Chapter 4: The Empress Strikes
Lemmy and P.T. are walking through Beanbean Fields.
P.T.: Are we there yet?
Lemmy: No.
Some Beanies approach them.
Beanie #1: We’ll.
Beanie #2: Destroy.
Beanie #3: You.
P.T.: Really?
Beanies: Yes. Really.
A random Shy Guy with a black mask appears.
Lemmy, P.T., and the Beanies: Who are you?
Shy Guy: I’m a cereal killer!
Lemmy: Don’t you mean “serial killer”?
Shy Guy: No. Cereal killer.
The cereal killer pulls out a box of Lucky Charms, and destroys it.
P.T.: Not so lucky, now.
Lemmy: Lame.
Cereal Killer: Now to kill the Cap’n! Ha, ha, ha!
P.T.: It might help to think outside the BOX! Ha, ha, ha.
Lemmy: Lame.
The Beanies run home to hide their cereal.
P.T.: DAD speed, Beanies.
Lemmbert and Petey continue.
Lemmy: Again with calling us by our long names?
Uh… Look! A monkey! I run away. Then, Lemmy and P.T. make it to Beanbean Castle Town.
Lemmy: What happened?
Bean Person: The town was destroyed by …
P.T.: By …?
Lemmy: Who’s “…”?
Bean Person: Idiots! I just died before I could tell you who did this! I’m trying to do a common thing, here! Gosh! Work with me, people!
Lemmy hits the Bean person with his bowling ball. They see another person, and ask him.
P.T.: Who did this to you?!
Bean Person: … Cackletta …
P.T.: Destroy the evidence!
P.T. tosses the Bean person into the distance.
Lemmy: (Freak.)
Soon, they come up to the gates.
Soldier #1: Halt!
Soldier #2: You shan’t pass!
P.T.: “Shan’t”?
Lemmy: Hey, where’s Soldier #3?
Soldier #1: He never recovered from that punch. If I ever find out who I’m-sorry-mask-man is, it’s gonna be a dark day!
P.T.: Uh, Soldier #2 did it?
Soldier #1: Murderer!
Soldier #2: What?!
The soldiers kill each other. Lemmy and P.T. enter the castle. Inside, they see bits of Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch on the ground, with a destroyed box for it nearby.
P.T.: Hmmm. The cereal killer must’ve been here.
Lemmy: Why did YOU have to come?! Why not Kyle?!
Lady Lima: WHO DESTROYED MY BOX OF CAP’N CRUNCH?!
P.T.: Uh, Al Gore did?
Al Gore: I invented Cap’n Crunch!
Lemmy: I thought you died in Lemmy’s Mansion 2.
Al Gore: I invented Lemmy’s Mansion 2.
P.T.: No, I did.
Lady Lima: So you destroyed my Cap’n Crunch? Murderer!
Lady Lima opens a trap door. But it opens next to Lemmy and P.T.
Lemmy and P.T.: 0_0
Lady Lima: Oh… That wasn’t right. Uh, could you please jump down the hole?
Lemmy and P.T.: Okay.
They do.
Lady Lima: If you can re-plug all the corks on the pipes, you can come out.
P.T.: Really?
Lady Lima: Yes. Really.
The trapdoor closes.
Lemmy: Darn. Now we have to plumb! I hate plumbers!
P.T.: Silence, non-believer!
Lemmy: Huh? Oh well.
Lemmy takes out the bowling ball, and charges through the barred doors, breaking them down.
P.T.: I wish I’d thought of that…
Eventually, Lemmy breaks down a big barred door, and Lady Lima, as well as a few Bean people, come out.
Lemmy: Weren’t you just in the castle?
Lady Lima: That was me and Dark Koopa’s evil counterpart, AKA Count Chocula.
P.T.: Couldn’t be. Count Chocula is dead. The Beanbean Times says that a cereal killer killed him.
P.T. shows her a newspaper article.
Lady Lima: Then that only leaves one possibility: Cackletta fooled you! Did you plug in all the pipes?
Lemmy: No.
Lady Lima: Good. That’s the security system that keeps the Beanstar safe. If they’re all plugged, anyone could just up and take it!
Lemmy: Gasp! Good thing we didn’t.
Meanwhile, in the castle…
(Fake) Lady Lima: Come on! They should’ve plugged them all in by now!
Fawful walks up to her.
Fawful: Has the system of security-ness been disarmed in a disarming way?
