Hat Heist

By Pyroboo

All four of the thieves were out cold, laying on the stiff ground of the fortress. Popple and Ludwig were snoring loudly, while Doopliss and Karma quietly slept, recuperating from their wounds. The quartet had just spent the evening battling the fury of nature, along with a couple Bill Blasters. They were all completely drained of what little strength they’d had left from clambering the stairs, and barely escaped with their lives. All of them had fought to their limits and pushed even farther to survive, and earned themselves a rest. The four of them rejuvenated themselves, and dreamt of the future, when Mario's lucky hat would be theirs...

Popple was dreaming of mounds of money, gold, silver, and many jewels. The Shadow Thief sat on a platinum throne encrusted with only the most precious ruby substance on the entire planet. He had a blood red cape bordered with real white tiger furs with a shiny purple and gold crown to boast, along with black and green-striped armor. He was in a throne room, shining with a blinding radiance. Once that hat was sold, he would be the most powerful thief in the world!

Doopliss dreamt of Twilight Town covered in total darkness, with fear striking every corner. It had no street lamps, no moonlight, no nothing. All there was to give color was a dark red sky with black clouds. It was completely forsaken by any shines. In the streets, civilians would rotate a statue of Doopliss, and Duplighosts would whip anyone who decided to stop. Inside the mayor's office, Doopliss would reside, sitting in his new solid gold chair. While his personal servant, the old Twilight Town mayor, would grovel at his feet and attend to his every whim, Doopliss would lay back in his chair, leading his path of organized chaos further as the new mayor of Twilight Town!

Karma would be by a swimming pool, reading a book on a float. She would lay back peacefully, knowing nobody would bother her. She would use her money to enhance her room so she would have a billiard table, a pool, a Jacuzzi, a reading area, and a small steel cage to trap Playful in. She would invest in a search for her parents, and they would all live in the giant Koopa Kastle, as she stood with the title of Queen of the Koopas! But, she wouldn't have to pay money to get hitched to Ludwig... Ugh, just the thought of marrying him was turning this dream into a sick, twisted nightmare!

Ludwig's thoughts drifted into being a great and powerful King of the Koopas, leading the race into dominance of Plit. He would strike down anyone that threatened him, and would be rich enough to purchase weapons for his army, not to mention parts for his inventions. Ludwig would have an auditorium built for his symphonies to be performed, and the entire Koopa Kingdom would live in harmony, while Ludwig tinkered with his inventions as King Koopa!

Yes, all these dreams were wonderful and all, but while they slept, little did they know this was the perfect time to make those dreams reality. Luigi and Mario were taking a walk down Pleasant Path, and passed the fortress the thieves were snoozing in. Luckily, Doopliss awoke with cramps from the chocolate salad, and tried his best to get up. He stumbled over to the window half-asleep, and looked out it. It was as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on his head. Doopliss had just seen Mario waltz down Pleasant Path with Luigi! His eyes widened, and he spun around and ran towards his comrades. The sheet pushed and kicked and bit and screamed, but nobody awoke. Finally, Doopliss pulled out the picture of Mario that Wario had presented him in Sarasaland's castle. He transformed into Mario and kicked Popple in the stomach. The Bean groaned and opened his eyes, seeing a blurry image of Mario. Popple shot into the air and pushed off the wall, bulleting towards Doopliss at extreme speeds. He tackled Mario's doppleganger and grappled with him, getting a couple shots at his face. Doopliss changed back and halted Popple. He showed him Mario walking off into the horizon with Luigi, and he grit his teeth. He slapped Ludwig in the face and threw a rock at Karma, waking them up. They looked mad, awaking from such wonderful dreams, but looked outside, still half-asleep. When they saw Mario, Ludwig got an impulse and jumped up and down. He took the drill and told all of his friends to wait. As soon as the Marios were out of earshot, Ludwig drilled the window open wider, and jumped. He plummeted into the moat, unharmed. Karma dove in, barely smashing her head in the shallow water. Popple somersaulted and landed in the pool of water, and Doopliss gently floated to the ground.

