The Mushroom Games

Episode 4

By Crazy Packers Fan

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to episode four of the Mushroom Games! This weekís challenge will be like no
other!

Roy: *sigh* Thatís what I am afraid of...

Crazy Packers Fan: My pal Wart and I have teamed up to make this challenge. It has to do with the game Super Mario Bros. 2, and even more to do with Super Mario Advance. Today you will all travel to an island to
round up a huge enemy, one each for each team.

Ludwig: Well, I like islands!

Crazy Packers Fan: The name of this island is... Sub-con Park Island.

Everyone: OH NO!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: Hereís your enemy designations:

Hammer Brothers: Fry Guy
Kool Koopas: Clawgrip
Super Koopas: Mouser
Interview Imbeciles: Triclyde
Goofy Goombas: Birdo
Mario Morons: Ostro
Pitiful Piranhas: Albatoss

And remember that these are large, possibly Koopa-and-Mario-and-minion-eating enemies!

DK: Well, that doesnít include DK!

Crazy Packers Fan: And Ape-eating!

DK: Includes everyone and everything!

Roy: What torture we go through, and for what?! How many coins?

Lemmy: Only eight million, Roy.

Roy: Eight million? Well, count me in!

Hammer: Hold on a second. Tony, what the heck are we doing in the first place?

Tony: What, donít you want to win?

Hammer: No, but I didnít think we stood any chance.

POW!!!

Hammer: I forgot not to mess with him.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now that these losers have spoken their little speeches, letís all go to Sub-con Park
Island!

The Ludwig organ rendition of the Jurassic Park theme music plays once more.

Wart: What a wonderful place!

Gigantic Sub-con creatures are running around eating anything in sight, including each other.

Wart: I love my amusement park! I am amused by this park!

Susan: My dad needs to understand how we feel, not how much money heís getting for it.

Roy: How the heck are we going to catch a-

Crazy Packers Fan: Now I know some of you are asking, ďHow the heck are we going to catch a-?Ē Well, hereís a surprise: Iím not going to tell you!

Roy: Oh boy.

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, set, go!

Kool Koopas

Roy: I remember this! Only Lemmy and I survive from our group!

Wendy: Oh great. Itís bad enough that youíre passing me in Lemmyís Leaders, but now youíre foretelling my certain death! I canít take you anymore!

Susan: Letís all calm down. After all, all we have to catch is a giant Clawgrip!

Iggy: A Clawgrip?!

Ludwig: Contrary to popular belief, it is theoretically possible that a specimen of this unique species could approach us, leading to its most certain capture and victory and celebration for us!

Larry: And what did that mean?

Lemmy: Maybe one will walk right up to us!

Morton: MMMPPHH!!!

Roy: Boy, how I love duct tape!

Larry: No big Clawgrip is walking up to us!

Wendy: But a Mouser is! Scram, or get scrambled!

Super Koopas

Ludwig 222: There goes our Mouser! The Kool Koopas might catch him!

Washu: Come on! Weíll get that Mouser right now!

Richard: How?

Misty Koopa: Sandslash is working on something.

Richard: OH NO!!!

Sandslash: Itís ready!

Everyone else who is a Super Koopa: OH NO!!!

Sandslash: So what if this gigantic robot looks just like me? Itís just as powerful as me, and just as strong! Even more powerful, and stronger!

Smash: Get that Mouser, or weíll get you out of this team!

The Mario Surfer: You know something?

Rachelle: Whatís that?

The Mario Surfer: That robot resembles Sandslash!

Rachelle: Oh no! Sandslash now must be making people lose their memories out of shock!

Richard: Letís go!

Washu: Where?

Misty: Home?

Richard: Thatís a possibility.

Ludwig 222: Get that Mouser, robot!

The robot picks up all the Super Koopas and tosses them off the island.

Misty: I never thought getting thrown off the island would feel so bad...

Hammer Brothers

Tony: Letís get that Fry Guy with my hose! Say, Hammer, what are you doing?

Hammer: Iím attempting to mingle our troops together, the ones with the water supply!

