Chapter 5: Hot Trials at Mt. Gonna Erupt Soon
(Bowser Castle)
Princess Peach: So, Twinkie, are you ready to take that Fire Flower to Mario?
Twinkie: Yep! My plothole powers have detected Mario's presence. I'm ready to go!
Peach: Okay, good luck! Oh, and if you find my credit card, please bring it back.
Twinkie: See you later!
Twinkie flies out the window right before Bowser bursts through the door.
Bowser: Yo, Princess!
Peach: Do you always smash down every door you come in through?
Bowser: Anyway, I'm here to show you the new security system I installed to prevent your escape!
Peach: Why would you show me that?
Bowser: So you know how awesome it is!
I bet Smith will be really impressed! As a matter of fact, I wish he was
here right now!
(On a remote island)
Smith: Okay, Commander, Mario is very good at escaping, so we need to be on guard. So, I will personally make sure that-
Smith suddenly disappears.
Kamek: What the...?
(Bowser Castle)
Smith appears in the room with Peach and Bowser.
Smith: What th- Oh, it's just you, sir. What is it this time?
Bowser: I wanted to show you both my new security system!
Smith: This can't be good...
Peach: You're telling me...
Bowser: Okay, first, I installed a Sparky in the room!
Smith: No you didn't! I did!
Bowser: Yeah, but I wrote my name on it. Anyway, if you so much as touch this wall, you'll get shocked like this!
Bowser touches the wall and gets shocked.
Bowser: Owwoww! Okay, maybe I shouldn't have put it so clos-
The Sparky moves into Bowser and shocks him again.
Bowser: OWW!!! (Moves away) Okay, next, I also put a Thwomp in this room, so if you ever step into this shadow-
The Thwomp crushes Bowser.
Bowser: Oww! But, I didn't step into the shad-
The Thwomp crushes him again.
Bowser: Will you please- (slam) ...stop coming- (slam) ...down and- (slam) CRUSHING ME?! ... (slam)
Peach and Smith: ...
Bowser: Okay, moving o-
The Thwomp tries to crush Bowser but he dodges it.
Bowser: Haha!
The Thwomp moves sideways and crushes Bowser.
Bowser: Oww... Moving on...
They go into the next room.
Bowser: Now for the next trap, my lava door!
A trap door in the middle of the floor opens up, revealing lava.
Smith: Great, now she knows where it is...
Bowser: Well, I think that's-
Suddenly Bowser drops a pair of needles in the lava.
Bowser: Noo! My knitting needles!!!
Bowser dives into the lava to look for the needles, but doesn't find them and hops out.
Bowser: Nope, couldn't find them.
Peach: But... you just swam through lava!
Smith: It's "Bowser Physics".
Bowser wipes the lava off with a towel, then tosses it to the ground, burning a hole in the floor.
Bowser: Ahh... Oh well. Next room.
They go into the next room.
Bowser: Now, for my ultimate trap! Behold!!!
The wall opens up, revealing hundreds of Bullet Bill Cannons, Bob-ombs, torpedoes, and other weapons and ammo.
Peach: Wow, that's pretty impressive!
Smith: Yes, but may I ask just one thing?
Bowser: Yes?
Smith: Why did you put our ENTIRE stock of live ammunition in ONE ROOM?!
Bowser: To prevent Peach from escaping!
Smith: Okay, so what triggers it? Movement?
Bowser: No, it has a metal detector.
Smith: ... BUT PEACH HAS NO METAL!!!
Bowser: Yes, so here's a list of all the metal items I want you to give Peach.
Smith: (reading the list) Uhh... I don't think giving her this stuff is a good idea...
Bowser: Just do it.
Smith: *sigh...*
Smith walks up to Peach.
Smith: Okay, Peach, I have something for you.
Peach: Okay.
Smith: So, here's a grappling hook, a sword, a suit of armor, a steel disguise of a Koopatrol, a Bob-omb Cannon, and a master key to the castle.
Peach: Uhh... Thanks... I'm sure this will stop me from escaping...
Peach leaves the room.
Bowser: Well, all in all, I guess it was a pretty good day. I just wish I hadn't lost my metal knitting needles.
The Star Rod glows.
Bowser: Yay, my knitting needles!
Cannons: Metal detected. Opening fire.
The cannons all blast Bowser.
Bowser: Auugh! I wish those cannons had never fired!
The Star Rod glows.
Cannons: Reloaded. Metal detected. Open fire.
The cannons all blast Bowser again.
Smith: So, Bowser, any more bright ideas?
Bowser: Yes! I have a new plan to stop Mario from escaping! I wish we were back in my control room!
(In Bowser's control room)
Bowser: Hmm... Who should I send to stop Mario from escaping...?