The fake Lima reveals herself to be Cackletta.
Cackletta: No, the security system hasn’t been disarmed.
Fawful: Fink-rats!
Cackletta: Who are you calling a fink-rat?
Fawful: Calvin and Hobbes. They knocked me down.
Cackletta: Yeah, I’m not letting you read the Sunday Funnies anymore.
Fawful: Fink-rat!
Meanwhile…
P.T.: So what do we have to worry about?
Lima: Nothing, really. But we should kill her, just in case.
Lemmy: I see.
They go up the stairs.
Cackletta: What?! How’d you get here without plugging in the pipes?!
Lemmy shows his bowling ball to Cackletta. Meanwhile, a green light saber flies, and barely misses Lemmy.
Lemmy: Huh?
It’s revealed that Yoda threw it at Lemmy.
Lemmy: Who are you?
Yoda: Your murderer.
Darth Vader appears, and karate chops Lemmy, who faints.
Yoda: The rest of you can just go into the other room.
Lima, Fawful, Cackletta, and somehow Lemmy go into the next room. They start sipping Chuckola Cola, as the King of the Hill’s theme starts up. Meanwhile…
Yoda: P.T. I want you to join us.
P.T.: Huh?
Yoda: You are a MASTER of the Fist of the Nosehair. You are destined for great things. You have the potential to beat up Roy. You are able to beat Pink in a fight with your random behavior. Yes, that does sound a little extreme, but it’s true. With your nosehair prowess, you could be one of the most powerful people on Plit.
P.T.: That depends. Are you for good?
Yoda: I have Darth Vader with me, and I’m tempting you to join my group. What side do you think I’m on?!
P.T.: Good?
Yoda: You have great power, but little intellect. I’m BAD, you doofus! Anyway, the others will come in, as soon as the song is over. And it’s about to end. We will come to you again, next time you’re alone. I expect you to have made your choice, by then. And to help you to join us…
Yoda uses the Force to plug in the pipes, thus disarming the security system. Then he uses the Force to give P.T. the Beanstar.
P.T.: Are you bribing me?
Yoda: Uh… Look! A monkey!
P.T. looks the other way as Yoda, Darth Vader, and Hoohooros (who never had any role in this scene, but was there anyway) teleport away. Lemmy, Lima, Cackletta, and Fawful come back in.
Lemmy: That was a dumb way to extend the chapter.
Cackletta: Beanstar!
She takes it away from P.T.
Cackletta: Eyah, hah, hah, hah!
Lemmy: Give it back!
Cackletta: You’re a prince, right?
Lemmy: Yeah.
Cackletta: Well Princey, meet Queenie!
P.T.: The Shadow Queen?
Cackletta: No. Queen Bean!
A monstrous Queen Bean appears.
P.T.: This must be the Hulk’s wife.
Cackletta and Fawful fly away with the Beanstar.
Lemmy: Now what?
Lima: Weaken her arms, then her crown will fall off. Then you attack her exposed head.
Lemmy: Lame.
P.T. throws a boomerang at her crown, and it comes back with her crown. Lemmy throws the bowling ball at Queen Bean’s head.
Queen Bean: Ow.
She faints, and P.T. pokes her.
Lima: Stop that! Anyway, it seems she swallowed a Belly Blech Worm.
Lemmy: A what?
Lima: Doesn’t matter what I said. Go to Chucklehuck Woods, and get some Chuckola Reserve.
Lemmy: No way! I’m just in this pair-obsessed kingdom to get Peach’s voice. I ain’t makin’ no side-stops for some queen.
Lima: I’ll give you a partner to help you two.
Lemmy: I guess. With three people, it will go by faster. Okay. When will they join us?
Lima: You just think about getting to Chucklehuck Woods. He’ll come soon.
Lemmy: Okay.
Lemmy and P.T. leave the castle. Ten minutes after they leave the castle…
Fred: Yes!
Lima: Who are you?
Fred: Yes!
Lima: Yes? That’s a weird name. Well Yes, what do you want?
Fred: Yes!
Lima: You must be a Poke’mon.
That’s twice someone accused him of being a Poke’mon. Wait, did I say that out loud?
Lima: Well, I didn’t hear anything. So Yes, why are you here?
Fred: I like frozen yogurt.
Lima: So?
Fred: What is the dead thing?
Lima: Don’t talk about our queen that way!
