Temper, Temper!

By P.T. Piranha

One day in Bowser’s Castle, Roy is chasing Lemmy around like a mad man.

Roy: Come back here, so I can kill you!

Lemmy: Aaaah! King Dad! King Dad! Roy wants to kill me! Again!

Bowser walks out of his room.

Bowser: Roy-

Lemmy runs over Bowser, followed by Roy.

Bowser: Ouch.

Bowser grabs Roy’s tail as he runs over him.

Roy: Huh? Oh, hi King Dad.

Later…

Bowser: Okay. Lemmy, why was Roy chasing you?

Lemmy: I just played a little joke on him-

Roy: He drew smiley faces on my shades when I was asleep!

Bowser sees that there are, in fact, smiley faces on his shades.

Bowser: Woah. Roy, don’t interrupt your brother. Even though I got the gist of what he said. Lemmy, don’t do that to your brother. It wasn’t nice. Go, and accept P.T. Piranha’s submissions, now.

Lemmy: You wrote that on purpose!

P.T.: Maaaybe.

Lemmy goes off to hopefully accept my submissions. Roy is about to go, but…

Bowser: I’m not done with you, Roy. You’re 12 years old, and you still have anger issues. When you were born, your mom was concerned with your rage. I told her that you would grow out of it, but no. You chase your older brother around my castle, just because of a practical joke!

Roy: We wouldn’t be having this talk if Lemmy hadn’t drawn smiley faces on my shades.

Bowser: I would’ve spoken to you anyway. Now, it’s okay for you to have bloodlust when fighting the Mario Bros, but not for your family. They’re all you got! I’m worrying about Larry! He’s my second youngest, yet you put him through horrors in your Sports Hall! It’s too late for Iggy, but that’s beside the point. If you can go one day without losing your temper unless you’re with Mario and Luigi, then I’ll give you a few new minions.

Roy: What kind of minions?

Bowser: I think you’ll like them. Broozers.

Roy: Cool!

Bowser: But if you DO blow your top, you’ll go to the dungeon!

Roy: One day? Easy-A! Hey! That rhymes!

Bowser: We’ll see about that. The easiness. Not the rhyming. At 7:15 AM tomorrow, we’ll see how you did.

Roy runs off to his room to write out battle strategies for when he has those Broozers. However, a certain spy was listening to all of this. FYI, that is Larry. He was in his room, watching his computer, which was connected to a camera that was listening to what Bowser was saying to Roy.

Larry: Wow! King Dad really does care about me! Anyway, this is a good time to get revenge! Years of the electric chair and various other things! Revenge!

P.T.: Don’t you get enough revenge during your Interviews?

Larry: Go away.

P.T.: Don’t tell me what to do!

Larry: Riiiiiiight. Anyway, I should go tell Iggy!

Soon, in Iggy and Lemmy’s room, Iggy is drawing a picture of him doing bad things to Roy. He does this whenever Lemmy is too busy, hopefully accepting my submissions. Anyway, Larry rushes in.

Larry: Iggy! I have wonderful news!

Iggy: I get to keep those big Thwomps after all?

Larry: No. Or at least not that I know of. But King Dad told Roy that if he got angry just one time before 7:15 AM tomorrow, he’d go to the dungeon!

Iggy: So?

Larry: So this is our chance to get back at him for years of torment! We can make him so mad that he’ll attempt to maim us, and then he’ll get sent to the dungeon!

Iggy: Glad I thought of it! Let’s go bug our big brother!

Meanwhile, in Roy’s Sports Hall…

Fawful (current announcer): Greetings, third offspring of the royal, king-like being of the turtle-like race among a planet of weird creatures!

That meant, Hi Roy.

Roy: Oh. Hi, Fawful. Let’s get this stupid fight over with.

Fawful: In the corner of red-ness that gives me fury of rage and unhappiness-

Roy: Where’s Larry?

Larry: I’m here. So this is the one where the gold fish fights the giant pen?

Roy: Yeah. (Easy, Roy. Don’t go crazy, because of Larry’s existence. Just do if for the minions. Or not getting in the dungeon. Either one.)

Larry: I think the fish will win.

Roy: NO! I WANTED THE FISH TO WIN, BUT NOW THAT YOU SAID THAT HE’LL WIN, HE’S GONNA LOSE!!!

Larry: What are you gonna do to me, Roy? Maul me?

Roy: Ordinarily, yes. But if I explode in rage, I’ll go to the dungeon. I’ll let you go this time.

Larry: D’oh!

After the fight, Roy is walking to the castle kitchen to get a snack.

Roy: Oh, how I’ll love having Broozers! They can fly, and they’re violent. I’d prefer a flying Boom Boom, but Nintendo cancelled them.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen…

Iggy: Okay, Bob. You get my copy of Kingdom Hearts, but only if you do your job.

Bob (a Thwomp): Okay.

Roy enters, and sees Bob destroying the fridge.