Smith: Why don't you just go get him yourself?
Bowser: Because a villain like me has got to be mysterious.
Smith: You are about as mysterious as a phone book.
Bowser: Hmm... Oh, I know! JUNIOR!! ... Junior?
Bowser Jr (from afar): I'm in a level!
Bowser: Uugh... "Super Mario Galaxy" again? Well, how close are you to being done?
Bowser Jr: I only need to hit you one more time!
Bowser: Oh, good... Wait, WHAT?!
Bowser Jr: It's the final boss!
Bowser: Arrghh!! Jeeze, Jr. would probably louse this up if left alone...
Smith: You should talk...
Bowser: So, I'll send Kamek with him.
Smith: Kamek is already there.....
Bowser: Anyway, it's time to check my mail.
Bowser opens the mailbox and finds a Bob-omb inside.
Bowser: EEK!!!
The Bob-omb explodes and destroys the mailbox.
Smith: What in the world?!
Bowser: I can't believe it! Someone put a Bob-omb in my mailbox!
Smith: Yeah, but who?
Bowser: And why would they want to assassinate my mailbox?
Smith: ... I can see why someone would want to get rid of you...
Bowser: Wait a minute! I remember now! I put that Bob-omb in my mailbox!
Smith: ... YOU put it in?! WHY?!
Bowser: So no one can steal my mail!
Smith: I hate to break it to you, but now there isn't any mail to steal.
Bowser: Exactly! It worked! Besides, I put the Bob-omb in a decoy box!
Smith: Okay... I guess that's pretty smart.
Bowser: I used your mailbox as the decoy.
Smith: WHAT?!
Bowser: Well, if there isn't any more-
A mailbox is heard exploding from afar.
Bowser: *gasp* MY MAILBOX!!!
Bowser runs off.
Smith: Ahh, sweet revenge.
(Back on the remote island)
Mario: Well, guys, now that Smith is gone, we should try to escape.
Rob-omb: Bootler, remind me why you can't just pass through the bars?
Bootler: Well, old bomb, I can't pass through iron.
Rob-omb: But the bars are steel!
Bootler: Yes, but they're too close together.
Mario: Don't worry, I got this.
Kamek: You know, I'll never understa-
Mario: Excuse me!
Kamek: What do you want?
Mario: Look over there!
Kamek: No.
Mario: Just look over there!
Kamek: No.
Mario: Why not?
Kamek: If I look over there, you'll find a way to escape.
Mario: Drat! Sorry, guys, I tried.
Rob-omb: Great. Now what?
Suddenly a star sprite flies into the cage.
Twinkie: Whew! I'm glad I'm not too late!
Mario: Who are you?
Twinkie: Don't you remember me? I'm Twinkie! We met earlier at E. Gadd's garage!
Mario: Twinkie who?
Twinkie: *sigh...* Look, Princess Peach sent me here to help you.
Rob-omb: How?
Twinkie: By giving you this!
Twinkie hands Mario a Fire Flower.
Mario: YES!!!
Mario transforms into Fire Mario.
Kamek: Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
Mario blasts through the cage with Mario Finale.
Mario: We're free!
Rob-omb: And back in action!
Bootler: I say, old bomb, let's give him a royal thrashing!
Kamek: We'll see about that!
Kamek transforms the broken cage into four Koopatrols.
Koopatrols: Get ready to be schooled!
{Battle Sequence}
Mario: 85 HP
Rob-omb: 95 HP
Bootler: 4 HP
Vs
Kamek: 80 HP
Koopatrol 1: 90 HP
Koopatrol 2: 90 HP
Koopatrol 3: 90 HP
Koopatrol 4: 90 HP
Mario: Fireball!
(Koopatrol 1: 90 HP)
Rob-omb: Why would you use a fire attack on a Koopatrol?!
Mario: I don't like the way he looked at me.
Rob-omb: Whatever. Hold Fast!
(Rob-omb becomes electrified)
Bootler: Veil!
(Bootler pulls Mario and Rob-omb into
the shadows)
Mario: Cool! You're better than I thought!
Rob-omb: But why now?! I was electrified! It'll wear off soon!
Bootler: I say, old bomb, you've got to be more patient. Learn to enjoy life!
Kamek: Enough! Time for my Summoning
Powers!
(Kamek blasts the cage, and Waluigi
appears with an army helmet)
Kamek: What?! What are you doing here?!
Waluigi: I thought the corps would help me straighten out my life, SIR!!!
Kamek: The corps... Aww, whatever.
Koopatrol 1: Charge up!
(ATK: + 8)
Koopatrol 2: Charge up!
(ATK: + 8)
Koopatrol 3: Charge up!
(ATK: + 8)
Koopatrol 4: Charge up!
