Chapter 9: The Chapter that Dare Not Speak It's Name
THE WORLD ENDS BECAUSE I'M LAZY! THE END!
Did You Like This Submission?
Lemmy: You're getting worse and worse at these...
I HAVE FEELINGS, YOU KNOW!
Lemmy: Just get on with the story.
Wario and Waluigi land in Beanbean Castle.
Queen Bean: I heard Toadette was killed.
Waluigi: Yeah, and we have to save Yoshi so he'll pay us.
Queen Bean: Well, here is your pa... I mean, yeah, go do that.
Wario: SURE!
The Wario Bros. walk out of town
Waluigi: So, where next?
Wario: (reading his map) Um... I think this place by a guy named "Harshell".
Harhall: THAT'S HARHALL!
Harhall pulls out a paintball gun.
Harhall: TROOPS! YOU ARE ALL A DISCRACE! PREPARE TO BE DECOMISSIONED!
Harhall tries shooting the Wario Bros. with paintballs. However, he's too weak to lift up the gun.
Harhall: GET DOWN!
Harhall sets down a boombox and turns it on. While Wario and Waluigi "Get Down", Harhall destroys the map and runs away. Then, the music stops.
Waluigi: Aw...
Wario: Well, LET'S GO FOR MONEY!
Waluigi: YEAH!
However, the Wario Bros. have no sense of direction, and have got to places in this story by accident.
Wario: Uh... Where's Harhall's studio?
Mr I: I saw him... or was it a her! AAH! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
Waluigi: Excuse me, where's Harhall's Studio?
Chatot: Where's Harhall's Studio?
Waluigi: No, I'm asking you.
Chatot: No, I'm asking you, sissy boy! SQUAWK!
Waluigi: GRRRR!
Using nothing but fury, Waluigi beats up Chatot.
Chatot: FINE! GET ON!
Chatot flies the Wario Bros. to Harhall's Studio.
Harhall: AAH! THE COLORS! THEY CLASH!
Harhall turns Chatot into a T-shirt.
Wario Bros: Woah...
Harhall: MAKE SPLART, OR YOU JOIN THE REST!
Harhall has a huge rack of T-shirts with screaming Beanbean soldiers and The Dryest Bones on them.
The Dryest Bones Shirt: Forget it...
The Dryest Bones comes out of the shirt. Don Patch is on his back.
Harhall: WHAT?!
The Dryest Bones: It's really quite simple...
The Dryest Bones pulls out a big chart with him, Bobobo, P.T., Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Crazy Koopa, P.T.-from-another-dimention-kind-of-like-his-alter-ego, E-Man, and Kody on it.
The Dryest Bones: You see, P.T., E-Man, Crazy, and Kody usually work together, leaving me out of the equation. P.T. got all rights to Bobobo and the Super Fist of the Nosehair, with slight contract negotiations with the rest of the characters. Crazy Koopa took Jelly and some extras, and E-Man and Kody were sane enough not to take anybody. However, before anyone else could steal him, I took Don Patch. And that is why he appears in my Fun Fictions.
Harhall: THE FOURTH WALL HAS BEEN BROKEN!
You grab into your computer screen for almost no reason and throw Harhall into your dog. If you don't have a dog, you throw it into your trash compactor. And if you can't do anything else, you eat him.
Waluigi: So... where do we get the Beanstar Piece?
Don Patch is holding the Beanstar Piece.
Don Patch: You get it if I get to change the title.
Wario: Uh....
Waluigi: SURE!
Waluigi gives Don Patch his letters containing taxes.
Don Patch: Now to cross off a few names, write my own... WE'RE ALL GOOD! C-YA, SUCKERS!
Don Patch slaps Wario and Waluigi in the face with an onion leek and runs away.
Wario: WHERE'D THE BEANSTAR PIECE GO!
Waluigi: I put it in this little black box.
Wario: Why?
Waluigi: Black things absorb light, so no light can get out! So we won't get blinded!
The spirit of the Beanstar Piece phases through the box.
Piece: YOU GOT A BEANSTAR PIECE! PRETTY GREEN FLASH!
Wario Bros: GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
T-Shirts: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wario Bros: DOES THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN EVERY TIME?!
T-Shirts: YES!
Wario Bros: -_-
Beanstar Completion Ratio: 50%! YOU'RE HALFWAY THERE! PICK UP THE PACE, SLOWPOKES!
Wario: A nonexistant character just yelled at us.
Waluigi: What else is new?
Wario: How we get out of here.
Waluigi: We swim.
Wario: But Mario and Luigi couldn't when they played the game!
Waluigi: And Harhall wasn't a sociopath that was destroyed by a being beyond the fourth wall when Mario and Luigi played.
Wario: Good point...
The Wario Bros. swim until they reach land. They then wander aimlessly around Beanbean Castle Town until...
Beanie 1: HEY! WE STILL HAVE TO DESTROY YOU!
Beanie 2: YEAH!
Beanie 3: LET'S MAKE 'EM EAT GRILLED TOFU DIPPED IN MISA ON A STICK!
Dengakuman: -_- That was my line...
Beanie 1: LET US CROSS, LAKIPEA!
Lakipea: NOPE! You have to wait for the Sharpeas to cross.
Wario: Excuse me, Lakipea, can you get us over and then send us to the next Beanstar Piece?
Lakipea: Of course. CLOUDS!
A giant path of clouds appears straight to Yoshi Theater. The Wario Bros. cross it, and then the clouds disappear.
Beanies: YOU COULD DO THAT ALL THE TIME AND DIDN'T LET US THROUGH?!
Lakipea: You never asked.
Beanies: LET US GO TO THE WARIO BROS!
Lakipea: Sorry, it was a one-time free trial offer that corrects 20 Registry Errors!
The Beanies' computers all get registry software.
Beanies: Still so pathetic.
I know, but who writes this stuff anyway? Wait, you're telling me I write this stuff? Oh well, the Wario Bros. make it to Yoshi Theater.
