The Mushroom Games

Episode Five

By Crazy Packers Fan

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to Week 5 of the Mushroom Games! Iím Crazy Packers Fan, in case you didnít read the line above, and these are the 56 participants who were forced into this. This weekís event involves a new game. Now if you donít know Luigiís Mansion is the newest Mario game, you shouldnít be here. Luigiís
Mansion IS full of mystery, so these 56 are going to solve that mystery. They will be locked inside ďCrazy
MansionĒ, where getting out is only half the goal. Each team has to find the right color treasure chest and bring it out. Plus, all the keys for their team are in the same color, as they will be locked into different parts of this dumb mansion. Theyíll each get a colored flashlight and vacuum, in the same color as their team color. The colors are the following:

Hammer Brothers: Red
Kool Koopas: Orange
Interview Imbeciles: Yellow
Super Koopas: Green
Mario Morons: Blue
Goofy Goombas: Indigo
Pitiful Piranhas: Violet

Now they are locked up, and here they are:

Hammer Brothers

Tony: I hate mazes!

Hammer: This isnít quite a maze; itís a labyrinth.

Hammerer: Iíll just hammer down this door!

Boomer: That wonít work! We need to go back into that hallway and get that key! Get it, Boomeranger!

Boomeranger goes and comes back.

Boomer: Whereís the key?

Boomeranger: The ghost got it!

Boomer: Now for once and for all, weíll show you that thereís no ghosts in mansions. Say, is there?

Hammer: Youíve watched that ďSurvivorĒ Trimming too many times. We know that there are ghosts in here
because thereís supposed to be! Now the question and matter is only finding it!

Hammerer: Hey, guess what, guys!

Sledgy: What?

Hammerer: You got it right! You guessed what!

Tony: My mob and I will kill you later! Now letís go!

Fiery: Where?

Tony: Through the door!

Fireball: But itís locked!

Tony: Open the dumb door!

Fireball opens the unlocked door.

Tony: Now letís go!

Fireball: I thought for sure that lock was locked.

Fiery: Me too, but letís move on.

A gigantic ghost appears before the eight Hammer Brothers.

Tony: Go away!

Ghost: Your mob canít hurt me!

Tony: Guess again!

Tony pulls out the flashlight.

Ghost: Where is the flashlight from?

Tony: From Crazy Packers Fan!

Ghost: Uh oh!

Tony scares the giant ghost away.

Tony: No one messes with-

Ten gigantic ghosts appear.

Tony: Get away from us!

Ghosts: We arenít scared of your flashlight!

Tony: Then be scared of this!

Tony pulls out the vacuum.

Ghosts: Whoís that vacuum from?

Tony: Crazy Packers Fan!

Ghosts: Uh oh!

Tony scares the ten humongous ghosts away.

Tony: No one messes with-

One hundred ghosts appear.

Hammer: Oh brother.

After about an hour, Tony is finally able to chase every ghost away, but the Hammer Brothers are only able to make it down one hallway.

Hammerer: Iíll tear someoneís tonsils out!

Tony: Quiet! Letís open this door!

Sledgy: Itís locked! I donít have a key!

Tony: Arrrgh! What we need is everyone to rush the door and knock it over!

They all hit each other instead of the door, injuring each other and making them unable to get up.

Tony: Thatís not how!

Kool Koopas

Roy: Weíre going to win!

Ludwig: Why?

Roy: Two reasons: Itís Crazy Packers Fanís birthday AND the Packers won! Nothing to worry about!

Ludwig: But itís a Monday!

Roy: Who cares about Monday? We can still win! Crazy Packers Fan was probably kind and left all the doors
wide open!

Lemmy: Come on, letís scare off these ghosts that keep bothering us.

Larry: I canít get the hang of this vacuum!

Morton: M mmpíh mph mph mmph mh mmph mmmmmmmmph mmmmph!

Iggy: Whatís that mean?

Larry: I canít get the hang of this flashlight either!

Wendy: Weíre going to be killed! By ghosts!

Susan: No way!

The huge ghosts start to hound Susan.

Susan: I quit!

Roy: Not now! Grab that orange key, Lemmy, before I-

Lemmy: I got it!

Roy: Now put it in that slot!

Lemmy: You mean the keyhole!

Roy: Whatever! Just go!

Ludwig: Letís get going!

They all push Lemmy over as he opens the door. They then find themselves on a balcony above the biggest
bunch of ghosts one has ever seen.

Roy: All right, now Iím scared!

Ludwig: Iím not! Iím jumping right down! Thereís nowhere else to go!

Lemmy: Wait!

