***

Roy: Hello, and welcome to our extremely special Round Three battle!

Kamek: That’s right, folks. Back in the announcer’s seat is me, Kamek, and as always, Pokey’s announcing.

Pokey: Hi.

Roy: Even I’m in a good mood today, as we have just rented the Millenium Arena, a brand new arena with an enviro-tron! Unfortunately, we can only hold the Arena for a few matches, but it IS expensive.

Kamek: This arena has been outfitted to look exactly like the village area from Bianco Hills. Additionally, we have twice as much audience capacity, a Jumbotron, and even a powerful laser to shock Larry with!

Roy: But first, let’s look over all our contestants.

Kamek: Sounds good. In the Red Corner, we have Fawful. Fawful has gotten in here due to pure luck, his opponents being Cackletta, Lemmy, and a Swiggler. However, the audience loves him for some reason.

Fawful: I HAVE FURY!

Kamek: In the Green Corner, we have Shadow Mario, who got into Round Three on the basis of Roy not knowing that he was Bowser Jr. in disguise.

Shadow Mario: …

VWOOT!

Bowser Jr: Time to lose, meanies!

VWOOT!

Shadow Mario: …

Kamek: In the Yellow Corner, we have the mighty pirate Cortez, who made it here after a long drought of Round Three qualifiers! However, his opponents were losers.

Cortez: Prepare to be plundered, amigos!

Kamek: And in the Blue Corner, we have the mighty plant who scraped up here after a grueling Round Two battle, Petey Piranha!

Petey Piranha: GLAG! GLAG! GLAG! GLAG!

Roy: This looks like it will be a battle for the ages! But first, let’s turn to our finalist and predictor, Larry Koopa!

Larry: Thanks, Roy. I’ve prepared an analysis of each contender. First, we have Fawful. Although he’s an idiot, he’s a psychopathic, destructive idiot, and that’s what really counts here at the Sports Hall. However, since he’s up against Cortez, I don’t give him much of a chance. Then, there’s Shadow Mario. He’s mean, he’s lean, and he’s incredibly annoying. However, considering that our last champions were Doopliss and Popple, that doesn’t really indicate anything. However, he’s clever, and has no end of cool attacks. He’s probably going to be the winner here. Next, we have Cortez. Although his bones and weaponry are clever, it’s mostly just for show, and he’s only probably going to take out Fawful. Lastly, there’s Petey Piranha. Compared to Shadow Mario’s huge arsenal of paint, this guy’s pretty much a one-trick pony. He’s going to get blasted, easily. However, because I like chipmunks, I predict him to win.

Roy: Chipmunks.

Larry: Yeah!

Roy: Well, it’s your funeral. Just sit down near that laser thingy. Earlier today, I asked Iggy to interview the contestants. Let’s see what they have to say to the audience.

Fawful: You shall all witness the mustard! The mustard of doom on the sandwich of victoriously evil bombing and headgear! I shall destroy them like the destroyed ones in an action movie! Witness their destroy-e-ness… LARGELY!

Shadow Mario: …

Cortez: If any of you amigos want to join my pirate crew, Email me at cortez@thisisnotarealemailadresssodontgotypingthisinyoursenderbar.com.

Petey Piranha: GLAGH! AG! AGAGA!! AG!!

Roy: And now that we’ve done all that…

Pokey: FIGHT!!!

DING! DING! DING!!!

Fawful: I HAVE FURY!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Shadow Mario: …

Whoosh! Dodge! Swip! Nick! Whip! Whap! BLAM!

Shadow Mario: !!

Kamek: Shadow Mario managed to dodge all but one of Fawful’s bombs!

Fawful: And now I HAVE MORE FURY!

Cortez: Not so fast, comprende!

WHOOSH!

Fawful: Ack!

BLAM!

Fawful: FINK RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT... OOF!

Kamek: But Cortez managed to knock him out of the sky!

Cortez: Huh. That was fa–

Petey Piranha: GLABLAG! BLAG! AG!

WHAP!

Cortez: AY! FLOR ESTUPIDO! Dance of Flying Swords!

SHINK-A-SHINK-A-SHINK!

Petey Piranha: GABLAGG!

Shadow Mario: …

Woosh… woosh… woosh… WOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHFLIP! WHAMMO!

Cortez: AYYYYYY!

Kamek: Now THAT’s action, folks! Shadow Mario swung on a clothesline over and over until he picked up enough momentum to deliver a punishing blow to Cortez’s skull!

Fawful: You shall perish like the perished within a movie of horror! DOME!

FWISH!

Kamek: What’s this? Fawful’s sealed himself within some kind of dome!

Shadow Mario: …

Woosh… woosh… woosh…

Cortez: Not this time, amigo!

SLASH!