(ATK: + 8)
Rob-omb: We're so dead...
(Veil wears off)
Mario: Oh, no!
Kamek: Gahahahaa!! Now, to finish-
Suddenly a loud ringing is heard.
Kamek: Oh, great, it's Bowser again...
Kamek pulls out an iPhone.
Kamek: What is it now, Your Awfulness?
Mario: Quick! Let's bolt!
Mario and Co. flee the battle.
Kamek: (hanging up) Wha- HEY!!!
{Battle Over}
Kamek: I knew Bowser would find a way
to mess this up...
(Later...)
Mario: Whew... I think we lost him...
A fireball blasts next to Mario.
Rob-omb: YOU THOUGHT WRONG!!!
Bootler: Oh, sorry, that was actually me.
Mario: WHAT?!
Bootler: When I make a cup of coffee, I make it HOT.
Rob-omb: Jeeze, keep it away from me!
Mario: Come on, guys, we need to figure out what to do. Kamek will be after us soon!
Rob-omb: Well, we need to decide whether to look for Luigi and the others, or the next Sacred Bean.
Mario: Hmm... My brother and my friends, or a bean... I can't decide.
Bootler: I say, old chap, Luigi and the others are tough. They'll be fine! We should concentrate on the next Sacred Bean.
Mario: You're right! They can take care of themselves. But where do we look?
Rob-omb: I remember that the map said that the next Sacred Bean is near a volcano on a deserted island.
Mario: But where is it?
Rob-omb: You don't remember?! You looked at it five minutes ago!
Mario: Four minutes and thirty-three seconds too long.
Rob-omb: Uugh... *pulls out a map* It's here, fifteen miles off the coast of Toad Town beach. We can take a boat there.
Rob-omb: All right, LET'S-A GO!!!
Rob-omb: You know, I think that's annoying
too.
(In the Looney Bin)
Luigi: *pant...* Where is the exit?!
Shif T: I told you we should've taken that last right.
Luigi: Well, that's what we get for letting the Plane lead the way.
Shif T: I certainly hope that Mario has gotten away and started looking for us, and has not just run off looking for the next Sacred Bean...
Anti Guy: Don't be silly. Mario would
never abandon us like this!
(Toad Town)
Mario: I'm sure glad I decided to abandon Luigi like this!
They come up to a green boat.
Rob-omb: We would like a ride to "Really Hot Place Island".
Jade Blooper: Certainly, for I am Jade Blooper, master of the seas! I can get you there in 3,279,716,521 shakes of a lamb's tail!
Mario: Uhh...Right. Let's go.
They get onboard and Jade Blooper uses one oar and paddles in a circle.
Mario: What are you doing?!
Jade Blooper: I am rowing because the engine is dead.
Rob-omb: But, why are you using one oar?!
Jade Blooper: So that if my arm gets tired, I can switch to the other!
Mario: *sigh...* Give me an oar.
Jade Blooper gives Mario an oar.
Mario: Now, let's-a row.
Mario and Jade Blooper both row in the same direction.
Rob-omb: Oh, blast it all!
Mario: Don't row in the same direction as me, idiot!
Mario and Jade Blooper switch to the other side.
Mario: ... We're doing it again!
Rob-omb: This is getting nowhere. Why can't we fix the engine?
Jade Blooper: Very well. I'll look at the engine.
Jade Blooper looks at the engine.
Mario: Hey, what does this button do?
Mario honks the horn in Jade Blooper's face.
Jade Blooper: Aauugh!! Why don't you do something to help me?!
Mario: What can I do?
Jade Blooper: Throw out the clutch!
Mario yanks the clutch out and throws it into the sea.
Jade Blooper: ... Well, looks like we'd better start rowing...
After five hours of rowing in circles, Mario somehow fixes the engine.
Mario: Okay, it should work now.
Rob-omb: How'd you do that?!
Mario: Do what?
After four more hours of surprisingly smooth sailing, Mario and Co. arrive on the island.
Jade Blooper: Thanks for riding! ...imbeciles...
Jade Blooper sails off.
Mario: Well, it's time to start looking.
They walk into a small village.
Yoshi: Yoshi! (Welcome to Yoshi village, travelers!)
Rob-omb: What did he say?
Mario: Don't worry, I speak Yoshi. Ahem. Yooshii? (Gudentag! Do you know where the Sacred Bean is?)
Yoshi: *gasp* Yoshi YOSH!!! (Oh, no! You want that?! But it belongs to the big meanie who owns that hotel!
Yoshi points to a huge, multistory hotel.
Mario: Yo, Yoshi? (Well, why can't we just ask him for it?)
Yoshi: Yoshi... (What part of "big meanie" did you not understand?)
