Chapter 2: Dark Days in Flower Fields
Last time, Mario defeated General Guy and Iggy with a Bob-Ulk. General Guy landed on some island and Iggy fell in lava. Mario also got a partner named Watt, a Lil’ Sparky. Mario is now talking to Muskular…
Muskular: Because you saved me first, you won’t have enough Star Power to use my power.
Mario: Ok.
Mario heads to the center of the town and notices Minh T’s Garden has a worried Bub-Ulb talking to Minh T.
Mario: Excuse me, but is there a problem here?
Bub-Ulb: YES! Flower Fields is in danger!
Mario: Flower Fields?
Minh T: He says Flower Fields is in danger from one of Bowser’s minions!
Mario: Than we have to go there now!
Minh T: That’s easier said than done. You need to plant four Bub-Ulb seeds to get there! And they are really hard to find!
Mario: I have ways of finding Bub-Ulb seeds…
Mario takes out his laptop.
Mario: Now… www.ebay.com/4bub-ulbseeds
Laptop: 1 Search found!
Mario: Hmm… Thekingofcraziness7 is selling them for four coins and one bottle cap! And there is only one other bidder! Now to make a bid…
Laptop: You are now the highest bidder, Cheeseman45! Thank you for using eBay!
Meanwhile…
Another Laptop: Cheeseman45 is a higher bidder than you, Cheeseman45hater.
Luigi: Darn! I need those seeds for my recipe!
Mario: Now we wait.
With Roy and Huff N’ Puff…
Roy: C’mon! Blow this house of cards down!
Huff N’ Puff: Please! No! I’m too tired!
Roy: C’MON!
Huff N’ Puff: Is this the last time?
Roy: Yes.
Huff N’ Puff: Ok. *Insert wind blowing here*
Roy: Great! Now blow this other house of cards down!
Huff N’ Puff: …
Ok, that was pointless. So I’ll do this instead…
Three days later...
Mario, Watt, Minh T, and the Bub-Ulb: Zzz…
Laptop: CONGRATULATIONS!
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Some Guy: SHUT UP! IT’S 3 AM!
Laptop: You are the lucky winner for auction item #2398237498279873483716481364832462384623864238764! Your delivery should be here shortly.
Mario: Ok! I wonder when the package will…
*insert car screeches here…*
Delivery Guy: Your delivery is here! Have a nice day!
Mario: Here you go, Minh T!
Minh T: … Shouldn’t RPG and Adventure Laws forbid that?
Mario: What is up with these people and RPG and Adventure laws?! There weren’t any laws in Super Mario RPG: No Legend of the 7 Dumb Stars!
Minh T: The author didn’t have enough money at the time to buy the Big Book of Video Game Laws. Than after that, he got rich and bought the book.
Mario: …
Minh T: Anyways, time to plant these seeds!
Later…
Minh T: LOOK! A DOOR!
Mario: Time to go!
Mario enters the door and…
Mario: Flower Fields?
Fat Guy: Fatty Fields!
Mario: …
Mario enters a nearby door in a flower garden.
Mario: Flower Fields?
Penguin: Frigid Fields!
Mario: …
Mario enters another nearby door in an ice flower garden.
Mario: Let me guess, not Flower Fields?
Bub-Ulb: Nope! It is Flower Fields!
Mario: …
Wise Wisterwood: Have you come to defeat Huff N’ Puff and Roy?
Mario: Yes?
Wise Wisterwood: Than you have to go to the sky!
Mario: Crud! I left my P-Wing at home!
Wise Wisterwood: That’s why you climb a beanstalk! Get a seed from Petunia in the east!
Mario: Ok.
Mario and Watt head east.
Bzzap!: We…
Crazee Dayzee: Shall…
Bzzap!: Destroy…
Crazee Dayzee: You!
Voice from far off: CRAZEE DAYZEE! YOU'RE NEXT TO INTERVIEW FRYGUY WITH AXEM PINK!
Crazee Dayzee: Aw crud! I have to go!
Crazee Dayzee skips away.
Mario: …
Watt: …
Bzzap!: …
Mario: Right… We’ll just go…
Bzzap!: Fine with me.
Mario and Watt find Petunia.
Petunia: SAVE ME!
Mario: Give us a seed!
Petunia: Ok! Here you go!
Mario: Thanks!
Mario and Watt leave.
Petunia: WHAT THE $%#$% IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!