When they caught up to the heroes, they got too close. Mario and Luigi turned around, but saw nothing. They shrugged, turned tail, and started to walk again. At the last second, Ludwig had grabbed everyone and jumped into a nearby bush. Popple patted him on the shell in congratulation, and popped his head up from the shrub. How were they to get close enough to Mario? Suddenly, Doopliss tapped Popple on the back, clearing his mind. The sheet silently floated up to Luigi when Mario was slightly unable to see him, and captured him, stuffing one of his shoes in the plumber's mouth to keep him quiet. He floated back to the group with Luigi, and they bound and gagged him. Luigi thrust around, ready to attack, but was bound by the ropes. Doopliss had sprung into action, scanning Luigi and assuming the plumber's form. He started to jog over to Mario while Karma, Popple, Ludwig, and the restrained Luigi concealed themselves.

Doopliss jogged in front of Mario and stopped him. Mario's "brother" asked him if they could go home. He was fatigued. Mario was a little put off. Luigi was tired? He walked with Mario all the time. He asked Luigi if he was lying, or was he not bluffing? Doopliss started to toy with Mario's mind, saying he might've told Mario the truth because he knew he wouldn't believe him. Mario stood, dumbfounded. What was that? He shook his head and pulled out a warp pipe potion. It led back to Mario's house, the house that held the hat! Well, when Mario wasn't wearing it, that is. But, nonetheless, Doopliss followed, along with his thief friends and their hostage, Luigi.

Down Mario and Doopliss decended, closer to Mario's house. Many times within the pipe, Doopliss attempted to swipe Mario's hat, but Mario caught him each time and gave him quizzical looks. Mario wondered many times what exactly was Luigi doing or what kind of mind game he was playing. Luigi always liked to mess around with Mario's head, but he was acting a little stranger today. Well, stranger than usual, that is.

Popple, Karma, and Ludwig all plopped onto the grounds near Mario's house after the kidnapping of Luigi. They needed to plot what they would do next, so everything would play out smoothly. Popple led them into a nearby bush and they started to converse, with the real Luigi still bound and gagged.

Popple decided to start with each of their traits. Popple, the Shadow Thief, could get himself out of any situation, and was a true bandit at heart. He was key in the theft of Mario's hat. Karma was the strongest of them all, and by throwing herself into an explosion at the castle, she'd proved she was physically and mentally fearless. She would be there to make sure nothing went wrong. Ludwig was the genius of the group, and was a master of technical problems and inventions. He would be the one to drill the hole into the wall when Doopliss got enough information about Mario and Luigi's room. Doopliss was a master of disguise, and could transform into anything to hide his identity. Right now, his role was being played by getting any information out of Mario possible.

Popple started with the plan. He rolled out his blueprints while Karma, Ludwig, and even Luigi watched in awe. Luigi stared wide-eyed, and saw the end: leading to the Koopa Clan's total takeover of the Mushroom Kingdom! Luigi yelped in anxiety and called for Mario, but his sounds were muffled.

Popple shoved Luigi so he was on his side, agitated by their hostage. He continued on with the plan, with Karma and Ludwig listening intently. The first step was already completed, for Doopliss had already infiltrated Mario's house and was currently gathering information. The next step was for Doopliss to get Mario out of the house, so they could all sneak in. Step three was for Ludwig to sneak in Mario's bedroom and drill a hole in the wall, while Karma stayed on the lookout for Mario. Step four was where Luigi would come in handy. Doopliss would scan Luigi over and become his copy again, and continue to trick Mario into thinking he was Luigi. Step five was where Doopliss copied something small enough to get through the hole. Step six was where they sold the hat, leading to the Koopa Clan's total takeover of the Mushroom Kingdom!

