***

Kamek: Welcome to Roy's Exciting Sports Hall!

Roy: I couldn't care less for extra adjectives. I ean, everybody knows my Sports Hall is the best. OR ELSE!

Kamek: Oh yes, and tonight we have a fight between two very furious opponents!

Roy: We do?

Kamek: Shut up! I'm trying to make it sound dramatic!

Roy: Ohh... dramatic, sure.

Kamek: So, in the Red Corner, we have the self-proclaimed master chef, Chef Torte!

Torte: Vhat do you mean self-proclaimed?! Take zat back!

Kamek: And in the Blue Corner, we have that lard ball known only as Gourmet Guy!

Gourmet Guy: GASP! CHEF TORTE! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! Give me your autograph please! Or better yet, give me some food. Mmm... food...

Torte: I like zis guy!

Kamek: Too bad you're both going to have to fight to the DEATH.

Gourmet Guy: I'll never kill my favorite cook.

Torte: Too bad, I VILL kill you! Muahahaha!

Kamek: Yes, yes, anyway, here's Larry for his professional opinion.

Larry: Chef Torte will win. He has a pan with lots of different powers, and Gourmet Guy has... uhh... eating
utensils?

Kamek: So there you have it, folks! Larry votes for the Torte person!

Torte: As it should be!

Roy: Ok, begin when I say so. 1... ... FIGHT!!!

Chef Torte: I vill end zis swiftly, my dear fan! Fan attachment! Ah, I love ze irony.

Breeze.

Gourmet Guy: Umm... food?

Kamek: Torte has used a fan to try to blow away Gourmet Guy, but it seems to have no effect! Obviously.

Torte: Ok, I admit zat vas a bit stupid.

Gourmet Guy: Do you have any food?

Torte: Novone beats ze wrath of ze normal Pan Smack! Booya!

Whack.

Kamek: Torte has tried to smack Gourmet Guy with the pan, but Gourmet's rolls offer great protection!

Gourmet Guy: Uhh... are you sure you don't have any food?

Torte: IS FOOD EVERYZING YOU ZINK OF?! YOU FAT LAZY IDIOT!!!

Kamek: Torte has launched a full scale... uhh... tantrum attack?

Gourmet Guy: Denying food to a nice guy like me? You're mean! Ohh... the hunger... Can't stand it... GIVE ME
FOOD!!!

Torte: AHH!!! I don't like zat look on his face! Oh wait... face, zingy... vhatever- AHHH!!!

WHAM!!!

Kamek: Gourmet Guy has finally used an attack! He rammed against Torte, hard!

Gourmet Guy: GIVE ME FOOD!!!

Torte: I vill give you Hypeir Plasma Cannon, freak!

Bzz... ZAOUMM!!!

Gourmet Guy: Hrrrrgh.

Kamek: Gourmet Guy has taken the full blow, and is still up!!!

Torte: VHAT?! ZAT IST IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Gourmet Guy: Ouch! You're not my favorite chef now! Ground Pound!

Torte: AAHHH!!!

WHAMMO!!!

Kamek: Torte has dodged that massive ground pound, but was thrown off balance by the after-quake!

Torte: Mon dieu!

Gourmet Guy: Fork Toss!

Torte: AHH!!! MON EYE!!!

Kamek: Urgh... that's disgusting! Cover up that thing!

Torte: AAHHH!!! ZE PAIN!!!

Roy: Now he can use an eye patch and be Cap'n Torte.

Larry: That joke was lame.

Roy: IT WASN'T A JOKE! Now shut up!

Torte: DIE!!! Hypeir Plasma Cannon!

Bzz... ZAAOUM!!!

Gourmet Guy: Aggghh!

Kamek: Another plasma shot by Torte!

Gourmet Guy: YOU'RE GOING DOWN TORTE!!!

Torte: AHHH!!! HYPEIR PLASMA CANNON!!!

Bzzz... ZAZAOUM!!!

Gourmet Guy: AAARGGHH! Stop!

Kamek: Gourmet Guy's pain endurance is astounding! He's completely black and full of ash!

Gourmet Guy: YOU WILL DIE NOW-

Torte: DIEDIEDIE! HYPEIR PLASMA CANNON, FULL POWEIR!!!

Bzzzzz... ZAZAAAAAOOUMM!!!

Gourmet Guy: AAAAAGGGHH!!!

Kamek: Gourmet Guy has been successfully thrown against a wall by the force of the blast!

Gourmet Guy: Can't... stay... up...

Torte: MUAHAHAHA!! Vhat ze... ist overheating!

Kamek: Torte's PAN OF PERIL is overheating!

KA-BOOM!!!

Torte: MON DIEU!!!

Kamek: The pan has exploded and has sent Torte flying up.

SLAM!!!

Kamek: And has slammed on the cat walk above.

WHAM!!!

Kamek: And has crashed down on the floor in full force!

Gourmet Guy: Can't... stay... food... ugh...

Kamek: And Gourmet Guy is down!

Roy: But the Torte freak isn't getting up. So he fainted before Gourmet Guy. Gourmet Guy wins!

Larry: Darn.

Roy: Ahh... I love this part.

Larry: Which? Oh. BlagidiblagidiblagidiAAG! End transmission!

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.