Roy: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Iggy: What are you going to do? Go on a rampage?

Roy: I wish. I guess I’ll go to my castle in Sky Land. I have a fully stocked fridge in there.

Roy walks to the doomship docks. That’s where they keep the doomships to travel to other lands.

Iggy: Darn!

He pulls out a walkie-talkie.

Iggy: Larry, he didn’t blow! He’s going to Sky Land! Stop him!

Larry: I’m on it!

Larry jumps back to the wall behind him, walks backwards through the wall, and hops into the first warp pipe he sees (a reference to the Minus World). The warp pipe takes him to Sky Land. Once there…

Larry: Darn it! I’m in the ground part of Sky Land! His castle is in the sky part! Good thing I’m outside the tower that will take me to the sky part!

Larry enters the tower. Meanwhile…

Roy: Good. Sky Land is in sight.

His ship lands, and he enters his castle. He walks out with a slice of meat lover’s pizza, hops onto his ship, and flies back to Dark Land. Just after he leaves, Larry emerges from the top of the tower.

Larry: That’s faster than I usually ascend the tower. That’s good!

Larry sees that his ship is gone.

Larry: Darn it!

Later, Roy is in his room, punching a punching bag.

Roy: (This should get rid of my pent-up rage, without my actually getting mad! I’ll have those Broozers in no time!)

Suddenly, Iggy takes Roy’s sunglasses off.

Roy: Hey!

Iggy pushes Roy’s head into his shell, and paints the spikes on Roy’s shell green. Wendy is walking by at the time.

Wendy: Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Red and green together! It clashes! It burns!

Wendy faints.

Plit: 0_0

Roy: Give my shades back, and restore my spike colors back to what they once were!

Iggy: No.

Iggy walks away.

Roy: (Easy, Roy. DAD is just testing you. You can do it!)

After buying a pair of shades off of Ebay, Roy is playing New Super Mario Bros. He’s not playing it to beat Bowser or Jr, though. He’s going to the ghost houses with Broozers in them. He’s observing  the Broozers, to see their weaknesses and basic strategies. But…

Bowser: Roy! General Paragoomba the 5th called. He says your army of Sky Landers are planning to get into a war with Pipe Land. He wants you to stop them.

Roy: He can do it! He’s my top general!

Bowser: They won’t listen to a him!

Roy: (Why did I make a Paragoomba my top general?!) Okay!

Roy puts his DS down, and goes to the doomship docks. While he’s gone Larry sneaks in.

Larry: This should make him mad!

Larry takes the batteries out of the DS, and throws them out the window. Meanwhile, a Goomba is walking around.

Goomba: I hope something random, like batteries, WON’T hit me on my head!

The batteries from ten stories up land on his head.

Goomba: Ow.

The Goomba faints. Back in Roy’s room…

Larry: That should make him mad!

Larry also takes the game out of the DS.

Larry: Now to go fight Lakithunder.

Larry walks back into his room. A few minutes later, Roy walks in.

Roy: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Larry: What are you going to do, Roy? Kill me?

Roy: You have no idea how much I want to.

Larry: So you’re not?

Roy: No.

Larry: (Darn!)

Larry walks away. Roy turns on his GBA to play the copy of New Super Mario Bros. for the GBA. Wondering why you haven’t seen that here? They are only allowed on Plit. Anyway, Roy was about to come up to a Broozer, when…

Ludwig: Roy! I need a test subject!

Roy: I’m not your scapegoat!

Ludwig: You get to break something! I even told King Dad! He says it’s okay, if it’s for my experiment!

Roy: Okay! I’m coming!

Roy puts down his GBA and goes into Ludwig’s room. Meanwhile, Iggy walks in.

Iggy: Maybe Larry couldn’t make Roy explode when his game got deleted, once. But if it happens twice in a row, he’ll go crazy!

Iggy takes the batteries out, and throws them out the window. They land on the same Goomba, just after he recovered. Then Iggy takes the game out of the GBA.

Iggy: Now to beat Petey Piranha!

Iggy goes to his and Lemmy’s room. A minute later, Roy comes back, and is appalled.

Roy: Insert curse word here! Insert curse word here! Insert curse word here! I can’t go on! I know! I’ll make it so I sleep all the way until 7:15 AM!

Roy punches himself. He faints, and doesn’t wake up until 7:15 AM. Soon…

Bowser: I have to say, Roy. I didn’t think you could do it. But I was wrong! I’ll make sure that King Boo “gives” me those Broozers, tonight. I’m proud of you.

Roy: Thank you, King Dad.

Roy goes into his room, but a bucket falls on his head when he opens the door.

Iggy and Larry: Ooh! Burned! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Roy: I don’t have to watch my temper anymore.

Iggy and Larry: Uh oh.

The camera changes, and we just see Bowser’s castle shaking and moving a little. Almost everyone lives happily ever after.

Artwork by Fried Rooster

The End

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