet…” Toadstool said shyly.

In another part of the castle…

“Mario! Come on!” Luigi yelled. Troopas were bombing them as they tore through the castle and towards the throne room.

“Ack!” Luigi cried, as one of the Troopas hit him square in the forehead. They were both out cold. Mario remembered Mallow's cry as they had torn through the Forest Maze to save Geno. It seemed so long ago…

“Yoshi falllllllllll!” Yoshi cried, as he went tumbling over into a knight.

“Luigi! Yoshi! I’ll be baaaaaa… ack!” Mario yelled as a Troopa grabbed him and carried him into the throne room. Mario saw Big Mouth stare at him with an extremely smug grin as he zipped by. The Troopa carried him before Bowser and Toadstool.

“Toadstool… wha?” Mario asked.

“It’s okay, Mario,” Princess Toadstool said. “I want to stay here. No, don’t argue. Bye.” She sent the Troopa to carry each of the three outside. The Troopa sighed, and went to work.

“Bowser, dearest,” Toadstool asked, “can we get married?”

“Uh, sure,” Bowser answered.

Three months later…

“WAAAHHHH!” The cry went through the Keep. Kootie Pie looked at her new, expensive coat, torn to shreds by Hip.

Queen Bowser Toadstool was in the Chomp Room, feeding all the Chomps. She heard the cry and spun around to see Kootie Pie run towards her.

“MOMMMM!” Kootie Pie screamed. “HIP RUINED MY NEW COAT!”

“Now, I know he can be mean sometimes,” Toadstool coaxed. “But you just have to be brave and sock it to him.”

Kootie Pie, not misunderstanding this, trotted happily back to her room, and seconds later, Toadstool heard a "POW"!

In the corner, there was a video camera. Having been unused for years, an exceptionally large spider web had grown on it. Unknown to Toadstool, a green spiked tail poked out of her back. The camera switched on so fast that the spider in the web got flung off quicker than you could say "hi". From a hidden room in the castle, Bowser watched and laughed.

“Finally, it’s happening,” Bowser said. “Just like Wizenheimer said.”

On Toadstool’s birthday…

“Oh, Hop!” Toadstool cooed. “It’s sooooo wonderful! Thank you!”

Hop had given Toadstool a magic wand that was purple, yellow, and green. Suddenly it gave off an effect expected by her. Hop, having been told by his dad that this would happen, grinned. The wand smoked a navy screen, then it swarmed around Toadstool’s head. When it cleared, two pearl white horns rested over her ears, just like Bowser’s.

Then the ceiling crashed open. Mario hopped over and smashed the wand.

“Mario! What are… DON’T!” cried Toadstool. Another navy smokescreen appeared and this time swarmed around Toadstool fully.

“Wha… where am I? Mario?” Toadstool said, confused. Suddenly…

“Get her!” someone yelled.

“Got her!” another person shouted.

“Princess! RUN!” Mario shouted at the top of his lungs.

ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPP! ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPP! One wand beam fizzled on the ground in front of Toadstool, and the other got the ground right below Mario.

“AAAAHHH!” Mario yelled, as he was caught in a net. “KEEP RUNNING PRINCESS!” The princess ran to a warp pipe that led straight to her castle.

Mario struggled in the net as two figures approached.

“Well, well-” the first voice said.

“WELL!” the second finished. The two turned out to be Hip and Hop.

“King Dad’ll be proud-” Hip said.

“When we show him you!” Hop laughed.

Later…

“Good work my boys.” Bowser said. “But what are we gonna do with him? We aren’t going to let him go, so how about we some fun? Hip, would you do the honors?”

“Be glad ta, King Dad!” Hip answered. He whipped out his wand and pointed it at Mario. A great beam of light shot at Mario. He cried out, but a small tornado of magic was empowering him.

In a few minutes, there was no Mario, just a measly Para-Troopa with a hat that said "M" on it.

“Ooh, this is GOOD!” Bowser and Hop said at the same time.

“Why don’t ya go and patrol the south side for now, kay?” Hip told the Para-Troopa. The Troopa flew off. Hip walked down the hall, feeling good about himself, not aware of the person watching from a nearby pipe.