Monty Mole: Dinnertime!
Other Monty Moles: Yay!
Petunia dies from lack of roots.
Mario: We got the seed! Now what?
Wise Wisterwood: Go meet Posie in the west and ask her to give you soil!
Watt: Ok, Mr. Tree!
Mario and Watt go to meet Posie, but…
Red Flower Guard: You cannot pass unless you feed…
Before the guard finishes, Mario grabs a chainsaw and kills the guard.
Mario: Let’s go!
Watt: Ok!
Mario and Watt enter Posie’s Garden.
Posie: Hello! Would you like some…
Mario: Mario kills her with the Chainsaw and also cuts down the Crystal Berry tree.
Mario: I’ll give one of these to Peach for Christmas!
Mario takes all of the Crystal Berries and some soil.
Mario: Let’s go!
Mario and Watt…
???: HEY!
Who in the world are you?
???: I’M MALLOW!
Why are YOU here?
Mallow: You’re saying Mario and Watt!
So?
Mallow: In the last story, you kept saying Mario and Co!
I don’t understand what you’re saying.
Mallow: It’s unfair! Mario only has one partner and you’re not saying Co! You’re saying Watt!
Do not question my narrator powers!
Mallow: …
Anyways, Mario and Watt talk to Wise Wisterwood.
Wise Wisterwood: Go meet Lily to the southwest!
Mario and Watt head southwest, but…
Yellow Flower Guard: You cannot pass unless you beat my quiz!
Mario: Ok. Quiz me!
The background changes into the Quiz Thwomp’s.
Yellow Flower Guard: Ok! Question 1, why are you on this quest?
Mario: To save the Star Spirits and defeat Bowser to rescue Peach.
Yellow Flower Guard: Question 2, who is the boss of Flower Fields?
Mario: Huff N’ Puff and Roy.
Yellow Flower Guard: Final question! What is the average air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?
Mario: African or European?
Yellow Flower Guard: Uhh… I don’t know! That question is invalid! REAL final question! Why are you smart?
Mario: Uhh… Because… I… well…
Yellow Flower Guard: Too late! The answer is because you drank Brain in a Can Soda! *Warning! Only works when you’re on a quest.*
Mario: That’s what I was going to say!
Yellow Flower Guard: Oh. Than you may pass!
Mario grabs his chainsaw and cuts down the flower anyways.
Watt: …
Mario and Watt cross the pit via Cannonballer/floating and find a completely bone dry pit, bones included.
Mario: What kind of flower would live here?
Lily: *gasp* Help! *gasp* Cloud creatures *gasp* took priceless *gasp* Water Stone *Gasp* from pool! *gasp*
Mario: Could you say that clearly?
Lily: I said, “Help! Cloud creatures took priceless Water Stone from pool!”
Mario: What were the gasps for?
Lily: To make it sound more dramatic!
Mario: …
Mario and Watt go to Wise Wisterwood.
Wise Wisterwood: What? Lily lost her Water Stone? Now I can’t get the Poliwrath I wanted!
Mario: …
Wise Wisterwood: Uhh… I mean, I believe I saw cloud creatures head to the Hedge Maze where Rosie the Rose is!
Mario: Ok!
Mario and Watt head to Rosie, but…
Mario: Isn’t there supposed to be a hedge maze here?
Ant Soldier: Sorry, but we ants ate it so we could make our ant hill. Don’t enter because we aren’t done with construction.
Mario and Watt enter the ant hill and…
Ant Queen: INTRUDERS! GET THEM!
Mario and Watt head off to the exit with ants chasing them.
Mario: *gasp* I can’t believe it! This is supposed to be a Paper Mario parody! There was no Ant Hill in Flower Fields!
Watt: The author made this part a twist from the original game. Besides, he also said the hedge maze would be too easy since you have that chainsaw.
Mario: Oh.
Mario and Watt see Rosie.
Rosie: If you want this Water Stone then give me…
Mario destroys her with a flamethrower.
Watt: What happened to the chainsaw?
Mario: Battery died.
Watt: Ah.
Mario takes the Water Stone and heads back to the ant hill.
Ants: There he is again! Get him!
Mario burns them all with his flamethrower.
Mario: This is too easy!
Than Mario’s flamethrower combusts itself and explodes.
Mario: …
Mario and Watt enter the ant hill and…
Ant Queen: You didn’t die? DIE!
