Lemmy's Skeletal Army

By Pig koopa

Prologue: Hole of Skulls

Dry Bones: Lemmy, come with me. I found a hole and I thought you might want to come.”

Lemmy: Where?

Dry Bones: Backyard.

Lemmy: Okay, I’m coming.

Lemmy put down his ice cream and ran out the door. The two ran right by Roy and Iggy playing video games in the lounge. They also ran by Bowser, in his usual foul mood. Once they got outside they ran to the hole.

Lemmy: Did you send someone down to test this?

Bones (the Dry Bones): Yeah, a fat Koopa with pink ears.”

Lemmy: (startled) Bowser’s most trusted general?

Bones: Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.

Bones grinned and pushed Lemmy into the hole.

Will Lemmy be all right? Who is this fat Koopa general? How did the Prologue get its name? And why am I asking you these questions, when if anyone knows the answer it’s me?

Chapter 1: Smuggled Deer

Bowser and all the Koopalings but Lemmy sat down for dinner. Bowser noticed that Lemmy was missing.

Bowser: Where’s Lemmy? I thought he loved Smuggled Deer Day.

Iggy: I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since we stole the ice cream form Peach’s Castle.

Morton: Stole, smuggled, pillaged. Seen Lemmy, no I haven’t. Did you ask anyone else like that melon-headed Roy? They-

He was cutoff by Roy slapping duct tape over his mouth.

Roy: I saw him follow a Dry Bones out of the castle and haven’t seen him since. Well, I’m starved, and we can’t waste this venison.”

Wendy surprised everyone by speaking next.

Wendy: Wait, I heard a muffled scream out the window. I looked outside and didn’t see anyone. I thought it was my mind playing tricks, but it might have been Lemmy.”

This left the rest of the Koopalings staring.

Meanwhile in a dungeon cell way below sea level, a fat Koopa with pig ears and a pig tail was waking up.

Fat Koopa: Uuuugggghhhh. How did I get here? More importantly, where am I?

Now aware of his surroundings, he spoke again.

Fat Koopa: Where am I?

I said you were aware of your surroundings. You’re in an underground cell, you nimrod.

A small, four-legged, Buzzy Beetle-shaped skeleton woke up to the cell.

SBB: Welcome to the Pit of Skulls. We are about to crown the new leader. Want to come?

Pig Koopa: I finally get named…

SBB: So, want to come see? By the way, you will be heavily guarded.

Pig: Fine.

SBB: Hamburger.

Menanwhile in the throne room, Bones and Keyman were dragging Lemmy Koopa through the aisle and up to the throne. Keyman is a Skellokey and not a giant key, even though that would be funny.

Bones took a medallion out of his pocket and put it on Lemmy’s neck. At the same time Keyman took out a knife. The crowd went wild and started counting, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.”

At zero Keyman stabbed Lemmy, and seconds later Lemmy became the Leader of the Skeletons.

Dry Lemmy: The first ooorder of yyyyour new leader is to ssssacrifice the five pprisoners in the back.”

All the prisoners were marched into the next room, where each one was put on trial, with the medallions on. Keyman walked, er, moved into the room.

Keyman: Prisoner 1 is Sonic the Hedgehog. Don’t try him, end his game now.

Skeletal Sonic went back to the throne room.

Pig: AAAAAAAAAhhhhhh! Talking voices in the sky!

Keyman: Prisoner 2 is Arthur Dent. Why should we not end your game?

Arthur: I know the answer to Life, the Universe, and EVERYTHING!

Keyman: Read the book, it’s 42, and the question is what do you get if you multiply 6 by 9. End his game.

The same thing happened to Arthur as Sonic.

Keyman: Look, the next prisoner is Arnold Rimmer. Why should you stay?

Arnold: Two reasons. First, I’m already dead. Seecond, *music* I’m Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer, without me life would be much grimmer…

I think you know what happened. You can stop singing now.

Keyman: Who is number 4?

Sidorak: I’m Sidorak.

Keyman: A Bionicle! Why do you deserve to live?

Sidorak: I command an army of poisonous spiders.

His game was ended.

Pig: I deserve to live because I know Kung Fu.

Keyman: Huh?

At this Pig koopa punched Keyman in the face, split-kicked the Dry Bones on either side, and ran out the door.

Will Pig Koopa be safe? What will Lemmy do as leader of the skeletons? Will Sonic, Arthur, Arnold, and Sidorak ever be seen again? What is fundamentally wrong with the universe? See you in Chapter 2.
 

Chapter 2: The Dry Pit

As everyone in Castle Koopa finished eating, Pig Koopa burst through the doors.

Pig Koopa: Bowser, I know where Lemmy is. He was kidnapped by skeletons and was forced to become their leader. I escaped, but we need to rescue Lemmy, or should I say, Dry Lemmy.”

Bowser: I’ll send you, Roy, and Ludwig.

Ludwig: How ‘bout instead of me going, I make a machine that can destroy the skeletons? Send Larry instead. He has his plants that can help us.

Bowser: Fine, I’ll send Larry.

Out in the backyard, the 3 were staring at the hole.

Larry: Um… No one is expecting us to be here, right?

Pig: I think so.

Roy: Why do I have to come?

Pig: You’re the strongest Koopaling.

Roy: Oh.

Pig: Hamburger.

The trio jumped into the hole and landed in an underground room with 1 door. Out of that door came 5 Dry Bones, but none of them were Bones. Pig kicked one in the head, but seconds later he got up.

Pig Koopa: How can we end their games?

Roy responded first by punching one of the Dry Bones’s heads off.

Roy: I don’t know. Um… Run into the next room.

That is exactly what they did.

Now it’s time for a commercial break.

Voice: Are you looking for a very good fighting game?

You: Yes.

Voice: Do you like platformers?

You: Yes.

Voice: Then buy Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Unlike the fighting games before it there are new, hackable bosses to fight. Buy Brawl Today. You: Yay.

Now back to the show.

In the next room a wave of Bony Beetles charged at them as soon as they entered. Pig and Roy jumped over then just fine, but Larry accidentally landed on a spiked one.

Larry: Ow!

Roy: What?

Pig: Um, hate to break it to you, but the swarm is coming back.

Roy: What?

Larry: Roy, are you a broken record?

Bam. The Bony Beetles hit the trio. They decided they would talk at the castle, and ran out the door and up the ladder just as Bones came in with 3 medallions.

Dryer (random Dry Bones): I can’t believe they got away. Can you believe they got away, Bones?

Bones: Yes I can, you nincomkoop. Lemmy, we have three runners, and one of them has been seen before.

Meanwhile back at Castle Koopa, Pig, Roy, and Larry were explaining to Bowser that they couldn’t hurt the Dry Bones.

Bowser: Hmmm. Have you tried fire?

Larry: Yes.

Pig Koopa: When?

Larry: Deleted scene.

Pig: 0_0

Roy: :o

Pig: What was that for?

Roy: Not getting a speaking line until now.

Larry: 0_0

Bowser: Enough! I think you need the Orb of Llight, and I think I know where it is.

What is this Orb of Light? Where is this Orb? Why do Bones and Keyman appear a lot? Is the place a hole or a pit? Will people buy Brawl because of the stupid commercial? Who is Dryer? And why is his name spelled with a y instead of an i?

Read on!


 
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