Boddle: HELLO!
Wario Bros: AAH! CRAZY SODA GUY!
Boddle's Assistant: DON'T TALK ABOUT MASTER BODDLE THAT WAY!
Boddle turns into an egg and blasts his assistant to... well, if you got the pun the last two times, you'll get it now.
Waluigi: Excuse me, we are looking for something really shiny. Do you have one?
Boddle: Nope. Except for that Beanstar Piece on my sign. But you don't want that.
Wario Bros: BUT WE DO!
Boddle: Then get me Beanfruits!
Wario: Why?
Boddle: BECAUSE I SAID SO!
Waluigi: You expect us to go on a wild goose chase for underground fruit when we could just walk up, yank the sign away, and then run off with it?
Boddle: Pretty much.
Wario: Sounds reasonable.
Wario starts looking for Beanfruit.
Waluigi: (This guy is good... really good.) How about we give you this!
Waluigi is holding up a piece of paper than says "Yoshee Theitr" on it.
Boddle: *gasp* IT'S PERFECT!
Waluigi: Sign for piece?
Boddle: DEAL!
Boddle completely destroys the sign and gives the piece to Waluigi.
Yoshis: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Beanstar Piece: YOU GOT A BEANSTAR PIECE! PRETTY GREEN FLASH!
Waluigi: GAAAAAAH! MY EYES! Wait... Why'd we do that out of order?
Boddle: BROWN! You were supposed to go by the script!
Brown Yoshi: Sorry, did I cue everyone in too early? Can we get a do over?
Voice: NO!
Petey Piranha falls from the sky, completely destroying the theater and sending everyone but Waluigi into a sandstorm.
Petey: I'M SUEING FOR NOT GIVING MY SON HIS SCREEN TIME!
Waluigi: HUH?!
Piranha Bean also falls from the sky.
Petey: According to this piece of paper, you sold the rights to Don Patch!
Piranha Bean: YOU TELL HIM, DADDY!
Waluigi: NO! I THOUGHT THOSE WERE MY TAXES! (What else did he rewrite?)
Dancing cows appear.
Don Patch: DRINK YOUR MILK TODAY! DRINK YOUR MILK HOORAY! DRINK YOUR MILK TODAY! DRINK YOUR MILK HOORAY!
A spaceship comes and all of the cows, Yoshis, and Don Patch board.
Don Patch: TO THE MALL!
The rocket blasts off.
Waluigi: That was completely uninteresting and was just used for chapter extention and a cheap gag because the author found episodes of Bobobo online.
The Dryest Bones: I WANTED TO TELL THEM THAT!
The Dryest Bones throws Wario at Waluigi.
Wario: I got to eat Beanfruit!
Waluigi: *sigh* Idiots will be idiots.
Petey: WELL, NOW YOU IDIOTS GET TO DIE!
Piranha Bean: I thought we were going to eat them.
Petey: It's the same thing, Son.
Piranha Bean: OH! Okay then...
RPG BATTLE!!!
Wario (75/75 HP)
Waluigi: (70/70 HP)
VS
Petey Piranha (500/500 HP)
Piranha Bean (350/350 HP)
Wario: Wow, not a typo to be found...
FOR THAT COMMENT, PIRANHAS GET FIRST ATTACK!
Wario Bros: COME ON!
Petey Piranha uses "Vine Whip" on Wario. CRITICAL HIT! -6 HP.
Wario: A CRITICAL HIT AND I ONLY LOST 6 HP?!
Piranha Bean uses "Spit Something" at Waluigi. -10 HP
Waluigi: GRRRR!
Waluigi uses "DIE BEAN THING DIE!" on Piranha Bean. -300 HP. Piranha Bean is on fire.
Everyone: 0.0
Waluigi: It's amazing what you can do with chainsaws, flamethrowers, and toothpicks.
Wario uses "That thing that Waluigi did, but WAY BETTER" on Petey Piranha. -450 HP.
Round 2!
Wario (69/75 HP)
Waluigi (60/70 HP)
VS
Petey Piranha (50/500 HP)
Piranha Bean (50/350 HP)
Petey Piranha uses "TAKE A WIFF OF THIS!" pn Wario. No damage.
Petey: WHAT?! THAT WAS EXTREMELY TOXIC!
Wario: Smelled like a rose.
Petey: WHAT?!
Waluigi: After the Wario Waft, nothing is stinky ever again.
Piranha Bean: DON'T WORRY, DADDY! I'LL STILL DO IT!
Piranha Bean trips over a pebble! -50 HP! Piranha Bean KO!
Petey: Aw crud...
The Wario Bros. use "REALLY NICE ATTACK THAT WILL MAKE PETEY PIRANHA GET A GAME OVER ATTACK!" -50 HP!
Wario Bros. Win! Party!
Wario: Why does the narrator guy want to party?
Waluigi: Because he's a nerd. Nerds have nothing better to do.
Wario: Riiiiiight...
The Wario Bros. walk right past the Beanies and Dengakuman without noticing them, and make it to Chucklehuck Woods.
Wario: I thought Foreman Spike blew this place up!
Waluigi: He did, but then a new manager came and the forest is now stronger than ever!
Wario: Who?
Scruffy walks up.
Scruffy: Scruffy believes in this forest! That's why Scruffy took it over.
Wario: O...k...
The Wario Bros. walk until they see a conveniently-placed gate.
Wario: Why didn't we see this before?
Waluigi: We were too busy watching Naruto blow up a bar and taking a secret entrance.
Wario: Oh yeah...
Waluigi: Well, it says we need the power of lightning to get through.
Wario: GOT IT!
Wario plugs one of his Microgames into the orb keeping the gate locked. Both overload with power and explode. However, the gate still stands.
Gate: HAHA! I'M GATEGUY THE FIRST!
Wario Bros: We've had it with the Doorguy puns.
Gateguy the First: Aww!
Gateguy the First sinks into the ground due to sadness.