Mario pulls out a cell phone.
Mario: Hello? Is this my lawyer?
Ant Queen: OH NO! NOT A LAWYER! I GIVE UP!
The ant queen runs away and somehow takes the ant hill with her.
Mario: That was easy!
Mario and Watt head to Lily, but…
Mario: Hello? Lily, I got the Water Stone!
…
Mario enters the pit where Lily is.
Mario: …
Lily’s Corpse: …
Lily’s Ghost: YOU’RE TOO #$%#$ LATE!
Mario puts the Water Stone in the hole in the center, and…
BOOM!
A geyser appears and fills the pool with water from Ice Land mixed with Flower Field minerals.
Mario: S-s-s-s-so c-c-c-c-c-cold
Mario fills a watering can he has in his pocket.
Watt: Why do you carry a watering can in your pocket?
Mario: Well…
*Flashback!*
Mario: Don’t you Sunflowers want water?
Sunflowers: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO! WE WANT YOU TO KILL THOSE FAKE YOSHI EGGS!
*End of Flashback!*
Mario: After that, I was too lazy to take it out of my pockets.
Watt: That doesn’t make sense! First, you weren’t stupid and the Dumb Star Road was repaired and you didn’t have Brain in a Can Soda!
Mario: Do not question things you cannot understand.
Watt: …
Mario and Watt head to Wise Wisterwood.
Wise Wisterwood: Do you have a Bubble Berry?
Mario: Maybe…
Wise Wisterwood: Good! Now go northwest!
Mario: Ok!
Mario and Watt head Northwest and find the Bubble Plant.
Bubble Plant: Hi! I’m the Bubble Plant!
Mario: Give us a lift with a bubble!
Bubble Plant: Than give me a Bubble Berry!
Mario: … Forget you!
Mario gets on a Jugem’s Cloud.
Bubble Plant: Darn! I’m starving!
The Bubble Plant shrivels down into nothingness.
Mario: Let’s go!
Mario enters an area with a stone building, and gets the Mega Jump Badge. Mario enters the Sun Tower while Watt heads to the top. Mario climbs the tower only to find a boulder under the stairs, which is making the staircase stay up.
Mario: Time for my little friend…
Mario tosses an (unlit) Bob-omb.
Mario: What? Grr…
Mario tosses 3 more (unlit) Bob-ombs.
Mario: … I forgot you need to light the fuse!
Mario lights the fuse and tosses another Bob-omb down, and…
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Mario: Time to climb the stairs!
Mario heads to the top and finds the sun.
Sun: Hello.
Mario: Shouldn’t you be in the sky?
Sun: Yes, but because of Huff N’ Puff, I can’t go up.
Mario: Anything else?
Sun: Well there is a Puff Puff Machine on the northeast side of Wise Wisterwood…
Mario: So?
Sun: Destroying it will make those clouds disappear!
Mario: So?
Sun: So I can go into the sky!
Mario: Ah.
Mario and Watt head back, but…
???: HOLD IT-ETH!
A Lakitu flies from the sky.
Lakitu: Thou shall not pass-eth by-eth me-eth!
Mario: This story is twisted! What happened to his old speech?!
The author is making big, twisted things so this Fun Fiction can be a parody with many quirks and twists included! A twist for the Fun Fiction is Lakilester…
Lakitu: Sir Spike-eth!
… Fine, Sir Spike-eth will have different accents and speech in every chapter! This chapter’s accent is medival!
Mario: That’s twisted!
I know.
Lakitu: Anyway-eth, thou can not-eth pass-eth me-eth without-eth a duel-eth!
Mario: I don’t even know you.
Lakitu: My apologies, opponent knight-eth! I am Sir Lakilester-eth, err… Sir Michael-eth, err I mean-eth… Sir Spike-eth! Sorry-eth! Me thinks I should-eth remember-eth my name-eth.
Mario: Ok… Who are you again?
Sir Lakilester-eth err… Sir Michael-eth err I mean-eth… Sir Spike-eth: Sir Spike-eth, you twit!
Mario: I’m still confused…
Sir Spike-eth: Will you stop that, you twit! Let us just duel-eth!
Mario: Fine with me!
MINI BOSS BATTLE!
Mario: 20 HP
Watt: 20 HP
Vs
Sir Spike-eth???:
40-eth HP-eth
Mario: Oh come on, even his HP has the word “–eth” at the end!