“HEEEE-YYYAAAHHHHH!” a girl screamed. It was Toadstool, not dressed in the usual pink gown, but in a jet black ninja suit. BBZZZZZZ! BBZZZZZZ! BBZZZZZZ! An alarm sounded, only this alarm was for a particular Koopa.

Suddenly, Toadstool heard about fifty "Hyah!"s. All the Ninjis in the Koopa world had come to fight this human ninja, but since they were so small, the princess beat them in a flash. It was getting dark, so Toadstool ran down the corridors of the Keep.

In another part of the castle…

“Do you think the coast is clear, Yoshi?” Luigi asked.

“I think so. Let’s go rescue Mario.” Yoshi walked out from behind the knight and ran into the princess.

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!” the Princess yelped.

“Sorry, princess.” Yoshi said. “We go find Mario.”

“Luigi, Yoshi, how nice to see you,” Toadstool said, trying to ignore the bruise on her knee. They all walked down the hallways in the castle, stopping only to hide from patrolling Koopas.

“I hear someone coming… uh oh.” Luigi groaned.

“What?” Toadstool and Yoshi asked together.

“There’s no place to hide!” Luigi said. But he was wrong. There was a little wooden door with a name on it, but it was too dark in the hallway to see. They all jumped inside. Moments later, a light flicked on.

“Hmmph!” a voice said. “I’ll show them who’s too little. Here I am, stuck in this little bedroom while the rest of them get a HUGE room thirty times this size!”

Then the owner voice rummaged through a pile of stuff. Luigi looked out from the closet he was in.

“It’s Cheatsy!” Luigi said. Cheatsy had disappeared into the pile of stuff.

“Ha HA!” Cheatsy called from in the pile. “The old potion I bought from that trick shop a while ago! Let’s see. ‘To make a person shrink, just pour this on the person or people intended to shrink. To unshrink…’ ah, who needs that? ‘... just have the people take a bath'? That’s the weirdest set of instructions I’ve ever heard. Oh well. King Dad and the others will never guess that is the antidote!” Cheatsy left the room, laughing to himself. Luigi walked out of the closet, Toadstool crawled out from under the bed, and Yoshi fell off of the shelf he was on.

“Cheatsy's gonna shrink the other Koopas! Good, then we’ll finally be at peace,” Luigi said happily.

“Luigi,” Toadstool called, “have you forgotten why we’re here? To rescue Mario!” With that, they all ran out of Cheatsy’s room and down the hallway once more.

In the throne room…

“Ah...” Bowser yawned. “It’s sooooo quiet in here!” Then Big Mouth came bursting in.

“Hey Dad! Ya know what? Kooky just told me that you went to Monstro Town without me! He says I was sleeping! Why didn’t you wake me up take and take me with? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? King Dad! Are you listening? Why didn’t you take me with you? WHY?” he screamed.

“YOU JUST ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION, YOU LOUD MOUTH!” Bowser yelled.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” Big Mouth yelled, and he ran down out of the throne room and upstairs to his room.

“Now, back to rest,” Bowser sighed. Then, two seconds later:

“Okay, Koopa Creep! Where’s Mario?” Toadstool yelled.

“AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG!” Bowser growled. “Ask Hip!” he rumbled. The trio turned around and went upstairs to Hip’s room. They opened the door to find him balancing on his ball.

“Where’s Mario?” Luigi asked, getting tired of walking blindly through the Keep.

Hip grinned mischievously. “Try down by the south side of the castle.”

“Eh, I don’t trust that grin… you’re coming with us!” Luigi grabbed Hip off his ball and they all walked down to the south side.

At the south side of the castle…

“Mario! Yoshi called.

“Marioo!” Luigi called louder.

“Okay, Hip.” Toadstool said impatiently. “Where’s Mario?”

“Uh…” Hip stalled. “There!” He pointed.

“Where?” Toadstool tossed him down and spun around.

“There! By the gate!” Hip said as he ran away. Little did he know he had dropped his wand.