Tony: Mingle, or Iíll mangle you!

Fiery: Will my fireballs work on the Fry Guy?

Tony: As surely as Peach has green hair.

Fiery: All right! Iíll use my fireballs right now!

Boomer: You idiot! Youíre supposed to spit the fireballs at the Fry Guy, not use the fireballs!

Hammer: Help wanted.

Tony: Come on, losers! This will look embarrassing if everyone sees the Soprano Sledges struggling!

Hammer: The water supply just spilled out! There was a leak caused by a Boomerang strike!

Boomer: Donít blame me; it was my brother!

Tony: Who is this heavy-set guy standing next to you?

Boomer: He ainít heavy; heís my brother!

Tony: Whatís his name?

Boomeranger: Boomeranger.

Tony: He speaks! He talks! Boomeranger? He needs help with names, though.

Boomeranger: Shut up about my name and letís catch that... that... hey, what are we supposed to catch?

Boomer: How am I supposed to know?

Hammer: Oh great. Now we donít even remember what weíre supposed to catch.

Fiery: Wait a minute! Wasnít it a Spiny Egg?

Fireball (Fieryís brother): No, that was last week!

Tony: He speaks! He talks! But someoneís got to find out what weíre supposed to catch.

Fireball: Look, just go ask Crazy Packers Fan right now.

Fiery: Iím not doing that! Heíll laugh at me!

Tony: Laugh at you... what are you, crazy? Go ask him!

Hammer: Why?

Tony: Weíll lose if you donít!

Hammer: Oh well, I guess, but itís embarrassing!

Fiery: Go inquire, or Iíll light you on fire!

Hammer: Right away, sir!

Hammer trips and Mister Prickleberry, a super-sized Shy Guy, is about to swallow him.

Hammer: Wait!

Mister Prickleberry: What?

Hammer: Youíre shy! You donít like Hammer Brothers!

Mister Prickleberry: I forgot! WAH!!!

Hammer: Boy, that was quick thinking. Uh oh!

Tony: What are you doing?

Hammer: Going to ask Crazy Packers Fan a question!

Tony: Go fast, or Iíll blast you!

Crazy Packers Fan

Crazy Packers Fan: What a dumb question! You should have it memorized by now! See all the other teams
doing well, except for maybe Mario being eaten over there?

Hammer: *gulp* Mario being eaten? Hey, you always liked me, didnít you? And youíre in a good mood, right? I mean, your favorite team won!

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, the thing that the Interview Imbeciles are supposed to catch is a Triclyde. Now go!

Crazy Packers Fan pushes Hammer down the hill.

Hammer: A Triclyde. All right, a Triclyde!

Hammer Brothers

Hammer: A Triclyde, boys!

Tony: Call me a boy, and youíll get beat up by Roy!

Hammer: *gulp* Letís get that Triclyde!

Fiery: There he is!

Tony: Fight fire with fire!

Fireball and Fiery fire fireballs at the flaming Triclyde, who then gets splashed with water from a rain cloud, falling into a perfectly-made trap by Boomer and Boomeranger. Tonyís brother and Hammerís brother just watch.

Tony: Now bring him to Crazy Packers Fan!

Crazy Packers Fan

Hammer: We got the Triclyde! We win!

Wart: A Triclyde? Thatís not right!

Crazy Packers Fan: What did you bring us a Triclyde for?

Hammer: You said that the enemy the Interview Imbeciles... oh boy...

Tony: Now itís time for you to speak, geek!

Hammer: Crazy Packers Fan told me the wrong teamís enemy!

Crazy Packers Fan: That was to make you think! Only a moron would go and catch that without thinking about
my words!

Hammer: I think Iíll go curl up and die now.

Tony: Itíll be worse than that, when I punch you flat!

Fiery: You made us lose! Look!

The huge Sandslash rolls over to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: What have we here?

The huge, robotic Sandslash is running around in circles. He runs right into the Hammer Brothersí trap.

Boomeranger: We got something!

Boomer: Unfortunately, we didnít get it right.

Tony: Capture every gigantic creature you see!

Hammer: Why should we?