Ludwig lands and gets attacked by the ghosts.

Ludwig: Get me out of here!

Iggy: Come on, letís get going!

They all jump down and wrestle the ghosts. The flashlight and vacuum help get a few of them out of there, but they are still in a big fight. When all is said and done, the Kool Koopas all lie unconscious.

Interview Imbeciles

Dk: Dk want k in Dk capitalized!

DK gets K in DK capitalized.

DK: Thank you!

Snifit: Letís find the first key!

Spike: I found it!

Albatoss: Use it on this door.

Angry Sun: Good. It opens. Now letís go.

Millennium Star: Ha ha ha! Letís keep going to the exit!

Metal Mario: Weíre stuck now!

Lava Lotus: Yeah, between a wall and a wall and a wall and a... ghost ?

Metal Mario: Get that ghost!

Snifit: The flashlightís batteries went dead!

Spike: Oh, great! We get all this way and the batteries go dead! Now weíve got to get new ones!

Angry Sun: Not now! Why donít we use my light?

Albatoss: Excellent idea! Why didnít I think of that? What a dummy! (hitting himself)

Metal Mario: Whatís the matter with you?

Albatoss: Iím mad at myself!

Metal Mario: So am I!

Metal Mario slugs Albatoss.

Snifit: The ghosts are running away!

DK: Rats! DK couldnít use sweeper!

Metal Mario: Now weíve got to backtrack!

The Interview Imbeciles go back through the original door they opened, find tons of locked doors, split up,
meet each other again, and come back to the place in which they started.

Lava Lotus: Thatís it! I give up!

Lava Lotus collides into a yellow treasure chest.

Lava Lotus: Itís a yellow one! We win!

Metal Mario: Not yet. We need to find the exit.

Millenium Star: Ha ha ha! It could take years to get out.

Snifit: Funny.

Spike: Yeah, so it is. But letís find a way out before the end of the year, or the day.

Spike runs into walls aimlessly. Finally, a wall falls over. Spike and the rest go down a strange hallway, finding the Hammer Brothers first, then the knocked-out Kool Koopas. Finally, they reach the exit. One catch:


Super Koopas

Sandslash: I have an idea.

The Mario Surfer: Hit the deck!

Ludwig 222: Run for cover!

Washu: Really, duck and cover!

Sandslash: With my invention...

All Others: OH NO!!!

Sandslash: This is a vacuum attached to a flashlight. They both turn on with the same switch. This makes it
a lot easier for us.

Washu: Sure it does!

Husky: Arf!

Richard: Weíll be lucky we donít get killed!

Sandslash: Now all we really have to do is run down to the hallway with our treasure chest, which I have
mapped out to be right over there. Our exit is right there. It should take 6.278 minutes to finish.

Misty: Letís go, then!

Coming to the treasure chest, the Super Koopas see tons of ghosts. Using Sandslashís ďsuper-machineĒ, the Super Koopas are able to mow down the ghosts.

The Mario Surfer: It works?

Smash: It must just be a fluke.

The Super Koopas grab their treasure chest and head for the exit.

Ludwig 222: Wait a minute! Why did we get a map?

Sandslash: Silence! This isnít a real map!

Richard: Then how did we get the treasure chest?

The treasure chest is no longer with the Super Koopas.


Washu: A mirage?

The Mario Surfer: Most likely.

Rachelle: Iím having a hard time believing we even came down this hallway.

The Super Koopas are at their starting point staring at Sandslashís machine.


Sandslash: These ghosts must be working invisibly to put us back in place. Using their invisible technology, they are able to carry things away from us by obscurely flying in and grabbing them off us, and grabbing us and putting us back where we belong.

The Mario Surfer: Why do you have to have a tangible explanation for the intangible?

Smash: Letís smash those ghosts! Hey, didnít you kill them with your EXCELLENT MACHINE, SANDSLASH?!

Sandslash: Ha ha... hee hee... I guess it... um, really, didnít work that well...

The others look mean and mad enough to scare Tony Soprano.

Mario Morons


Luigi: Kill him!

Daisy: Itíll be a pleasure!

Peach: Mario, my love!

Waluigi: Am I here?

Wario: Letís win! I want the money!

Yoshi: Yoshi still hungry from summer!

Toad: Wait a minute. Am I in this... er, tribe?

Wario: Sure. Now you, Yoshi, and I will get the treasure chest.

Amazingly, within a couple of hours of pain and torture (thanks to the ghosts), the three of them actually do find a treasure chest.

Toad: Amazing!

Wario: Now for the finish line!

Yoshi: Wario, Yoshi, and Toad need key for that!

