One dark day, in the village of SUPERHAPPYFUNTIME, which is conveniently located east of Princess Peach's Castle and Toad Town due to continental drift, something really bad happened. Really bad! In the Emotion League in SUPERHAPPYFUNTIME, everyone made fun of the emotion Angst. All of his angst built up inside of him, and he ran away from them! Chaos broke out for no apparent reason! Tidal waves roared across the plains! Babies cried! I made a submission! There were two partners out at once! Elvis Presley was found in Newkirk! The Loch Ness monster married the Sasquatch! Continental Drift! Tornadoes in Atlantis! Your refrigerator is running! Your lights are on too! Lemmy decided to post this! There was also chaos! And more chaos! Angst ranaway from the Emotion League!
I present you... the Legend of Angst!
It is a lovely morning at the Mario Bros’ house. Blah. Then... the Angst shows up. Imagine Angst as a doohickey. It gives you a better idea of what he is.
Angst: Woe is me. I hate the Emotion
League. Anger always makes fun of me.
Because of who I am. Stuff like that.
I made babies cry too.
Mario: *waves*
(Angst joined da party!)
Toadette: Hello! It's everyone's favorite feminist! I will tell you about partners! Because yes YEEEEEY! Angst is a... doohickey that is male. As with all males, Angst is very hopeless and incompetent. By pressing Y...
Mario: ...?
Toadette: ...You can use his field ability, Angst. He will tell you why he angsts the place you are in, or why he is angsted about a person or object. However, it is useless. It is because of his gender, folks. In battle, Angst can give enemies a single slap that represents all male power in a single damage point. He shows the true power of males. He can also use Angst in battle to see HP, FP, Attack, Defense, what they had for lunch, stuff like that.
Mario: Let's-a go!
Toadette: To continue your adventure, you must go to the Star Asylum, where some awesome power or whatever will tell you why you're doing this.
Mario: Oh. Let's-a go!
Toadette: However, I'm not letting you through. Not until you have some female authority to make sure you males can get this important job done right.
Mario: Mm?
Toadette: I don't care what you say, I'm coming with you!
Luigi: Oh, two party members at once.
Mario: ...?
Luigi: Oh no... I won't join.
Mario: Okay.
Mario proceeds into the Star Asylum. It is white on the inside. Completely white. There is a cake in the corner.
Mario: Hello?
???: ...
Toadette: Hey stupid, give us some stupid info!
The cake spontaneously combusts.
Pyro Bundt: Ouch... fire hurts...
Angst: I feel like some tacos, you guys hungry?
Toadette: Shut up, male!
Angst: Well...
Pyro Bundt: Hey, I'm trying to think. Oh yeah. You're supposed to collect seven Relic Doohickeys. Go through seven chapters and then you'll reach SUPERHAPPYFUNTIME.
Mario: ...?
Pyro Bundt: Tuesday.
Toadette: Why are we collecting seven Relic Doohickeys?
Pyro Bundt: To reach Alberquerque.
Toadette: ... Oh... Why is SUPERHAPPYFUNTIME far away now?
Pyro Bundt: Well, the people in the white coats say that it's continental drift... But I say... it's the guy in the other room over there. He's doing it with his psychic powers.
Mario: Let's-a go!
Toadette: Do you ever say anything else other than simple one- or two-word sentences?
Mario: Well, yes, actually. I can say plenty of stuff.
Toadette: Let's go, the next town over is Mango Town. I hear there's some nasty happenings over there… must be the Relic Doohickey's fault.
They go outside the Star Asylum.
Toadette: Why are we trusting someone from the Funny Farm?
Angst: ... It was your idea.
Toadette: Only a ridiculous male could think up such a plan.
Mario's party moves on through the path of pretty flowers and talking birds. Little do they know that continental drift is still at large. In fact, it is roaming the streets RIGHT BEHIND THEM! AND THEY DON’T KNOW IT. Don't tell.
Unaware of Continental Drift, the party continues to Mango Town, the land of walking mangoes. Oh, and happiness.
Generic Mango #4125: Hi, traveller! Welcome to Mango Town!
Toadette: Is this what you do all day?