Mario: YO!!! (Well, we have to try! Come on, gang!!)
Rob-omb: Uuh... What was all that about?
Mario explains.
Rob-omb: No, he didn't!
Yes, he did. It was just off screen.
Rob-omb: Oh.
Bootler: Well, then, let us be off!
Mario and Co. enter the hotel.
On a nearby clif...
???: Hmm... So Mario IS after the Sacred Bean after all... but I'll beat him to it.
Kamek: Yes, Lord Bowser Jr...
Bowser Jr: Mwahahahahaa!!!
(Inside the hotel)
Bootler: I say, it is rather posh in here, isn't it?
Mario: Let's ring the bell.
Mario rings the bell.
Hotel Guy: Welcome to Lavalava Towers! May I help you?
Mario rings again.
Hotel Guy: Err... I heard you already.
Mario rings again.
Hotel Guy: You don't need to keep-
Mario rings again.
Hotel Guy: STOP!!! Jeeze, what's wrong with you?!
Mario: I get that a lot.
Rob-omb: He likes ringing bells.
Bootler: Good day, sir. We are seeking the proprietor of this establishment.
Hotel Guy: Oh, the boss. Right this way.
They enter an elevator.
Hotel Guy: The boss is on floor 13.
Mario: Ooh, shiny buttons!!
Mario pushes all the buttons.
Hotel Guy: I hate my life...
Rob-omb: We get that a lot too.
(Five hours later)
Hotel Guy: Ahh, finally! We're here!
Mario: Oops, I missed a button!
Hotel Guy: AAAGH!!!
(Three more hours later)
Mario: Well, we're here!
Hotel Guy: That's it! I quit!
Hotel Guy leaves.
Mario: ...
Rob-omb: You took his wallet, didn't you?
Mario: Well, he wasn't using it!
Bootler: I say, you're starting to sound like that Shif T fellow!
Mario: Well, time to meet the boss.
They come up to a large desk. A man sitting in a chair facing the window is seen.
???: It's been a while, boys. You've done well to sneak into my tower and wriggle your way all the way up here. I suppose the least I can do is commend you for your reckless courage. My name is Wario...
The man spins around in his chair.
Wario: -and I'm the master of Lavalava Towers.
Mario: WARIO!!!
Rob-omb: Okay, 1: We didn't sneak. 2: We took an elevator, and 3: You're a dork.
Bootler: I say, you are a rather repugnant individual.
Wario: Oh, yeah? Well, who owns the giant multistory hotel? Not YOU!
Mario: Give us the Sacred Bean!
Wario: Oh, you want THIS?
Wario pulls out the Sacred Bean.
Wario: Behold, the Obsidian Bean, forged from the power of the ancients and the very fabric of the volcano itself! With this, I shall rule the world!!!
Rob-omb: Jeeze, since when did Wario get so scary?
Mario: If you don't give that bean to us, we'll give you a very stern look!
Rob-omb: Uh, what he meant to say was, hand it over or we'll crush you!
Wario: Very well... Then we must do battle.
Wario pulls out four ? Blocks.
Wario: But first, let's make it interesting. Each one of us gets a power-up. That way, I can humiliate you by beating you at your best!
Mario and Co: BRING IT ON!!!
{Battle Sequence}
Mario: 85 HP
Rob-omb: 95 HP
Bootler: 4 HP
Vs
Wario: 100 HP
Wario: Power up! WARIO MAN!!!
(Wario becomes Wario Man. Wario: 200
HP)
Rob-omb: Power up! GOLD BOMBER!!!
(Rob-omb turns gold. Rob-omb: 135 HP)
Bootler: Power up! MEGA BOO!!!
(Bootler becomes giant. Bootler: 6
HP)
Mario: Power up!
(Mario puts on a second cap under his
first)
Mario: MARIO MARIO!!!
(Mario: 85 HP)
Wario: ...
Rob-omb: WHAAT?! What's the difference?!
Mario: Well, you see, now I'm wearing two hats.
Rob-omb: But, that's totally worthless!
Bootler: Actually, I think it's a bold fashion statement.
Wario: Enough! NOW WE DUEL!!!
Mario: RUBY INFERNO!!!
(A massive red meteor crashes down
on Wario, covering him in searing flames)
Wario: Arrgh... Good! I expected nothing
less from my greatest adversary!
(Wario: 175 HP)
Rob-omb: GIGA BURST!!!
(Rob-omb explodes next to Wario, covering
him in gold shards)
Wario: Uurgh...
(Wario: 142 HP)
Bootler: Invisi-cloak!!
(Bootler makes Mario invisible)
Wario: Hmm... Well played. But now it's
my turn! DUAL BOMB STRIKERS!!!
(Wario hurls two scarlet bombs at Bootler)
Bootler: Ha HA!!