Gateguy the First: I should've got the job at Willie Wonka's chocolate factory like my mother said, but I wanted to be outdoors! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! YOU WERE RIGHT, MOMMA!
Wario: ... Freak...
Waluigi: You took the words right out of my mouth.
The Wario Bros. walk to Winkle Colliseum.
Waluigi: When did we skip trying to get to the tree with the Beanstar Piece?
Wario: HELLO? IT'S A COLLISEUM! WE HAVE TO GO THERE!
Waluigi: I see no logic.
Wario: That is why you fail.
LEGO Yoda: My real self's quote! Wait, aren't I supossed to be dead?
LEGO Yoda is crushed by The Force.
Waluigi: So... stupid.
The Wario Bros. make it to the front of the colliseum.
Winkle Guard 1: HALT! THOU CANNOT PASS!
Waluigi: Cannot?
Winkle Guard 2: Winkle Realm mixes things up a bit.
Wario: Okay then.
Wario pulls out salt.
Wario: LET ME GET THE SHINY, OR YOU TASTE SODIUM CHLORIDE!
Guards: Uh...
Wario dissolves everyone except the receptionist inside and outside the lobby of Winkle Colliseum.
Receptionist: 500 coins.
Waluigi: For what?
Receptionist: This Winkle Collisuem. You win, you get something that gets Winkles out of your way.
Wario: But I have salt!
Receptionist: Then...
All of the Winkles turn into pythons.
Wario: I have a pet mongoose.
All of the Winkles turn into Bowser.
Waluigi: Bowser is allergic to "Scent of Coward", which is my favorite calone.
All of the Winkles turn into Shigeru Miyamoto.
Wario: The author is a huge Shiggy fan.
All of the Winkles continue turning into random things until finally...
Wario: Can't think of anything for that.
Winkle: ...
Waluigi: Wait, where is he?
He turned into air.
Wario: All right then.
The air turns into a vampire and throws Wario into a boxing ring.
Wario: Wha-huh? Oh, wait, it's boxing. AWESOME!
A giant demon vampire Koopa golem robot zombie ghost werewolf eggplant mummy piranha shark Morton snake fire monster beast warrior experiment lands in front of Wario.
GDVKGRZGWEMPSMSFBWE: ROAR!
Waluigi: You forgot the abbreviation for Morton.
Morton Abbreviation: I got sold to the Morton King Boo Landmaster Arwing Metroid Mechanism.
Wario: Well, uh...
Air: Winner gets five bucks.
Wario: DIE!
Five seconds later...
LEGO Harry Potter: Two things: he has severe injuries, and why are all of the doctors LEGO people and LL authors?
Lil Cheep Cheep: (wearing a nurse's outfit) Uh... yeah.
Wario: When did we decide that the current scene was a hospital?
LEGO Harry Potter: Since the author decided to put you in a full body cast.
Wario is in a full body cast at a hospital.
Waluigi: Delayed reaction pun... bad.
Aw... I liked it.
LEGO Harry Potter: Well, he looks like he's going to die. I'll be back with the exploding LEGO stethoscope.
LEGO Harry Potter and Lil Cheep Cheep leave the room.
Wario: GET ME OUT!
Wario is hit by a potion and restored to full health.
Wario: Thanks, Waluigi.
Waluigi: I didn't do it.
Wario: Thanks, DAD!
DAD: I forgot to do it.
Wario: WHO THREW IT THEN?!
Meanwhile...
King K. Rool: HA! I know that my potion will somehow cause a sequel, where I will star!
Back with the Wario Bros...
Wario: Why are we here again?
Waluigi: To get a Beanstar Piece.
Wario: Which is where?
Waluigi: In the tree outside the window.
Wario jumps out of the window. Another trip to the hospital later...
Wario: Well, here we are! The tree outside the window!
Waluigi: Let's get the Beanstar Piece.
Waluigi gets the Beanstar Piece, but nothing happens.
Waluigi: Where's the flash?
A blinded Popple jumps out of the tree, the piece in his hand. Gateguy suddenly appears.
Gateguy: I'LL HOLD HIM OFF! TAKE THE PIECE!
Gateguy self-destructs, sending Popple somewhere. The Beanstar Piece lands in Wario's hands.
Beanstar Piece: YOU GOT A BEANSTAR PIECE! PRETTY YELLOW FLASH!
Wario: Er... Yellow?
Beanstar Piece: We're in Winkle Realm, right?
Waluigi: Er... Yeah?
The light is red.
Chucklhuck Fruit: Happy Birthday!
Wario: I'll never understand this story.
Waluigi: Same.
Beanstar Piece: The light was red for a reason.
Wario: And that was?
Mother Brain appears and uses tentacles to throw the Wario Bros. to Beanbean Castle Town.
Beanstar Piece: That...
Terry the Talking Tomato appears and breathes fire on the Wario Bros.
Beanstar Piece: And that.
Wario Bros: MAMAMIA!
Chapter 10: The Jury Finds This Chapter a Melting Joke
The Wario Bros. land inside Starbeans Cafe.
Wario: Why Starbeans?
Because of an event that's happening right now that you shouldn't know about but you do since I just told you.
Waluigi: YOU DIDN'T TELL US ANYTHING!
Meh, whatever.
E. Gadd: HELLO, BOYS! YOU HAVE TO GO TO JOKE'S END!
Waluigi: Why?
E. Gadd: What?
Stupid Guy: WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? WHYYYYYYY?!
Everyone Who Can Hear Him: -_-
E. Gadd: Anyway, it's because you forgot to play track two on that message from Bowletta Jr.
Waluigi: But he... she... it... told us personally!
E. Gadd: Oh, well, I have the real message on DVD!
The DVD starts spinning faster and faster until Bowletta Jr. appears.
Bowletta Jr: Go to Joke's End and give me the completed Beanstar.
Wario: And if we don't?
Bowletta Jr: The author and Don Patch will get mad.
Waluigi: Fair enough.
The Wario Bros. walk outside.