#4125: Well, I'm a greeter.
Toadette: Like those senile old men at Wal-Mart?
#4125: Yes.
Toadette: Ah.
#4125: Anyway, I think right now is not a good time to be here. You see, every day, a giant Sackit comes out of nowhere and starts kidnapping us.
Toadette: Only a vicious male could do such a thing!
Angst: Oh, woe... I expect we are to go and kick its giant butt?
#4125: Yes, in fact, that was our whole plan, to wait for a dumb traveler to come and dumbly volunteer. Heroes are gullible when they see stuff like this. So will you do this?
Angst: No.
Toadette: Yes! We must do it for all the underappreciated women out there!
Mario: Mm-hm!
Angst: Dang...
#4125: Okay! It's time to see the mayor! He may be a crusty old fart, but he knows how to force people to do the dirty work!
Mario: Let's-a go!
They walk up to a big, pink, spherical house. DEY ENTER! MAGICK!
Kroop: AH! ROBBERS! Take anything you want, but please don't kill me.
Mario: ...!
Kroop: KEEP YOUR EXCLAMATION MARKS TO YOURSELF! DON'T POINT THEM AT ME!
Mario: ...
Kroop: That's better.
Toadette: Of all the possible cameos...
Angst: Hey, we're about to save the world.
Kroop: I'm sorry if pink makes you want to hurl. Who are you?
Mario: Oh!
Kroop: Wait! Murphy! It's you! Thank you for the Hooktail incident! But Hooktail moved in to Petalburg, and I decided to move here. Anyway, Murphy, if you take out this giant, Mangon, the god of mangoes and round objects, shall reward you. We're too lazy to reward you ourselves.
Mario: Let's-a go!
Mario's party heads out. Angst slams the door, causing the entire house to collapse.
Angst: Woe is me. I caused another disaster.
Toadette: I think I'm going to thank you for that one, Angst.
Then all of a sudden, Koopa Koot shows up because he can!
Koopa Koot: RAWR!
Toadette: It's a random encounter! QUICK! DO A BARREL ROLL!
Mario does a barrel roll and Koot spontaneously combusts. Then Mario skips the Field of Pretty Flowers and gets to the Castle of Evil Things.
Angst: Whoopee, we're about to get flattened.
Mario rings the doorbell.
Girl's voice: Come in...
Mario's party go through the double doors of DOOM. They then see a semi-giant Sackit eating a mango.
Sackit: Whatcha want?
Toadette: Vicious male! We've come to slay you for your barbaric crimes!
Sackit eats another mango, it screams in its mouth.
Sackit: Mm?
Toadette: I'm becoming a meatitarian after this.
Sackit: Well, if you're going to do that, I guess I'll retaliate. Okay, I guess I'll battle.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!
NO WAI! A BATTLE SYSTYM!
Toadette: 10 HP
Angst: 10 HP
Mario: 15 HP
Sackit: 20 HP
Everyone hits the Sackit.
Sackit: *looks at HP* Holy... 15 HP? This can't be fair. I'll go down in a couple of turns!
The Sackit steps on Toadette.
Sackit: HA HA! GAME OVER, STUPID MUSHROOM!
Angst: 10 HP
Mario: 15 HP
Sackit: 15 HP
Angst and Mario STRIKE AGAIN!
The Sackit whacks Angst with the sack.
Angst: 8 HP
Mario: 15 HP
Sackit: 12 HP
Angst slaps the Sackit.
Mario uses Power Jump.
Sackit takes another whack.
Angst: 6 HP
Mario: 15 HP
Sackit: 7 HP
Insert last turn HERE.
Sackit: Hey! I'm still getting whooped! Stop it!
---
Ake runs into a corner. Toadette wakes up.
Toadette: Stupid male...
Sackit: Can you shut up? I'm a girl in the first place!
Toadette: ... Oh...
Sackit: Everyone, I'm Ake. Nice to meet you.
Everyone: HIIIIIII AKE!
Ake: I love mangoes. Aaaaand... I eat mangoes. Aaaaand... Blah, I'm bored.
Ake suddenly reverts to normal size and JOINS TEH PARTY!
Toadette: Shall I brief you on the details of this wonderful party member?