“All I see is a Para-Troopa… oh!” Toadstool bent over and picked up the wand. Suddenly it reacted in her hand. An icy blue beam of light hit the Para-Troopa. Mario fell out of the sky. He had been flying in Para-Troopa form. The wand in Toadstool hand flew up and crashed through Hip’s window.

“Ow!” Hip cried as the wand hit him in the head.

“Well, everyone,” Luigi said to the princess, Yoshi, and Mario, “let’s go home and have some dinner.”

“I want pasta!” Mario cried.

“Me want berries!” Yoshi said.

“I’ll have some pizza,” Toadstool declared. And they all walked off.

Hop had been watching from a window.

“Ew,” he commented. “Another happy ending. Yuck. Just for at least one day I wish we could rule the Mushroom Kingdom.” Then he heard six voices yelling and Hop ran downstairs.

As Hop ran down the stairs, he could make out whose voices they were. As he entered the throne room, no one was in the room except Cheatsy, who was rolling on the floor with laughter.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” he laughed. “NOW who’s too little?”

“What have ya done ya little midget?” Hop asked.

“MIDGET? MIDGET?!” Cheatsy said, his voice rising higher each time he spoke. “I’ll show YOU who’s a midget!!!” He dumped the rest of the potion on Hop while Hop rolled his eyes.

‘I'd better humor him if I want to find out what happened to the others. He’s probably forgotten that I am the master of Giant Land and I control my size as well,’ Hop thought, as he shrunk himself.

“HA!” Cheatsy said, his voice REALLY loud, like it was amplified a hundred times. “NOW I HAVE ALL OF YOU! WHO’S SMALL NOW? HA HA HA!” Then thundering footsteps shook the floor as Cheatsy ran off.

“Soo,” Hop said to no one. Then he looked up. “Ah, flying on a Para-Troopa would be so much better than walking around, trying to find my small sibs. Better yet, a Lakitu!” He did his famous whistle, and it was bairly heard by the Lakitus, but heard none the less.

Seconds later, a Lakitu appeared. “Where’s Hop?” Then, “AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Hop shrunk the Lakitu and jumped into his cloud.

“Try to find Hip, Kookie, King Dad, Kootie Pie, Bully, and, do I really have to, Big Mouth,” Hop said.

“Kay,” the Lakitu said.

They had flown around for not longer than five minutes when they found someone. The Koopa was moving slowly across the great "vertical slopes" that were the stairs.

“Hey-” Hop called down.

“How ya doing there?” the person finished, much to Hop’s surprise.

“Hip!” Hop called. “How are you?”

“Oh, this is normal. Being shrunk by my crazy youngest brother, having to climb stairs that seem like Mount Everest to me, and now my twin asks me how I’m doing!” Hip said with sarcasm.

“Wanna ride?” Hop called.

“Lemme see… do I want a ride… or do I wanna spend days climbing these stairs?” Hip called back up.

In a few minutes, Hip and Hop had gathered up Kootie Pie, Kooky, and Big Mouth. There was still no sign of Bowser. Then they spotted Cheatsy walking out of Hop’s room, then running back down to his room.

“What’s he doing?” Hop wondered.

“Later,” Hip said.

They zipped around until they found Bowser. They picked him up and then Hop dropped them on Bowser’s throne. Hop unshrunk himself and walked up to Cheatsy.

“WHERE’S THE ANTIDOTE YOU LITTLE JERK?” Hop asked "nicely".

“You’re supposed ta be-” Cheatsy started.

“Skip it,” Hop ordered. “Now what’s the antidote? I’ll give you four good reasons to tell me.”

“And what would those be?” Cheatsy asked smugly.

“This!” Hop curled his four fingers into a fist, counting them each off. “One, two, three, four. Now how ‘bout it?”

“Fine, fine. I’ve had enough anyway. It’s so dull around here!” Cheatsy confessed.

“What is it?” Hop asked again.

“Have them take a bath,” Cheatsy said.

“Bath? Right,” Hop said, giving him a look that said "you’re nuts".

“IT’S TRUE!” Cheatsy screeched.

Hop had them all take a bath, even Cheatsy. That was considered his punishment. Bowser forgave him for doing this, even though he was almost eaten by a hungry Goomba. And for once everyone was happy at the end.

The End

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