Toad: What key?

Wario: The key to get through that door we saw about ten times but couldnít open because it had a lock with
shining and flashing lights on it.

Toad: Oh!


Luigi: Dispose of him!

Daisy: I will easily!

Peach: If you touch him...

Waluigi: Does my hat fit?

Wario: Now all we need is that key... say, Yoshi, go down that hallway!

Yoshi goes down ďTHATĒ hallway and finds a ton of ghosts, which chase him back to Wario and Toad.

Toad: Good job.

Wario: Letís run!

The three of them are chased by the ghosts. Of course, the key they need is right underneath Waluigiís foot,
but Waluigi needs a footstool, so...

Wario: Weíll never find that key!

Yoshi: Yoshi no like to eat ghosts!

Toad: I hope that ghosts donít like to eat Mushrooms!

Wario: No, they like their pizzas plain... which gives me an idea!

Yoshi: Whatís idea?

Wario: Make pizza, give to ghosts, ghosts eat, we escape!

Yoshi: But Yoshi eat pizza!

Wario: Rats!

Toad: Take out the ďYoshi eat pizza!Ē step and keep going!

Wario: Right! But how do I make the pizza?

A pizza is on the table ahead.

Wario: What luck!

Wario feeds the ghosts a pizza.

Ghosts: YUM!!! MORE!!! MORE!!!

Wario: Who am I, Caesar? Yikes!

Pizzas keep flying out of a machine, so Wario keeps feeding the ghosts. However, with no limit on how much
the ghosts can eat, Wario finds himself backed against the wall once the pizzas cease to be made.

Wario: Uh oh...


Luigi: Destroy him!

Daisy: Gladly!

Peach: Donít!

Waluigi: Does a backward ďLĒ equal freedom?

Goofy Goombas

Goompa: You know what the Pitiful Piranhas do? Nothing! Thatís what we should do.

Gooma: I agree.

Goombario: All in favor say ďNayĒ!

Goombaria: NAY!!!

Goompapa: Thatís only one! Letís try to find our way out!

After a few hours...


Pitiful Piranhas

Ptooie: Iím sick of this quitting thing! Letís fight, or be fought!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Another lock!

Venus Fire Trap: Hereís the first lock!

Fiery Walking Piranha: Another, then first? You two are messed up!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Give me liberty, or give me a dent in my pipe!

Boomer fires what he fires right at Piranhacusís pipe.

Boomer: Gotcha!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Give up!

Ptooie: Not again!

Muncher: Weíre all giving up again!

Ptooie: Wait a minute! Hereís the treasure chest, and hereís the exit!

All of the Pitiful Piranhas meet up with Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Amazing! You guys finished first? What happened?!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Just as I always say, never give up, never surrender!

Venus Fire Trap: I ought to fireball your pipe some more than I already have!

Piranhacus Giganticus: You have?

Venus Fire Trap: Skip it.

Crazy Packers Fan: 50 points to the Pitiful Piranhas, but to the rest?!

Five hours later...

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís it! Contest over! Iíll look over the instant replay to see whoís first through seventh, with first being obvious!

Instant replay results:

1st: Pitiful Piranhas
2nd: Interview Imbeciles
3rd: Mario Morons
4th: Kool Koopas
5th: Hammer Brothers
6th: Super Koopas
7th: Goofy Goombas

Now, obviously, I know some of your teams are really unhappy with your results. Certainly three of the top
four shouldnít finish 4th, 5th and 6th. This is pathetic! They should finish higher than that! Nevertheless...

Hammer Brothers: 140 + 20 = 160
Kool Koopas: 135 + 25 = 160
Interview Imbeciles: 120 + 40 = 160
Super Koopas: 120 + 15 = 135
Mario Morons: 110 + 30 = 140
Goofy Goombas: 75 + 10 = 85
Pitiful Piranhas: 60 + 50 = 110

Hammer Brothers: 160
Interview Imbeciles: 160
Kool Koopas: 160
Mario Morons: 140
Super Koopas: 135
Pitiful Piranhas: 110
Goofy Goombas: 85

And I must note to you the fall-apart of the Super Koopas. It wonít be long until THEY are the last-place team. Theyíre even below the PATHETIC Mario Morons now!!!

Rachelle: Donít laugh at us! Weíll be back!

Crazy Packers Fan: But now, for one of the big surprises!

Roy: Oh, what is it?

Crazy Packers Fan: A new Mushroom Games rule: The team in last place in the points standings after the
episode gets contracted, just like they do in baseball. So, Goofy Goombas, you no longer exist!

Goombario: What?!