Wario: Wait... Where is Joke's End?
Bowletta Jr: At the other side of the sea.
Bowletta Jr turns into a werewolf and flies away with insect wings.
Waluigi: Wait... How are we supposed to get across the sea?
Wario: AUDITIONS!
Five-thousand pilots later...
Waluigi: I'm sorry, Mr. Taj, but your qualifications just don't come out.
Taj: MAGIC CARPETS RULE!
Taj explodes.
Wario: And that leaves... DONNY OSMAND!
Donny Osmand hugs Wario and Waluigi.
Donny: OH, YOU BOTH ARE SO WONDERFUL! LET ME FLY YOU IN MY PLANE!
Donny flies them straight toward Joke's End.
Wario: HOW DO YOU STOP?!
Donny: I DUNNO! I SKIPPED OUT ON THAT LESSON TO HELP OUT THE STUPID KIDS DREAMS FOUNDATION!
Wario Bros: WE'RE GOING TO CRASH INTO THAT MOUNTAIN NEXT TO JOKE'S END!
Donny: Oh no, that's just a hollogram.
The mountain fades away to reveal... Santa's Village?
Wario Bros: WE'RE GOING TO CRASH INTO SANTA'S VILLAGE NEXT TO JOKE'S END!
Donny: Oh yeah, that's a problem.
Reindeer steer the plane to Joke's End. Santa is there.
Donny: Goodbye, everyone!
Donny flies off like Merry Poppins.
Wario: That guy is WEIRD!
Santa: WELCOME TO JOKE'S END! HERE ARE PRESENTS!
Wario gets a toy train, while Waluigi gets a giant robot arm.
Santa: ENJOY!
Santa flies away for no reason, considering that this was written in July.
Waluigi: The author has lost it. Seriously.
Wario: Yeah...
The Wario Bros. walk up to a sign. There is a large golem sticking his hand out on the sign.
Wario: Hm... You must be this tall to enter...
Wario is too short.
Wario: Well, it's all up to you, Waluigi.
Waluigi: Wario, you've cheated your way through everything, including this story! Are you going to let some dumb sign boss you around?
Wario: Yeah, pretty much.
Waluigi: Well, that's lame.
Waluigi enters. Jojora appears.
Jojora: HIYA! I'M JOJORA! PLAY WITH ME, OR DIE TRYING!
Waluigi: How about neither?
Jojora: I have money.
Wario suddenly bursts through a wall.
Wario: $old!
Waluigi: Wow, that was a pathetic pun there.
Jojora: Just get to me, and we'll play tea party!
Wario: And the money?
Jojora: You'll see... Tee hee!
Jojora floats away.
Wario: Well Waluigi, let's do random stuff to get to the crazy girl thing!
Waluigi: Don't we always?
Wario: Yeah, but this time we're announcing it!
Waluigi: THAT'S IT! CURSE YOU, REALITY!
Waluigi uses his giant robot hand to set Wario on fire and then knock him through the wall. Somehow, this causes the large pot of soup to start to bubble. Wario and Waluigi then calmly walk into the room.
Jojora: That was distrubing, but meh. I wonder if you can even get up here without causing property damage.
Wario: Probably not.
Jojora: All right then, you're losers.
Jojora floats away.
Waluigi: I STILL HATE THIS STORY! IT'S COMPLETELY DESTROYED THE NAME OF A PERFECTLY GOOD GAME, AND MAKES LESS SENSE THAN P.T.'S STORIES, AND ISN'T EVEN HALF AS FUNNY!
Wario: Say what now?
Waluigi: -_-
Wario: Well, let's just get up there...
Wario grabs Waluigi's feet and spins him around. This creates a tornado that spits Wario and Waluigi to the area where Jojora makes magic blocks.
Jojora: I wish the author didn't forget half of the dungeon.
Waluigi: At this point, it really doesn't matter.
Jojora: Well, if you can hit the blocks I make, you can go on.
Waluigi holds out his hand, and pillars of flame come out.
Jojora: Or not.
Jojora teleports away.
Waluigi: THAT'S RIGHT, RUN AWAY!
Wario: Wait... If this place is made of ice, and you're setting it on fire, then won't it...
Joke's End melts. Everyone falls into a big puddle.
Jojora: YOU MELTED MY HOME!
Bowletta Jr: YOU MELTED MY SECRET BASE!
Game Player: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!
Everyone hits the Game Player. Five minutes later...
Wario: So... Now what?
Bowletta Jr: How about you-
Jojora (now looking like a demon): SHUT UP!
Bowletta Jr: EEP!
Jojora (normal): But, how about we play a game. Oh, and which one of my friends do you want to play with us?
Waluigi: I'd say Don Patch.
Jojora: Don Patch?
The Dryest Bones comes in with the chart. However, P.T., Crazy, E-Man, Kody, Lemmy, and Phoenix Wright are right behind him.
Lemmy: The chart is invalid. P.T. will sue you if you don't get rid of it.
The Dryest Bones: All right then.
Everyone but Pheonix Wright leaves.
Jojora: I DEMAND A LAWSUIT!
Phoenix Wright: YAY!
Announcer: COURT BATTLE!
(Wario and Waluigi are in court. There is a jury of the seven Koopalings, Bowletta Jr, Francis, Kamek, Lord Crump, and Fawful.
Bowletta Jr: FAWFUL! I WILL KILL YOU!
Fawful: OVER FAWFUL'S ROTTING AND DEAD CARCASS WITH VULTURES THAT DO THE CIRCLING ABOVE FAWFUL'S CORPSE!
Judge Guy: ORDER IN THE COURT!
Bowletta Jr. and Fawful are thrown out. Foreman Spike and Fred Fredburger are brought in.
Judge Guy: COURT IS IN SESSION!
Waluigi: Your honor, the plantiff is an idiot. I had no choice but to react in the manner that I did, and if anything, Jojora should be sueing Santa Claus.
Phoenix Wright: OBJECTION!