Mario: Nn-nn.
Angst: >.> Okay, we can get that reward from Mangon.
Mario: Let's-a go!
Angst: Ake, will you go out with me?
Ake: No.
Angst: TT_TT
Then, there were swirly lines, and the whole party MAGICKALLY TELEPORTED! They land in Mango Town. Kroop jumps out of the rubble.
Kroop: Oh! I see you've come back! If you want Mangon's reward, go up to the clouds using the Stairs of Magic to get up there.
Ake: *steals his wallet* That's nice. Let's go everyone! Before he gets suspicious!
Mario: Okay!
The party walks away. They see some stairs going up into the clouds.
Ake: ... I'm taking the elevator.
Toadette: I second that.
Angst: I third that.
Mario motions toward the elevator.
Toadette: Hold on there, males. I think now is a good time for you to get some exercise. Men, you are to use the stairs. We are ladies, therefore iving us permission to use the elevator. We naturally don't need exercise, but you do.
The door begins to close. Ake immediately whacks Toadette out with her sack.
Ake: Seeya, suckers! ^_^
The door shuts, and heads upward. On magick, or something.
Angst: Oh, woe is me. No elevator.
Toadette: Why didn't you stop her, Mario?
Mario: Agetolopetolopotato!
Toadette: ... What?
Angst: Luckily, I know Italian for some strange reason. Mario wasn't speaking Italian.
Mario is climbing teh stairs of doom. The rest follow. Meanwhile...
***
Ake: Der der deeerrr...
Elevator music starts playing.
Music: RED SKULL CAPTAAAAAAIN CASTS HIS GAAAAAAAZE!
Ake: MY EARS! THEY BLEED!
Music: OVER THE SEEEEEEEAS SHINING GLAAAAAAAAZE!
***
Blah blah blah, they all reach the top. The elevator door opens when Mario gets to the top.
Toadette: Ake? Are you all right?
Angst: She needs CPR! I'll do it!
Ake: Urgh... NO! My ears...
Toadette: What happened!
The elevator music starts playing again.
Music: RED SKULL CAPTAAAAAAIN CASTS HIS GAAAAAAAAZE!
Toadette: My ears!
Angst: IT'S GONNA BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!
Mario's party slo-mo runs away from the elevator, Toadette carrying Ake. The elevator sparks on fire, and explodes, sending Mario's party to the ground. The explosion makes a mushroom-cloud shape, and grows to a point where everyone within five miles can see it. There is a long pause.
Angst: ... Is everyone all right?
Ake: Yeah, let's go claim our reward.
They walk up to an orange thingy on a Lakitu Cloud with crab-claws and a party hat.
Mangon: Hello?
Ake: We wanna reward for saving your stupid followers!
Mangon: Not now, I'm too busy torturing them.
Toadette: What sick male could torture his own followers?
Mario: ...!
Angst: Yeah!
Mangon: Pesky little... Fine... you want to stop me? Well, here we GO!
Ake: 15 HP
Toadette: 10 HP
Angst: 10 HP
Mario: 15 HP
Mangon: 50 HP
Mangon: Are you really thinking of messing with me? I'm a god!
Ake: Um, I guess.
Mangon: Ake! Why are you helping them? I hired you and gave you mangoes! And gave you that shiny stone!
Ake: Um, Mario pays better.
Mangon: AH!
Mario Power Jumps Mangon.
Angst slaps Mangon.
Toadette throws a Poisonshroom at Mangon. Mangon is poisoned!
Ake fools around with her socks.
Mangon whacks Toadette with his scepter.
Mangon takes poison damage!
Ake: 15 HP
Toadette: 6 HP
Angst: 10 HP
Mario: 15 HP
Mangon: 43 HP (Poisoned!)
Mario Power Jumps Mangon/
Angst used Angst!
Angst: Mario, this guy causes me a
lot of woe. You know his HP. He knows a lot of mango related attacks that
WILL hurt. That's why I don't like him. He has an attack that can be charged
as long as he wants, for more damage. He also has Mango Rain, which hurts
us and heals him.
Toadette eats a Mushroom.
Ake whacks Mangon's legs with her sack.