Sir Spike-eth: Take-eth this-eth!
Sir Spike-eth bonks Mario on the head with a Mega Mushroom.
Mario: … You know how stupid that was?
*insert Mario grabbing a Mega Mushroom sound here*
Mega Mario: DIE!!!
Sir Spike-eth???: OH @#%@#%@#-eth!
Sir Spike-eth???: 0HP!!!
Sir Spike-eth: I LOST-ETH!
Pink Lakitu: NO! Don’t hurt him! He was just following Huff N’ Puff’s orders! NOW LISTEN, YOUR NAME IS LAKILESTER! CHANGE IT AGAIN AND YOU’LL DIE!
Lakilester: Yes, milady…
Pink Lakitu: AND MY NAME IS LAKILULU!
Lakilester: *sigh-eth* Yes, milady.
Lakilulu: Will you forgive him, Mario?
Mario: If he drops the medival speech.
Lakilulu: He will!
Mario: Then yes!
Lakilulu: Now join him!
Lakilester: No-eth, milady.
Lakilulu: DO IT OR DIE!
Lakilester: Fine-eth, milady.
Lakilester joins the party! In battle he can throw Spiny Eggs and attack multiple enemies if he uses Spiny Surge! Outside of battle, he can let Mario ride his cloud to go faster and go over spikes and lava!
Mario: Goodbye, Jugem’s Clouds!
Mario hops on Lakilester’s Cloud and they leave for the next area.
Mario: What do we do here?
Lakilester: We pound-eth the platforms.
Mario: … Is there an easier way?
Lakilester: Yes-eth, by using the elevator-eth.
Mario: …
Ding!
*insert elevator music here*
Ding!
Mario: We’re here!
Mario enters the next area, also finds a Super Block that he then uses on Lakilester. Mario and Co. find a Y Magikoopa and 3 Lakitus.
Y Magikoopa: Hi Mario!
Lakitus: Yeah, hi man!
Mario: …
Mario pounds the Puff Puff Machine with a hammer.
You: When did he get a hammer?
Mario: WHEN YOU GUYS WEREN’T PAYING ATTENTION!
*Flashback!*
Mario: Uhh… I’ll give you a nickel if you don’t kill me.
Baddies: Ok!
Mario: …
Mario leaves.
Baddies: Wait a minute… Nickels don’t even exist on Plit!
Hammer Bro: And where’s my hammer?
*End of Flashback!*
Y Magikoopa: Why are you destroying the Puff Puff Machine?
Mario: Because! This tag right here clearly states, “P.T. Piranha’s Puff Puff Machine. Property of P.T. Piranha. Do not touch except for P.T. Piranha! Meant to be destroyed by P.T. Piranha or someone else!”
Y Magikoopa: Oh.
BANG! BANG! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The clouds disappear.
Flowers that are still actually alive (basically Wise Wisterwood and a few Bub-Ulbs; that lying tulip isn’t there because he died for no reason): Yay!
Sun: FINALLY!
The Sun goes into the sky, and somehow revives all the plants!
Petunia: I HATE PLUMBERS!
Lily: STUPID PLUMBER!
Rosie: KILL ALL PLUMBERS!
Posie: DESTROY ALL PLUMBERS!
Bubble Plant: FEED ME!
Everyone: …
Mario and Co. go to Wise Wisterwood.
Wise Wisterwood: Congratulations! Now you have to plant the Bean!
Mario places the Soil, Bean, and Water on a dirt patch, and…
BOOM!
Beanstalk: If you want to climb me, solve my riddle!
Mario: Ok!
Beanstalk: Who am I?
Mario: … The Beanstalk?
Beanstalk: Correct!
Mario climbs the Beanstalk to the top.
Roy: MARIO! COTTON CANDY FOR BRAIN, MARIO IS HERE!
Huff N’ Puff: Too… tired… Blown… too… many… house… of… cards… down… with… breath…
Roy: …
Huff N’ Puff: Spike? Is that you? TRAITOR! YOU MUST DIE!
Roy: Well at least he’s back!
BOSS BATTLE!
Mario: 20 HP
Lakilester: 25
HP
Vs
Huff N’ Puff:
60 HP
Roy: 50 HP
Mario: Well, time to cheat!
Mario pulls out a… GAMESHARK! Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuuuun!
Huff N’ Puff: Gamesharks don’t work here.
