Ludwig and Karma's Child

By Larry the Tennis Master

Mario and Yoshi arrive at Peach’s castle and arrange a meeting with Peach, Luigi, and Toad.

Mario: This is what we found in Bowser’s Castle: a prisoner!

He shows Billy to everyone.

Luigi: Uh, are you sure that thing is a Yoshi?

Yoshi: What you mean?

Toad: Have you even looked at him yet?

Mario: Uh, no. I’ll check.

He looks at Billy.

Mario: How did I miss that?

Yoshi: Miss what?

Mario: That freckle on his face.

All but Mario: …

Mario: Just joking. But what’s with the shell on his back?

Yoshi: And the spikes?

Peach: Maybe they’re glued on!

All but Peach: …

Toad: Peach, leave.

Peach leave.

Toad: Maybe he’s a mutant?

Mario: Or maybe Ludwig was right…

Toad and Luigi: ?

Mario: Ludwig said that Billy was his child and that he had a wife, and when I told him that Bowser said to take Billy as far away as possible from the castle, which did happen, he said Bowser WANTED me to think that.

Luigi: Not the most obscure idea…

Everyone looks at Luigi.

Luigi: Something had to happen a long time ago with Bowser; otherwise the Koopalings would not exist. Maybe the same thing is happening with Ludwig.

Toad: Then why is it a Yoshi baby?

Luigi: Different species can have affection for each other.

Toad: So you’re saying Ludwig’s wife is a Yoshi?

Luigi: Something like that.

Mario: I feel bad now. When he told me he was married, I said “Ha! Who could love you?” He seemed very insulted.

Luigi: How rude.

Mario: I’ll take Billy back. That’s the least I could do.

Yoshi: Oh no you don’t! Why would you believe Ludwig’s story? How crazy! I’m taking Billy and teaching him how to be a Yoshi!

Toad: No, wait!

Yoshi runs away with Billy.

Toad: Great.

Mario: Don’t worry. Luigi, try to get Billy back from Yoshi. I’ll go find Ludwig, and Toad, come with me.

Toad: Why me?

Meanwhile, Ludwig, Larry, and Iggy are in the forest, traveling to Mario’s house.

Iggy: Can’t… go… any… further…

Larry: We haven’t been walking THAT long.

Iggy: Feels like a lifetime!

Mario and Toad appear out of nowhere.

Mario: Ah! There you are!

Larry: What are you doing here?

Mario: We have found out that you were telling the truth, and I apologize for taking Billy and insulting you.

Ludwig: Thanks. I accept your apology.

Larry: Wait, where’s Billy?

Toad: That’s the problem.

Mario: Yoshi has taken him; he doesn’t believe your story.

Iggy: How do we get him back? Yoshi’s the fastest Yoshi in all of Mexico!

All but Iggy: …

Iggy: What?

???: You’re dead, that’s what!

Lemmy, Roy, and Morton appear out of nowhere.

Lemmy: Traitors!

Morton: This is your funeral!

Roy: Prepare to fight!

Mario: I can defeat you with one hand behind my back!

Iggy: I have a better idea.

He throws the boomerang Mario threw at him earlier, and it knocks the trio out.

Toad: Smart.

Meanwhile, Luigi is trying to get Billy from Yoshi.

Luigi: Dynamite will help me get him back!

Luigi throws a stick of dynamite at Yoshi. Unfortunately, it hits a cactus (Where did the cactus come from?) and bounces back at Luigi.

Luigi: Ack!

Boom. The explosion knocks Luigi off a cliff.

Luigi: Ouch. This should do the trick!

He rolls a giant boulder to the edge of a cliff 20 feet above Yoshi. Meanwhile Yoshi is teaching Billy something.

Yoshi: Ok, this is most coveted technique that Yoshi can possess: the flutter kick. You jump in air, and then rapidly kick in air.

Billy: I miss Daddy.

Yoshi: I’M your daddy now! Bwa ha ha ha!

Billy: …

Yoshi: Now you try it on green thing up there.

Luigi: Oh no…

Billy easily makes it up to Luigi with his flutter jump, and then expertly kicks Luigi.

Luigi: Ack!

After 10 minutes of non-stop torture, Billy falls back to Yoshi.

Yoshi: Wow! You the master!

Luigi, dazed, falls off the cliff. And then the boulder squishes him.

Luigi: Ouch.

The ground underneath him breaks, and he falls down 100 feet before being squashed by the boulder again.

Luigi: I think I’m being cursed by the Americans.

Luigi sees Yoshi across a valley.

Luigi: I’ll long jump!

It doesn’t work, and he falls down 50 feet. (Luigi must hate Americans by now.)

Luigi: I don’t hate Americans, I hate their distances. Try Canadian!

Fine. The ground falls underneath Luigi and he falls 50,000 meters.

Luigi: This stinks. Huh?

He sees Billy right beside him.

Luigi: Lucky me!

Guess what? Say hi to your best friend: ground! He’s 10,000 meters below you!

Luigi: …

The ground underneath Luigi breaks, and he falls 10,000 meters… into a pit of spikes.

Luigi: Yow!

Luigi flies all the way back up to where he threw his dynamite.

Luigi: Wow. That was intense. Well, time to try again.

Yeah, right. You know what will happen if you do that.

Luigi envisions falling off a cliff.

Luigi: Well, time to give up.

Back in the forest…

Mario: I’d like to have my boomerang back.

Iggy: Never!

Larry: Anyway, now what?

Mario: I’ll see if Luigi has captured Billy from Yoshi. You guys, follow behind.

Ludwig: Okay.

The five of them leave, when Lemmy wakes up and takes out a cell phone.

Lemmy: Bowser! The plan failed! We need another plan!

Bowser: Don’t worry, I know what to do.

Read on!

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