Fred: Yes!
Lima: To the dungeon with you!
Bean soldiers take Fred to the cell where Lima was held.
Lima: What a moron.
Chapter 5: Soda, Shadow Thieves, and … Talking Trees
Lemmy and P.T. walk towards Chucklehuck Woods. But some Beanies approach them.
Beanie #1: We’ve hidden our cereal. So now we can…
Beanie #2: Destroy…
Beanie #3: You.
Lemmy: Oh.
Suddenly, a wooden crate falls from the sky onto the beanies. Jelly Jiggler emerges from the box.
Lemmy: Jelly Jiggler? What are you doing here?
Jelly Jiggler: Lady Lima sent me to help you guys.
Lemmy: OH NO! NOT YOU!
Jelly: Yes! Bwa, ha, ha, ha!
Lemmy: Let’s just get focused on getting to Chucklehuck Woods.
Soon, they get to a gate that’s guarded by two guys.
Guard #1: You can’t come in. Chateau’ de Chucklehuck is private property.
Guard #2: And Chucklehuck Woods is preserved wilderness.
P.T.: You have to let us in! It’s for the queen!
Guards: Really?
P.T.: Yes. Really.
Guards: Too bad. Unless you have the Beanbean Brooch. If Lady Lima gave it to you, we could let you through.
Lemmy: D’oh! We forgot the brooch!
Guards: Then I guess you can’t get through.
Lemmy smacks the guards with the bowling balls, and then uses it to break down the gate.
P.T.: Why didn’t we do that when we got here?
Lemmy: Dunno.
They enter the chateau.
P.T.: Wait, where’d Jelly go?
We see that Jelly is laying unconscious with the guards, because Lemmy accidentally hit him with the bowling ball.
Lemmy: Dunno.
They enter a room with a barrel maze. After a few … a lot of dead ends, they come out of the maze. Actually, Lemmy comes out, and Popple follows.
Lemmy: Popple?! I thought you claimed the asteroid as you own.
Popple: Well, …
Flashback
Popple: This place is perfect!
The asteroid (and base) explode, and Popple lands in the Beanbean Kingdom.
Popple: Well, that stinks! I guess I’ll go back to thieving.
Popple sees Lemmy, P.T., and Jelly Jiggler walking past him.
Popple: Hmmm…
Popple follows them.
End Flashback
Lemmy: Oh.
Popple goes into the next room.
P.T.: I just had the weirdest dream. Popple was here, and he did a flashback.
Lemmy: That just happened.
P.T.: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
They go into the next room.
Popple: AAAHHH!!! YOU FOLLOWED ME, AND YOU WANT THE CHUCKOLA RESERVE THAT I’M AFTER! AAAHHH!!!
Lemmy: Yeah.
Popple: Darn you! Rookie! Come out here!
Rawk Hawk (in a ski mask) comes out.
Lemmy and P.T.: Rawk?
Lemmy: Wait, what’s with all the ski masks?
Rawk: Who’s Rawk? I’m Popple’s rookie!
Popple: Rookie! I believe we should destroy these two!
“Rookie”: Okay.
Popple pulls out a Freeze Gun, and freezes P.T.
Lemmy: My Freeze Gun! How’d you get it?!
Popple: I stole it from a Tanoomba, on my way here!
Lemmy: Why you little…!
Lemmy tries to do bad things to Popple but Rookie gets in the way, and punches him.
Lemmy: OW! How’d you even find this guy?
Popple: On my way here, I found a warp pipe. That pipe took me to the ruins of Glitzville, and I saw this guy, who apparently had amnesia. I took him in, went into the warp pipe, and went back to following you.
Lemmy: Oh.
Lemmy tosses the bowling ball at Popple, who faints.
Popple: Ow!
Rookie: You beat up my master! Die!
Rookie strangles Lemmy, but P.T. thaws, and throws a boomerang at him.
Rookie: That seems familiar. And ow.
Having been hit with the boomerang, Rookie drops Lemmy, who takes the Freeze Gun from Popple. He then freezes Rookie.
P.T.: Okay. Now what?
Cork and Cask emerge from a barrel.
Cork: Thanks for saving us!
Cask: Indeed, yo!
Lemmy: Are you trying to be a rapper?
Cask: Yo, L-dog! You just jealous ‘cause you don’t got no bling-bling!
Cask shows off a pinkie ring shaped like the letter C. C for Cask.
