SHADY PARAKOOPA interviews PARATROOPA

By Shady Parakoopa

Shady: Hello Sky Land! Are you ready to rock?!

Audience: ...

Buddy: Thought so! Because this is going to be my last time being an Interview partner!

Audience: Yay!

Buddy: ...

Shady: We're going to rock extra hard in celebration!

Camera Boo: Lets keep this going. I've got to tape King Boo's wedding!

Shady: Stupid rental Boos. Now that that's over, let's explain some things. First, we're in the sky part of Sky Land. There is no floor below us, it's too expensive. Thanks to those winged blocks this show is still on! Only special audience members who can't fly can have one, everyone else has to be a member of the winged family. And as a special treat, the block that Mario has will electrocute him whenever he says cheese.

Buddy: Hey, where is Mario?

{Mario's seat is empty. Suddenly Mario's voice can be heard under the flying seats.}

Mario (with the Raccoon tail): Can't... get... to... my-a... cheesey... seat!

(He breaks through Yellow's block and jumps to his seat.)

Yellow: (falling) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

99% of the Audience: Yeah!

Mario: CHE*zap*YehhhhCheYehhhhh!

Shady: That Shadow Mario will never get me now.

Shadow Mario: (yelling) Want to bet?! I found stairs to Sky Land! You'll write this Fun Fiction if it's the last thing I do!

Paratroopa: Can we start, please?

Buddy: Ha ha! You said please! You're a wimp!

Paratroopa: ...

Shady: Ok, question one, how do you get your wings?

Paratroopa: You should know.

Shady: I'm too lazy to tell the whole story!

Paratroopa: Fine, we get them as a result of gene mixing. If our mother was a Magikoopa we're born with wings. If it's our dad then we're born with magi-magic.

Buddy: Does that same rule apply with Paragoombas and Parabeetles?

Paratroopa: I'm not sure. Beetles are almost extinct and I've never met a Magikoopa that said, "Hey! I really like that Goomba!"

Buddy: Yeah, Goombas are pretty pathetic.

Goomba King: (yelling) As soon as I grow wings you're all dead!

Shady: Are you stronger then a common Koopa? I already know the answer but say it out loud.

Paratroopa: We're the same.

Shady: WHAT?!

Paratroopa: Yeah, I mean the only difference is that we take longer to be put onto our backs than land Koopas.

Shady: I disagree.

(Suddenly a double winged block carrying a Hammer Bro. flies up to the flying stage.)

Hammer Bro: I'm back!

Buddy: How'd did you survive the Thousand-Year Door?

Hammer Bro: You mean the hospital? That place was abandoned, something about a Shadow Mario Interview. Anyways I kept going right in 'til I found this coffin. Behind that was a huge chest that contained this!

(He holds up a golden hammer.)

Hammer Bro: The treasure of the Thousand-Year Door! At least that's what the sign on the chest said.

(He throws the hammer at Shady, who dodges it easily.)

Shady: Is that all it does?

Hammer Bro: It's supposed to come back like a boomerang.

Shady: Oh, well, die!

(He snaps his fingers and Blaze appears and burns the wings on Hammer Bro's block.)

Hammer Bro: Ahhhhh!

Buddy: Let's continue. Are you always in the same game as a regular Koopa?

Paratroopa: Not all the time. In Mario Golf and Mario 64 there were only Paratroopas.

Shady: I think that's all we have, right?

Buddy: I've got nothing.

Blaze: Wings attached shell?

Shady: He wants to know if your wings are attached to you or your shell.

Buddy: Does he have a speech problem or something?

Shady: That's better left for another day.

Paratroopa: About the question, it's kind of complex. We're born without shells and with wings but the wings are attached to our shell. You see, the wings are kind of a mental image which has an idea of flight that's not really there. It can't really fly but the mental strain penetrates the fabric of space and time to help the wings work. When we're hit enough we mentally lose the image and the wings disappears. It takes a day to remake the image.

(Shady, Buddy, and Blaze looks like their brains have exploded; drool is running down their faces.)

Paratroopa: The wings are not real, they still work though.

Shady, Buddy, Blaze: Ok...

Shady: Audience time! Flying seat 62.

Luigi: Why did you work for DK in Mario Baseball?

Paratroopa: Well, he had a better payment plan. Instead of getting a punch in the face we get bananas!

Buddy: Empty hole between seats 32 and 34.

Parabeanie: Does the whole time-space thing about the wings apply to other Paras?

Paratroopa: No, just Paratroopas and Parabeetles. Paragoombas and Parabeanies have their wings attached to themselves, and Parabombs are just silly.

Parabeanie: I hate those guys.

{A Parabomb lands on him, causing an explosion that takes out Mario and Morton's flying seats.)

Mario: CHEESSSSSSSSSSSSSE!

Morton: WEDDING CAKEEEEEEE!

Audience: Harrah!

Shady: Time for one last question. Flying seat 85!

Peach: Do your shell colors mean anything?

Parakoopa: Well it means smart and toughness for land Koopas, but for Paratroopas it means our top speed. Green's slow, blue's faster, purple's even faster, and my red's the fastest.

Shady: That's all the time we've got for today.

Buddy: I hope you've enjoyed my time being onstage with you guys. I'll pop in now and then but not all the time.

Shady: So what are you going to do now?

Buddy: Live life to the fullest!

(The hammer that Hammer Bro. threw returns and destroys the brick Buddy's on.)

Buddy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Shady: Five times in one Interview, I'm getting better. So according to your contract you are now my new Interview partner.

Paratroopa: Am I going to die too?

Shady: Maybe, but you do get to say the ending phrase.

Paratroopa: Can I say it now?

Shady: Sure.

Paratroopa: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Camera Boo: Cut, print, stupid.

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