|
Bowser Statue: This round's favorite, he defeated one of the most popular fighters but got chiseled away by my crazed brother. |
Shadow Queen: Earning respect similar to that of the specter of death, she beat Ludwig but was undone by a guy who's shy. |
|
DK: Still looking for success, this powerhouse beat Shy Guy but was flattened by Yoob. |
Game Guy: Without a champion to face off against, he squeaked in by beating M. Bush but had his hopes flattened by a train. |
The announcer:
The referee:
***
Fryguy: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Roy’s Sports Hall’s next hot semi-finals match! Since Lemmy’s crew is still rebuilding the stage, we’ve temporarily relocated to Sammer’s Kingdom!
Larry: How did you get King Sammer to rent this out to you? I thought he was all into the pure and good sort of thing.
Roy: I passed through the Gauntlet of Pain.
Larry: Which would be…
Roy: Playing Mario is Missing three times in a row. He was so impressed, he let me use his land for the rest of the tournament.
Larry: Honestly, I’m pretty impressed.
Roy: You should be.
Fryguy: Let’s turn up the heat on our contestants! In the Red Corner, it’s the oddly popular inanimate object, BOWSER STATUE!
Bowser Statue: …
Fryguy: In the Green Corner, it’s the embodiment of evil, SHADOW QUEEN!
Shadow Queen: This is only the first stepping stone to my conquest!
Fryguy: In the Yellow Corner, it’s the leader of the bunch, you know him well! It’s DONKEY KONG!
DK: DK thought this corner was filled with bananas. Now DK angry.
Fryguy: And in the Blue Corner, it’s the sly gambler who’s caused more thrown controllers than the other three combined! It’s GAME GUY!
Game Guy: Win some, lose some, it’s all the same to me.
Fryguy: Larry, what’s your prediction?
Larry: Definitely Bowser Statue. It’s had absolutely massive results in the past, and considering none of the fighters here are particularly intelligent, we should be seeing a repeat of the Culex battle.
Fryguy: That sounds reasonable. Pokey?
Pokey: Fi–
HUGE RED BOOM!
Kamek: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Roy: POKEY!
Fryguy: That was cold, Kamek!
Kamek: SHUT UP, YOU BALL OF HOT AIR! DO YOU WANT ANOTHER HYDRO BLAST?!
Fryguy: No, ma’am.
Kamek: I’M A GUY!!!
SPLOOSH!
Fryguy: *spit, sputter* I feel dizzy… Need to rekindle.
Roy: Pokey! Pokey, say something!
Pokey: *cough, cough* Fi…fight.
500!
Roy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HE OWED ME THREE COINS!
Game Guy: What’s going on up in the stands? Sounds like a commotion!
DK: Sound like battle begin.
SLAM!
Game Guy: GUAH!
Bowser Statue: …
FWOOSH!
DK: DK faster than that!
FWOOM!
Game Guy: HOT HOT HOT!
Bowser Statue: …
FWOOOSH!
Game Guy: NOOOOOO!
ZAP! KABOOM!
Game Guy: What the?
Kamek: You thought you could end this season without me? Well, I’ll teach you otherwise! Yellow Block!
POOF!
Game Guy: NOOOOOO!
DK: OOK!
Grab!
DK: DK like this block! It almost as good as barrel!
Whoosh! WHAM!
Bowser Statue: …
DK: Ugly statue solid! DK feel weak.
Kamek: Not as weak as you’ll feel after this! Symbol Spray!
BA-BAM BAM BAM!
DK: OOOOOK!
Kamek: You whippersnappers don’t have anything over the Season Three champion! And you think you could just disrespect Lord Bowser’s top mage like this?
Game Guy: I thought that was Kammy…
Kamek: NO! From now on, this Sports Hall is nothing but DRAMA!
Game Guy: I can’t let you do this! Your gamble isn’t going to pay off!
Kamek: The only gambler I know is GRATE GUY! LIGHTNING SURGE!
Game Guy: You mean the guy who used things like MIMIC CARD?!
ZAP ZAP ZAAAAAAP!!
Kamek: Gwuh- WHA?
DK: You forget someone?
Kamek: Wha?
WHAM!!
Kamek: DAAAH!
DK: Bowser Statue even better than block. But not as good as barrel.
Bowser Statue: …
FWOOOOOSH!
DK: HOT!
Fling! WHAM!
Game Guy: AUGH! Go, Chompy!
Chain Chomp: BARK BARK!
Kamek: Stone Chomp!
Stone Chomp: BARK BARK!
KRAAANG! Crackle… crackle…
Kamek: How dare you harm the likeness of Lord Bowser? PILLAR OF FLAMES!
Game Guy: Hey, you were the one who– Hold on a second–
Dodge!
Game Guy: -sent that Stone Chomp out!
Kamek: It’s your fault for sending the first one out! I was just adding into the arms race!
DK: Hey, you two!
Kamek: What, you oaf?
DK: You two good at magic. What Shadow Queen doing with enormous charge time?
…
…
…
Kamek: Oh, no.
FWASHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
,,,
Game Guy: Ugh… Where am I?
Pokey: Overthere.
Game Guy: Really? Last thing I remember was Shadow Queen… Boy. That must’ve destroyed half the plane.
Pokey: Forty-seven point eight percent.
Game Guy: Where’s the others?
Pokey: Bowser Statue’s an inanimate object. Kamek’s in the Underwhere. Third time this week.
Game Guy: So where’s DK?
Pokey: Don’t know.
***
Kamek: Boy, sorry about that.
Roy: You’d better! I’m going to get a bad name for destroying half a plane!
Kamek: That wasn’t even my–
PUNCH!
Kamek: Sorry.
Roy: I guess it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been in the Hall proper.
Kamek: So I guess that means Shadow Queen–
Shadow Queen: No.
Kamek: What?!
Shadow Queen: Alas, my strongest attack consumed near all of my energy. The ape took out a coconut made of prisms and seems to have become momentarily invincible, and used the opportunity to thwart me.
Roy: I’m not impressed easily. But man, that’s awesome! If only Pokey were here…
***
Pokey: Winner, DK.
Game Guy: What, all of a sudden?
***
Roy: So that means this one’s all done with! I just need to break out of the Underwhere and the construction should be complete.
Kamek: Yeah. But something just doesn’t seem… I dunno… traditional.
Roy: That’s true… Oh! Larry!
Kamek: Oh, yeah. Too bad we don’t know where he is.
***
LARRY used PLANT GROW!
Dealt 1 damage!
UNDERCHOMP used FIRE BREATH!
Dealt 88 damage!
UNDERCHOMP used ICICLE!
Dealt 200 damage! Larry’s in dire straits!
UNDERCHOMP used UNDERCHOMP BOLT!
Dealt 9999 damage!
Larry: Man, guess I need to grind more.
End transmission…
The winner:
The losers:
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Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest
of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing
Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions
here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can
also go back to Lemmy's
Land.