Tony: Get them, or Iíll get you!

Hammer: All righty, then, get that Sledge Brother!

Tony: Not him!

Hammer: Heís big!

Tony: Unlike your brain size. Now get going!

Hammer: Boy, have these games changed Tony around. Hey, Hammerer!

Hammerer: Yeah?

Tony: He speaks! He talks! Hammerer? What kind of name is that?

Hammerer: I guess your brotherís name is better!

Tony: My brother is named, heís, uh, named...

Sledgy: Sledgy.

Hammerer: Thatís the most pathetic Sledge Brother name in the Mario World Iíve ever heard.

Hammer: And this guy isnít my brother, actually. Heís only my cousin. Remember, my brother is that big
Sledge Brother named Big Brother.

Tony: So Hammerer is a Hammer Cousin?

Hammerer: Technically. But in some cases, Iím a Hammer Nephew!

Tony: What a messed-up family!

Hammer: At least weíre smart!

Tony: Iíll show you whoís smart, when I nail you with a dart!

Hammerer: Hey, that rhymes!

Tony: Look, I donít care about the rhyme, I just care about the time. Weíre almost out of it, and that would
be a crime!

Hammer: What a loser! Always rhyming! ACK!!!

Tony: That was only the beginning of your beating! Soon, all your energy will be fleeting!

Hammerer: What a Sledge Brother! He loves rhymes! ACK!!!

Tony: If you donít stop, Iíll have to give your head a pop!

Hammer: Letís get that... whatever weíre supposed to get!

Fiery: You still donít know?!

Fireball: Hey, what was the use of the water supply?!

Fiery: Thatís it! We were fighting a Fry Guy!

All Eight Hammer Brothers: A FRY GUY!!!

Interview Imbeciles

Albatoss: My nameís first in the alphabet! Nah nah!

Angry Sun: I can kill you, roast you, toast you, and burn you, with only one big swoop!

DK: DK! Donkey Kong!

Spike: Heís the leader of the Kongs, you know him well-

Snifit: Stop the rapping!

Millennium Star: I heard upon my chamber door a tapping, a rapping on my chamber door!

Metal Mario: I just love poetry!

Lava Lotus: Well, for one, I donít love poetry! I want us to win this title! All we need to do is to capture that 50-foot Triclyde over there!

Metal Mario: Is that all?

Lava Lotus: Thatís all.

Metal Mario: Well, why didnít you say so? Iíll go get it right now!

While the six Interview Imbeciles act like their namesake and Lava Lotus watches Metal Mario, Metal Mario becomes super-big, grabs the Triclyde by the throat, and hands him to Crazy Packers Fan, thereafter
becoming small again, once more.

Crazy Packers Fan: Unbelievable! The Interview Imbeciles win!

Metal Mario: Iím a believer!

Crazy Packers Fan: That song! That song! AAAAHHHH, that song!!! Stop it!

Metal Mario: What did I do?

Crazy Packers Fan: I wonder if anyone else will get anything...

Goofy Goombas

Goompa: Letís give up!

Goombario: But we havenít even STARTED yet!

Goompa: Look at that Birdo! With one move of its muscle, BOOM! Itís over for us little Goombas.

Goombario: But we need to win!

Goompa: Sorry, no exceptions! Iíd rather live than win seven million coins!

Goombario: Whatís wrong with you?

Goompa: Whatís wrong with you? Living is more important than money!

Goombario: I know that! I just thought there was something wrong with you because you said seven million
coins instead of eight million coins!

Goompa: Look, weíre about to be egged by that Birdo!

Goombario: Egged?

BOOM!!! The eight Goofy Goombas all go flying off the island, right next to the Super Koopas.

Ludwig 222: How nice of you to join us!

Mario Morons

Mario: Iím-a being eaten!!!

Daisy: So what?! Letís get that Ostro, somehow!

Peach: I know how!

Daisy: How?!

Peach: We jump on him!

Daisy: As if that will work...

Peach jumps on a nearby gigantic Ostro, which trips and falls into a trap Wario and Yoshi were in the middle of preparing.