(Bootler dodges the bombs)
Wario: What's this?! But how?!
Bootler: Hah! I may have low HP, but I can dodge almost anything!
Mario: Aha! So THAT'S Bootler's use! He's a supporter!!
Rob-omb: Wow, I misjudged you, Bootler!
Bootler: Think nothing of it, dear boy.
Mario: All right, let's go! Fireball
Barrage!
(Mario hurls a wave of fireballs at
Wario)
Wario: HAH!!!
(Wario superguards against them)
Mario: WHAT?!
Wario: What, you thought you were the only one who could use a superguard?
Rob-omb: Whatever! Bomb Squad!
(Rob-omb launches time bombs near Wario)
Bootler: Now, for my attack, Haunted
Laser!
(Bootler fires an odd beam from his
eyes at Wario)
Wario: Hmm... That's all?
(Wario: 128 HP)
Bootler: Not quite; you see, anyone
hit by my Haunted Laser gets poisoned!
Wario: Grr...
(Wario is poisoned)
Wario: You think yer' so tough? Then
take THIS! GARLIC BOMB!!!
(Wario hurls garlic at Rob-omb that
then explodes)
Rob-omb: AAUGH!!!
(Rob-omb: 97 HP)
Mario: How can garlic explode?!
Rob-omb: Oh, yeah, I'm okay, thanks for asking...
Mario: Eat this! Smoothie Rain!!
(Mario hurls smoothies at Wario)
Rob-omb: Where did you get those smoothies?
Mario: What did you think I did with
the ones the Plane gave me?
Wario: Hmph.
(Wario: 111 HP)
Bootler: Boo hoo for you! Go, Boomb!
(Bootler hurls a bomb shaped like a
Boo)
Wario: "Boomb"?!
(Wario: 94 HP)
Bootler: And now, dear baboon, you
will feel the poison!
(Wario gets hurt by poison. Wario:
82)
Wario: Oh, yeah? Well, eat my Hotel
Coasters!
(Wario hurls table coasters at Mario)
Mario: Oww! MY EYES!!!
(Mario: 55 HP)
Bootler: But it hit your stomach, not your eyes!
Rob-omb: Curse you, Wario! Or should I say... FARTIO!!!
Wario: ... "Fartio"?
Rob-omb: Err... Well, I didn't have enough time to think.
Mario: Here's one: Burning Drill!
(Mario lights on fire and flies at
Wario like a corkscrew)
Wario: Oww... Nice comeback.
(Wario: 63 HP)
Rob-omb: Now, for mine! Hold Fast!
(Rob-omb becomes electrified)
Bootler: Invisi-cloak!
(Bootler makes Rob-omb invisible)
Rob-omb: ARRGH!!! You idiot! You did it again! I was electrified!!
Bootler: Well, I thought it was a good combo.
(Wario gets hurt by poison. Wario: 45 HP)
Wario: Arrgh... HAH! Fools! Now that
you've hurt me enough, my dreaded Fart Cannon is at full power!!!
(Wario does hit fart attack from SSBB.)
(Bootler: 0 HP)
Mario: NOO!!! BOOTLER!!! Now what?!
Rob-omb: Relax, Mario. I've got it covered.
Wario: What?!
Rob-omb: Remember my time bombs?
Wario: Oh, NOO!!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!
(The bombs blow up on Wario.)
(Wario: 0 HP)
{Battle Over}
Mario: Haa... hoo... whew...
Wario: Huff... hack... You're better than I thought.
Mario: Wario, please give us the Sacred Bean. We need it to save the world!
Wario: Huh? Save the world?!
Rob-omb: That's right! Bowser is trying to takeover the world with the Star Rod!
Wario: I can't believe it!
Bootler: Not to mention, old bean, that he could destroy us all if we don't get that bean!
Wario: Hmm... Why didn't you tell me all this before we had our climactic duel?
Mario: Uuh... You didn't ask.
Wario: ...
Bootler: Will you give us that bean, old bean?
Rob-omb: STOP SAYING THAT!!!
Wario: Hmm... No world means no money... Fine, I'll do it.
Wario hands Mario the Sacred Bean.
Rob-omb: Woah, this is the shortest chapter I've been through!
Mario: Yes! I got-a the Sacred Bean!!
Suddenly Kamek swoops down and swipes it.
Mario: Now I don't got-a the Sacred Bean!!
Kamek: Hya ha ha ha!!
Rob-omb: KAMEK?! Where did you come from?!
Kamek: You do realize I can teleport, right?
Mario: Give us that bean back!
Kamek: No.
Mario: Dang. Well, I tried.
Suddenly Bowser Jr's airship bursts through the window.