Mangon: Infidels... MANGO!
Mangos rain from the sky, hitting everyone.
Mangon heals.
Mangon takes Poison damage.
Ake: 12 HP
Toadette: 7 HP
Angst: 7 HP
Mario: 12 HP
Mangon: 39 HP (Poisoned!)
Mario Power Jumps Mangon.
Angst slaps Mangon.
Toadette throws a Stoneshroom at Mangon. It doesn't work.
Ake whacks Mangon again.
Mangon starts charging!
Mangon takes Poison damage! Poison wears off!
Ake: 12 HP
Toadette: 7 HP
Angst: 7 HP
Mario: 12 HP
Mangon: 29 HP (Charging!)
Mario Power Jumps Mangon.
Mario is out of FP!
Angst slaps Mangon.
Toadette throws a Stoneshroom at Mangon. It doesn't work.
Ake whacks Mangon again.
Mangon is still charging!
Ake: 12 HP
Toadette: 7 HP
Angst: 7 HP
Mario: 12 HP
Mangon: 20 HP (Charging!)
Mario jumps on Mangon.
Angst slaps Mangon.
Toadette looks down to Plit.
Toadette: What the... look! Mangon is
creating a Katamari of mangos! He's
gotten the entire village and Kroop!
Mangon: Right you are, little missy.
Toadette: Watch your mouth, male!
Toadette throws a Stoneshroom, also
not working.
Ake whacks Mangon again.
Mangon: HA! I WIN!
Mangon flies up, and releases the Katamari onto the cloud arena. Mario grabs the shiny stone, turns large, and starts pushing the Katamari. The rest of the party join in. The Katamari stops. Mangon is forcing it one way, the party the other.
Mangon: Before all of you die, I'll at least let you in on this. I'm not actually Mangon, but, you fools, I am DARK Mangon! MWAH HA HA HA HA!
It was then that Kroop falls out of the Katamari.
Kroop: Oh, you guys. Murphy, this is how you push a giant ball of mangos.
Kroop adds his force, and the entire Katamari rolls over Dark Mangon.*
Dark Mangon: AHHHH!
Ake: 12 HP
Toadette: 7 HP
Angst: 7 HP
Mario: 12 HP
Dark Mangon: 1 HP (PERIL!)
Ake steals Dark Mangon's Dark Mango Scepter.
Angst: Mario, I want to finish him!
I've ALWAYS wanted to do this in RPGs.
Angst throws a puff of the cloud at
Dark Mangon,
*Dark Mangon was defeated!*
*Gained 456 EXP!
*Gained 3 Strength!*
*Gained 5 Agility!*
*Gained 2 Intelligence!*
*Gained 4 Humor!*
*Gained 3 Appetite!*
*Gained 2 Hawtness!*
*Gained 1337 |-|4><!*
*Recieved Hairball of Doom!*
---
Dark Mangon: Urgh... You stupid... I hate you all! I'll get revenge!
???: Halt, evil guy!
Dark Mangon: AHH! How'd you get out of your cage?
Mangon: Magic. Oh, I have to punish you.
A mango hits Dark Mangon on the head.
Dark Mangon: Ow. That was uncalled for, Mangon.
Mangon: Just, like, leave and stuff.
Dark Mangon: FINE! *sticks out his tongue* I'll get revenge on you four, when I return! I'll have a lot more special effects when I return! I'll be more annoying than Jr. Troopa!
Mario: ...!
Dark Mangon magickally teleports.
Angst: Hey, can we have a Relic Doohickey? I went through a lot of woe for it. I deserve it.
Mangon: Sure, sure. Here. Now, kids, you all have to learn that Mangon is a very, very busy man. You all have to go back to Earth on your own.
Angst: Oh, woe, we don't know how to teleport.
Mangon: Well, I can fix this.
Mangon gives a quick shove, and Mario's party falls back down to Plit.
Mangon: Mangon, you're a genius.
Mario: Ow wow wow wow wow!
Mario pulls out a convenient parachute, and they all float back down to Plit. However, they do not realize Continental Drift is still at large... RIGHT BEHIND THEM!
LOL END OF TEH CHAPTER