Wario: Youíre too early, Ostro! Go back and return when weíre ready for you!

Yoshi: Wario a moron! Let Mario Morons get Ostro to Crazy Packers Fan!

Waluigi accidentally bumps a switch on the trap, which flings the Ostro right next to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: The Mario Morons finish second!

Luigi: Whatís-a going on?

Toad: Did we win?

Yoshi: YAY!!! YOSHI WIN!!!

Wario: Wario win too!

Mario: Mario made it away!

Everyone Else: RATS!!!

Pitiful Piranhas

Piranhacus Giganticus: I say we go on strike again!

Ptooie: I donít say we go on strike again. Weíll be securing the last-place position that way!

Venus Fire Trap: But how can we, Pitiful Piranhas, capture a big, gigantic Albatoss?

Nipper: Try firing when it flies by!

Venus Fire Trap fires, but it misses the target and hits a Clawgrip instead, which falls into a newly-built trap by the Kool Koopas.

Roy: Bring it to Crazy Packers Fan!

The Kool Koopas bring the captured Clawgrip to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Third for the Kool Koopas!

Roy: Third?!

Ludwig: Better than last!

Larry: I wanted sixth, though!

Iggy: Come on, just be thankful we finished!

Wendy: Iím just glad itís over!

Fiery Walking Piranha: That was worse than not doing anything at all! I quit!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Wait a minute! Iím quitting first!

Ptooie: We all quit for this week, again!

Hammer Brothers

Fiery: We have the Fry Guy on the ropes, Tony!

Fireball: Yeah, and heíll be all washed up after this!

Sledgy: Come on, Tony, letís pulverize him!

Tony: Not yet. Iíd make a bet that the Fry Guyís not done yet.

The Fry Guy starts shooting out tons of fireballs.

Tony: As I said, heís not dead!

Hammer: Hammer him!

Hammerer and Hammer are the hammerers who hammer the Fry Guy until he is hammered into giving up.

Boomeranger: Now just bring him to Crazy Packers Fan!

Boomer brings the washed-up, hammered-up Fry Guy to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Fourth place goes to the Hammer Brothers!

Tony: Fourth? Why, that Hammer Brother will get beat up, for all heís worth!

Hammer: Why me?

Tony: Itís your fault that our team did not win, so Iím going to smash your head against tin!

Hammer: Good thing I have a helmet on!

Tony: Why, you! Iíll have to-

The Sandslash robot starts to chase Tony around the island.

Tony: This very hard time will teach me not to rhyme!

Crazy Packers Fan: I didnít think a ďSoprano SledgeĒ would be so poetic! Well, timeís up!

Everyone Else: Already?

Crazy Packers Fan: Itís been five hours! Here are todayís standings:

Interview Imbeciles: 1st
Mario Morons: 2nd
Kool Koopas: 3rd
Hammer Brothers: 4th
Super Koopas: 5th (for at least having a robot on the island)
Goofy Goombas: 6th (for quitting unintentionally)
Pitiful Piranhas: 7th (for quitting on purpose)

Which gives the teams these points:

Hammer Brothers: 115 + 25 = 140
Kool Koopas: 105 + 30 = 135
Super Koopas: 100 + 20 = 120
Interview Imbeciles: 70 + 50 = 120
Mario Morons: 70 + 40 = 110
Goofy Goombas: 60 + 15 = 75
Pitiful Piranhas: 50 + 10 = 60

Which makes the overall standings after episode four:

Hammer Brothers: 140
Kool Koopas: 135
Interview Imbeciles: 120
Super Koopas: 120
Mario Morons: 110
Goofy Goombas: 75
Pitiful Piranhas: 60

Roy: Weíre only five points out of first!

Ludwig 222: What has happened to us?

Tony: Still first, and thatís not the worst!

Ptooie: See what striking out gets us? Out of the points race!

Crazy Packers Fan: Next episode will contain a unique twist at the very end of the episode, which will
completely change the way the Mushroom Games are run. Plus, another, different Mario game will be featured, making next week a must-see episode of the Mushroom Games!

Read on!

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