Judge Guy: On what grounds?
Phoenix Wright: On the grounds that I like saying the word OBJECTION!
Judge Guy: Has the jury reached a verdict within the time constaint?
Foreman Spike: We have. We find the defendant the following things: ugly, dumb, innocent, lucky that I didn't do it first, and I LIKE NACHOZ!
Judge Guy: Very well then.
The courtroom disappears.
Jojora: I'm going to sue Santa now.
Jojora flies away. Phoenix Wright follows in a jet. Meanwhile, Bowletta Jr and Fawful are fighting with lightsabers.
Bowletta Jr: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!
Fawful drops his lightsaber.
Fawful: If you are in the striking of me down at the time of now, I will do that which is become more of powerful than you, Mistress Bowletta Jr, can possibly do the imagining with both of your dos brains!
Bowletta Jr: SHUT UP!
Bowletta Jr slices Fawful. His cloak falls to the ground, but his body is nowhere to be found.
Bowletta Jr: Sorry about that.
Yoshi appears strapped to a pole.
Bowletta Jr: Trade, Yoshi for Beanstar?
Wario: De-
Waluigi: How about mechanical arm for Yoshi?
Bowletta Jr: Does it work?
Waluigi's arm explodes.
Waluigi: Yep!
Waluigi's mechanical arm explodes.
Waluigi: Nope!
Bowletta Jr: GIVE ME THE BEANSTAR ALREADY!
Waluigi: I CAN'T!
Bowletta Jr: WHY NOT?!
Waluigi: Because... because... well, I'm limbless now.
Bowletta Jr casts a magic spell that gives Waluigi back his limbs.
Waluigi: I've got nothing.
Shadow the Yoshi falls out of his ship.
Shadow: MARK!
Mark: NO HANDS!
Wario strangles Shadow.
Wario: THAT'S for beating me at my own game!
Waluigi: WE HAVE THE REAL YOSHI WITH PEACH'S VOICE!
Bowletta Jr: GIVE IT TO ME THEN! BOWSER JR. IS GIVING ME A SHORT TEMPER!
Wario gives Bowletta Jr. Shadow the Yoshi and the Beanstar. Meanwhile, Bowletta Jr. gives the real Yoshi back.
Bowletta Jr: Pleasure doing business, SUCKERS!
Bowletta Jr. flies away using the Koopa Clown Copter Jr, and boards the Junior Koopa Cruiser.
Wario: Well, PAY UP YOSHI!
Yoshi gives Wario his wallet.
Waluigi: And now for our rewards...
Yoshi sprouts wings and flies the Wario Bros. to Teehee Valley.
Wario: Why not Beanbean Castle Town?
For DRAMA!
Wario Bros: -_-
Interlude: HEY! IT'S AN INTERLUDE! YAY!
On board the Junior Koopa Cruiser on the deck...junior.
Bowletta Jr: Where's the egg with Peach's voice?
Shadow: I don't have it.
Bowletta Jr: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Bowletta Jr summons the ghost of Fawful to beat up Shadow and hurl him out of the plane.
Fawful's Ghost: YES! NOW YOU ARE IN THE OWING OF FAWFUL ONE THAT IS... IN THE THOUGHTS OF WELL, ONE!
Fawful's ghost disappears,
Bowletta Jr: SET COURSE FOR THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!
Meanwhile, on Shadow's ship...
Shadow: SET COURSE FOR BEANBEAN CASTLE TOWN!
Mark: How'd we rescue you? And why am I one of the only people who appear?
Shadow: The author signed a deal with me, LIVE WITH IT!
Meanwhile, in The City in the Sky...
Foreman Spike: YEAH! ANOTHER CITY BITES THE DUST!
Foreman Spike jumps off the city.
Chapter 11: A Cookie of Fate. OMG! IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER!
Wario: So... now what?
Waluigi: And where in Teehee Valley did we land?
Suddenly, the monster from Titania of Starfox 64 appears.
Titanian Monster: GO UNDERGROUND, OR I SHALL EAT YOU!
Wario Bros: We've seen worse.
Slippy Toad: NO, SAVE ME! THEN, WE CAN TALK FOR DAYS!
Wario Bros: EEP!
The Wario Bros. jump underground. Suddenly, Slippy self-destructs, destroying the monster. Meanwhile, while the Starfox team parties and the Wario Bros. run...
Popple: There goes apprentice number 27.
Beanie 1: YOU HATE WARIO TOO?!
Popple: How'd you get in here?
Beanie 2: Remember page 2? We got freed from the curse of the Lakipea! And then we ran here because it seemed logical!
Popple: Hm...
Back in the underground tunnel...
Wario: ARE WE AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER?!
Waluigi: YEAH, I CAN'T SMELL HIS BREATH ANYMORE!
Wario: GOOD! CAN WE GET OFF OF CAPS LOCK, TOO?!
Waluigi: Uh... duh?
Wario: Oh... Well, I'm happy that Slippy is gone.
Waluigi: Then why are we still running?
The Wario Bros. walk right into a golem in the shape of Popple.
Wario: What the...
Popple Golem: HA! FOOLS! MEET THE POPPLE ULTRA THIEF MUSCLE BETA!
Popple Golem Arms and Legs: YEAH!
Waluigi: Popple? And the Beanies?
Popple (in the head): Aw, that's no fun! You figured us out!
Beanies (Arms and Legs): Yeah, seriously!
Wario: Who cares? LET'S FIGHT!
Popple: Point taken. RPG ANNOUNCER, I SUMMON THEE!
RANDOM BATTLE!
Wario (100/100 HP)
Waluigi (95/95 HP)
VS
Popple Golem (50,000/50,000 HP)
Left Arm (10/10 HP)
Right Arm (10/10 HP)
Legs (50/50 HP)
Torso (1/1 HP)
Wario: OOH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO ATTACK FIRST!
Waluigi: -_-
Waluigi uses "Sigh" on the Torso. -1 HP. The entire Popple Golem explodes. Popple and the Beanies get blasted to random locations.
