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Count Cannoli vs Topmaniac

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Roy: Welcome to another ep–

Bowser: ROY!!! WE’RE HOMELESS NOW!!!

Roy: Speak for yourself, I have an apartment upstairs.

Bowser: Well then, I’m moving in until Kammy rebuilds the castle. You got Cable?

Roy: Uh…

Bowser: Well, do you or not? Because if you don’t you’re buying it.

Iggy: And with that, welcome to another episode of Roy’s Sports Hall!

Roy: How DARE you steal that from me?!

Iggy: What? I say that all the time.

Roy: Are you sure?

Iggy: Well, nobody is. Nobody really cares after a couple of weeks.

Roy: That’s true. I can’t even remember who fought last time.

Bowser: It was ME!

Roy: Oh, that’s right. Ha, that was so long ago.

Bowser: It was A WEEK AGO!

Roy: This is going nowhere. Iggy, can you announce the fighters?

Iggy: Okay. In the Red Corner, guard your stuff from the Silver Zephyr! It’s COUNT CANNOLI!

Count Cannoli: Unseen like the wind! Clever as a fox! None shall fight me and continue to stand!

Iggy: And in the Blue Corner, it’s the spinning champion, TOPMANIAC!

Topmaniac: I’ll take you for a wild ride!

Iggy: Larry, who do you think’s going to win this one?

Larry: I composed a complicated mathematical formula for this, involving the output of a random number generator.

Iggy: So you flipped a coin?

Larry: Five times! And it came up Topmaniac for four.

Iggy: Great! We’ve got that out of the way.

Larry: What do you mean, “out of the–“

Pokey: Fight.

DING DING DING!

Cannoli: At least the [i]castle was vaguely intimidating. I’ll be finishing you off in no time.

Topmaniac: Let’s see what you think when I’m done with you! Get him!

Mini-Tops: ON IT!

Cannoli: What?

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Cannoli: Ow! Owf! Urgh!

Topmaniac: And now that you’re locked down, it’s time to–

WARP!

Topmaniac: What?

Iggy: Cannoli nimbly escaped the Mini-Tops by turning into an artist and summoning a portal to the other side of the ring!

Topmaniac: Get him!

Mini-Tops: CHAAAAAAR–

CRUNCH! CRUNCH!

Topmaniac: What?!

Iggy: Cannoli summoned some blocks from above that crushed the Mini-Tops!

Cannoli: Really, now. I would expect at least a little challenge from you, but I don’t even need to change my costume.

Topmaniac: Don’t underestimate me just because that stupid plumber beat me in record time! MACH SPEED!

ZOOOOOOOOOOM!

Cannoli: Got you!

WHUNK! WHUNK!

Topmaniac: Idiot.

WHEEN! WHEEN! VRRRRRRRRRRN!

Cannoli: GUAAAAAAAH!

Iggy: What turn control! Good thing this isn’t a racing game!

Topmaniac: Why don’t you warp away, huh, Cannolidiot?! Why don’t you warp away?!

VRRRRRRRRRN!

Cannoli: Can’t… move… ARMS! AUUUUUGH!

WHAM!

Cannoli: Finally got free… You’re more skilled than you look, I must admit. But how will you deal with this?

POOF!

Iggy: Cannoli changed his costume into a spacesuit!

Topmaniac: Easily!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Cannoli: Pathetic!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap!

Iggy: He shot lasers that are bouncing off the arena walls! Topmaniac’s in a jam!

Topmaniac: Woah! Whoops! Woah!

Cannoli: And now that you’re preoccupied… it’s time to reclaim my honor!

FWISH! FOOOOOOM!

Topmaniac: Hey, no fair!

Cannoli: Nothing in the life of a thief is fair! Now prepare yourself!

Fling! Fling! Fling!

Iggy: Cannoli’s throwing bombs everywhere! How will Topmaniac be able to dodge them [i]and the lasers!

KABOOM!

Iggy: I guess the answer was “he won’t”.

Topmaniac: Now that I’m in the air, it’s time to deal the final blow!

Cannoli: Think again!

VreeeEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Topmaniac: A drill, huh? My area of expertise!

WHEEEEEEEN! CLAAAAAAASH!

Iggy: It’s a spinning duel! Who will come out on top?

Cannoli: Weapons systems lowering. You’re good at this.

Topmaniac: That’s right! Nobody can beat me at spinning!

Cannoli: And you’re unparalleled in getting distracted by drills while I electroshock you.

Topmaniac: What?

Poof! ZAAAAAAAAP!

Topmaniac: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAAAAAGGGG!

Clunk!

Cannoli: And for good measure…Deactivate!

CRUNCH!

Pokey: Winner, Count Cannoli.

Cannoli: An excellent victory. Goodstyle, you shall receive your lion’s share of the gems today.

Larry: How could I be wrong? I flipped five coins!

Roy: Actually, Larry, I’d like to test those coins.

Larry: Really? For accuracy?

Roy: No, if they conduct electricity better than you. Strap on in.

Larry: *sigh…* End transmission…