Lemmy: That’s the first time that I know of that a mack-daddy gangsta’ made their way onto this site. What happened to your French accents?
Cork: Cask traded them in for his new rapping prowess.
Lemmy: I see. What do you think, P.T.?
P.T.: (in a Valley girl’s voice) … So then, I totally stole this guy’s identity! I was able to use his entire account to buy these FABULOUS new shoes!
The words “P.T. Piranha: An identity theft victim” appear.
Lemmy: You’re not a victim!
P.T.: (whispering) Shhh! You know that, and I know that. But no one else needs to know that.
Lemmy: Good point.
Cork: Anyway, we need to teach you two about these special hammer-themed Bros. actions.
Lemmy: We don’t have hammers. And we’re not brothers.
Cork: Oh. Can you do us a favor, then?
Lemmy: What?
Cask: Yo, L-dog! We lost our bling-bling in the next room, yo!
Cork: Could you retrieve it? And it’s not bling. It’s our copy of Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time. And our DS.
Lemmy: Don’t you have to teach us the moves that will let us get them? Mario and Luigi had to use the moves you taught them.
Cask: Why would we do that, yo?
Lemmy: Right. We’re going into the woods, now.
Cork: Take care!
They enter the woods. They come up to a lot of situations that involve the moves that Cork and Cask were supposed to teach them.
Lemmy: Now what?
P.T.: Don’t ask me. I’m the comic relief.
Lemmy: You already said that in LM1.
P.T.: Or did I?
Lemmy: You did.
P.T.: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
A quartet of enemies comes up to them.
Torpedo Ted: I’m a torpedo!
Bullet Bill: I’m a bullet!
Missile Bill: I’m a missile!
Bombshell Bill: I’m a bombshell!
Lemmy: Hmmm.
Lemmy bribes the ammo-enemies into breaking down the gates that they’re supposed to go under. It works, until they get to Chuckleroot.
Chuckleroot: Get me the red, purple, and white Chuckola Fruits.
Lemmy: And if we don’t?
Chuckleroot: Do you see the bag?
He points to a bag behind Lemmy and P.T. It’s moving around and making disturbing, demonic noises.
Lemmy: Yeah. We see it.
Chuckleroot: If you don’t get me the fruits, I will open the bag. Do you want me to open the bag?
Lemmy: Uh, no.
Lemmy and P.T. shudder.
Chuckleroot: Then you should get the fruits. Now.
RED CHUCKOLA FRUIT!
Lemmy and P.T. are walking along, until they come up to a mini-chuckleroot.
Mini-Chuckleroot: Hi! I-
P.T.: I recognize that voice! You stole my identity!
P.T. pulls out a chainsaw, and cuts her down. They proceed.
Lemmy: Wait, I thought you didn’t have your identity stolen.
P.T.: Oh… Oops.
They see a Wiggler.
Wiggler: Help me out.
Lemmy: Why should I?
Wiggler: You are a royal pain.
P.T.: Oh, I get it! Since you’re royalty, and you’re a pain! Ah. Good times. Good times.
The Wiggler comes out, and becomes angry.
Lemmy: Oh darn.
Wiggler: You will be maimed, now.
Lemmy freezes the Wiggler, and takes the red Chuckola Fruit.
PURPLE CHUCKOLA FRUIT!
Lemmy and P.T. enter a cave, and eventually find the purple fruit.
P.T.: That was too easy.
All the entrances close up.
P.T.: Oh. At least it can’t get worse!
They fall down a trapdoor.
Lemmy: You just jinxed us, twice in a row!
P.T.: So?
The trapdoor takes them to the area with the white fruit.
WHITE CHUCKOLA FRUIT!
Lemmy and P.T. came out of the bottom of the trapdoor’s freefall.
Lemmy: Okay, I guess that worked out.
P.T.: (in a mafia leader’s voice) Okay, see? We’re gonna pull a heist, see? We’re gonna take that fruit. Okay Shorty, since you’re a midget, you go through the small doors, see?
Lemmy: Stop making fun of my being short! Anyway, if I go in the short entrances, how will you go through the gates?
P.T.: Oh. I know!
P.T. tosses Lemmy all the way to the part with the fruit. Lemmy finds an invisible warp pipe, and uses it to get back to P.T.
Lemmy: That pipe was random. But convenient.
They go back to Chuckleroot.
