Hospital Horrors

By Waffle

“Your kids?” the doctor asked. Bowser nodded. “They will most likely be put in an orphanage.”

It was then silent for a minute. Then DK noticed something. “You are not in your bubble! Why are you not in your bubble?! This whole hospital could get that disease!!!”

“I don’t know! Probably my claws popped it when I was asleep or something.”

Donkey Kong then examined his claws. “Wow,” he said.

“Yeah.” Bowser was proud of his deadly claws.

“So how come you never use those to kill Mario or something like that?”

“Stupid Nintendo making Mario games E-rated…”

“Well anyways, I think we are going to have to order a metal bubble just for you.”

Bowser sighed. “I am going to have no life, am I?”

Donkey Kong nodded. “Probably not. We will have your new bubble in about six hours.”

“What’s the point of living without life?!”

“What are you saying?”

“When I am in the bubble, do not give me those daily shots.”

“But if we don’t give you them you will die!!!”

“I don’t care.”

“Fine, your life, buddy.”

Just then all eight of Bowser’s kids ran inside his room.

“Woah! Hold it there, kiddies; children can easily be infected by the disease. Stay as far away from Daddy as possible, ok?”

“Yes, Doctor,” the children said.

“So D-Dad, what is going to happen to you?” Lemmy said, crying.

“Remember what it said online, Lemmy? He is going to have to stay in a special hospital like this one and receive 100 shots per day, but he will live.”

“Oh good! You are going to live, Daddy!”

The doctor shook his head.

“What do you mean, Doc? Was the Internet article false or something?”

“Nope. What you read was indeed true.”

“Then why did you say he is going to die?!”

“Because your dad wants to die.”

“Why?”

“He hates the way his life will be so much that he decided he might as well die now.”

“What do you think happens when someone dies?”

“No one knows for sure, but there are theories.”

“What are they?”

“Your body and brain rot, or you go to some place that is religious.”

“What do you think happens?”

“Why would want my opinion?”

“You ARE the doctor, aren’t ya?”

“Yeah, but I never studied the afterlife before, so I don’t know.”

“I don’t care! What do you think happens when you die?”

“I think the afterlife is nothing but a mystery that can’t be solved.”

“You sure aren’t going to heaven, that’s for sure!” Larry said, and every one of his kids agreed.

“Shut up!” Bowser said, angry.

“Ok kids, I think it is time you all go and let your father rest a bit.”

They were about to leave the room when two hospital interns got out a huge metal ball for Bowser to live in.

“Wow! You got it here earlier then I thought! Thanks, guys! Yeah, put that fat reptile over there inside it, ok? Thanks, and peace!”

While walking in the hallway, Ludwig asked Doctor Donkey Kong when his dad would die. “This morning,” DK said very calmly.

“So our dad’s last words to us were “Shut up”?!”

“Yeah.”

“Wow…¦”

“Can’t we visit him one more time? I don’t want that to be his last words to us!”

“No, no, no, no, and No! But you can be the first ones to see his dead body in the morning!”

“I would so love to study Dad’s dead body for testing!” Iggy explained.

Wendy just coughed. “coughNerdcough”

“Oh, what an original insult, Wendy! I have never heard that one before!”

The next morning Doctor DK and the kids walked into Bowser’s room so they could see the spiritless boy that had once been the father that they had loved so much. But when the got there they saw that Bowser was perfectly fine in his metal bubble.

“Hey,” he said, smiling.

“Diddy!!!” DK yelled.

Diddy then ran to his boss. “Yes, big buddy?”

“I thought I told you to order everyone not to give DK those shots! Do you have any idea how much of our budget is spent on those shots?! I could have got higher pay!”

“Sir, I did not give Bowser those shots. No one did.”

“Well then, how is he alive?!”

“Funky says it is a miracle!”

“No, I just don’t have the disease!” Bowser yelled.

“Shut up, denial is one of the signs!” DK then looked at Diddy for more answers. “Any other theories?”

“Well Wrinkly Kong is inspecting Bowser right now! She doesn’t care if she gets the disease cuz she is already dead! Ha ha!”

The ghost of Wrinkly Kong came out of the bubble and floated to Doctor Donkey Kong. “I have a theory!” the female ghost said.

“What is it, Wrinkly?! And PLEASE don’t say a miracle!”