Popple laughed quietly, and was just so ready to seize that hat! Ludwig was amazed. Even though Popple had explained the plan back at Kastle Koopa, it seemed full of life now that they were actually there. Karma smirked and rocked back on her lower shell, knowing she'd knock a few heads around by the end of this escapade. Luigi came back to his senses, but closed his eyes, knowing the kingdom would have to be pretty lucky to survive this one.

Inside the house, Doopliss sat disguised at the table with Mario, and they conversed. Doopliss said he was leaving for the bathroom, but froze at his error. Where was the bathroom?! It was supposed to be his house, so why wouldn't he know? Doopliss thought for a second and got a brilliant idea. He slowly put his hands on the table, and rested his head. Mario ran to his aid, and asked what was wrong. Doopliss slowly said it was the pain of the battle in Sarasaland. It had left him with a terrible amnesia! He'd forgotten where the bathroom was! (He forced a hold on a laugh.) It was only two days ago, so Mario leveled with him. He escorted him to the bathroom, and waited outside the door.

Inside the bathroom, Doopliss had to come up with a way to get Mario out of the house. He turned on the faucet and splashed water onto his face. What was he to do? He took a look in the mirror, and saw Luigi had some wounds and slices still healing from the fight in Sarasaland. He could act like he was in a coma... but then Mario would stay at his bedside. He opened a drawer in the sink and saw toothpaste, a couple toothbrushes, and some band-aids. He picked up the green toothbrush, and sighed. What could he do? The only thing he could think of was he could drop his toothbrush in the toilet, and Mario would have to get another.

Mario knocked on the door, and Doopliss scrambled around as Mario then opened the door. "Luigi" was fiddling around with the toothbrush, trying to stick it back in the drawer. Mario looked confused, and decided to help Doopliss... somehow. He tried to calm him, and stuck his hand on his shoulder. The would-be Luigi turned around and thanked Mario, and as he went to stick the toothbrush into the drawer, he accidentally knocked the band-aids into the trash bin. Mario looked at him suspiciously, and Doopliss started to sweat like crazy. He would be found out any minute. Mario was catching on!

Mario continued to stare, as he took the toothbrush and stuck it back in the drawer. Doopliss looked at Mario, and said he was gonna retire to his room for the day. But Mario stopped him, telling him it was only a quarter of four! Doopliss had officially run out of ideas, and the real plumber started to get very suspicious. Doopliss chuckled a little bit and left the bathroom, but broke into a run as soon as he passed the doorframe.

That day had run by so slowly, which was bad for Doopliss. He tried to convince Mario that they were low on groceries and wanted to shop when he was caught drinking milk out of the gallon. Then while Mario was in the bathroom, he scanned a fly and when Mario left, Doopliss perched himself on Mario's earlobe, trying to make him believe he was his conscience. He tried to tell Mario to leave the house and go see the princess, but Mario realized the fly was in his ear, and he swatted him away. Luckily, Doopliss landed in the bathroom, where he transformed back into his real body and called for the thieves outside the window. Popple and Ludwig were carrying a bush for camoflauge, and Karma was carrying the real Luigi. Doopliss scanned Luigi andreassumed his previous Luigi form. Doopliss tried many more things, like locking himself in their room, saying Mario had to go to the blacksmith to make a key. Or, he tried to take Mario out to Gelato Beach and have a good time. Everything failed.

Finally, Doopliss got so furious that he shoved Mario out of the house and locked the door, telling him to go do something productive. Mario had a look of serious anger and annoyance, but went down the pipe to Toad Town anyway. After five minutes, Doopliss unlocked the door and let the thieves in.

Step three was being put into play, as Kooky pulled out his drill and ran into Mario's room. When Doopliss locked himself in Mario's room, he took a good look at the place. Behind the beds was a lot of space, so Popple removed the siding from the house in that one spot, and Ludwig got drilling. Doopliss assumed his real body, sat down on the table, and opened the fridge. He belched loudly as he downed a Super Soda and the rest of that milk from ealier. Karma sat outside guarding, but saw nobody for a while, so she pulled out her Hiptop, a handheld computer, and decided to go to Lemmy's Land and solve a Mystery or two. Popple sat on the front lawn with the captive Luigi, and fell asleep. Luigi was getting tired as well, but was determined to escape. So, he squirmed even more.