Goombaria: No fair!

Crazy Packers Fan: For your PATHETIC efforts, we will give you 8 coins, one for each of your members. Theyíre over there in that hole. Goodbye!

Goompa: Well, Iíll toss up my tonsils and throw up my Adamís apple! This is no fair!

Goompapa: Thatís violent speaking. Please turn it down.

Goompa: Iíll slaughter my-

Goompapa: Shut up, you-

Goompa: Respect your elders!

Goompapa: But, youíre my-

Goompa: Just shut up, take the coin, and letís go home, to boring Goomba Village.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, for the rest of you... I know youíre VERY disappointed with your results, at least the Super Koopas. Each one of your teams gets a special ďwild cardĒ, a new character who will join your group once you vote off whichever member you choose. The member voted off gets the minimum of 10 coins he/she would receive if he/she finished sixth. They will not come back, while the ďwild cardĒ will join your team. Youíll still have eight members. Understand?

Roy: *gulps* Yup.

Crazy Packers Fan: Letís do this team-by-team, starting with the Pitiful Piranhas. Your ďwild cardĒ, Lava Piranha.

Piranhacus Giganticus: Ooh, Lava Piranha! Letís vote off someone!

After the imbecilic voting...

Crazy Packers Fan: You know how this works.

Hanging Piranha Plant.
Piranhacus Giganticus.
Piranhacus Giganticus.
Hanging Piranha Plant.
Piranhacus Giganticus.
Hanging Piranha Plant.

Crazy Packers Fan: Re-vote, losers!

After re-vote...

Crazy Packers Fan: You still know how this works.

Hanging Piranha Plant.
Piranhacus Giganticus.
Hanging Piranha Plant.
Hanging Piranha Plant.
Piranhacus Giganticus.
Hanging Piranha Plant.

Crazy Packers Fan: Thank you, whoever changed their vote! Now Lava Piranha is in and Hanging Piranha Plant is out! Hereís your ten coins!

Hanging Piranha Plant: Not bad for an upside-down guy...

Crazy Packers Fan: Now on to the Super Koopas! Remember that ďLord SethĒ character Roy beat up on day
after day? Heís baaa-aaack! Heís the ďwild cardĒ!

Sandslash: I donít want him on my team!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now vote!

After the moronic voting...

Crazy Packers Fan: I assume all you losers know what happens if your name is read more than the rest.

The Mario Surfer.
Ludwig 222.
And, finally, Sandslash.

Sandslash: What?! Donít I have any respect around here? Iím second all-time, you guys know! Second!

The Mario Surfer: But when it comes to inventions, youíre dead last!

Crazy Packers Fan: Lord Seth, itís your turn to step up for your squad. Theyíre in a lot of turmoil and trouble, so maybe you can help, but chances are, you wonít.

Lord Seth: Is that an insult to me, or to my new teammates?

Crazy Packers Fan: To both.

Sandslash: Iím preparing revenge!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now as for the Mario Morons... the "wild card" is... The King.

Mario: Yippee!

After voting...

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready or not, here they come!


Crazy Packers Fan: Itís like Mario to vote for himself. Goodbye, goofball!

Mario: Thank-a you!

Crazy Packers Fan: The King joins the Mario Morons, who no longer have Mario!

Mario: Mario need help!

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready for your vote, Kool Koopas? A Koopaling or Susan leaves after!

After voting...

Crazy Packers Fan: Hereís the tally:


Crazy Packers Fan: Na na, na na-

Morton: MMMPPH!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: I know youíre all so happy to see Morton gone! Youíre not so glad to see his ďwild cardĒ


Bowser: What?

Crazy Packers Fan: The other two teams have voted as well. Their votes...

Interview Imbeciles:
Lava Lotus.
Angry Sun.
Metal Mario.
Millennium Star.

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, what was that? RE-VOTE!!!

Interview Imbeciles recount:
Lava Lotus.

Crazy Packers Fan: With that, Spike is gone, and Spike Top is in! As for the Hammer Brothers, I have just
read theirs to myself, and theirs are all the same, so they will keep all their members.

Tony: I want Hammer out of here!

Crazy Packers Fan: TOO BAD!!! BACK TO THE GAME!!!

Tony: Itís over for this week!

Crazy Packers Fan: I wish we could continue... but we canít. Next week, weíll see what six teams will do, and how they will do with new characters and a new challenge. Who knows? Maybe somehow the Super Koopas
can win something and the three-way tie for first will be broken! Plus, we'll get rid of the last place team
in points next week! Thatís all for my birthday, 11/12/2001!

Read on!

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