Kootie Pie Rocks

Submitted by Hip

(There is no curtain this time so the title is just shown. The episode opens to an evening in the Mushroom Kingdom.)

(Cheatsy is climbs a ladder outside Princess' castle and peeks in the window.)

Cheatsy: Hmm, those pesky Mario Bros. must be up to something really special.

(Inside, Toad, Mario, and Luigi are wearing tuxedos as Toad is helping Mario put his on.)

Toad: Pull in the pasta, Mario!

(Mario holds his breath and sucks in his gut so his tuxedo will fit.)

Luigi: I don't see why we have to wear these dumb penguin suits!

Toad: The princess is really counting on us! She'll be all dressed up and want us to be too!

Princess (off screen): I'm ready!

(They look upstairs, see Princess dressed in some funky clothing, and gasp. Her shirt even says "Milli Vanilli" on it.)

Mario: That's dressed up?

(Toad faints.)

Princess: Next stop, the Real World, New York City, and my favorite music group!

(Princess slides down the banister and lands in Mario's arms.)

Princess: Hey guys, why so formal? We're going to a Milli Vanilli concert, not a symphony!

Toad: *laugh* Sorry guys! I have a hard time figuring out the Real World's weird customs!

Princess: It's okay! The audience will be so busy looking at Milli Vanilli, they won't even notice what you guys are wearing!

Cheatsy: A Milli Vanilli concert? I wonder what Kootie Pie is gonna say?

(Cheatsy climbs down the ladder.)

(Cut to an establishing shot of Castle Koopa, then to a shot of Koopa's throne room. Kootie Pie is whining and throwing stuff at Koopa and out the window.)

Kootie Pie: Why does that prissy Princess Toadstool get to go to a Real World concert, and not me? Aren't you always telling us that you are the most powerful king there ever was, and I am your favorite, only daughter, hmm?

Koopa: Kootie Pie my sweet, ooh, uh precious, whoa, oh, uh, oh!

(Koopa dodges her stuff, including his throne, which gets broken. He runs off but bumps into a suit of armor.)

Kootie Pie: Don't try to get on my good side!

Cheatsy: What good side?

(Kootie Pie throws a tantrum.)

Kootie Pie: I wanna see Milli Vanilli! I WANNA! I WANNA, I WANNA!

Koopa: Yes Babycakes, you'll not only get to see Silly the Willy-


Koopa: But you get to keep Filli Vanilli for your very own!

Kootie Pie and Cheatsy: MILLI VANILLI!

Kootie Pie: I get to keep them? For real, Daddykins? Too cool! I'll have to go change!

(Kootie Pie runs off and Koopa lets out his breath.)

Cheatsy: I can't wait to see you pull this one off, King Daddykums!

Koopa: Not me, we, Cheatsykums! We're pulling this one off! Fire up the doomship!

(Cut to an amphitheatre in New York City, where a Milli Vanilli concert is about to start. Among all the screaming fans are Mario and Co. Milli Vanilli [Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan] walk onto the stage.)

Rob and Fab: Hello, New York!

(Fab throws a rose into the crowd, which Princess catches and places to her hair. Mario and Luigi can't stand the screaming and cover their ears.)

Mario: I never saw so many tonsils in all my life!

(Rob and Fab start to sing "Blame It on the Rain".)

Mario: Hey, how come we don't get this kind of applause when we do good plumbing?

(The doomship flies high above the amphitheatre with Koopa and Cheatsy in the cockpit.)

Koopa: Blame it on the rain? *laugh* Blame it on King Koopa! *laugh*

(Koopa pulls a lever, which causes the platform Rob and Fab are on to start levitating as Rob reaches out to let a girl in the audience touch him. The girl stands on Mario's head so she can reach his hand but gets a static shock from touching it. She falls and lands in Mario's arms.

Girl: Oh, I'll never wash my hand again!

(Rob and Fab get warped away everyone gasps.)

Princess: Whoa, what an exit! Didn't I tell you they were great?

(Koopa laughs and the doomship teleports away.)

Princess: Oh no, it can't be!

Mario: There's only one sneaky, two-faced reptile who laughs like that!

Princess: This is terrible! Milli Vanilli has been Koopnapped!

(Mario hands the girl back to her boyfriend.)

Mario: If we get to Castle Koopa in time, maybe we can save them! Let's warp!

(Back at Castle Koopa, Rob and Fab have arrived as Kootie Pie walks up to them wearing a green dress.)

Cheatsy: Welcome to Castle Koopa!

Kootie Pie: Hi boys, I've been expecting you!

Fab: Hey, who's behind this mondo bizarro joke?

Rob: We've got a concert to play!

(They walk off but Kootie Pie grabs them.)

Kootie Pie: Not so fast! You're playing for me now! I really dig your dreadlocks!

(Kootie Pie fiddles with Rob's hair and kisses him.)

Rob: Well I don't dig tails and scaly lips!

Kootie Pie: I'll have you know I am a ROYAL reptile and I command you to play a private concert for me THIS INSTANT!

Fab: And if we don't?

(Kootie Pie pulls out her wand.)

Kootie Pie: I'll turn you into, into, accountants!