Wario and Waluigi win!
END RANDOM BATTLE!
Wario: Well... Now what?
Peppy Hare appears in his Arwing.
Peppy: For distracting Slippy and making him explode, YOU GET A FREE RIDE TO BEANBEAN CASTLE TOWN!
Wario: Hello PAY DAY!
The Wario Bros. are flown to a destroyed Beanbean Castle Town. Yoshi is standing there, extra hyper.
Yoshi: YOSHIISSOHAPPYSOSEEYOUGUYSANDITSLIKEAWESOMEFORYOSHITOBEHEREAND
NOWIMOFFTORUNAMARATHONBUTFIRSTIHAVETOFINISHTHISREALLYREALLY
REAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYLONGWORDMANYAYYOSHI!
Yoshi goes off to run a marathon.
Wario: What's up with him.
E. Gadd appears.
E. Gadd: You girls won't believe it!
Wario: Uh... girls?
E. Gadd: A GIANT BEAN FELL OUT OF THE SKY! AND IT MADE AN ULTRA COFFEE! AND THAT YOSHI JUST GAVE ME THE SECRETS OF LIFE FOR IT!
Waluigi: Hm... Giant bean.
E. Gadd: Oh, and Foreman Spike used it as a wrecking ball to destroy the town with. He said it kept saying "Blanblandon doesn't like this!" or something, so he gave it to me.
Wario: Well, what about Queen Bean?
E. Gadd: Shadow the Yoshi came and stole her life essence to become more powerful. She had a heart attack.
Waluigi: And the money?
E. Gadd: In that flying Bowser's Castle up there.
Gadd is pointing toward a giant fortress in Bowser's likeness.
Wario: CURSE BOWSER!
E. Gadd: Don't worry, we'll get you up there.
Waluigi: We?
Foreman Spike appears.
Gadd and Spike: ULTRA TECHNO MEDEVIL CATAPULT!
A giant catapult with lots of shiny lights drops out of the sky.
Waluigi: Is this, uh, necessary?
Spike: No, BUT IT'S KEWL!
Foreman Spike blows up the catapult, sending Wario and Waluigi into Bowser's Castle. Meanwhile, in Bowser's Foyer...
Magikoopa: PRINCE BOWSER! Er... Wait, how'd you get the castle again?
Bowletta Jr: Bow... er, King Dad, is still flying from the prologue, remember?
Magikoopa: Oh yeah... Well, a fat guy and a stick just blasted through the door.
Bowletta Jr: Annoying pests... KOOPALINGS! YOUR TIME HAS COME!
Ludwig: AAH! QUEEN JAYDES! Wait... I know about the white hair from Super Mario Bros 3, but I'm not THAT old!
Bowletta Jr: I mean, you'll fight.
Roy: We hate you.
Iggy: Why would we?
Bowletta Jr holds up a cookie.
Morton, Wendy, and Roy: COOKIE!
They run off to their specific locations.
Ludwig: What flavor?
Bowletta Jr: Chocola-
Ludwig has already left.
Bowletta Jr: And, it has twenty "Beat up Roy" vitamins!
Larry and Iggy are gone.
Lemmy: And me? I'm more intellegent, and can't be bribed with chocolate or beating up Roy.
Bowletta Jr: I have computer virus programs.
Lemmy: No you don't, but for the sake of me not having to edit more pages, I'll go along anyway. That is, IF I accept this part.
Lemmy leaves.
Bowletta Jr: FEAR THE COOKIE OF POWER!
With the Wario Bros...
Wario: Where's Browser?
Waluigi: Er... Browser?
Wario: Yeah, Browser!
Waluigi: Didn't you just call him "Bowser" a little while ago?
Wario: I realized the author's typo.
Waluigi: But... Never mind.
The Wario Bros. make it to a long hall with lots of Boos.
Boo: HEY! HOW ARE WE SO STRONG? AND WHY IS THIS OUR FIRST APPEARANCE?
Waluigi: The second question answers the first.
Boo: CURSE LOGIC!
Waluigi hits Boo with a hammer, but it just phases through. Suddenly, a cookie drops from the sky.
Boos: COOKIE!
The Boos eat each other, forming an Atomic Boo. However...
Atomic Boo: UGH! SO... FULL! CAN'T... MOVE!
Wario: JUMP ON IT!
Wario jumps on the Atomic Boo like a trampoline. It sends him right through the wall into Iggy's room. Waluigi follows, fully damage-free.
Iggy: IF I BEAT YOU, I CAN BEAT UP ROY!
Wario flicks Iggy in the forehead.
Iggy: STOP THAT! THAT MADE ME MOVE TWELVE INCHES!
Wario pushes Iggy. Iggy falls inside a barrel, which rolls onto a Sniper Guy, who blasts Iggy out of Bowser's Castle and into the land version of Bowser's Castle, where he is beaten by a Roy robot.
Waluigi: That was pointless...
Suddenly, there is a beam that transports the two to Morton's room.
Waluigi: Wait... We skipped two whole rooms and a hallway!
Your point?
Waluigi: Oh yeah, forgot I had to have one, considering how awful this story is!
So far it's got good ratings.
Waluigi: (This message was partially deleted so that the tourists who rated this story wouldn't get mad.) But, let's destroy Morton anyway!
Morton appears.
Wario: THE GUY WITH THE BIGGER MOUTH THAN ME!
Morton: Yes, si, uh-uh, *nods*, it is I, me, myself, Morton Koopa Jr, Sultain of Desert Land, King of Donut Plains, Robot Number 5 of Jewelry Land's light, not dark, side, common second Koopaling battled, first ripped sprite from Super Princess Peach, the only Koopaling with a star-shaped birthmark, the only oddly-skinned Koopaling, and a pretty mean breakdancer!
However, while Morton was rambling, he didn't notice that he was pushed out of the castle.
Morton: Aw crud...