Chuckleroot: Wow. I thought the Wiggler would kill you. But since you killed my granddaughter, I will not let you pass.
Lemmy and P.T.: 0_0
P.T. pulls out the same chainsaw, and cuts Chuckleroot down. Popple and Rookie appear.
Popple: Thanks for getting him out of the way, suckers! Look! A monkey!
Popple and Rookie continue. After five minutes of unsuccessfully finding a monkey, Lemmy and P.T. continue. They then find themselves in a building with an old man telling jokes to a barrel of soda.
Old Guy: What to idiots drink? So-duhhhh!
The barrel of soda just gained 15 HP!
Old Guy: What do sodas call their dads? Pop!
The barrel of soda just gained 15 HP!
Lemmy: Who are you?
Old Guy: I’m Bubbles! If you want my Chuckola Reserve, you’ll have to kill it first.
Lemmy: Okay.
The barrel becomes a giant monster made out of soda. It has a sword made of soda, and a shield made out of part of the barrel it was in.
Chuckolator: Chuckolator! … No, I’m not a Poke’mon.
P.T.: Talk about a soda jerk.
Lemmy: Lame!
Chuckolator gained 15 HP!
Lemmy: Okay, P.T., we can’t use jokes, or else we’ll heal it. Okay?
P.T. is dressed as a ninja, while holding a torch in one hand and a squirt gun in the other. He’s also wearing a top hat.
P.T.: Okay!
Chuckolator gained 5 HP!
Lemmy: Darn it!
P.T.: Sworderang!
P.T. throws a boomerang at Chuckolator, and cuts it in half. Lemmy freezes one half, and it shatters. P.T. takes a straw, and drinks the other half.
Bubbles: Idiots!
Bubbles opens a trapdoor, and Lemmy and P.T. fall through it. They land in a river that floats them back to Beanbean Castle gates. Once there, they see that the corpses of the two Beanbean soldiers are still there.
P.T.: You’d think they would’ve picked them up by now.
Lemmy: That was strange. Let’s get the reserve to Queen Bean.
They enter the castle, and walk into the throne room.
Lima: You’re back!
Lemmy: You forgot to give us the Beanbean Brooch!
Lima: Oops. Here.
She gives it to him.
Lemmy: Oh, fat lot of good it’ll do now!
He throws the brooch into a trashcan. Then he squeezes what’s left of the soda out of P.T., and into Queen Bean’s mouth.
Lima: Ew.
A little, black worm jumps out of her mouth, and all her muscle becomes fat.
P.T.: Your queen is really fat!
Lima: To the dungeon!
Soldiers take P.T. to the dungeon. In there…
Fred: I like nachos, and frozen yogurt. Yes.
P.T.: Noooo!
Fred: Yes.
Back in the throne room…
Queen Bean: Thanks for saving me. As a reward, I’ll tell you where Cackletta is. She’s in Woohoo Hooniversity. Prince Peasley told me so, just before I ate the Belly Blech Worm, right at the end of chapter 3. Prince Peasley is already on his way.
Lemmy: “Hooniversity”? Don’t you mean “university”?
Queen Bean: Don’t make up words in front of me!
Lemmy: (Fat loser!) Thanks. But I really can’t get there without P.T. The sign in the Mushroom Kingdom said that I have to have a partner.
Lima: What about Jelly Jiggler?
Lemmy: He got lost.
Lima: Fine.
Lima throws a bomb. It rolls all the way into the room where the Beanstar was. Then it rolls down the stairs, and blows up the cell where P.T. and Fred are.
P.T.: We’re free!
Fred: Fred Fredburger, Fred Fredburger…
Moments later Lemmy and P.T. are heading towards the Hooniversity. And unfortunately, Fred is following.
Lemmy: Stop following us!
Fred: Yes!
P.T.: Are we there, yet?
Lemmy: I hate my life.
Chapter 6: War at Woohoo Hooniversity
Lemmy, P.T., and Fred make it to Woohoo Hooniversity.
Lemmy: Here we are. The Woohoo H.
P.T.: It’s so… red. I like red.
Fred: I like nachos, & frozen yogurt. Yes.
They enter the building, and see a button. Lemmy presses it, and a mob of Bean scientists run past them. One of them trips, and becomes a Laser Snifit.
Laser Snifit: Di-
Lemmy: You’d better not be telling us to die.