“I’m not sick!”

“Shut up! No one asked you!”

“My theory is that since Bowser is really, really old, even older than me perhaps, that it would take longer for the virus to kill him. And anyways, Doc, I do not think he even has the disease.”

“Impossible, he has showed signs of having it! You know very well that we cannot risk this disease spreading out to the world again! How long do you think we should keep him here until we let him go?”

“At a maximum, five days.”

“Ok, Bowser, if you don’t die in 5 days or have any signs then you will be out of here!”

“No, not signs.”

“What? Why not signs?”

“Look how common the signs are! Anger, denial, reptiles lose their scales anyway, hatred; these are all things that Bowser does all the time! So we can’t tell if he has the disease from mere signs! You know fully well if he doesn’t die in five days he will no doubt be free of Pongo Wrongo”

“Fine, if Bowser doesn’t die within five days then we will set him free.”

All of his kids cheered and Bowser sat in his bubble and relaxed. Everything was going to be just ok.  Then something occurred to him.

“Ugh, Doc?” Bowser asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can you please get rid of Dixie for five days?”

“Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!! I can’t give Dixie a 5-day paid vacation!”

“But can’t you-”

“NO!”

“But will you-”

“NO!”

“Shouldn’t you-”

“NO!!!”

“Fine!” Bowser just sat in his bubble thinking of what he would do when Dixie cams into his room and made it seem more likely that he had the disease. Why was she doing this though? What could she possibly have to gain? Then Bowser wondered why his scales were shaved off when Dixie went on vacation. Maybe she snuck back in the hospital, he assumed.

What to do... What to do? How would anyone even be able to get to him when he was in a hard metal ball? Oh wait, he then remember there was a combination to open his metal ball. Bowser then had an idea. He would pretend to sleep tonight. And when he heard Dixie coming he would catch her and bust her! And he would be able to prove he never had the disease!

Bowser pretended to sleep that night just like he’d planned to. He then heard some quiet footsteps and he heard someone enter the combo. “This is too easy,” he thought. He then heard the person go closer and closer to him, and at the very last second he grabbed their arm and he heard his killer screaming. He then opened his eyes. “Ha ha!” he yelled with triumph. “Busted!”

He was then shocked to find out that Dixie wasn’t the one he was holding! It was Donkey Kong! And he saw DK holding a huge knife. His own doctor had tried to kill him. But why? Bowser then roared very loudly to get everyone’s attention to come to his hospital room and see exactly what had happened. Everyone gasped when they saw it!

“Donkey Kong! Explain yourself!” the staff said.

DK took a deep breath. “When Bowser didn’t die, everyone said I was a stupid doctor, that I couldn’t tell if someone had a deadly disease or not. People have said that I am the world’s stupidest doctor and the government was even considering that I should be fired! I WORKED AND STUDIED HARDER THAN ANYONE FOR THIS JOB! You have no clue how many years I’ve worked! I knew that if Bowser didn’t die I would lose all my respect and my reputation, and that would be horrible!”

“Trying to kill someone for a good reputation does NOT give you a good reputation! Call the police!”

And very shortly the police came. Donkey Kong was fired and jailed for 5 years.

“But who is going to run the hospital now that DK is gone?” a nurse asked.

“His closest relative is going to have to takeover. Does he have a son?”

“Nope.”

“A father?”

“Nope.”

“He has a grandpa! And he went to med school!”

“Great, I guess Cranky Kong will be the new head doctor! Ok boys, I want you to take Cranky over here ASAP, ok?”

“Sure thing!”

When the police took Cranky to the hospital he was shaking and kicking everywhere.

“Why are you whipper snappers taking me here when I was sleeping?! Gosh! If you n00bie gamers want videogame tips then you are going to have to wait ‘til the morning!”

“Sir, calm down! The only reason we took you here is that you could run the hospital.”

“What, you mean like work in the hospital?!”

“Yes sir.”

“But I thought my stupid grandson owned this nuthouse?”

“He did until he tried to kill one of his own patients.”

“Oh, I see. I see.”

“So will you please come and work here sir?”

“I have been retired for 50 years! And you expect me to work? What a load of crack!”

“Sir, you do realize that if you take this job you will be in charge of everyone?”

“Everyone?”

“Yes sir, everyone!”

“So these stupid and ugly hooligans will have to do whatever I say?!”