Morton falls into his on-land room. The Wario Bros. then get transported to Lemmy's room.
Lemmy: I still need to start uploading submissions for next week. Go ahead.
A beam to Ludwig's room appears.
Wario: Why are you letting us go?
Lemmy: ...
Wario: HELLO?! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!
Lemmy: Maybe, or maybe you just asked yourself.
A cookie appears inside the teleporter.
Wario: COOKIE!
Wario dives after the cookie. Waluigi sighs and follows. They appear in the room guarded by a Mechakoopa lock.
Waluigi: Why did you go after that cookie?
Wario: It was tasty.
Waluigi: Good point. I wonder why he let us go.
Wario: Wait, he said we asked ourselves that.
Waluigi: Really, you're not a smart boy. Now, to figure out this puzzle.
The ghosts of the people from Woohoo Hooniversity solve the puzzle.
Wario: You are officially cool.
Ghosts: YAY!
Scruffy appears and sucks the ghosts up with a vaccum.
Scruffy: Scruffy hates this transfer.
Scruffy quits. Meanwhile, the Wario Bros. walk to Ludwig's room.
Ludwig: CHOCOLATE!
Ludwig has the Wario Bros. beaten in half of a second.
Wario: He's... TOO POWERFUL!
Waluigi: LOOK! A CHOCOLATE COOKIE!
Ludwig: WHERE?!
Wario: YEAH, WHERE?!
While Ludwig and Wario search for the cookie, Waluigi escapes and paints a random Bob-omb brown.
Waluigi: I FOUND IT!
Ludwig gulps down the Bob-omb, considering that he's slightly faster than the portly Wario.
Wario: Aw... I wanted to eat it.
Ludwig: The chocolate doesn't settle down good...
The Bob-omb explodes. However, due to Ludwig's ability to breathe fire, this does nothing.
Ludwig: FOOLS! THAT WAS NOT CHOCOLATE, AND YOU SH-
A cookie falls into the boiler room under Ludwig's room.
Ludwig: COOKIE!
Ludwig dives after the cookie. However, he is extremely heavy, so he drops too fast and makes a hole within the castle. He lands inside a labrynth of Pipe Land. A beam to Roy's room appears.
Waluigi: Wow, that was convenient.
The Wario Bros. walk into Roy's room. However, Roy is nowhere to be found.
Wario: Wha?
Waluigi: And what's with these blocks?
Roy appears.
Roy: I don't really know, I just put them there because they glow red sometimes, and red reminds me of my power... and beating up Iggy.
Wario: We already beat him up.
Roy: I'LL KILL YOU!
Waluigi: I think the term now is "Give you a Game Over".
Roy: DON'T TWIST MY WORDS!
Roy punches Waluigi, sending him out of the castle. One Techno Medevil Catapult ride later...
Waluigi: Remind me to sue the author for teaming Gadd and Foreman Spike up.
Roy: Why?
Waluigi: They hurt me more than you did.
Roy: I NEED TO BEAT THEM UP! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO BE MORE STRONGER THAN ME!
Wario: More stronger?
Roy bursts through the window to beat up Spike and Gadd. However, a Lakitu saves him before he hurts himself. Due to the lack of oxygen in high altitude, combined with reduced air from speed of jump, Roy faints. Wario and Waluigi take a beam to Wendy's room.
Wendy: LET'S PLAY WHACK-A-WENDY!
Wario: But wouldn't that ruin your image?
Wendy: SHUT UP AND BUY ME THINGS!
One trip to the garbage can later...
Waluigi: Here's an, uh, extremely pretty fishbone necklace!
Wendy: Is it rare?
Wario: Yes.
Wendy: *GASP* IT'S BEAUTIFUL! PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON!
Waluigi throws it out the window, along with a cookie.
Wendy: RARE JEWEL AND COOKIE!
Wendy jumps out the window. She lands on a deserted island. Meanwhile, the Wario Bros. make it to Larry's room.
Larry: You beat everyone else...
Wario: Actually, we only beat Iggy and Morton. Lemmy didn't fight us, and Roy, Ludwig, and Wendy jumped out the window for cookies and random perks.
Larry: Oh. Well, I'm not going to be beaten as an idiot. First, we play tennis.
Waluigi: That doesn't sound so bad...
Larry: With a fireball over lava...
Wario: It just got worse...
Larry: And the loser takes a dive.
Waluigi: All right, it's officially lethal.
Larry: PARTNER! APPEAR!
Popple runs in.
Popple: Yes, Boss?
Larry: Good stupid bean guy I saved from death.
Popple: Thanks, Boss!
Larry: TENNIS!
The entire room turns into a tennis court over lava. Larry serves.
Larry: First game wins!
Larry serves so hard with his fireball it melts Waluigi's racket.
Waluigi: NOT FAIR!
Larry: Who said I had to play fair?
Larry serves to Wario. Wario's racket melts.
Larry: Thirty-love. I win!
Larry serves to Waluigi again. However, Waluigi whacks it back with his racket. Popple is set on fire and dives out of the castle.
Larry: GAH! You'll be the bane of the team then, fat boy!
Larry serves again. However, Wario hits the fireball- and Waluigi- with Waluigi's hammer. It smashes straight through the ground.
Larry: 30-all! This cannot be happening!
Larry smashes the fireball as hard as possible. However, it bounces off the Wario Bros' hammer and hits him in the face.
Larry: GAAAAH! FORGET THIS!
Larry pushes a button on the court. Suddenly, the Wario Bros. are sprung out of the room. The entire tennis court turns into a rocket and Larry shoots out of a window and travels into space.
Wario: I don't remember this many windows.
Waluigi: Go with it.
The Wario Bros. walk into a large room. Fawful appears ala The Force.
Fawful: Hello.
Wario walks through Fawful, making him fade into nothingness. Suddenly, Bowser bursts through the ceiling.
Wario: BROWSER!
Brow- I mean, Bowser: HEY! HOW'D DUMB AND DUMBER-ER GET INTO MY CASTLE?!