Bowser Jr: Hahaha! Now who's got the upper hand? You losers lose!
Bootler: I say, what a reprehensible child.
Kamek: If you want the bean back, come fight us at Mt. Gonna Erupt Soon! Ha ha ha!
Kamek and Jr. fly off.
Rob-omb: I knew things couldn't be this easy.
Wario: Jeeze, what jerks.
Mario: You should talk...
Bootler: I say, how can we get to the mountain?
Mario: Hmm... I bet Wario knows the way. Wario, could you lead us there?
Wario: Yes, I could.
Mario: Will you?
Wario: No.
Mario: Didn't think so.
Rob-omb: Well fine, but when we beat Bowser, we'll keep all his treasure for ourselves.
Mario and Wario: T-t-treasure?!
Rob-omb: Yep. Treasure.
Wario: Hmm... Fine, I'll do it.
(Team members: 4)
Wario: Okay, let's-a go!
Rob-omb: You know, I think I like it better when Wario says it.
Mario: ...
(Outside)
Wario: Okay, it's this wa-
Suddenly an extraordinarily massive tremor is felt.
Mario: WOAH!!! What was that?!
A Yoshi runs up.
Yoshi: Yoshi... Okay, enough with this stupid language. I'm not a Pokemon.
Rob-omb: What's going on?!
Yoshi: The volcano is gonna erupt soon!
Rob-omb: I know what it's called, but what's happening?
Yoshi: No, really! It's gonna erupt!
Yoshi Elder: But why?! It hasn't erupted in 200 years!
Yoshi: Exactly, it erupts every 200 years!
Bootler: I say, we're in a rather sticky wicket...
Wario: We'd better hurry and get that bean back, quick!
They run off.
Yoshi Elder: ... Well, we won't be seeing them again.
Yoshi: We won't be seeing anything again if we don't evacuate!
Yoshi Elder: Right! Proceed with evacuation plan Delta-X 1-A!!
(On a cliff)
Wario: Hmm... The path is blocked off. We can't get there like this!
Mario: Now what do we do?
Suddenly a large bird walks up.
???: Haha! You travelers need help? Behold, the king of all flightless birds! I am Raphael the Penguin!
Rob-omb: ... A penguin? What in the world is a penguin doing at a volcano?!
Raphael: My vacation home is here. Anyway, what are you folks doing here at Mt. Gonna Erupt Soon?
Mario: Mt. Gona Erupt Soon... It must be native for "Perfectly Safe Area".
Rob-omb: Weren't you listening at all earlier?
Wario: Anyway, we need to get to the volcano.
Raphael: No need to worry! I can fly you there!
Mario and Co. burst out laughing.
Rob-omb: Hah! Penguins can't fly!
Mario: They can't?
Raphael: Maybe not, but I can still fly you there.
Wario: Oh, yeah? How?
Raphael: Like this!
A massive ship that looks just like the Halberd from SSBB except with a bird's beak appears.
Wario: ... Woah.
Raphael: Behold, the "Halbird"!
Rob-omb: Wow, that was just bad.
Raphael: Come onboard! I'll fly you to the top!
They board the Halbird and it takes off.
Raphael: Why don't you meet the crew?
A bunch of penguins with army helmets arrive.
Raphael: They may not look like much, but these brave soldiers can fight like crazy!
Mario: Good, because we're expecting
trouble.
(At the volcano)
Bowser Jr: Hah! So, they are coming after all!
Kamek: It would appear so, Sire.
Bowser Jr: Mobalize my airship. I'll deal with Mario personally... along with my army of Koopatrols.
Kamek: Yes, Master.
They fly off to intercept the Halbird.
(On the Halbird's bridge)
Penguin Soldier: Incoming vessel! It appears to be a K-class battle cruiser bearing weapons!
Raphael: Battlestations!
Mario: It's Bowser J.!
The two ships fly parallel to each other.
Bowser Jr: Ha ha! Yer' gonna get sunk, Mario!
Mario: Not if I can help it, turtle boy!
Raphael: Penguins, ready!!
Bowser Jr: Koopatrols, to arms!!
Both: Cannons, OPEN FIRE!!!
{Battle Seqence}
Halbird: 500 HP
Vs
Airship: 450 HP
Bowser Jr: Bullet Bills, LAUNCH!!!
(The airship launches a wave of Bullet
Bills at the Halbird)
Raphael: Urrgh!
(Halbird: 410 HP)
Penguin Captain: Returning fire! Beak
Blasters!
(The Halbird fires lasers from the
beak on the bow)
Bowser Jr: Raise the shields!!
Kamek: Umm...we don't have any shields.
Bowser Jr: Dang, I knew I should've
bought the deluxe brand...
(Airship: 380 HP)
Kamek: Koopatrols, fire the Bob-omb
cannons!