Suddenly, the warp pipe Mario came through emerged from the ground. Karma stopped looking at Fun Fiction and ran inside, alerting Doopliss and Ludwig. They all gasped, and ran around. Ludwig tried to squeeze through the hole, but was far to big, as the hole was designed for small things. Doopliss ran around looking for Luigi, and jumped out of a window. Popple noticed the pipe emerge and heard Karma yell, so he grabbed Luigi and fled into a bush, where he bumped into Doopliss. Popple shoved Luigi into Doopliss, and Doopliss scanned him, and jumped back into the house. Karma and Ludwig saw Mario emerge from the pipe, and saw Doopliss jump into the house as Luigi. They both were speechless, knowing their cover would be blown since the window was shattered. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Without a place to hide, Ludwig shoved Karma into the fridge and opened the oven hatch, hiding in his shell and squeezing in.  Doopliss stuck his head through the window, telling Popple everything but the window was taken care of.

Mario used the spare key and saw the fake Luigi sticking his head through the window, and immediately dropped the video games he'd rented. The window was shattered! Mario turned the color of his hat, and screamed. Doopliss took his head out of the window, and thinking on his feet, he doubled back and yelped, sounding like he was in pain. Mario's face turned back to its original peachy tint, and he ran to Luigi, expecting to see his face covered in blood and fresh cuts. But, Luigi only had the wounds from earlier. Mario was definitely catching on. He asked his younger twin in a violent tone what he was thinking, and Luigi said he couldn't think of anything. Mario held a glare with the confused Doopliss, and then went to the fridge, his eyes not moving off his "brother". He reached around for a Super Soda, and almost grabbed Karma's nose. When he reached for the bottom shelf, still too mad to actually look at the fridge, the hybrid kicked a can of Tasty Tonic into his hands. Mario shut the refrigerator hard and broke his glare with Luigi, stubbing Karma's toe badly. She held in her yell, and the fridge shook a bit as she tried to stop herself from killing the plumber. He noticed he'd got Tasty Tonic instead of Super Soda, and headed back for the fridge. Doopliss stopped him, and told him to play some of those video games. Mario, giving Doopliss a you'd-better-a-knock-it-off look, leaned against the stove, turning the boil gauge on by accident. The oven had incinerated Ludwig, and he hid in his shell after seeing Mario's overalls through the window! The heat grew to 450 degrees, and Ludwig was being cooked alive!

Mario picked up his games, and warmed up the GameCube. As soon as Mario wasn't paying attention, Doopliss opened the fridge, freeing Karma, and freezer, to grab ice cubes. Doopliss then opened the oven hatch and brought Ludwig out. He was on fire! Doopliss was helplessly throwing ice cubes ad Ludwig, and whatever the prince touched got burnt to a black crisp. Popple saw what was happening, so he threw a hose inside and Doopliss shot at Ludwig. Mario heard the hose going, but was too deep in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door to help. He asked Luigi why the hose was on, and Doopliss said he was merely watering the plants. Now, Doopliss was a bad shot, and Ludwig running around engulfed in flames didn't help any. He hit just about everything except his target until Karma grabbed him and Doopliss had a clear shot. He barely hit him, but was successful. Ludwig was on the ground, burnt and once again covered in soot. Karma took the hose and tended to the burns she'd got from just touching Ludwig.

The trio jumped out the broken window into the bush, where Popple did his best to not maul them all. They were probably caught now! Mario definitely knew what was going on, and that was that. Ludwig slapped Popple across the face, and the Bean came to his senses. Karma was certain there was only one way Doopliss could cover up what just happened: suck-up, act nice, be his best friend, and make sure the kitchen was clean. Doopliss wasn't exactly the nice type, but in order to steal the hat, he would have to try...

Read on!


 
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