A cookie falls outside.
Bowser: Excuse me...
Bowser jumps out of the window, chasing after the cookie.
Waluigi: Ususally he's smarter than that.
Wario: Wonder what happened.
A diagram shows that Bowser was blasted into space from the doomsday machine's explosion. It then shows that Bowser's brain cells slowly fell asleep, and began to wake up after he landed inside his own castle.
Waluigi: Well then, I believe the final boss is behind these doors.
Wario: Why?
Waluigi: They're big and ominous.
Wario: Ah.
The Wario Bros. walk to Bowser's throne room. Bowletta Jr. is on the throne.
Bowletta Jr: I'm surprised that you two got here so quickly...
Wario: Your guards stunk at their jobs.
Bowletta Jr: But, THIS IS WHERE YOUR GAME ENDS!
Wario punches Bowletta Jr. in the face. It gets sent to the ground.
Bowletta Jr: WHAT?! HOW CAN THIS FORM BE SO WEAK?!
Waluigi: Hm... This makes Petey Piranha the strongest person we had to beat... Odd.
Bowletta Jr: FEAR THE POWER OF CACKLETTA! EYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
Wario: Been a while since that annoying sound was heard...
Cackletta's Ghost comes out of Bowser Junior's body, all giant and ghosty.
Cackletta's Ghost: PREPARE FOR THE DOOM OF 1,000 WORLD OF WARCRAFT PLAYER'S CHARACTERS!
1,000 World of Warcraft player characters appear. However, they all turn into the ghost of Fawful.
Fawful: I AM IN THE BEING OF REBORNNESS, AND AM THAT WHICH IS A LOT MORE POWERFUL, LIKE A DUMB ROLE-PLAYER DOING THAT WHICH IS GODMODDING!
Popple then bursts through a window.
Popple: NO, I'M MUCH BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU! JUST GIVE ME BACK MY GOLEM, PLEASE!
Suddenly, Bowser Jr. begins glowing.
Everyone: Huh?
The cookie that Bowletta Jr had comes out. Suddenly, a large being emerges.
Cookie Being: I am a being that loves all. However, some have doubted my trust. Therefore, I have decided to blow up this entire castle!
Everyone: WHAAAA?!
The castle explodes. However, Wario, Waluigi, Lemmy, Fawful (now alive), Bowser Jr, and the minions who weren't tempted by flying cookies are in a force field. They all then land in Beanbean Castle Town.
Wario: All right, this final battle was really messed up.
Waluigi: Yeah.
Cookie Being: The author wanted to end on a good, not understandable note.
The Cookie Being floats away.
Epilogue: THE STORY IS OVER! PARTY!
Lemmy: Well, since no one but the author and myself would see this, I'll start editing this.
Lemmy rolls away, Bowser Jr. on his back. The minions follow.
Fawful: And I am going to do that which is take my leave, like he who is a dramatic loner hero in a movie that is dramatic.
Fawful leaves, with long and bouncy hair, on a white stallion.
Wario: Wait, where'd our cash go?
Waluigi: YEAH! Wait, that's my only line in the entire epilogue that I get alone? This stinks!
Suddenly, millions of Beanbean coins fall from the sky.
Wario Bros: HOORAY!
So, what happened to everyone after the story?
Wario: Became even richer and found an ancient temple with an odd, black jewel.
Waluigi: Ran his own dieting television show.
Cackletta: Dead.
Bowser Junior: Got grounded by his dad after taking the flying castle without intention of destroying the Mushroom Kingdom.
Yoshi: Set twenty world records in three seconds. Then, he coached high school football.
Fawful: Became the star of a movie. It became the highest-grossing film of the year, considering the alternative.
Popple: Dead.
Beanies: Unknown.
Iggy and Morton: Became friends after being blasted toward their castle.
Ludwig: Discovered Chocolate Island. Ate it in two days.
Roy: Never found Foreman Spike and instead went to the gym.
Wendy: Was recruited into the Brown Sugar Pirates. Quit after she stole the jewelry.
Larry: Unknown.
Bowser: Finally woke up his brain cells and grounded Bowser Jr
E. Gadd: Never had another Starbeans customer, and started work on a time machine.
Queen Bean: Died of the heart attack. Became the ruler of the Invisible Beanbean Kingdom.
Lady Lima: Became the ambassador of the Invisible Beanbean Kingdom.
Foreman Spike: Became the new Beanbean King. However, he was the only voter...
Beanbean Citizens: Became citizens of the Invisible Beanbean Kingdom.
Jojora: Lost the case against Santa Claus. Hid her sorrow in eating.
King Oho Jee: Survived these events somehow.
Shadow: Left the story with much more power.
Blablanadon: Inside Yoshi's stomach.
P.T.: Resumed his normal life
Don Patch: Got bored.
Donkey Kong: Did not appear in this story
Jabba the Hutt: Became very happy with his interdimentional victims.
LEGO Yoda: Dead.
LEGA Harry Potter: Also dead.
Terry the Talking Tomato: Became a 20-time Jeopardy champion.
Trunkle: Still in pieces.
Nintendo Power: Gone.
Arcade Manager: Dead.
Toads: Revived themselves somehow so that they're reusable.
Interns: Still in Scruffy's supply closet.
Scruffy: Got hired as custodian of an intergalactic package delivery service.
Fred Fredburger: Likes nachoes, yes!
Lemmy: Finally finished editing this super long epilogue.
The Dryest Bones: Began throwing darts to decide what game to spoof into a sequel.
King K. Rool: Waited patiently.
Princess Peach: Opened her own explosives shop.
Mario and Luigi: Never knew any of this happened.
Everyone else is in parts unknown...
or more likely, dead.
The screen turns out to show that the entire story was a movie. Only three people are in the audience.
Don Patch: I WANTED MORE SCREEN TIME!
The Dryest Bones: That was... AWFUL!
Scruffy: Scruffy don't like his free movie pass anymore.
The End
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