Laser Snifit: No. I was going to say, “diet”. Have you seen that green elephant monster? He ought to stay away from the nachos and frozen yogurt!
Fred: Yes!
Laser Snifit: I’m going to beat you up now.
Lemmy freezes the monster. They soon come into a room with a giant door that won’t open.
P.T.: Now what?
Lemmy: I think we have to make the Sun Door open, and use the mirrors to reflect the light across the whole building, to get to this door.
P.T.: That’s too hard.
Lemmy: We have to. The chapter will be too short otherwise.
P.T.: Oh. Well, drat.
Lemmy, P.T., and Fred soon enter an area with lots of ? Blocks.
Lemmy: So this is where ? Blocks come from. So not only does this place research laughter, but it also develops ? Blocks. Interesting. This may be helpful for future Mario fights.
P.T.: Sorry to interrupt your contemplating on how to kill your family’s nemesis, but we’re on a mission, here!
Lemmy: Fine.
They come into a museum with all kinds of ? Blocks of the past.
P.T.: Oh my DAD. They have ? Blocks from Super Mario Bros, Super Mario World, Super Mario 64, and Paper Mario! I wonder if there are other kinds.
P.T. gets so distracted in this little museum that Lemmy and Fred decide to leave him there until they have to leave the ? Block area. They come into a room with red- and blue-spotted dummies.
Fred: Yes!
Lemmy: What do we do?
You must hit each dummy, so they make a certain order.
Lemmy: I’m too lazy! I want a cheat code!
But-
Lemmy: I WANT A CHEAT CODE!
(He’s been with Wendy too much.) Okay.
The Sun Door opens, for no reason, and light gets reflected. Also, a door in another part of the building opens. As they pass the ? Block museum they have to drag P.T. out. Then, they end up in a little library with a Rally Block.
P.T.: Ooh! Rally block!
Suddenly, P.T., Fred, and the block are in an auditorium, listening to a long winded speech made by a principal.
Principal: So, only three people made it to the pep rally? Lame.
Lemmy: Not that kind of rally.
P.T.: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
P.T.: Darn.
The scene somehow changes to a room with lots of switches.
Lemmy: Yet another situation where Cork and Cask’s training would’ve paid off.
P.T.: Just go through the tiny holes, and I’ll toss Fred over the gates.
After a few… a lot of tries, more lights get reflected, and another door opens. They go through it, to see that a mask has to shoot fire at a barrel. Fred gets under the barrel, and a claw grabs him. Lemmy and P.T. find themselves in a Donkey Kong-like situation.
Lemmy: Why do we even care? We both hate Fred!
P.T.: If we can get him back, we could eventually sell him back to Poke’maniac Joe!
Poke’maniac Joe: No dice.
P.T.: Or maybe we could sell him to someone else.
Lemmy: Okay.
After a surprisingly few amount of tries, they make it to Fred, whose barrel accidentally rolls through the ups and downs of the next room. It soon hits an ! block, and more light is reflected. Our trio goes through a newly opened door to find that they must use water to knock a mouse-thing into a power line.
Lemmy: Hmmm. Now what? I don’t want to use water.
P.T. takes Lemmy’s ball, and throws it at the mouse, knocking it into the power line. Lemmy gets on a new ball.
P.T.: Where do you get the new balls?
Lemmy: Long story.
Fred: Fred Fredburger, Fred Fredburger…
More light is reflected, and it hits the thing in front of the door from earlier. They re-enter the room, and hit the ! Block. The X on the thing turns into an O, and a beam is focused on the door. It opens.
Lemmy: That was easier than I thought. Let’s get this over with!
They enter the next room. Meanwhile…
Cackletta: Fawful, could you please put the Beanstar on the table for the Peach-bots? Wait, why am I asking politely? I think I forgot my medication again.
Fawful: Okay. And yes. You are in the not remembering of the having a dose of the medication.
Fawful goes to get the Beanstar. But…
Voice: You can’t honestly do this, can you? You’re about to destroy a whole kingdom!
A mini-Fawful dressed as an angel appears on Fawful’s right shoulder.
Fawful: My shoulder angel?
Second Voice: No way!
A mini-Fawful that’s dressed as a devil appears on his left shoulder.
Shoulder Devil: He’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness! But I’ll lead you down the path that rocks!
Fawful: Uh…
Shoulder Devil: Listen, I got two reasons you should listen to me, instead. One, look at that sissy, stringy, musical thingy.