Koopatrols: Aye, sir!
(The airship fires Bob-ombs at the
Halbird.)
(Halbird: 340 HP)
Raphael: Evasive maneuvers! Fire the Chaff Grenade!
Penguin: Aren't you thinking of something else?
Mario: Fireball!
(Mario hurls a fireball at the airship)
Kamek: Dang, I knew I shouldn't have
made the ship out of wood.
(Airship: 300 HP)
Bowser Jr: Grr! Enough of this! Koopatrols,
board their vessel!
(The airship rams the Halbird and Koopatrols
rush onboard)
Raphael: Penguins! Defend the craft at all costs!!
The penguins charge the Koopatrols and battle them.
Mario: Now it’s our turn!
Rob-omb: Let's get 'em!
Bootler: I say, CHAAARGE!!!
Wario: WARIO'S NUMBER ONE!!!
Bowser Jr: YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!!!
Kamek: You won't escape me THIS TIME!!!
{BOSS BATTLE!!!}
Mario: 90 HP
Rob-omb: 100 HP
Bootler: 5 HP
Wario: 110 HP
Halbird: 340 HP
Vs
Bowser Jr: 105 HP
Kamek: 80 HP
Koopatrol 1 2 3 & 4: 90 HP
Airship: 300 HP
Mario: Hammer Strike!
(Mario hits Koopatrol 1 with a hammer)
Mario: That's for looking at me like
that!
(Koopatrol 1: 76 HP)
Rob-omb: Bomb Squad!
(Rob-omb launches the time bombs)
Bootler: Invisi-cloak!
(Bootler makes Mario invisible)
Wario: Garlic Toast!
(Wario eats a loaf of garlic bread.
Wario: ATK+8)
Bowser Jr: Disguise cloak!
(Bowser Jr. becomes Shadow Mario)
Shadow Mario: Haha!! Now I've got all your powers!!
Rob-omb: Shadow Mario... He makes me sick just looking at him. Those big bulgy overalls, that dumb cap, that ugly round nose, and that STUPID mustache!
Mario: Uhh... Ahem.
Rob-omb: Oh, but it looks good on you, Mario!
Kamek: Excellent choice as usual, Master.
Now then, go, Magistom!!!
(Kamek fires a massive barrage of magic
shapes at Wario)
Wario: Arrgh!
(Wario: 97 HP)
Koopatrol 1 2 3 & 4: Charge! (ATK: + 8)
Raphael: Halbird cannons, FIRE!!!
(Airship: 260 HP)
Koopa Captain: Green Shell Cannons,
FIRE!!!
(The airship launches green shells
at the Halbird.)
(Halbird: 275 HP)
Mario: You think you can beat me with
a fake like that? Power Smash!
(Shadow Mario: 87 HP)
Rob-omb: Bomb Squad!
(Rob-omb launches more time bombs)
Wario: Body Slam!!
(Koopatrol 2: 54 HP)
Bootler: Veil!
Rob-omb: Ahh, at last! Perfect timing!
Bootler: Thank you.
(They hide in the shadows)
Koopatrols: Blast it.
Shadow Mario: Magic M!!!
(Shadow Mario paints a large M on the
deck)
Kamek: Sire, this is no time for doodling!
Shadow Mario: Hah! Fool! Its power is incomprehensible!
Koopatrol 1: Since when did you learn that word, Bowser Jr?
Kamek: Quiet, fool! Illusion Powers!
(Four Kameks appear next to the original)
Kamek: Haha!
Koopatrols: Shell Shield!
(DEF: + 4)
Mario and Co. reemerge.
Shadow Mario: Hah! The M I painted is
made of electric goop!
(The M shocks Mario and Co.)
(Mario: 80 HP)
(Rob-omb: 90 HP)
(Wario: 87 HP)
(Bootler floats over it)
Rob-omb: Urgh! Oh, yeah? Well, it's
time for my time bombs!
(The time bombs detonate on Shadow
Mario and Co.)
(Shadow Mario: 84 HP)
(Kamek: Illusion takes the blast)
(Koopatrol 1: 56 HP)
(Koopatrol 2: 38 HP)
(Koopatrol 3 & 4: 70 HP)
Shadow Mario: Grr... Well played.
Raphael: Wing Attack!
(The Halbird smacks the airship with
it's armored wing.)
(Airship: 200 HP)
Koopa Captain: Red Shell Cannons!!
(The airship fires red shells at the
Halbird)
(Halbird: 200 HP)
Mario: Ruby Inferno!!!
Shadow Mario: GRR!!!
(Shadow Mario: 62 HP)
Rob-omb: Bob-ombast!!!