Mario: Crud… Wait… I’m telling my lawyer on you, author!
NO!!!
Huff N’ Puff:
30 HP
Roy: 25 HP
Mario: That’s better!
Lakilester: DIE-ETH!
Spiny Surge-eth!
Huff N’ Puff:
26 HP
Roy: 21 HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Mario: Tuff means cool! You guys aren’t cool!
Tuff Puffs: WHO CARES?
Mario: Multibounce!
Huff N’ Puff:
25 HP
Roy: 20 HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Mario: But I hurt all of you!
Huff N’ Puff: That one just appeared after you hit me.
Mario: Oh.
Huff N’ Puff:
HP Vacuum!
Tuff Puff: NO!!!
Huff N’ Puff:
26 HP
Roy: Punch!
Mario: 15 HP
Mario: MEGA JUMP!
Roy: 10 HP
Roy: WHAT?!
I made all Mega
Badges have 10 Attack Power.
Roy: …
Lakilester: Spiny
Flip-eth!
Roy: 7 HP
Roy: Punch!
Mario: 10 HP
Huff N’ Puff:
Charge!
Huff N’ Puff
is charging!
Mario: MEGA JUMP!
Roy: 0 HP!!!
Roy: Curse you,
Mario!
Roy runs to the bottom of the Beanstalk.
Beanstalk: Halt! You cannot climb me unless you solve my riddle!
Back to the battle…
Lakilester: Spiny Flip-eth!
Huff N’ Puff:
23 HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Huff N’ Puff:
YAH!!!
Mario: 5 HP DANGER!
Lakilester: 15
HP
Tuff Puffs: Shall we take care of them, sir?
Huff N’ Puff: Yes!
Tuff Puffs: DIE!
Mario: 2 HP DANGER!
Mario: Multibounce!
Huff N' Puff:
22 HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Lakilester: Failed
Spiny Surge!
Huff N’ Puff:
21 HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: Die!
Mario: 1 HP PERIL!!!
Huff N’ Puff:
HP Vacuum!
Huff N’ Puff:
22 HP
Mario: I know! I’m telling my lawyer because you gave me a bad first Star Spirit!
NO!
Mario gains a temporary Star Energy Bar!
Mario: Now to
use Muskular!
Muskular: Chill
Out!
Huff N’ Puff:
-3 Attack Power
Tuff Puffs: -3
Attack Power
Lakilester: Spiny
Surge-eth!
Huff N’ Puff:
18 HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puffs: Now
to strike the final blow!
Mario: 1 HP PERIL!!!
Tuff Puffs: WHAT?!
Chill Out also
affects you guys, too.
Tuff Puffs: Aww…
Huff N’ Puff:
Earthquake!
Huff N’ Puff
and his Tuff Puffs fly high and land on the ground and do nothing to Mario
and Lakilester!
Huff N’ Puff:
WHY?! Because you’re on clouds, you went through clouds and landed on the
ground.
Huff N’ Puff:
…
Mario: MEGA JUMP!
Huff N’ Puff:
8 HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Lakilester: Failed
Spiny Surge-eth!
Huff N’ Puff:
7 HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 0
HP
Tuff Puff: 1
HP
Huff N’ Puff:
HP Vacuum!
Huff N’ Puff:
8 HP
Mario: MEGA JUMP!
Huff N’ Puff:
0 HP
Huff N’ Puff:
No way!!!
Huff N’ Puff
explodes!
END OF BOSS BATTLE!
Mario: At least there was no explosion this time!
Roy: DIE!
King Bomb: Hi! I’m lost and… wait… you’re Mario! DIE!
BOOM!!!
Mario and Lakilester land right in front of Wise Wisterwood! Roy is… well… I don’t know, but he was in the explosion.
Mario: *sigh* We have to climb the Beanstalk to get the…
Klevar’s Card falls from the sky.
Mario: …the Star Spirit. What is up with these coincidences?!
Klevar: Who knows? But thank you!
End of Chapter:
What’s Lakilester’s next accent/speech going to be? Why was the unlit Bob-omb joke recycled from the Chapter 4 of Super Mario RPG: No Legend of the 7 Dumb Stars? Did they ever find a successful vehicle for Ellen Claymore? Find out in Chapter 3: Hot Hot Times on Lavalava Island!
Here is a preview of Lakilester’s next speech/accent/voice.
Lakilester: Let’s-a go!