Shoulder Angel: We’ve been over this. It’s a harp, and you know it!
Shoulder Devil: Right. That’s a harp… and that’s a dress!
Shoulder Angel: Robe!
Shoulder Devil: Reason number two, look what I can do!
The shoulder devil is standing on his head, while playing the guitar with his feet and burping the Super Mario theme music.
Fawful: Uh, I am in the failing of understanding how this relates to the current situation, in any way.
Shoulder Angel: No, no. He has a point.
Cackletta: Fawful! Where’s the Star?!
Fawful: Uh, coming! Listen in a hearing way: You two are making my train of thought more complicated. So be gone. Or however else I could be making you leave the current premises.
Shoulder Creatures: Okay.
They disappear, and Fawful picks up the Beanstar and brings it to the table for the Peach-bots. Meanwhile, our heroes (and Lemmy) make it to the same room.
Lemmy: Hey! Are you saying that Fred’s a hero, and I’m not?!
Uh… Look! A monkey! I run away. Again.
Cackletta: Intruders! Quick, Fawful! Activate the Peach-bots!
The shoulder devil appears.
Shoulder Devil: Come on, you know you want to!
Fawful: Wait, what is the location of the other guy?
The shoulder angel appears.
Shoulder Angel: Sorry. It’s a long story. What happened?
Fawful: Well…
Fawful starts telling him. Then the perspective changes, as we now see that everyone else just sees Fawful talking to his shoulders, as if no one is there. Cackletta turns to Lemmy and P.T., but they shrug.
Cackletta: Fawful?
Fawful: Yes?
Cackletta: Honestly, why do I even bother? It’s like I’m talking to a monkey!
Shoulder Angel: Woah, there.
Cackletta: A big, dumb monkey that keeps messing up simple sentences!
Shoulder Devil: Ouch!
Cackletta: And guess what? I never liked your sandwiches! Ever!
Fawful starts crying, and his shoulder angel comforts him.
Shoulder Devil: Oh, that’s it. *charges up his trident* She’s going down.
Shoulder Angel: Now, now, guys. Remember: From above, the wicked shall receive their just reward.
DAD: Yep.
Fawful puts on his headgear, and shoots a fireball at the Peach-bots. Nothing seems changed.
Cackletta: So you decided to betray me?
Cackletta presses the button to activate the Peach-bots. They start laughing, but they do it incredibly fast. Too fast. So fast, the Beanstar goes crazy, and makes a hole in the floor that it falls in.
Cackletta: Nooo! Die!
Cackletta summons a thunderbolt to knock Fawful out of the building.
Cackletta: Now it’s your turn!
Lemmy and P.T.: Insert gulp here.
Fred: Yes!
P.T. pushes Fred into the hole. Then Cackletta becomes huge, and creates holes for our duo to jump over. After that, she’s normal again.
P.T.: Sword of the Lemmy!
P.T. grabs Lemmy, and attacks Cackletta as if Lemmy were a sword.
Lemmy and Cackletta: Ouch.
Cackletta hits our heroes with lightning, and they’re slightly dazed. She then divides into three Cacklettas.
P.T.: Which one of you is real?
Cackletta #1: We’re.
Cackletta #2: Not.
Cackletta #3: Telling.
Lemmy freezes them. Two turn into (frozen) bats, and one stays the same. Except for being frozen.
Lemmy: That was easy.
The ice melts, and the bats transform into a giant robot.
Lemmy: I don’t think that was in the game.
Cackletta: Too bad!
The robot shoots a laser at Lemmy. But he gets out of the way.
P.T.: Super Fist of the Nosehair: Fire Breath!
P.T. breathes Fire on Cackletta and the robot. The robot explodes.
Cackletta: Die!
P.T.: Don’t tell me what to do!
Cackletta strangles P.T., but Lemmy throws the bowling ball at her. It hits her hard, making her drop P.T., who throws a flaming boomerang at her.
Cackletta: Arrgh!
She summons two more clones. One goes after Lemmy, one goes after P.T., and the third explodes for no real reason.
Cackletta #1: Weird.
While they’re distracted, Lemmy smacks the Cackletta that’s fighting him with the bowling ball. She becomes a swarm of bats.
Bats: Well that stinks!
Lemmy: Go away.
Bats: Okay.
They fly away, as our short, rainbow-haired protagonist tosses his shell (with him still in it) at Cackletta.