(Kamek: 55 HP)
Koopatrols: (dodging) Jeeze, this wasn't in our contract!
Bootler: Hot Coffee Spill!
(Bootler spills hot coffee on Kamek)
Kamek: OWW!!! That's a lot more dangerous
than you might think!
(Kamek: 37 HP)
Wario: Dual Bomb Strikers!
(The bombs hit the Koopatrols)
(Koopatrol 1: 14 HP)
(Koopatrol 2: 23 HP)
(Koopatrols 3 & 4: 45 HP)
Shadow Mario: Oh, yeah? Ultra Jump!
(Shadow Mario jumps on Mario and Co.)
(Mario: 57 HP)
(Rob-omb: 64 HP)
(Wario: 60 HP)
Bootler: 0 HP)
Bootler: I dare say I'm finished...
Mario: You'll pay for that!!
Kamek: Not before this! Healing Energy!
(Shadow Mario: 72 HP)
Koopatrols: Spike Slam!!
(The four Koopatrols charge at Wario
and slam their spikes into him.)
(Wario: 0 HP)
Wario: Urrgh... I can't hang on...
Rob-omb: Blast it!
Raphael: Mega Cannon!!!
(The Halbird fires a massive beam at
the airship.
(Airship: 125 HP)
Koopa Captain: BLUE SHELL CANNONS!!!
(The airship fires a wave of blue shells
that detonate on the Halbird.)
(Halbird: 75 HP)
Raphael: We're losing!
Mario: Not if I can help it! I can't
let this happen! It's time
for... MARIO FINALE!!!
(Airship: 55 HP)
Shadow Mario: Blast you, Mario!
Rob-omb: Hey, that's a good idea! Bob-ombast,
full power!!!
(Koopatrols 1 & 2: 0 HP)
(Koopatrols 3 & 4: 25 HP)
(Shadow Mario: 45 HP)
(Kamek: 22 HP))
Shadow Mario: Dang it! You may have
evened the score, but I can still win! Charge Up!!!
(Shadow Mario: ATK + 9)
Kamek: Magistorm!
(Mario: 11 HP)
Raphael: It ends here! Full Speed Ram!!!
(The Halbird rams the airship.)
(Airship: 0 HP)
Kamek: Noo!! We're going down!!
Shadow Mario: Then I'll take Mario with me!!!
Mario: Not if I can help it! Combo Move!
Rob-omb: Final Blast!!!
Mario: Mario Finale!!!
(Shadow Mario, Kamek, & Koopatrols:
0 HP)
Shadow Mario: NOOOOOOOO!!!
{BOSS BATTLE ENDED!!!}
Mario: Hyaaa!!!
Mario grabs the Sacred Bean.
Kamek: Grr!! Retreat! All personnel, get to the escape pods! Close up the Bartells! Evacuate the Zoo!! CODE RED!!!
Raphael: Quick, we've got to get out of here! The volcano is going to erupt!!
The Halbird flies off.
Kamek: We've got to leave too, sir!
Shadow Mario: Grr... Fine.
Kamek and Bowser Jr. fly off just before
the airship crashes and explodes.
(On the Halbird bridge)
Wario: Wait! I have a huge gold statue of me back at the hotel! I can't leave without it!
Mario: Wario, it's your statue or your life!
Wario: Hmm... I need time to think.
Mario: WARIO!!!
Wario: Okay, fine, jeeze.
Bootler: I say, I hope the Yoshis have all gotten to safety.
Rob-omb: I'm sure they have. They had plenty of time.
The Halbird speeds up.
Mario: Oh, man, are we gonna make it?!
Raphael: I'm givin' her all she's got!
Rob-omb: It's gonna happen any second now!!
Wario: Come on!!!
(Back at the volcano)
Angry Sun: Hah!! A long last, I'll get those creeps! They may have gotten lucky once, twice, or even three times, BUT THEY AIN'T GET-
The volcano erupts, completely obliterating the island just as the Halbird escapes.
Mario and Co: YEEEEEHAAAAAAWWWW!!!
Raphael: WAHOOOOO!!!
Penguins: HURRAH!!!
Mario: WE DID IT!!!
Rob-omb: Wahohohohohooooo!!!
Bootler: And just in time for tea!
Wario: Aww... All my money...
Mario: But once we beat Bowser, you can have his treasure!
Wario: WAHOO!!!
Suddenly they see Jade Blooper's ship below.
Yoshis: Hey, Mario! We made it!!!
Jade Blooper: I saw them trying to dog-paddle to the mainland, so I picked them up!
Mario: All right!!!
Bootler: I'd say this mess is patched up rather well.
Rob-omb: But I can't help feeling that
we forgot something...
(In the Looney Bin)
Shif T: ... He's not coming, is he?
Luigi: Nope.