Shadow Mario: !!

Kamek: Uh oh... Things look bad for Shadow Mario… He’s been sent spinning off the clothesline thanks to Cortez’s saber!

Shadow Mario: …!

KA–SPLATTER!

Petey Piranha: GLAAAGH!

Cortez: YEAUGH!

Fawful: Laser… cannon… OUCH! HOTNESS!

UN–FWISH!

Fawful: IT IS THE OVERHEAT!!

Kamek: HOLY DAD! LAVA PAINT EVERYWHERE, thanks to a neat spin move on Shadow Mario’s behalf!

Fawful: YOU TROUNCE ME OVER AND OVER! I REFUSE TO BE TROUNCED! Now I am KICKING YOU!

Whack!

Cortez: Oh no, not that bo–

Crumblecrumblecrumble!

Kamek: That was a… rather embarrassing defeat for Cortez. Fawful’s kick dislodged one tiny bone from Cortez that  made him go crashing down!

Fawful: Even the kicking is of the weakness! I, Fawful, refuse to be humiliated like a bad comedian!

Petey Piranha: GIALALAL!

SPLOOGE!

Fawful: Wah! Headgear!

SHOONT!

Kamek: Wait, Fawful had an EXTRA?!

Shadow Mario: …

SPLIT! SPLIT!

Kamek: Shadow Mario split in THREE?!

Petey Piranha: GLA!

SPLONK!

Kamek: AND PETEY PIRANHA HAS JUST PUT SOME KIND OF BODY ARMOR ON HIMSELF MADE OUT OF MUD PAINT! THIS IS TOO MUCH! I’M GONNA FAINT!

Fawful: Bob-omb Barrage!

FWA-BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Petey Piranha: Gla?

Shadow Mario: …

Fawful: … No… me… OBSOLETE! OBSOLETE LIKE THE 64-BIT CONSOLE THAT I AM! NYA! I AM DOOMED! I SHALL SELF–DESTRUCT! I! HAVE! FURYYYYY–

Sheeeennn…

…

…

KABOOOOOOOOOMM!

Bowser Jr: NO! MY PAINTBRUSH!

Petey Piranha: GLAG!

Kamek: Wha…It looks like Fawful… self-destructed… TAKING SHADOW MARIO’S PAINTBRUSH WITH HIM! He’s now just the ordinary Bowser Jr!

Roy: And it looks like Petey hasn’t been scathed!

Petey Piranha: Blagh… ag… gial… AG!

FWOOSH!

Bowser Jr: WAH!

CRASH!

Bowser Jr: A… windmill… AHA!

Petey Piranha: GLAAAAAAG!

SPLURT! SPLURT! SPLURT! SPLURT!

Bowser Jr: AHH! AHH! AHH! AHHHH!

Kamek: What a wimp! It looks like Junior’s just going to run away!

Bowser Jr: That’s what you think, stupidheads!

Petey Piranha: GLAG!

SWAP!

Bowser Jr: NOO!

CRASH!

Petey Piranha: GLAHHH!

SPLURRRBB!

Kamek: And… it looks like Junior’s been sealed in the wall agai–

SMASH! SMASH!

Clone A: Not so fast–

Clone B: Stupidface!

Kamek: WOAH! Even though the paintbrush was destroyed, those clones are still around!

Petey Piranha: GLA…

Clones: Uh oh…

Petey Piranha: AG!

FWISH! CRASH!

Clone A: Wait, a windmill!

Clone B: Oh, yeah.

Petey Piranha: GLAGGG!

SPLUUUUUUUUUU…

Kamek: Petey, evidently confused by this, is spewing paint everywhere! What will the clones do?

Clone A: All right, let’s do this!

Hop! CHUNKACHUNKACHUNKACHUNKA…

Petey Piranha: AAA…AAA…AAA…

Kamek: Oh, I see now. The first clone is using the windmill’s blade to squirt water into Petey’s mouth…

Petey Piranha: AAAAA…

KABLUNGE!

Clone B: Let’s finish this off… PANCAKE POUND!

WHAM!

Petey Piranha: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Kamek: And the second one used a massive Pancake Pound to flatten Petey Piranha AND smash his armor for good!

Pokey: Shadow Mario, winner.

Roy: That was actually rather short compared to our previous Round Three matches. Oh well. Any words, Bowser Jr?

Bowser Jr: Haf… haf… haff… Did you know that huts have surprisingly thick walls?

Roy: Well said. What do you think about going up against Shadow Mario in the next round, Larry?

Larry: Um… well… uh… Er…

Roy: Eh, whatever. Fire the laser!

Pokey: Okay.

ZORCH!

Larry: BLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAGIDIAGGGGG! END TRANSMISSION!

The winner:

The losers:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.