P.T.: Judo kick!
P.T. kicks Cackletta in the face.
Cackletta: Where on earth did you learn judo?!
P.T.: Go to Pagoda Peak, and talk to Master Koopa.
P.T. takes Lemmy’s bowling ball, and bops him on the head with it. It knocks him underground. He goes under P.T., and comes back up. P.T. is knocked in the air, and he lands on Cackletta.
Cackletta: Ouch!
Lemmy: I thought we didn’t know any of Cork and Cask’s moves.
P.T.: I just used a one-time only cheat code.
Cackletta shocks P.T.
P.T.: Blagidagiblagidagi- End-
Lemmy: We’ve used that a few times already!
Lemmy tries to freeze Cackletta, but she gets out of the way, and he just hits the wall.
Lemmy: Darn it.
P.T. I’m – blagi – still getting – dagi –shocked -blagida – here!
Lemmy: I’m trying!
P.T.: Blag – Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
Fred (from down the hole): Yes!
Lemmy throws the bowling ball and his own ball at Cackletta. She drops P.T., who punches her in the face.
Cackletta: All right! You two idiots don’t belong in the Beanbean Kingdom, so…
She becomes big again. And this time, she stays that way.
Cackletta: …I’M SENDING YOU BACK TO THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!
Lemmy: I’m from Dark Land.
Cackletta: WHO CARES?!
She makes more holes for the guys to jump over. Suddenly, P.T. whispers something to Lemmy. They then perform Splash Bros. Even though they’re not brothers. How did P.T. get this idea? Who knows? Meanwhile…
Yoda: Using that mind trick to make him do that special attack, should help make him join us.
Back in the fight, Cackletta seems to be getting tired.
Cackletta: I’m not finished yet…
She summons lightning. But it misses the duo.
Cackletta: That wasn’t right.
Lemmy (again) throws the bowling ball at her. She reverts back to her normal size, but she’s all battered and bruised.
Cackletta: *cough* Ow…
Cackletta dies.
P.T.: Yay! We did it!
Lemmy: But now we have to get the Beanstar.
P.T.: Oh yeah.
P.T. jumps down the hole, and for some reason, so does Lemmy. When they land, they see that they’ve landed next to the Beanstar!
Lemmy: All right! Party!
Popple: You’re wrong!
Popple and Raw- err, Rookie come out of the shadows.
Popple: I’ve heard about what that thing can do! And I want it!
Rookie: We could fight for it.
Popple: Glad I thought of it.
P.T. and Rookie wait, while Lemmy and Popple put the Star to the side. The battle begins.
Popple: I saw those combo attacks you used up there! What were they called? Bros. Attacks? Well, whatever they’re called, we have some for you!
Rookie grabs Popple, jumps in the air, and lands. Popple’s head first. This creates many shockwaves for our heroes to jump over.
Lemmy: Is that it? That’s no match for me!
Popple: That’s just the beginning!
They do more attacks for a while. P.T. eventually finds Fred’s unconscious body. He throws him at Popple, knocking him out.
Rookie: You beat up my master! Die!
Lemmy: Why didn’t you aim for Rookie?! Now we’ve got a big guy trying to kill us!
P.T.: Oops.
Rookie tries to punch P.T., but Yoda jumps in the way.
Yoda: You will not harm him, until he decides against us!
Rookie: Huh?
Yoda uses the Force to toss Rookie away.
Yoda: You don’t have much time left to choose.
Yoda disappears.
Lemmy: Huh?
P.T.: Long story. A long story that I know almost nothing about.
Popple and Rookie come to. Suddenly a Peach-bot’s head falls into the room, and starts laughing really fast. The Beanstar is about to go on another rampage.
Lemmy: Quick! Grab it!
Lemmy, P.T., Popple, and Rookie grab on. Fred wakes up, and grabs on too, for no reason. Suddenly, the Star flies high.
Popple: Oh yeah. I think I’m getting airsick.
Fred: Yes!
The people eventually lose their grip on the Star in this order: Fred, Popple, P.T., Lemmy, and Rookie. But before Rookie lets go…
Rookie: Wait, I remember! I’m Rawk Hawk! Feel the Rawk!
Rawk’s grip fails. He lands under the ocean, where he is devoured by Cheep Chomps. Now, the Star breaks into four pieces, and is scattered around the kingdom. Where did Lemmy and P.T. land? Who knows!