“Yes, that is right, sir.”

“Ok, I will take the job!”

All of the kids sighed. They knew Cranky Kong wouldn’t be able to help them as much as DK did, even though he tried to kill their own father.

“So tell me, Officer, what is all the hubba about this patient?”

“Well sir, he is suspected to have Pongo Wrongo disease.”

“What?! Pongo Wrongo disease?! Show me the patient!!!”

The officer pointed to Bowser.

“That guy doesn’t have Pongo Wrongo! I remember in my day everyone had that disease. and I can tell you he does not have it!”

“Yes sir, he most likely does not have the disease, but we can’t risk going back to your time!”

“Aww yes, my time did stink very much.”

“So we are going to give the patient four days as of now to see if he dies or not, and if he doesn’t we will let him go.”

“Eh, whatever! I am going back to bed!”

Bowser was just in shock. He had not see this coming. Was it DK who changed his clipboard and shaved his scales off too? Nah, DK was positive that he had the disease then. But who did do it? Was it really Dixie? Bowser really had thought it was Dixie, but now he wasn’t very sure. He realized that now he had to stay alert, and keep himself from sleeping for all of these four days. Oh. that would be torture! But hey. it would be better than dieing!

***

For the past two nights Bowser had no sleep. It was miserable for him! He tried his very best to stay awake, and had done it, but it was a huge challenge. On the afternoon of the third day he tried to think positively. ‘Just two more nights, Bowser! You can do this!’

Bowser then heard someone coming, probably his kids, since Doctor Cranky Kong never came to check on him ever. When he turned around he was in shock! It was his wife! His very own wife! The one that he had hated for all of these years.

“Hi honey!!!” his wife said, and then giggled.

“What are you doing here?!” Bowser said, angry.

“To reunite with my lover! Duh! He he he he!”

“Why did you leave me all of those years ago?! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to raise eight freakin’ children all by myself?!”

“Oh Bowsey…” Bowser’s wife said as she entered the combo that opened Bowser’s metal ball.

“How do you even know the combo?!”

“I have my ways, Bowsey! He he he! I love you!”

“Well I HATE you.”

“Ohh, don’t be like that cutie!”

Bowser thought about roaring again but then she would just be taken away and he wanted some answers. “Why did you leave me?!”

His wife then cried. “Because, you know the disease you are accused of having?”

“Yeah…”

“I have it!”

“What?! W-why aren’t you in a bubble?!”

“I escaped from it! He he he he... Again!”

“Again?!” This was making no sense at all..

“Yes again! I was sick of how horribly I am treated at this hospital! So after years of planning and failed attempts, I escaped!”

“When?”

“When you ordered that Chinese food!”

Bowser still did not get this.

“I want to be back in your arms, Baby! I always have! But I knew you wouldn’t believe  me if I told you so I made you sick by poisoning Chinese food so you could come here and be with me forever!”

“W-when did you poison the food? Did you go to the restaurant?”

“No! I did it when you were all waiting for your meals to cool! I have loved spying on you over this week, honey, but now I finally have the guts to tell you I am back and I never stopped loving you!”

“How come you never once told me? Or called or something?!”

“I don’t know. Stupidity comes with the disease, you know…”

Bowser sighed and stared at the sky. He had never expected to see his spouse again.

“Do you want to be together again?” his wife asked, with so much hope in her body.

He put his head down, looked her straight in the eye, and said it. “No,” he replied coldly.

“W-why?!” she said, crying so hard.

“We can’t be together with you having this disease!”

“But we could if we both had the virus!”

“Did you make it seem that I had it?!” Bowser asked, angry and already knowing the answer.

“Yes...” she said, looking down.

“Do you have any clue how miserable this week has been for me?!”

“Well try to imagine how miserable these years have been for me!”

It got quiet for a few seconds then… Bowser’s wife then pinned him to the ground.

“It’s scary, isn’t it? Ha ha!!! Soon, oh yes, very soon the doctor will realize you aren’t sick!” Bowser was scared! She sounded more insane with every word! “But thankfully I have collected a sample of the virus so you really will have it and we will be together forever!!!”

Bowser tried to get free but his wife had always been stronger than him.

“No use resisting, Honeybunch, it will just make things worse! Don’t worry, though! He he… I promise to always love you!!!”

Read on!


 
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