Rob: Accountants?

Fab: That is a good one!

(They both laugh at Kootie Pie, who groans and zaps them with the wand, causing them to turn into accountants, complete with business suits and haircuts.)

Rob: No!

Fab: We're nerds!

Rob: We're dweebs!

Fab: This is terrible! You turn us back to normal people right now!

Kootie Pie: Never! You have to do what I want!

(They try to escape but two Sledge Bros. block the exit, causing them to fall over.)

Kootie Pie: You're stuck here in Dark Land forever! *laugh*

Kootie Pie: If you won't do a concert just for me, I will turn you into Beetles!

Fab: Great, who wants to be a band from the 60s?

Kootie Pie: Better yet, I'll turn you into Ptooies!

Rob: Hmm, never heard of them! Do they have an album?

Fab: Look Ms. Reptile, we can't do ze concert for you, we don't have ze backup band!

Kootie Pie: Then you'll just have to stay accountants until you get one!

(Mario and Co. are spying through the window. Princess is still in her funky clothes but the others are back in their normal attire.)

Princess: If we don't change those two accountants back to Milli Vanilli, I'll never hear my favorite music again!

Mario: Don't worry Princess! We'll get in there and save Rob and Fab from Kootie Pie!

Luigi: We will? We will! Sheesh, how?

Mario: Hmm, how? You heard what Fab said; they need a backup band to give Kootie Pie her concert!

Toad: Gotcha Mario! It's time to rock 'n roll!

(Toad puts on sunglasses.)

(Later, Mario and Co. pop out of a warp pipe in the castle wearing rock star disguises with sunglasses, and carrying instruments.)

Luigi: I just wish we had time to rehearse!

Toad: What good would that do? None of us knows how to play these things!

Mario: Hey, you got a better way to get into that throne room? Come on!

Kootie Pie: Is this a stall, or what?

Rob (with Fab's voice): No stall, we can't sing for you without a band!

(Mario and Co. run in.)

Kootie Pie: King Dad, you should've brought me a band!

(Kootie Pie throws a tantrum.)

Kootie Pie: A band, a band, I want a band!

Fab: Oh, it's ze girl from the front row at our concert!

Princess: Your greatest fan! Shh! We're here to help!

(Mario walks up to Kootie Pie and interrupts her tantrum.)

Mario: Hi, uh, we're the famous traveling band called Backups 'R We! Uh, do you know of anyone who might need our services?

(Kootie Pie gets up and smiles.)

Kootie Pie: Wow! I must be getting good at tantrums! This is the fastest result I've ever had! Oh, now I can get my personal private concert!

Princess: But who's gonna sing with us? These two accountants?

Kootie Pie: They're not accountants!

Princess: They look like accountants!

Kootie Pie: That's all you know! They're really Milli Vanilli!

Princess: Prove it!

(Kootie Pie zaps Rob and Fab back to normal.)

Mario: What'll it be, fellow maestros?

Rob: How about, "Girl You Know It's True"?

Mario: One and a two, and a-

(They start to play a really off key version of "Girl You Know It's True" as Rob and Fab do the best they can to sing with them. Since the music is so bad, Rob and Fab have to cover their ears. Kootie Pie closes her eyes and dances.)

Kootie Pie: Wow, groovy!

(Toad accidentally spins his drumstick too fast and it flies out of his hand.)

Toad: Oops!

(Koopa walks in.)

Koopa: Stop that awful n-

(The drumstick lands in Koopa's mouth and he runs off screaming. He covers his ears and runs away, along with everyone else in the castle.)

Kootie Pie: Cool, totally cool! No wonder they're so famous!

(Mario and Co. keep playing and sneak out of the room.)

Princess: Quick, into the warp pipe before Kootie Pie comes out of her trance!

(They stop playing and run off.)

Mario: Yeah, time to get back to your Real World concert!

Kootie Pie: Whuh, hey whuh? Hey, this is my concert! I will tell you when it's over!

(Kootie Pie runs down the hall to Koopa, who is wearing earmuffs.)

Kootie Pie: King Dad! King Dad! My concert disappeared! If you don't bring it back I'll scream!

Koopa: So scream! It sounds better than that other noise!

Kootie Pie: If you don't go after them, I'll bring them back myself!

Koopa: No, not that! Unless you promise to forget about them I'm gonna put you in the dungeon!

(Koopa picks Kootie Pie up and she starts to scream.)

Kootie Pie: The dungeon? Okay, I promise! After all, it'd have to end sometime. That music was just too beautiful to last!

(Cut to the amphitheatre. Rob and Fab run back onto the stage.)

Rob: You wouldn't believe where we've been! But we're back, thanks to some new friends!

(Mario and Co. are now watching from backstage.)

Rob (with Fab's voice): This one's for a real princess! One and a two and a-

(They start to sing "Girl You Know It's True". Princess just stares at them and claps, ignoring Mario.)

Mario: Lights out, Princess. Er, uh, Princess? Maybe if we keep our band, we'll be that popular!

(Mario, Luigi, and Toad shake their heads. Princess just stares at Milli Vanilli and claps her hands.

(The curtain falls.)

The End

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